More Than You Think You Are

\" Downfall \"

Here we go again
Ashamed of being broken in
We\'re getting off track
I wanna get you back again
I wanted you to trouble me
I wanted you to linger
I want you to agree with me
I want so much so bad

Come on and lay it down
I\'ve always been with you
Here and now
Give all that\'s within you
Be my savior
And I\'ll be your downfall

Now I\'m back on my own
Hear my feet, they\'re made of stone
Man, I make you go where I go
Well hell, you, can I take you home
Well, I\'m coming home on my back
Kissing me, your lips painted black
Saying Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Let me be your downfall
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Let me be your downfall, baby.

~Lyrics by Matchbox Twenty, Downfall


Tonks rushed to Hermione’s side. “Are you nutters? There’s a ton of people in here. Pipe down!” Hermione didn’t budge.

“I will NOT pipe down. This man, if you can call him that, has insulted me!” Severus stood before her, completely awestruck. First, Hermione told him that she was pregnant, and now, she told him he wasn’t the father. He was furious that another man had touched his Hermione.

“Well, aren’t you just the little tramp. Not gone away from home for more than a few months and already got yourself knocked up. You do move fast woman.” Severus’ heart was breaking with the realization that she was not carrying his child. He immediately fell back into his old habit of belittling the one that was hurting him.

“You Bastard! How dare you call me a tramp?” Hermione’s face was red and she was reaching for her wand.

“Expelliarmus!” Thankfully, Remus was in control of the situation and took Hermione and Severus’ wands. He cast a quick silencing charm over the table area and immediately yelled at the both of them.

“What in the hell are you two thinking getting into an argument in a public restaurant? Not to mention the fact that Hermione’s attacker could be any one of these patrons. You two are acting like a couple of first years. I want us to leave this place first, and then you two can have a proper row. In private, just not in here. The information that Hermione carries could be devastating for her and the child if it were to leak out.”

Severus regained control of his emotions and processed what Remus had said. There is only one way that the identity of the baby’s father could be a danger. “Potter.” His tone was neutral and calm, void of any emotion; his lips barely moving.

“Yes, very proudly so.” Hermione grinned as she spoke. Despite what had just transpired, she was excited that she was having Harry’s child. Not that she didn’t want to have a child with Severus, of course she did. But to have Harry entrust her with something so precious as his child deeply touched her.

“I suppose there is nothing more for us to discuss then. My wand, Remus.” Severus reached for his wand, however Remus was quicker.

“Not on your life. You two need to discuss this like adults. Not in a restaurant with onlookers prying into your business. Tonks, please take care of these patrons. You two come with me.” Remus led Hermione and Severus out into the busy street. Tonks followed shortly after.

“You didn’t obliviate them did you?”

“Course not love. I told everyone if they enjoyed the show they just saw, they could catch you both performing on stage at the local tre ore on Friday evening.” Hermione had to chuckle at Tonks.

“How original.” Tonks stuck her tongue out at Severus.

“Now, you two will return to Hermione’s flat and discuss this. I refuse to give either of you your wands until you both cool your tempers.” Remus stood tall, arms folded across his chest.

“Remus Lupin, I am not a child. Give me my wand back at once. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s finished discussing this with me. I shall go home, and raise my child alone. I do not need a man to watch over me. Especially one that feels compelled to call me a tramp.” Hermione tried to sound strong and confident, but her voice quivered as she spoke.

“Hermione, I didn’t mean…” Severus tried to speak but she cut him off. He never meant to make her cry, even if he was angry beyond belief. He realized that if she were carrying Harry’s child, then maybe she was just as shocked to learn of her pregnancy as he had been.

“Oh yes you did. I for one know that Severus Snape does not say something that he doesn’t mean.” She turned her back towards him, trying to hide the falling tears from her eyes. Severus gave Remus a pleading look and he took the hint. Tonks and he left giving Hermione and Severus some privacy.

“Hermione, I lost my temper. I apologize. Can we please go back to your flat and discuss this? It is freezing out here and I do know it is not healthy for either one of us.” He placed his hand on her shoulder trying to show some compassion.

She stood there, unmoving and contemplated giving in to his request. She knew it wasn’t like him to nearly beg, so she turned to face him and silently nodded.

“Come along, it’s just down the road here.” Severus wiped the tears from her eyes.

