When Living Ain\'t Easy

Thanks to all who have left comments!

I\'d like to apologize for not posting over the weekend, but our library was rudely closed for the holidays *sulk*

Check prologue for all notes, warnings, disclaimer, etc.

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Chapter Eight : Wait. Scratch that. Reverse it.

\"Pot meet kettle!\" Harry spluttered again, barely coherent. Caught in a fit of giggles, he couldn\'t make himself answer the concerned glances from both older men. Every time he looked up at their perplexed, worried faces, it would set him off into another round of stomach-aching laughter.

From his side of the table, Severus was first to see the tears streaking down his student\'s cheeks. If he weren\'t convinced that the Gryffindor was truly amused, he might\'ve tried forcing a Calming Draught down the young man\'s throat. As it was, he could only shrug at Lucius\' interrogatory expression. \"Don\'t expect me to explain, Luc. The mental processes of an adolescent brain have always been so much nonsense to me.\"

Figuring that to be the most definitive explanation he was likely to receive, the elder Malfoy inclined his head briefly, then redirected his attention to his son. Without intending to speak aloud, he muttered, \"Ah, if only I could have spared Draco his pretentious moniker. Whatever was Narcissa thinking? Draconiclees Panreaes? One day, the boy is going to seek revenge on her.\"

\"Oh. My. Gods. I KNEW IT!!\" Apparently, Harry heard the blond\'s unconscious ramble. \"Draconiclees... *hic* sounds like... *snort* a lesser Roman... *cackle* demon.\" The brunet\'s tears and hilarity-induced clumsiness soon had him falling off his chair, rolling about on the floor in a small ball of uncontained mirth. The last words either older wizard could decifer: \"Or maybe... *sniffle* a new type... *sputter* of anti-depressant drug!\"

After that, Severus and Lucius gave up on understanding. Together they cleared up the remains of breakfast, storing away the few leftover items and setting the dishes to wash. By the time the Potions Master began wiping off the table, Harry had regained a semblence of calm -- or at least enough to prevent a call to St. Mungo\'s Psychiatric Ward.

Flopping back into his chair, the Gryffindor sloshed half a cup of tea and drained it down. He wiped his face with the edge of his shirt sleeve, turning to look at the indulgent stares. \"What? You gotta admit it\'s funnier\'n\'hell. And if that\'s his real name, I\'ll bet the two of you have even worse. But save it, ok? Wait till I need a good laugh. Here I always thought mine was bad enough... jeez, it must be a pureblood thing.\"

\"Indeed, Mr. Potter. Harry, excuse me.\" Snape decided that it was past time to begin some sort of formal training. Or at the very least to move out of the kitchen. \"Now if you are quite finished, perhaps we can remove ourselves to the study. I believe there are several texts we must look through to ascertain the proper course of your training.\"

\"Sev,\" shining eyes and an impish grin halted the dark Slytherin\'s progress, \"could you possibly... I dunno... try not to sound like a teacher so much? Umm, cus we all know you can talk like a regular person, if you try really hard.\" Harry\'s sweetest expression turned up another notch as he attempted to take the sting out of his request. \'If I look cute enough, maybe they won\'t hex me. Hey, lookit me, I\'m cyoot! And that just proves I\'ve spent too much time on Dudley\'s computer. The internet is fun, but probably bad for my health. At least around these three.\'

Exhaling a long-suffering sigh, the Potions Master cuffed his student on the back of the head, pulling Harry up and dragging him down the hallway toward the study. Lucius could be heard doing much the same to his son, if Draco\'s whingy complaints were any clue.

Soon enough, each man held an oversized tome of ancient magic. Or maybe an ancient tome of oversized magic. Either way seemed to work, as Harry stopped himself from yawning over the incredibly boring book in his lap. \"Whoever created these spells was as long-winded as Fudge. There\'s gotta be a more efficient way.\"

\"Pot-Harry, these spells have served the magical community well for centuries. Whyever would we need to alter the methods and means which have proven adequate,\" Lucius\' voice was mild, but with a slight undertone of warning.

