Troubled Love

Title: Troubled Love

Time: It takes place in their 7th year

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Chapter 8: unable to stay, unwilling to leave

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The next day Lucius Malfoy himself came into the infirmary. Luckily, Harry managed to get beneath the bed before Lucius got the chance to catch them together. He did, however, hear the speech Lucius Malfoy gave his son.

“Hello son,” Lucius Malfoy greeted his son so coldly that it made Harry shiver underneath the bed.

“Hello father,” Draco greeted him back bravely.

“I’m very shocked to hear what you did last night. I think you ought to have a very good explanation for your actions. You know you broke a very important rule. Slytherins are loyal to each other. You’ve made a crucial mistake, son! I already checked on your housemates, they are willing to take you back. You are very lucky that you are a Malfoy, because you wouldn’t be in Slytherin if you weren’t. Of course I totally understand what you did to Harry Potter,” Lucius said, more relaxed.

Harry’s jaw dropped. Draco was going to stay after all! And his father wasn’t mad?

“W-what?” Draco stuttered, looking at his father in disbelief.

“Well obviously you were trying to kill Potter, or at least hand him over to the Death Eaters,” Lucius smirked.

Harry swallowed and silently hoped Draco would agree. He didn’t want to think about the punishment Malfoy’s would give their son.

“I would never do that to Harry!” Draco exclaimed above Harry.

Harry shook his head and buried his head in his hands. It seemed as if Lucius Malfoy was speechless, because there was a moment of silence before Lucius’ rage began.

“Draco Lucius Malfoy. I’m very ashamed of you. Do you know what you gotten yourself into? I’ll be forced to punish you and make sure you don’t do anything like this again. I will not have you playing the game of love with Potter. I’ll make sure that you will never be touched by him, or touch him for that matter.” Lucius said furiously, moving closer to the bed. “Which means that I will transfer you.”
rry rry heard Draco take in a sharp breath and knew Lucius had just hurt him. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.

“Come with me,” Lucius ordered. “I will make sure your things will be transferred to your new school.”

He saw Draco’s feet appear next to the bed. Quickly he shifted his weight and kissed Draco’s ankle, knowing they didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.

“Well?” Lucius snapped, when he noticed his son was reluctant to move.

“I have to change myself into decent clothing.” Draco said, to Harry’s amusement.

“Fine, I don’t really see the point. Your image is ruined anyway. I’ll be waiting outside.” Lucius said, before walking away.

As soon as Lucius was out of sight, Draco sank to the floor. Waiting for his love to reveal himself.

Their lips collided when Harry’s head came in sight. They managed to stand up without breaking contact.

“Why did you say that?” Harry asked, looking into Draco’s eyes. “Why? You could have stayed here, with me!”

Draco shook his head. “I’m not ashamed of loving you and I still got my pride. I don’t want to stay here only because my father threatened some Slytherins. I don’t want that reputation!”

“You’re so foolish,” Harry began, but he wasn’t able to continue because Draco’s lips covered his mouth. Draco obviously didn’t want to hear about it. The anger they were both feeling towards the situation they had landed in expressed itself in the long and hot kiss they shared.

“I’m sorry that we didn’t have the chance to love each other longer,” Draco breathed, when their kiss finally broke. “That I didn’t get to be with you, the boy-you.”

“Don’t say that.” Harry begged. “We can’t say goodbye like this.”

“We have to,” Draco said, hiding his face in Harry’s hair. “Like you said, we’re not meant to be.”

“We are!” Harry exclaimed, not wanting to give in. “I’ll owl you and I’ll come and visit you. We’ll keep it a secret.”

“There’s no doubt about the fact that I won’t be able to forget you, Harry.” Draco said, feeling Harry’s hands around his waist. “But you deserve better than someone you don’t see for months, maybe years. You’ll fall in love with someone else and live a happy life.”

“No!” Harry was now screaming and desperately trying to keep his tears inside. “You can’t do that to me! I don’t want anyone else but you! Please give us a chance.”

Draco’s hands had entangled themselves in Harry’s hair. He could feel Harry’s fingernails on his back. Harry was clinging himself to him. He wanted to give them a chance, he really did. The fact was that he didn’t know if he could live with the fact that he couldn’t be with his boyfriend if he wanted to. That if Harry did fall in love again with someone else, the pain would be even more unbearable.

