100 Ways to Kill a Weasley

As soon as the door to the apartment slammed, Ron darted off of the sofa. He had been waiting for this moment forever, and now he was going to take his chance.



Over the past few months Hermione had been out an awful lot. Of course her job kept her away a lot, but he noticed that she had been away more and more frequently as of late. It was perfectly understandable, of course. They had broken up months ago and he had no doubt that she wanted to get away from what she had lost. He was quite the catch, after all. It had to be awful having the very thing you wanted paraded around you day after day, with the knowledge that you couldn't have it in the back of your mind.



With all of the stealth and grace of a newborn giraffe, Ron crept into her bedroom. It was a rather spartan space, if he said so, with books everywhere and the only picture on display was one of her parents. Even the bed was a pristine white.



"If I were a diary, where would I hide?" he asked himself.



Immediately he went for her pillows. If he knew anything about girls, he knew they were predictable. At least Ginny was. No matter where they were, be it The Burrow or Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Ginny's diaray placement was always the same: under her pillow.



Standing above the pristine white bed with a grin on his face, Ron whipped the pillow off of the bed.



Nothing.



Okay, only one little drawback. He then moved his sights to the bookshelves. No. Hermione wouldn't be that painfully obvious.



Her panty drawer.



Ten minutes into the raid and he had been yet to find the diary, but he did have a rather nice pair of black lacy panties in his pocket as a souvenir. Ron scrunched his eyebrows and really began to think, all the while running his fingers over the lace scrap in his pocket.



Then it hit him.



How could he have been so stupid? Of course it should have been the first and most obvious place: "Hogwarts, A History".



Quickly he scanned the shelves for the massive book that Hermione frequently quoted when they were in school. There it was on the highest shelf, along with her own personal copy of "Moste Potente Potions". Carefully he reached up and grabbed it. He wasn't shocked by how light it was. Of course it wasn't going to be light if it was a journal. He pulled his wand out of his back pocket and pointed it at the book. "Finite Incantatem."



The large book shrunk down to the size of a little pocket journal. Ron had expected at least something that sparkled, since girls did tend to like 'sparkly junk', but he was sorely disappointed when instead he held a small leather covered book with the words "Property of Hermione Granger" on the cover in fancy gold letters.



He did a little happy dance before plopping himself down in the reading chair she had placed by the window. Without hesitation he threw open the cover, revealing Hermione's neat yet feminine script.



Dear Diary,



Viktor kissed me for the first time today. He is such a handsome -



"Let's skip over that rot and see what she says about me!"



Dear Diary,



After moths of dancing around it, Ron and I had sex for the first time last night. Honestly, it was not what I expected. I assume he thought I was a virgin too, because he went out of his way to be gentle. It's safe to say Viktor has beaten him yet again.



"What the hell??" He shuffled through the pages.



Dear Diary,



Ron and I broke up today.



"That's more like it!" He knew she was devastated. What girl wouldn't be devastated after losing him? Now he just had to read it from her point of view.



All and all I'm not very upset. We had nothing but row after row and had sex afterward. We are an awful pair.



I ended up going to a Muggle bar that night, believing I wouldn't run into anyone from the magical world. Boy was I wrong.



The first person I ran into was Professor Snape. He actually joined me and we talked about potions until the barkeep threw us out. He is a wonderful -



Ron snorted. Anyone who talked about anything remotely educational was wonderful.



He read another entry.



Today Professor snape met me after work and invited me to dinner.



Dinner with the git, whoop-de-do.



We went out to dinner again tonight, and he kissed me.



"Gross!" The thought of anyone kissing the greasy git was too disgusting.



Tonight following dinner I went home with Severus. I always knew he had a talented set of hands. It is a mark of any good potions master. I never realized exactly how talented until tonight. And his tongue!



Ron winced as he felt a pressure move through his chest.



Heartbreak. Yeah. That was what that feeling was.



Severus and I made love for the first time tonight. I don't know how to describe it. Both Viktor and Ron don't compare at all!



The pain began to move to his shoulders and neck. He tried to massage the pain away as he continued to read.




Severus asked me to marry him! Now I have to find a way to break the news to Harry and Ron!



Suddenly Ron began to feel extremely lightheaded. Something wasn't right.




Today Severus and I found out I am pregnant -



Ron dropped the diary and dashed out to the living room to Floo Ginny.




-----



Hermione fiercely hugged Ginny. She was in the middle of her morning paperwork when she received the owl from Harry, telling her that Ron had been admitted to St. Mungo's and that he was in serious condition. "I'm so sorry, Gin," she whispered.



Ginny pulled away and sniffled. "I can't believe it, Hermione. I thought heart attacks were a Muggle thing."



"A heart attack?" Hermione asked curiously.



Ginny nodded. "He said he was reading your diary, great decoy by the way, when he felt the pain. Right around the part about being pregnant. He died ten minutes after I sent you the owl."



Hermione took a deep breath and bit her lip. "Um, Ginny? That wasn't a decoy."



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A/N: Edited because I didn't make it exactly clear that Ron had died the last time I posted.



-IS