\"Please Luc, don\'t get in a snit. I\'m not saying we should abandon all the old stuff, really, but for our purposes against the Wacked-out Wonderboy... He\'s gonna be using these stale old spells, so shouldn\'t we look for curses and charms that he\'s never heard of? New or old, neither are better than the other, but we might stand a better chance against him with spells created in the last twenty years.\" Harry shuffled another book off the stack beside his chair, flipping through its index before sniffing in disgust. \"I\'ll bet we could make our own spells for the job, using street slang or something, and it\'d be more effective than the Darkest of those old books.\"

Severus quietly closed the tome he was perusing, \'Magicks Not to Be Borne\', and caught his friend\'s eye. However irreverant the Gryffindor\'s words, they felt he might just have an idea worth exploring. \"Very well, Harry. What would you like your spell to accomplish?\"

Although he\'d often thought about what he wished to do to little Tommy Riddle, Harry made himself sit back to concentrate on the question. It wouldn\'t be enough to simply kill the snake-faced bastard -- they\'d have to get rid of his soul entirely, and send every scrap of the Dark Weenie\'s magic somewhere else. Not only that, but they must be able to do so without killing off these two marked Slytherins. Harry was positive that there were others who had been marked against their better judgement, or who had changed their opinions since joining the Death Eaters. \'Oh, this is one seriously tangled web we have to un-weave.\'

\"The way I see it, we\'ve got to do several things with one spell. We won\'t have the time to cast more than the one big bang, so there are a few exclusionary clauses that have to go into it.\" He took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts into the most logical order.

\"First thing we need to do is to find out which of the Death Eaters aren\'t really crazy about following him. That part will come in toward the end of the spell, I figure, but there are bound to be more than just you two who bear the Mark that would prefer to be rid of all association to He-Who-Needs-A-New-Hobby. As for the spell itself, the most important part is... Riddle\'s soul AND body have to be destroyed and sent Elsewhere. We can\'t have any of his more loyal psychophants attempting to bring him back again. There can\'t be anything left over after we\'re done this time. Next, we\'ve got to make sure than any and all ties he\'s got through his magical web are broken during this... exorcism. A catagoric destruction of any and everything he\'s ever touched or connected with his thoughts, cleansing it of his magic. This should include, but not be limited to, severing all ties with the Dark Marks branded on all followers. Although... I\'d like to add a little subspell here that would remove them from those who are truly disgusted by their bond to him. That should be a simple enough addition, right? And then we\'d want to make sure to wipe out whatever brainwashing he\'s done with the followers who are \'walking the line\' between sides, force them to make their own decisions for a change.\"

Harry took a deep breath at the end of his monologue, before searching the Slytherins\' expressions. He was quite gratified to see the depth of respect on his professor\'s face -- impressing the Potions Master was a difficult task for even his little snakes. Similarly, Lucius\' eyebrows were most definitely raised to show his approval. Harry didn\'t much want to inspect the warmth he felt from that. Only Draco\'s face was blank, but as the younger blond hadn\'t opened his eyes in the past half hour, Harry wasn\'t that concerned. He found himself craving acknowledgement from the older men, though he wasn\'t sure why.

Lucius was the first to speak. \"Well done, Harry. Your premise may yet require a small amount of trimming, however it does seem rather thorough. I must admit to some degree of shock that you would wish to add that last part. You\'ll hear no objections from me, of course, but that addendum could provide unwanted pardons to any number of questionable types.\"

\"Indeed.\" A thoughtful grunt filled the brief pause while the Potions Master considered his pupil. \"May I ask, Mr. Potter, how long you have been contemplating this topic? Surely you\'ve spent more time and effort on the desired effects of this spell than any homework assignment you\'ve turned in to me.\"

Coughing through an embarassed laugh, Harry ducked his head to hide a faint blush. \"Well, this is sorta more important, isn\'t it? OWLs and NEWTs are just tests, and they can always be retaken. I\'m only going to get one shot at this, or more of the people I care about will die. Vanquish a Dark Lord versus homework... hmm... I just don\'t know... which needs more attention?\"

The Gryffindor\'s sarcastic words were met with twin eyerolls.