They walked in companionable silence, Severus placing his arm around her waist. She wanted to yell at him, she wanted to scream at him that he hurt her, but she couldn’t. In her mind, she knew it wasn’t the rational thing to do. She had to admit to herself that even she had been harsh by throwing the identity of her baby’s father in his face.

They reached her flat and she unlocked the door. As he entered, Severus immediately felt like he was at home. The place smelof Hof Hermione, and you could see it was extremely lived in. There were a few baby items lying around in opened packages and a large brown box with a picture of a baby crib had been shoved in the corner.

“It’s not exactly what you’re used to; I am sure, but its home to me.” She took off her cloak and threw it onto the sofa.

“It’s very nice.” He couldn’t quite think of the correct word.

“Would you care for some tea? I’d offer you something stronger but you know…” She rubbed her stomach lovingly while smiling.

“Tea is fine. Thank you. But you don’t need to go to any trouble on my account.” Severus removed his own cloak and sat down on the sofa. “Hermione, listen,” he began but was interrupted by a loud roar into the fire.

Both of their wands flew out of the floo along with a scrabbled note.

“What was that?” Hermione asked while poking her head out of the kitchen.

“I believe that Remus has returned our wands. There is a note.” Severus picked up the wands and read the short note aloud. “Don’t make us regret giving these back to you two.” He snorted. “As if we really care what they think.” He handed Hermione her wand.

“They’re only trying to help.” She handed him the cup of tea and moved to sit down on the sofa.

Severus sat down beside Hermione and draped his arm across the back of the sofa. “Hermione, I am sorry for losing my temper. Please forgive me.” His voice was sincere, and his gaze bore deep into her soul.

“I forgive you Severus, and I also lost myself as well. I never meant to hurt you by screaming at you. Nor did I mear yor you to find out about my baby quite like that.” She took a calming breath and delivered the speech she had been reciting repeatedly in her head.

“Severus, I had no idea I was pregnant when we made love. Had I known…”

“I hope it wouldn’t have changed a thing.” He absentmindedly began twirling a strand of her hair between his fingers.

“I suppose not. However, I am pregnant and very happy about becoming a mother. The prospect of raising a child is so thrilling and exciting.”

“Naturally.” He waited patiently as she continued.

“Severus, when I left you, I didn’t know what I was going to do without you. I never imagined that our relationship would end so abruptly. First, I lost my two best friends, and then, we became lovers and I lost you as well.”

“Again, I apologize.” He sat there with his eyes fixed on her, wondering what she was thinking.

“Did you really mean those things you said at the restaurant?”

“Hermione, I already apologized for calling you a tra…” She was quick to interrupt him.

“Not that Severus. The other things. About missing me, about loving me.” Her big brown eyes peered up at him.

“Yes Hermione, I meant it. I still mean it.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “How can I not? Do you think you being pregnant would change that?”

She shivered from his touch. “Severus I never meant for any of this to happen you know.”

“I know Hermione. I know that now. But when you told me you were pregnant, I was in shock. one one brief fleeing moment I thought I was going to be a father.”

“Oh Severus, my words must have hurt you so bad. I am such a cruel person.” She began openly sobbing and he wrapped his arms around her.

“Shh… Hermione stop that crying. Yes, your words hurt me; however we cannot forget that I too hurt you.” He pressed her head against his chest and whispered quiet soothing words of comfort into her hair.

“Hermione, there is something I need to tell you. I am the one that owns Villa de Isabel. I arranged for you to stay there and I took precautions so that you could not find out. That is why I couldn’t go along with Harry’s final request. My home was already inhabited. I had no idea how you would react when you found out. I couldn’t throw you out, and I didn’t’ know how you truly felt about us.”

“That is your home? Why didn’t you tell me Severus? It was a very tough time for me, but I sincerely doubt I would have had a problem being your roommate.”

“Hermione, I am sorry for deceiving you.”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter now that you’ve finally left Hogwarts. Is that where you’ve been hiding since you left?”

He simply nodded. “I didn’t know how to respond to the love and tenderness you were showing me. It is hard to let go of the past.”

“I know that Severus, but I needed you. When my home was vandalized last night, I could only think of you and being safe in your arms. I was so frightened.”

“I know that now. I have never proclaimed to be the wisest man on earth, and my devices when dealing with women are very limited.”

