Snapey Went A Courting

Snapey Went A Courting

It all belongs to Rowling, except what you don’t recognize.

Chapter Nine – Evil Afoot.


Sliewynk sat invisible in the corner watching Harry and Hermione. She didn’t know where the Witch lived so it was just luck that she’d been able to follow the young Wizard to her home. She sat just a few feet away from them with her arms wrapped around her knees.

“So, I just really have a hard time wrapping my mind around it, Hermione.” Harry buttered another scone and bit into it. “You know, I do miss the cooking at Hogwarts.”

“And you still talk with your mouth full.”

“Sorry.” Harry took a sip of pumpkin juice. “So?”

“So?”

“Are you going to marry him?”

Hermione sighed. “He was coming on to me. It was creepy. Here he was dressed to the nines. And you wouldn’t have recognized him. All that stringy hair of his all tied back. Expensive men’s scent.”

“You mean he didn’t smell of some weird herb or bubotuber pus or something equally horrid?”

“No. He was really trying, Harry. And he took my hand and looked me in the eyes and talked about, what was it? Pampering me.”

They both went “Eeeew” at the exact same time.

“Still, Hermione. You can’t find him all that repellant or you would have never went and had his baby.”

“It was an accident.”

“Well, that’s the obvious. All right. You didn’t use birth control or it failed. You said he didn’t rape you so it had to be a willing event on your part.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong, Harry.” Hermione started on her second Veryberry muffin, deciding her waistline be damned-- she was starving! She took a huge bite and chased it down with a sip of tea.

“So out with it.”

“I remember leaving the pub and then we were at Hogwarts, walking down that little incline before the big hill. My boot heel caught and suddenly we were on the ground with our robes up around our waists. And he thought I did it on purpose! That I was hot for him!”

“That wanker! And you weren’t?”

“It’s Snape! I was being polite. So low and behold, he’s got no underwear on and my skirt had also shifted up above my waist.”

“Too much information, Hermione. I’m going to go hysterically deaf, now.” Harry put handsands on his ears.

“Well.” She pulled Harry’s hands away from his head with a grin. “You asked, you beaky thing. Skipping ahead. I didn’t believe it was possible to get pregnant without penetration…”

“That’s what happened?” Harry’s eyes got round. “Oh, Bloody Hell. Ooooothatthat’s disgusting. You made me think about it, Snape spunk.” Harry put down his scone. “Lost my appetite on that one.”

“Right. And here we are eating breakfast courtesy of that man. I had almost forgotten about agreeing to allow my floo to be hooked up. Prof. McGonagall insisted if there was an emergency or something I could pass the baby through to Madam Pomfrey. I’m relieved my fireplace isn’t large enough for an adult or the Professor probably would hshowshown up with breakfast himself instead of just sliding it through.”

“But he said he was coming over today?”

“I spoke to him earlier on the floo. He’ll be round after my parents leave this evening.”

“Well, there’s another story. I would have loved to have been there when your father decked him.”

“I feel sorry for the man. But look where it’s gotten me. He’s like a jinx.”

“I admit, I don’t like this idea of his trying to seduce you. The man was a Death Eater. Reformed or otherwise, the next time he might really…”

“Might really what? I can defend myself, thank you very much.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to go all “male” on you. I know how you hate that.”

“Ta!”

“Right. You agreed to give him a chance. So first opportunity there is, you do so. Let him take you out to the West End. Poof! Bargain with Prof. McGonagall fulfilled. Then we get married and head off into the sunset.”

“What about the agreement to allow him to see his son?”

“Do it the Muggle way. Pretend you’ve been married and had a pleasant divorce and just let him see the child whenever.”

“I think you are right. As long as we let him down easy. Problem is, I’m still not in love with you, Harry.”

Harry got “that look” in his eyes and licked his lips, “Well, you haven’t given me a chance, yet.” He attempted to sound silky, but it squeaked a little, as he sidled up to his old friend to give her a real kiss.

Both Sliewynk and Waldo’s alarms went off. Sliewynk tipped over the glass of pumpkin juice all over the couple, while Waldo began a crying bout.

“Oh Damn!” said Hermione, who was curious to see how good a kisser Harry might be.

