The Ties that Lead to Trust

Chapter 9~ Confessions and Confidence
It was noon the next day, and Hermione was sitting in the Great Hall chatting pleasantly with her professors about the coming school year. She had spent the morning in a meeting with the Headmaster and the Head Boy, Ernie MacMillan. They had discussed the duties and responsibilities of the Head Boy and Girl as well as the new prefects, special school events, Hogsmeade weekends and, for some reason, the merits of sugar quills as a study aid. Ernie seemed a little high strung about the coming year, already stressed about his NEWTs. She understood that completely, it was very important to her to get good marks, but even she had relaxed a bit over the summer. If Ernie was to be believed, he had spent the better part of two months buried in textbooks.

Hermione had, for the most part, relaxed this summer. She finished her summer assignments at the beginning of the holidays, then spent the rest of her time with family. They went to the beach for picnics, something she hadn’t done since she was very young. Hermione’s mother insisted on travelling to London to take in concerts and theatre. It was nice to enjoy these things with her parents. The biggest sources of unpleasantness were the falsehoods she had told her parents and the knowledge that they suspected there was something she wasn’t telling them.

Ernie politely declined to stay for lunch, mumbling something about falling behind in his study schedule, so Hermione was, once again, the only student there. Professor Sprout was talking animatedly about some exotic plant she had managed to procure for the greenhouses. Professor Flitwick was nodding in feigned interest before chatting about a junior charms club he was forming for his talented younger students. A sense of relief seemed to pervade, as everyone was eager for what passes at Hogwarts as a normal year.

The only person missing from the table was Professor Snape. Hermione now knew that he usually didn’t come up for meals outside the school year, preferring to dine in his quarters. This was frustrating to her today. The ticking clock in the back of her mind made her edgy. Though she knew she was welcome, going down to the dungeons of her own initiative still made her a little nervous. Her resolve went in waves.

As everyone was finishing lunch, Hermione decided to use his research project as an excuse to visit. She was just about to get up when Severus came striding into the room. He seemed in a good mood. Actually, all the staff noticed he seemed in a very good mood. Though they tried not to, a couple professors gave her sidelong glances.

He wasn’t smiling. He never smiled when people were watching him, but he practically radiated pleasure. Sitting down in an empty chair beside Hermione, he pulled out a small, wide-mouthed jar and set it in front of her. Tentatively she opened the lid and inspected the contents. Inside was a pale green salve about the consistency of petroleum jelly. She looked at him with a broad smile on her face. “It’s finished.”

He nodded, “I just gave Poppy a dozen samples to send off for trial.”

Professor Dumbledore clapped his hands, “Very good, very good. I’m so glad you had success in your endeavours this summer.”

“I wouldn’t say that. The potion itself is complete, but its effectiveness has yet to be proven.” he said in an effort to curb the congratulations that were coming at him from all the staff.

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled, “True, but even so, it is an accomplishment to have enough satisfaction with your work to allow it out of your lab. You must be pleased with your results.”

Severus only nodded and helped himself to a sandwich as the chatter around him picked up again. Hermione passed the jar to Dumbledore for him to look at. Not looking up from his plate, Severus asked, “Would you like to see the rest of my log?”

Minerva and Albus exchanged a brief glance, which Hermione noticed, but chose to ignore. She replied, “If you don’t mind. I’d like to see what effects you observed from the fluxweed.”

Severus nodded and finished his lunch quickly. Without another word to the staff he stood and left the table. She followed him, but stopped when she heard Albus call out. “Hermione, you forgot your jar of salve.”

Dashing back to the table, she took the jar and nodded, then walked slowly out of the hall, trying not to look eager. When she stepped past the doors, a warm hand took hers. The frosty demeanor had begun to thaw once more. On the way down to the dungeons, he began explaining the potion’s developments since she had last seen it. By the time they reached the lab, he had nearly explained the results completely, rendering the logbook unnecessary.