“No kidding?” She stopped crying and looked at him. “It was so hard to leave you after we made love. But I needed to make you understand that I cannot go back to living in London. At least not now. Especially not now that I am pregnant.”

“And I understand that Hermione, I finally do. I suppose we both need to make a new life away from there.”

“I doubt I’ll move back even when this child receives its letter from Hogwarts.”

“And I respect that. It took me losing you to realize that you were right. A wise woman once told me that I need to quit existing and begin living.”

She positioned herself in his lap. “There’s no time like the present.” She ground her hips into his groin.

“No there’s not.” He kissed her passionately, relishing the first bit of intimacy they had shared in months.

Their kiss was slow and languid, both fearing that it would end far too soon.

Hermione’s hands roamed over his face, shoulders, and in his hair. She had dreamed of holding him like this many times. It seemed so unreal to her that he was here, arousing her for the first time in months. Almost immediately, she felt his arousal pressing into her hip. Severus broke their kiss, silencing the immediate protest by pressing a finger to her lips.

“Hermione, if we are to go any further, we must do this properly.”

“Properly?”

“Yes properly, in a bed. Not on the sofa like a couple of randy teenagers.”

“Oh, right this way, sir.” She rose from his lap and led him into her bedroom.

“You don’t even want to know what thoughts just raced through my head when you called me sir.”

“Ooh, a fantasy of sorts?”

“Hmm.” She used her wand to light a fire, and then quickly pulled down the dark shades covering her windows. There was only the light of the fire illuminating the room.

“I hope you are prepared to see what a naked pregnant woman looks like.” She removed her clothing and stood before Severus.

“Hermione, you were always beautiful, however, now, I am simply at a loss for words.” She wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, but when he gently caressed one swollen breast and then took it into his mouth, she quit thinking altogether.

Severus explored her body with his hands, with his mouth. Her skin was the drug, and he the addict. He couldn’t get enough of her. As his hands roamed down toward her clitoris, he stopped and lovingly caressed her slightly puffy stomach. Hermione began to withdraw when he placed his hand to her stomach, but he held her tighter.

“Hermione, I love you. This baby does not change that. Had it been conceived under different circumstances and at another time, I might have had trouble accepting the situation. However, it simply was meant to be, and my happiness will not be shattered simply because you are bringing a child into this world. As I said, I love you, every part of you. And this child is very much a large part of you.”

“How can you be okay with this?”

“I just told you; because I love you. Because I am in love with you.”

He picked her up and gently placed her down on the flannel duvet. He then removed his clothing as quickly as possible and climbed on top of her. Almost immediately, he pulled back, concern written all over his face.

“It is okay Severus. You won’t hurt me or the baby at all.”

“Are you sure Hermione? I have never made love to a pregnant woman before.”

“And I hope you never make love to another. Come here Severus. Show me just how much you are in love with me.”

He pressed his body to hers, and she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. “Please move Severus, you’re torturing me.”

He chuckled and pressed his mouth once again to her breast. The force behind each thrust grew harder and harder until Hermione was screaming out his name. Severus began to thrust fervently, and soon cried out as his release spilled within her.

She rolled his over onto his back and snuggled into his chest. “We’re going to be alright, aren’t we?” She traced lazy circles around on his chest waiting for his answer.

“I believe we finally are.” He kissed the top of her head and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

“Nymphadora, don’t go in there. Anyone can plainly see that they have worked out their little disagreement.”

“I know that Remus, I am just shutting the door.”

“Why? They’re sound asleep, you’re going to wake them.” Remus stretched out onto the sofa and patted a spot next to him. “Come on Tonks, leave them be.”

“I have no desire to see Severus in his naked glory. No desire at all.” Remus began to chuckle.

“You do have a point.” She climbed atop Remus and placed a tender kiss on his nose.

“Well, do you think that Albus was right in planning that little attack last night?” Remus wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. It seemed to work.\"

“I’d take a vacation in France over a dismal London winter any day.”

“Me too Love, me too.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


AAHH, Happiness at last. Sorry for the delay. The next part should be out by the 10th. Also, look for the companion piece called Long Day. It is a ficlet, or smutlet, that contains what happened between Harry and Tonks. Takes place during OOTP, the Occlumency chapter.

Thanks again for your continued support.