“Blast!” said Harry, who actually was rather relieved because Hermione just didn’t look all that exciting, especially what with the two ominous wet marks that had suddenly sprouted on her oversized Womble’s tee shirt. He had a nasty suspicion that Hermione had actually sprung a milk leak. Still-- in for a Knut, in for a Galleon.

&&&

Alicia awoke to the warm feeling of Remus Lupin half sprawled over her. She sighed contentedly and couldn’t believe her good luck. She had thought for sure that their first night together had been nothing more than a fluke. And she had been quite certain when the odious Snape had shown up at their rooms yesterday morning, making demands for some Muggle magazine of all things, that their affair had been nipped in the bud.

She carefully turned over so she’d have a better view of her lover. Lover! Was he really now? She knew that she wasn’t much to look at, but worse she also tended to be introverted and shy. Arithmancy was her life. It was the only thing that made sense to her. So while there had been a liaison here or there in her past thirty-six years, nothing had ever really happened to, or affected her heart. Until Remus showed up at Hogwarts, that is.

She blamed it on the war. Although she hadn’t been an official Order member, her behind the scenes work using Arithmancy had been deemed important enough to keep her a virtual prisoner at Hogwarts after Voldemort had returned. It was easier on her ego to say that her youth was a war casualty rather than to admit that she simply preferred numbers to people and that she was a failure at human relations.

She heard his breathing shift and anxiously awaited his next action. Smiling, she became aware that the hardness pressed up against her thigh was moving slightly against her. She reached down aresaress him and was rewarded by his sudden intake of air.

His eyes sleepily opened and he smiled. “You’re a lovely sight to wake up to,” he whispered.

Alicia worked hard not to burst out in a school girlish, or for that matter spinsterish, giggle. “Ditto.”

Grasping him a bit more firmly, she leaned over and kissed him. She loved the warm musky scent that hung on the air. Her smile grew a bit wider as he moaned in response to her attention. He moved onto this back and she took this as an invitation to straddle him. She was still slick from the night before and slid herself up and down on his hardness.

Her last thought before giving herself over to the first orgasm of the day was, ‘If that bastard Snape ruins this for me again, I will hex his balls off!’

&&&

At that very moment, the object of Alicia’s thoughts was pacing his dungeon in a very foul mood.

He had inventory to do, not just for his classes but also had to meet with Pomfrey for her infirmary requirements as well. He was sure she had a very long list of things she would need made up fresh for the new school year. And Madam Spout was riding him for a potion to cure warts on her Mandrakes and Hagrid had just stopped by ‘ter ask fer some fresh linnam for for his damned hippogriff who had injured itself, and Snape’s course planning was way behind schedule. Normally, he had everything worked out just so. Yes, he had put off a few things; seeing he didn’t have a war to worry about he’d actually taken a holiday this year. But with classes in less than a week and him spending all his time in trying to get that spoiled brat of a Gryffindor to accept him…

Not to mention that he’d received his first credit card bill by owl that morning…

Snape stopped and breathed. No, the real reason for his panic was that he had run out of plans. Of course she wasn’t interested in some stupid Muggle theatrical entertainment. Everything he’d done had failed. He was simply no good at scoping out the vagaries of the gentle sex. And even worse—he wanted her.

He could barely sleep last night with the thoughts of her huge pillow-like bosoms. Their image floated in his mind and tormented him. Time and again his thoughts returned to how wonderful it would be to be in bed beside her, licking her all over—

Oh, fuck! He was hard again. He had a spell book somewhere that covered satyriasis. She had made him hornier than a Sixth year!

He headed into loo loo and took care of matters. That was one thing to be grateful for, didn’t take long did it? Then the penny dropped. How would he ever keep a young wife satisfied? Three strokes and he was ovnd dnd done! Well, there were other ways, other techniques.

A quick image of him with a cramp in his tongue with her laughing at him came to mind. The book! It had all sorts of cures to handle Wizards’ personal complaints. Madam Sprout and Hagrid could go be hanged. Now, which one of the 150 boxes of the Snape library would it be in? If he could remember the exact title or author, he could Accio it.

Just then there was a noise and Snape whirled around.

“Dobby. Just who I needed. Look there’s a book that I have to find.”