Hermione opened the log anyway and browsed through the final few pages of notes she hadn’t yet seen. Leaning over the book on the counter, she was very aware of his hand around her waist. As she read, he highlighted ideas and added comparisons to potions she had studied in class. It was all very interesting, but that hand was distracting. When she finally managed to block it out of her mind, Hermione was intrigued by the effects of the fluxweed and moranlily root. They were reasonablely common ingredients, and had a range of effects in different potions and she said as much.

“Very astute. Actually one of the projects for the seventh years is to do a comparison study of an ingredient. Being able to recognise traits of a single item in a variety of potions is an important skill.” He told her.

Hermione looked up with a troubled expression. “You shouldn’t have told me that. Not all the students will know about the assignment ahead of time. It isn’t right... What will happen with my being in your class this year?”

It was a question Severus had been thinking about since she had mentioned classes the other day. “You will still take your lessons in my class, but I won’t be doing any of the marking. All your tests and assignments will be marked by Albus. Ultimately, the mark that counts is your NEWT and those are always done by an outside panel of testers.”

She nodded, feeling relieved. “All taken care of then. I’m glad you have a plan. This is a bit of an odd situation.”

“I’ll agree that the situation is odd, unprecedented in fact, but it would be going a bit far to say I have a plan. It seems that each time I make a plan, something renders it impossible.” he admitted.

“Mum told me, when I got my Hogwarts letter, that life is what happens when you make other plans. I was planning on going to a top notch middle school that would set me up for elite colleges. Getting my letter changed everything. It was scary at first, not knowing anything about magic. Going to Diagon Alley for the first time with my parents was terrifying. Dad thought it was an adventure, but we had no idea what to do.” She smiled at the memory.

“I hadn’t really thought of going shopping as an adventure,” he snorted, “a nuisance more like.”

“Don’t laugh. It was that too. Do you realize how hard it is to exchange pounds at Gringotts?” she retorted, but couldn’t stop a small snort of mirth from escaping.

“I can imagine. Goblins aren’t very pleasant at the best of times. I suppose, I should be glad you survived.” he quipped, trying to hide a chuckle.

“Are you sure? I survived to become a know-it-all in class and a thorn in your side.” she said through fits of giggles.

Severus stopped laughing, but continued to smile. It struck Hermione as odd, how often she had seen him smile in the past few days. His voice was soft and warm when he said, “You may be a know-it-all, but you aren’t a thorn in my side. I’d like to think you’ve become my friend. I don’t think I’ve ever had a trustworthy friend.”

Hermione’s giggles stopped when she heard the sincerity in his voice. She smiled back, “You are my friend, and I’ve always trusted you.”

“You have?” he asked, “Why?”

“At first because Dumbledore does, and if I couldn’t trust him, who could I trust?” she answered.

“And now?”

She looked into his dark eyes, caught for a moment in their intensity. “You trusted me enough to bare your soul, to tell me about terrible things in your past. I think that says a great deal about you.”

His eyes misted, “It was difficult to tell you those things. When I told you, it was like reliving them. It’s frightening knowing what I am capable of.”

A hand on his left forearm stilled him. Through the fabric of his sleeve, he could feel her tracing his Mark again. Hermione’s gaze never left his face, as she stroked the place where his mark hid beneath the sleeve.

“What you were capable of.” she stated confidently

He swallowed noticeably, before asking again, “Do you trust me?”

She nodded, not certain why he was asking again. A hand reached up and stroked her cheek. Hermione stood there, as unable to move as if she were hit with an impediment jinx. His long fingers traced her cheekbone and jaw line, sending shivers down her spine. When they reached her chin, his fingers stopped and held her for a long moment while his eyes continued to bore into her with an intensity she couldn’t hold. Closing her eyes, she felt him move close enough for her to feel his breath on her skin. Just when she had summoned the courage to open her eyes again, she felt the short distance between them close and the warmth of his lips pressing against hers.

