The First Enochian Key
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
5,207
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
5,207
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Six Year War
A/N at end…feel the need to ramble somewhat…Special thanks, love and kisses (how bloody soppy of me) to Daya for her impromptu Beta work tonight (like 30 mins ago) and for giving me the courage to post this even though I am full of vodka at the moment…Not to mention her innate abilities in saving my sanity...again. Love you Daya…
***********************************************************************
“The devil was sick, the devil a saint would be; the devil was well, the devil a saint was he.”
(Implies that people tend to turn to religion in time of need, only to discard it again when things take a turn for the better.)
~*~
Severus scrambled desperately to his anti-haven, dodging the bodies littering his path, fighting the urge to vomit, or worse yet, cry, before he made it to his secret shelter. Hoping against all hope that his legs as well as his emotions would stay true to him until he made it to his beloved oak. Away from the prying eyes of the spontaneous celebratory cheer that had sprung up around him the moment his former Lord had fallen. Where he could sit and remember and then let himself go.
He was weary.
No. Completely inappropriate.
He was fucking exhausted.
~*~
When Harry Potter had entered Hogwarts, Severus had discovered a new meaning to the word torture. Not merely having to deal with the ever-present reminder of his Beautiful, but also on a number of occasions finding himself playing the alien role of humanitarian. Hidden savior and bodyguard to her memory. Making it so as everyday was like losing her all over again, only to be teased by the remains of the love she shared with one of his fiercest tormenters. Sharing his redemption with someone who he could never show how very much they meant to him. Because he was a part of her. That he could not run and embrace the boy and cry into his shoulder and beg for his forgiveness for failing him. And her.
All of it. Torture.
It was his eyes. Harry may have looked like his father, but he had his mother’s eyes. And Severus could see through them the same purity of soul that he had seen within Lily’s that day on the train before his world had crashed down around him. For the first time. Severus could see Lily in his emerald eyes, and it was torture.
All of it.
Ultimately Severus had buried everything he had ever felt for his own sanity, or rather what was left of it. He had forced himself to hate the boy. And he forced his own unhappiness onto him and prayed that he would emulate Severus’ own life. Even if he was innocent and didn’t deserve it.
Yes. Most disappointing, Severus
I love you Lucius
He was a Goddamn Death Eater. Why should he care if this little half-blood had a little misery in his life? Or a lot for that matter. I understand Father
I love you Lily
But for some reason, he did care whether or not the boy made his mother’s memory proud. And so he helped him as much as he could. Not fully understanding why he was. But he did it nonetheless. Not that the boy recognized his well-veiled attempts of protecting him and giving him the knowledge and discipline he would need to fulfill his birth right as indeed his attempts at protecting him. No. Like every other student he suffered with, Harry Potter saw him only as a bastard.
Fine by him. As long as the boy didn’t break his neck from something as inane as tripping on his robes. That was fine by him.
For years, childish curiosity was matched against Death Eater sneer. Unsurprisingly the Death Eater winning more often then not. Except once a year it would seem when Potter had the ultimate triumph. And Severus drank himself into a stupor because of the boy’s success.
But it wasn’t a matter of good versus evil in Severus’ mind.
It was everything Severus ever knew and was taught against Lily’s memory.
And every year the memory of his Beautiful won. And because of this, every year Severus heaved himself from his isolation, from his grief and his hatred of the boy. From his love for the boy.
To help Potter achieve the prophecy he was born into.
And finally the day came where the culmination of all of his hard work to date would be realized.
This day.
The war had come and gone today, the light having its long anticipated victory. It was a conquest against everything Severus knew, and was raised to believe. And he had no reason to celebrate. The battle fought and won in the minds of those surrounding him said to be justice for 6 years of uncertainty, deception and defeatism morality. For Severus, the triumph of the light, was in actuality not a necessarily happy quintessence of 42 years of suffering and a lifetime now of wasted opportunity and learning. Of trampled hopes and emotions. Of barren existence and meaning.
Today, Potter had defeated the Dark Lord. Severus’ Dark Lord. The one he had respected and loved despite the fact he had left Severus’ alone. Without him. Without Lily. Without his parents. Lord Voldemort had emulated everything his parents had instilled within him. Over the years The Dark Lord had taunted the school. His possession of Quirrell, the release of the Basilisk. The Dark Lord had dangled all of this in front of his nose and not only did it warn the world that he had not disappeared and that his day of vengeance would indeed come, it also re-ignited the blood loving domineering hierarchical persona Severus had tried so long to ignore. For Lily. For her memory.