“Dobby be glad to be of service, but it’s my halfday off. I’ll send Winky to you. Dobby just came because Dobby has been delegated to find out about Miss Hermione Granger’s new baby that I helped you practice for.”

“Saccius is doing well. The diapering went as planned.”

Dobby’s ears wiggled in delight. “And when will Miss Hermione Granger be returning to Hogwarts? All the House Elves here miss her something fierce.”

“Well,” Snape sighed. How could he use this to his benefit? There seemed to be some sort of deeply held bond shared between the girl and the creatures. Just like they get their knickers in a twist over Potter, thought Snape dis disgust. There must be some way to turn this to my advantage, he mused.

“I shall be meeting with Miss Granger this evening. Perhaps you would like to come along? No doubt she could use some cleaning or other household chores done.”

“Dobby would be honored, Sir!” His eyes bulged out and he practically burst into tears.

Snape smiled. The idiot girl had a weakness for the creatures and no doubt Dobby’s presence would increase her nostalgia for the Wizarding World and Hogwarts. Feeling much more at ease, Snape decided he’d prepare the potions and lotions for his two colleagues first. Brewing always did relax him and with the way his thoughts of Hermione were going… with her firm, fleshy pink thighs and lovely, long white throat… Oooops… Well, as soon as Twinkle found the book, he would take care of this problem, too.

Perhaps his life wasn’t as disastrous as he thought it was? Oh, who was he kidding? Married to the Granger Girl? His life would never be the same again.

&&&

Even in the middle of the day, it was dank and gloomy at The Hag’s Breath Pub. Mr. Cee looked around impatiently to meet with his source. He had a very strong glamour on, changing his appearance drastically. Finally he spotted Madam Strop.

“Sorry I’m late, love. Had some office business to attend to. Also, you took your time in getting back to us.”

“The paper has been busy and your last tip wasn’t worth the Galleons paid for it,” sneered Mr. Cee.

“Well, Buyer Beware! Sold it to you in good faith I did. This one you will like, though.”

“Don’t be too sure. The price is too high for one thing.”

“Here now! It’s worth 200 Galleons. You’d be selling a lot of ‘em papers for this.”

“Not a Knut above 100 Galleons. You owe me on the last one.”

The Hag shook her head sadly and ordered a raw liver from the waiter who looked to have one of his ancestral roots firmly toed in the Mountain Troll lineage. Mr. Cee refused to order anything.

“The Mermaid Roe is a treat. Yer don’t know what you’re missing.” Said Strop coyly.

“Back to business. I refuse to trust you on this. I need more. Fifty percent on reception of the information and the rest of it after it’s checked out.”

“Well, you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Cee. But I’ll bite. Has to do with a certain Hogwart’s member by the name of Snape.”

“Him? Well, good day to you Madam. The man pisses ice water! There would be nothing of worth attached to him!” Mr. Cee got up to leave.

“Nooo! Don’t go. It’s juicy I tell ya! He got her knocked up, he did!”

Mr. Cee returned to his seat. “Who? Who did he impregnate?”

Strop preened a little. “Someone just out of Hogwarts! And a friend of Potter.”

“Ginny Weasley?”

“This ain’t twenty questions! Will you pay, sir?”

He brought out five ten Galleon pieces and laid them on the table. “And now.”

“Her name is Hermione Granger and a hot piece of crumpet she is, I’d wager!”

“Not quite!” said Mr. Cee, shaking his head and roaring with laughter. “But if this checks out, there will be a bit extra in there for you.”

The liver arrived and she tucked in with a good appetite.mmmmmmmm. Baby. She gave birth to a baby boy. The proof of the puddin’ is in the eating.”

Mr. Cee put a handkerchief to his mouth and ran from the place. Once out in the not too fresh air of Knockturn Alley, he felt better. Granger again, he thought. His favorite target! Oooh, at this rate he’d be owning the paper before he was thirty. They really should have put him into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor!

As he entered the offices of the Daily Prophet, he looked around. When he saw everyone was still at lunch, he dropped his glamour and went to sit at the desk of Colin Creevey.


A/N: Super Duper Big Hugs and Thanks to: Inner Feline, LoopeyLooneyLuna, Chibidaima, Deb, DeblovesDragon, Mele, Tifsuz, Spaz141 and Kait.