Out of Time and Memory
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
16
Views:
1,684
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
16
Views:
1,684
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Regrets
Chapter Eight - Regrets
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/And in the dark he sits alone
To watch his final hours bleeding
While unconcerned upon the wall
The clock it ticks away the time/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He sat in the dark listening to the clock. There was no other sound in the room. In a rare moment, Albus Dumbledore, sitting behind his desk with his chin rested on steepled fingers, allowed himself to get stuck in the sound. Never before had he wished so ardently that he could turn the hands of the clock back, and change his actions. Never before had he wished he could perhaps stop time.
Never before had he felt so old.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/No need for words for in the dark
All words have long since lost their meaning
Still when they whisper in his ear
He tries to read between the lines/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Albus wished he could change the way things had panned out. Wanted to change what he had said – or, more to the point, hadn’t said in time – to young Harry. “If you had just paid him more attention!” an invisible spirit seemed to whisper in one ear, while in the other a different spirit whispered “If you had just treated him like any other student. . .” He also heard countless other recriminations, as the ghosts of his regrets spun around him in his circular office. And yet, with all this whispering, Albus still wanted to defend his actions to himself.
Unfortunately, the pretense of his defense had been ripped away. He could no longer keep himself behind the façade of perfect omnipotence.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/What I see in the night
What I feel in your heart
All your dreams all your lies
Can you tell them apart?
See the hands on the clock
Are you watching them turn
For your candle is quite low
We\'ve been watching it burn/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Albus had told himself that it would be better for Harry not to know anything of the prophecy. He had thought he could protect the boy.
He had been wrong.
Albus had thought that keeping Sirius locked in Grimmauld Place would keep him safe. He had not even considered keeping him at Hogwarts.
He had been wrong.
Albus had thought that it was best to give Harry’s training over to Severus for occlumency. After all, Severus was the best at it in the school, surpassing even himself. And surely, this would be the opportunity Severus and Harry needed to overcome their differences!
He had been wrong.
Albus could feel his heart breaking. All the lies he had told himself – most of all the one that “I know best. If everyone does what I say, they’ll be fine.” That was the biggest lie of all. It was only now that Albus was able to separate what he had /thought/ was true from what actually /was/ true.
And the clock continued to sound the moment of time as Albus listened. He took no note of his candle burning lower and lower. Son it would burn out, and it was quite unlikely that Albus Dumbledore would even notice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/Do you lie here awake
As the shadows look on
Should they cry for your sake
Should you sleep in their arms?
For the shadows see all
And they rarely forget
Every dream that you\'ve had
Every act you regret/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, Albus Dmbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts and leader of the Order of the Phoenix, sat with naught but shadows and the ticking of the clock for company as he contemplated the many mistakes and regrets from the last five years. Five years, out of so many lived, and yet in those five years he had gathered more regrets and made more mistakes than ever before. Because of these mistakes, Albus feared he may have lost one of the people who had come to matter most him. Harry Potter, the boy he say almost as a grandson, would never trust him again.
And at this thought, a single tear ran down Alus’ cheek, and finally he allowed himself to grieve for those lost, and those who would be lost. With only the shadows as his witnesses – and shadows rarely forget what they see and hear – Albus cried for his every regret.
When Albus had finished his crying, he noticed that daybreak was showing it’s first signs, and that his candle had long been extinguished – there was not even the scent of burned candle left behind. With no to to sleep, Albus stood and went to change into new robes. It was a new day.
Perhaps, with the new outlook on his own personality, there was time left to fix his mistakes. He would never be able to erase them, he knew. But maybe, just maybe, he could set them right.
~fin~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/And in the dark he sits alone
To watch his final hours bleeding
While unconcerned upon the wall
The clock it ticks away the time/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He sat in the dark listening to the clock. There was no other sound in the room. In a rare moment, Albus Dumbledore, sitting behind his desk with his chin rested on steepled fingers, allowed himself to get stuck in the sound. Never before had he wished so ardently that he could turn the hands of the clock back, and change his actions. Never before had he wished he could perhaps stop time.
Never before had he felt so old.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/No need for words for in the dark
All words have long since lost their meaning
Still when they whisper in his ear
He tries to read between the lines/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Albus wished he could change the way things had panned out. Wanted to change what he had said – or, more to the point, hadn’t said in time – to young Harry. “If you had just paid him more attention!” an invisible spirit seemed to whisper in one ear, while in the other a different spirit whispered “If you had just treated him like any other student. . .” He also heard countless other recriminations, as the ghosts of his regrets spun around him in his circular office. And yet, with all this whispering, Albus still wanted to defend his actions to himself.
Unfortunately, the pretense of his defense had been ripped away. He could no longer keep himself behind the façade of perfect omnipotence.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/What I see in the night
What I feel in your heart
All your dreams all your lies
Can you tell them apart?
See the hands on the clock
Are you watching them turn
For your candle is quite low
We\'ve been watching it burn/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Albus had told himself that it would be better for Harry not to know anything of the prophecy. He had thought he could protect the boy.
He had been wrong.
Albus had thought that keeping Sirius locked in Grimmauld Place would keep him safe. He had not even considered keeping him at Hogwarts.
He had been wrong.
Albus had thought that it was best to give Harry’s training over to Severus for occlumency. After all, Severus was the best at it in the school, surpassing even himself. And surely, this would be the opportunity Severus and Harry needed to overcome their differences!
He had been wrong.
Albus could feel his heart breaking. All the lies he had told himself – most of all the one that “I know best. If everyone does what I say, they’ll be fine.” That was the biggest lie of all. It was only now that Albus was able to separate what he had /thought/ was true from what actually /was/ true.
And the clock continued to sound the moment of time as Albus listened. He took no note of his candle burning lower and lower. Son it would burn out, and it was quite unlikely that Albus Dumbledore would even notice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
/Do you lie here awake
As the shadows look on
Should they cry for your sake
Should you sleep in their arms?
For the shadows see all
And they rarely forget
Every dream that you\'ve had
Every act you regret/
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, Albus Dmbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts and leader of the Order of the Phoenix, sat with naught but shadows and the ticking of the clock for company as he contemplated the many mistakes and regrets from the last five years. Five years, out of so many lived, and yet in those five years he had gathered more regrets and made more mistakes than ever before. Because of these mistakes, Albus feared he may have lost one of the people who had come to matter most him. Harry Potter, the boy he say almost as a grandson, would never trust him again.
And at this thought, a single tear ran down Alus’ cheek, and finally he allowed himself to grieve for those lost, and those who would be lost. With only the shadows as his witnesses – and shadows rarely forget what they see and hear – Albus cried for his every regret.
When Albus had finished his crying, he noticed that daybreak was showing it’s first signs, and that his candle had long been extinguished – there was not even the scent of burned candle left behind. With no to to sleep, Albus stood and went to change into new robes. It was a new day.
Perhaps, with the new outlook on his own personality, there was time left to fix his mistakes. He would never be able to erase them, he knew. But maybe, just maybe, he could set them right.
~fin~