But he had beed hed himself. He had betrayed Lily and he had betrayed his parents. And Lucius.
He had watched Lucius fall today, and had been unable to save him. Frozen again at the realization that no matter what the outcome, his life would again be thrust into turmoil. He had left his brother to die. He had again come from the battle around him unscathed. But another one of his beloved’s had died because of his failure.
I love you Lucius
And no one would understand why he was shedding the tears that were spilling. That the hateful Potions Master was even capable of feeling. Everyone of the figureheads of his life now gone to him forever
He was locked in an internal battle for supremacy. For 6 years the war had raged through his morals, his conscious and unconscious mind. The Death Eater against her memory and his penance for his failure. And he had received nothing in return. He could have died today and it would have been called justice because no one knew the truth. But then again how could anyone know if Severus didn’t know himself. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if he had fallen today. Instead of Potter. Instead of Lucius.
But he hadn’t, and once again in his time of need he found himself alone in his anti-haven of loss and despair.
~*~
As Severus found himself within his secret world as the sun went down across the battlefield, he allowed his emotions to betray him to the world. Severus wept tears of mourning; both for himself and those he had loved over the years. He cursed in anger against the God’s and fates for allowing him to be born into his status, for even permitting him to be born at all. And he shook in incomprehensible fear as to what he would do now. No more Death Eaters and no more Voldemort. Forever gone this time. No more Lily or painful reminder of her in her son who had died today fulfilling the role he was born into. No more of anything that he had ever known his entire life.
He was really alone in the world this time. And he had no idea of how to handle that.
And then strangely, almost as if every wish he had ever dared ask for coming true. As if that the God’s had judged that he had suffered enough. As if someone had known him. Really known him. Severus found that he was wrapped up and held tightly, engulfed in a warm and somewhat familiar embrace. Like all the times he had fantasized about his Beautiful holding him and rocking him, smoothing his hair with her hands and placing sweet and chaste kisses on his forehead, were coming true. And she was.
Only it wasn’t his Lily, her scent was different.
He tentatively opened his eyes to look into the face of his new angel, before burying his head again into her warmth as she held him. Never wanting for her to let him go. Never wanting to lose this one perfect memory that was with every moment diluting the pain and anguish of the haunting reminiscences infused into the very air he was breathing within his anti-haven. And as she tried desperately to calm him by pulling him closer as if to make him apart of her own soul, he did something that he never had done before, and something that he never thought he would have the chance to do.
He let her.
***************************************************************************
Rilla:- Funny that...I feel similar compulsion to jump into your fics, beat the living snot out of Hermione, and show Sev what a real woman is…Ironic hey? *smirk*…xxx
Daya:- As I am currently chatting online to you while I post this, I feel it is rather redundant of me to write anything long winded…hang a tick, you just sent another one through….*waves* Thank you *blushes*..xxx
Nesscafe:- My dear, I am trying to do exactly what I am achieving apparently from your review… I am a SS/HG shipper without a doubt…but I do love messing with peoples security blankets…so watch out! You never know what is going to come….xxx
Talene:- *sighs* Thank you for giving me a moment of light today…And thank you for all of your kind words from your reviews to the rest…It is nice to know that I am not the only freak in the world..(Freak meant in most affectionate way of course)..Look forward to chatting again soon..xxx
PotionsMistressM:- Always lovely to receive new sacrificial offerings…I mean reviewers *cheeky grin* thank you for your kind words and I hope you continue to enjoy…xxx
Ok…I said I would ramble so here it goes…This story is coming to its end…1or 2 more chapters and an epilogue to go. I will be taking a short hiatus from wri due due to looming exam period at Uni. I shall still be popping in daily to check for updates. Once holidays have begun, I will be back with a vengeance you can be sure.
Was going to ramble on about my 5 years olds first concert performance and how it was so much more socially acceptable for her to act the Diva whilst flapping her arms like a duck/chicken (I still haven’t worked out which) then prancing around at home demanding that I play MM as loud as legally possible so she can strut around singing with amazing clarity and articulation considering her age, lines like “Its all relative to the size of your steeple”. After careful consideration, and due to large amounts of vodka currently coursing through me (sorry Rilla) I have decided not to do this and just wish you all a Happy New year! *smirk*…
Until next time…much love…and hopefully many two-way flowing reviews…
Shem xxx
P.S. Do I come across as bored as I am?