It was a fragile kiss, unsure, almost fearful, but the tenderness of it made the tiny hairs on the back of Hermione’s neck tingle. For a moment he broke contact, but returned more confidently, cupping her face between his hands. She ran her hands up the outside of his arms and set them gently on his shoulders. A hand fell away from her face and came to rest on her hair. Severus broke away again, and looked down at her, his hand gently stroking her hair. When her eyes opened, Hermione saw a painfully tender, worried face looking back at her.

“Is something wrong?” she whispered.

A bead of moisture welled up and escaped the rim of his eye. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible, “It wasn’t what I had thought. I’ve never... not like this...”

Hermione reached up and smudged away the tear with her thumb. “I don’t know what to say...”

He let go of her face and pulled away, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He lowered his head, and refused to look at her. He mumbled, “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what I’m doing at all.”

Hermione was unsure of what to say or even what he was referring to. Was it the kiss? Was is trusting someone? Or was it –? Thinking things had been much simpler when they were laughing, she tried to lighten the mood a little by saying, “I hope you don’t think I’m an expert. I’m not a know-it-all outside of the classroom.”

For a moment tension hung in the air, and Hermione was certain she had said the wrong thing. Feeling like she had made things worse, she removed her hand and leaned forward on the counter, emotions reeling inside her. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she scarcely notice Severus approach her from behind until he whispered in her ear, “You have my utmost faith and trust.”

She raised herself from the counter and backed up against him. Without questioning the impulse, he put his arms around her. Still close to her ear, he told her, “I’ve never kissed anyone I’ve cared about before.”

Before she could stop herself, Hermione blurted, “Haven’t you had a girlfriend?” and immediately regretted saying it.

Preparing herself for an angry response, she cringed, but it didn’t come. His voice was low, “No.”

“Oh.” Hermione turned herself to face him and saw the hurt expression on his face. Running her fingers through his hair she pulled him closer. “I feel very special.”

She leaned in, and their lips touched once more. This time she took control of the kiss, pulling him to her with all the confidence she could muster. Pushing her own insecurities to the back of her mind, she gently pulled at his lips, parting them to deepen the kiss. One of his hands found the back of her neck, while the other snaked around her back to hold her close. After a long moment, he pulled back slightly and enveloped her in his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned in and hoped that this moment of comfort wouldn’t fade.

Severus was the first to speak, his voice muffled slightly by Hermione’s unruly hair, “I think you are special.”

Hermione was slightly undone by the apparent role reversal that had just taken place. Never in a million years had she thought he would be so unsure and insecure. Not certain herself what to do, she cast around for something that would ease the awkwardness. The first thing that came to mind, naturally, was a book. Breaking the embrace, she took his hand and said, “Let’s go to your study. I think I would quite enjoy looking through your library again.”

Wondering where she came up with the idea, he nodded and they walked to his rooms, the log forgotten on the counter top. When they entered his rooms, Hermione transfigured the chair into a cozy sofa and ran her fingers along a shelf of novels until she found one to her liking. She sat down on one side and patted the cushion beside her. He sat down and she moved closer so he would put his arm around her. Opening the book to the first page, she began to read aloud.

After finishing the first chapter, she handed him the book, with the expectation that he would take his turn reading. They continued this, passing the book back and forth for the entire afternoon and into the evening, breaking only for a short while at dinner. Near to the end of the book, while Severus was reading, Hermione found herself growing tired. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sound of his voice. Within a few minutes, she fell asleep. She was sleeping so deeply, she didn’t wake when he set down the book, picked her up and carried her to bed.

Tucking her in on one side of the bed, Severus nervously moved around to the far side. He thought about conjuring a cot to sleep on for the night, but ultimately decided the bed was large enough for him to stay off to the other side. Kicking off his shoes, he didn’t bother changing out of his robes. Careful to keep as close to his edge of the bed as he could, Severus closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
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