***********************************************************************
“The devil was sick, the devil a saint would be; the devil was well, the devil a saint was he.”
(Implies that people tend to turn to religion in time of need, only to discard it again when things take a turn for the better.)
~*~
Severus scrambled desperately to his anti-haven, dodging the bodies littering his path, fighting the urge to vomit, or worse yet, cry, before he made it to his secret shelter. Hoping against all hope that his legs as well as his emotions would stay true to him until he made it to his beloved oak. Away from the prying eyes of the spontaneous celebratory cheer that had sprung up around him the moment his former Lord had fallen. Where he could sit and remember and then let himself go.
He was weary.
No. Completely inappropriate.
He was fucking exhausted.
~*~
When Harry Potter had entered Hogwarts, Severus had discovered a new meaning to the word torture. Not merely having to deal with the ever-present reminder of his Beautiful, but also on a number of occasions finding himself playing the alien role of humanitarian. Hidden savior and bodyguard to her memory. Making it so as everyday was like losing her all over again, only to be teased by the remains of the love she shared with one of his fiercest tormenters. Sharing his redemption with someone who he could never show how very much they meant to him. Because he was a part of her. That he could not run and embrace the boy and cry into his shoulder and beg for his forgiveness for failing him. And her.
All of it. Torture.
It was his eyes. Harry may have looked like his father, but he had his mother’s eyes. And Severus could see through them the same purity of soul that he had seen within Lily’s that day on the train before his world had crashed down around him. For the first time. Severus could see Lily in his emerald eyes, and it was torture.
All of it.
Ultimately Severus had buried everything he had ever felt for his own sanity, or rather what was left of it. He had forced himself to hate the boy. And he forced his own unhappiness onto him and prayed that he would emulate Severus’ own life. Even if he was innocent and didn’t deserve it.
Yes. Most disappointing, Severus
I love you Lucius
He was a Goddamn Death Eater. Why should he care if this little half-blood had a little misery in his life? Or a lot for that matter. I understand Father
I love you Lily
But for some reason, he did care whether or not the boy made his mother’s memory proud. And so he helped him as much as he could. Not fully understanding why he was. But he did it nonetheless. Not that the boy recognized his well-veiled attempts of protecting him and giving him the knowledge and discipline he would need to fulfill his birth right as indeed his attempts at protecting him. No. Like every other student he suffered with, Harry Potter saw him only as a bastard.
Fine by him. As long as the boy didn’t break his neck from something as inane as tripping on his robes. That was fine by him.
For years, childish curiosity was matched against Death Eater sneer. Unsurprisingly the Death Eater winning more often then not. Except once a year it would seem when Potter had the ultimate triumph. And Severus drank himself into a stupor because of the boy’s success.
But it wasn’t a matter of good versus evil in Severus’ mind.
It was everything Severus ever knew and was taught against Lily’s memory.
And every year the memory of his Beautiful won. And because of this, every year Severus heaved himself from his isolation, from his grief and his hatred of the boy. From his love for the boy.
To help Potter achieve the prophecy he was born into.
And finally the day came where the culmination of all of his hard work to date would be realized.
This day.
The war had come and gone today, the light having its long anticipated victory. It was a conquest against everything Severus knew, and was raised to believe. And he had no reason to celebrate. The battle fought and won in the minds of those surrounding him said to be justice for 6 years of uncertainty, deception and defeatism morality. For Severus, the triumph of the light, was in actuality not a necessarily happy quintessence of 42 years of suffering and a lifetime now of wasted opportunity and learning. Of trampled hopes and emotions. Of barren existence and meaning.
Today, Potter had defeated the Dark Lord. Severus’ Dark Lord. The one he had respected and loved despite the fact he had left Severus’ alone. Without him. Without Lily. Without his parents. Lord Voldemort had emulated everything his parents had instilled within him. Over the years The Dark Lord had taunted the school. His possession of Quirrell, the release of the Basilisk. The Dark Lord had dangled all of this in front of his nose and not only did it warn the world that he had not disappeared and that his day of vengeance would indeed come, it also re-ignited the blood loving domineering hierarchical persona Severus had tried so long to ignore. For Lily. For her memory.
But he had beed hed himself. He had betrayed Lily and he had betrayed his parents. And Lucius.
He had watched Lucius fall today, and had been unable to save him. Frozen again at the realization that no matter what the outcome, his life would again be thrust into turmoil. He had left his brother to die. He had again come from the battle around him unscathed. But another one of his beloved’s had died because of his failure.
I love you Lucius
And no one would understand why he was shedding the tears that were spilling. That the hateful Potions Master was even capable of feeling. Everyone of the figureheads of his life now gone to him forever
He was locked in an internal battle for supremacy. For 6 years the war had raged through his morals, his conscious and unconscious mind. The Death Eater against her memory and his penance for his failure. And he had received nothing in return. He could have died today and it would have been called justice because no one knew the truth. But then again how could anyone know if Severus didn’t know himself. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if he had fallen today. Instead of Potter. Instead of Lucius.
But he hadn’t, and once again in his time of need he found himself alone in his anti-haven of loss and despair.
~*~
As Severus found himself within his secret world as the sun went down across the battlefield, he allowed his emotions to betray him to the world. Severus wept tears of mourning; both for himself and those he had loved over the years. He cursed in anger against the God’s and fates for allowing him to be born into his status, for even permitting him to be born at all. And he shook in incomprehensible fear as to what he would do now. No more Death Eaters and no more Voldemort. Forever gone this time. No more Lily or painful reminder of her in her son who had died today fulfilling the role he was born into. No more of anything that he had ever known his entire life.
He was really alone in the world this time. And he had no idea of how to handle that.
And then strangely, almost as if every wish he had ever dared ask for coming true. As if that the God’s had judged that he had suffered enough. As if someone had known him. Really known him. Severus found that he was wrapped up and held tightly, engulfed in a warm and somewhat familiar embrace. Like all the times he had fantasized about his Beautiful holding him and rocking him, smoothing his hair with her hands and placing sweet and chaste kisses on his forehead, were coming true. And she was.
Only it wasn’t his Lily, her scent was different.
He tentatively opened his eyes to look into the face of his new angel, before burying his head again into her warmth as she held him. Never wanting for her to let him go. Never wanting to lose this one perfect memory that was with every moment diluting the pain and anguish of the haunting reminiscences infused into the very air he was breathing within his anti-haven. And as she tried desperately to calm him by pulling him closer as if to make him apart of her own soul, he did something that he never had done before, and something that he never thought he would have the chance to do.
He let her.
***************************************************************************
Rilla:- Funny that...I feel similar compulsion to jump into your fics, beat the living snot out of Hermione, and show Sev what a real woman is…Ironic hey? *smirk*…xxx
Daya:- As I am currently chatting online to you while I post this, I feel it is rather redundant of me to write anything long winded…hang a tick, you just sent another one through….*waves* Thank you *blushes*..xxx
Nesscafe:- My dear, I am trying to do exactly what I am achieving apparently from your review… I am a SS/HG shipper without a doubt…but I do love messing with peoples security blankets…so watch out! You never know what is going to come….xxx
Talene:- *sighs* Thank you for giving me a moment of light today…And thank you for all of your kind words from your reviews to the rest…It is nice to know that I am not the only freak in the world..(Freak meant in most affectionate way of course)..Look forward to chatting again soon..xxx
PotionsMistressM:- Always lovely to receive new sacrificial offerings…I mean reviewers *cheeky grin* thank you for your kind words and I hope you continue to enjoy…xxx
Ok…I said I would ramble so here it goes…This story is coming to its end…1or 2 more chapters and an epilogue to go. I will be taking a short hiatus from wri due due to looming exam period at Uni. I shall still be popping in daily to check for updates. Once holidays have begun, I will be back with a vengeance you can be sure.
Was going to ramble on about my 5 years olds first concert performance and how it was so much more socially acceptable for her to act the Diva whilst flapping her arms like a duck/chicken (I still haven’t worked out which) then prancing around at home demanding that I play MM as loud as legally possible so she can strut around singing with amazing clarity and articulation considering her age, lines like “Its all relative to the size of your steeple”. After careful consideration, and due to large amounts of vodka currently coursing through me (sorry Rilla) I have decided not to do this and just wish you all a Happy New year! *smirk*…
Until next time…much love…and hopefully many two-way flowing reviews…
Shem xxx
P.S. Do I come across as bored as I am?