“I’m begging you not to do this,” Harry muttered, moving away from Draco’s neck to look the boy in his eyes. “I don’t care about the fact that we’re not meant to be together. This, what we have, it feels good.” Harry saw that even Draco had trouble to fight his tears.

Gently Draco kissed Harry and nodded into the kiss. “I love you.”

“Some day it will all be over. Your father won’t have anything to say about you, and we’ll be together. We just have to hang on until that time. I know it seems hopelessly long, but we’ll be together after school. I promise,” Harry whispered, covering Draco’s face with little kisses.

“I promise that too,” Draco whispered back.

“I love you too,” Harry said, reluctant to let Draco go. He knew that Draco had to change himself and stepped aside. He watched Draco change into his robes as quickly as he could.

When Draco was ready to go, Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him into a kiss.

He pushed away the thought that this would be the last time he was able to kiss Draco. Harry opened his mouth and pushed his tongue into Draco’s mouth. Which wasn’t hard, because Draco’s lips were already parted. The kiss was more rough than their usual kisses, more passionate.

Suddenly they both tasted the salty flavour of tears in their mouths and realised they were both crying. Harry released Draco’s lips from his and looked into the red, stormy eyes he loved. Draco squeezed his hand, unable to sp


Harry grabbed his wand and performed a vanishing spell on the tears rolling from Draco’s eyes. “Don’t want your father to be more pissed off than he is right now.” he smiled weakly. It broke his heart to say goodbye like this.

Draco nodded his thanks and disappeared behind the curtain.

Harry let out a long sigh and let himself collapse on the floor. He didn’t notice that Draco had come back.

“Harry?” Draco’s voice cracked. “Promise me again.”

Harry looked up at his boyfriend and smiled. “I promise I’ll think of you, I promise I’ll write you, I promise I’ll come and visit you, I promise I love you and I promise I’ll pant your name when I’m jerking off.” Harry smiled.

A warm smile appeared on the blonde’s lips, he was almost laughing. When he disappeared again, Harry knew he wasn’t coming back again and broke into tears. He knew that boys weren’t supposed to cry, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. Without Draco his life was dull.

~*~

It had been a week since Harry last saw Draco and to be honest now that Draco was gone, it was even harder not to fall into that black hole of depression. Harry knew his friends were worried about him and he really tried to act normal to everyone. But the thing is, Draco had broken the shield he had built up around him.

He hadn’t read one single newspaper since the day Draco left. Knowing it was filled with made up stories about him and Draco.

The rumours about him and Draco in Hogwarts were haunting him 24/7. He heard people talk about him when he walked through the corridors. People threw him dirty and disgusted looks. Once in a while people even spit at him.

He heard them talk... and it haunted him in his dreams.

“I always thought he was gay. I knew it all along. Isn’t it just disgusting?”

“Look at him! Tag, ag, I can’t imagine a fag killing the Dark Lord. I’m telling you, someone else did it for him.”

“Eww! Get away from me!”

“The boy’s pathetic! Look at him,”

“Ok... I just had the mental image of Malfoy and Potter screwing each other. How sick is that?”

“He’s obviously very stupid too. Who would screw up his potion sd thd that he turns into a girl?”

“Did you read that article? With the picture of Malfoy and Potter kissing? Can you believe it? I threw up when I saw it.”

He also had a new name now... ‘The boy who turned out to be a fag’

Harry ran his hand through his long hair and sighed. It was about 7 o’clock in the evening. He was avoiding the Great Hall as much as possible, which meant that he didn’t eat much. Only the bits Hermione and Ron took with them for him. Not that he was hungry, but he didn’t want them to worry even more.

He hadn’t heard from Draco and suspected that he was still receiving his punishment at the Malfoy Manor. He didn’t dare to write an owl, when there was a chance that Lucius Malfoy could read his owl and punish Draco even more. He didn’t know how much longer he was going to last without seeing or owling with Draco.

“Harry,” Hermione practically begged. “please come with us. You have to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” Harutteuttered, moving his eyes back to his book. He wasn’t actually reading, just staring at the words in front of him was more like it.

“People will say even worse things!” Hermione exclaimed. “They’re already talking about you going to kill yourself.”

Harry looked back at Hermione. “Thanks for the idea,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Harry,” Ron came into the conversation now. “If you don’t come with us, I- I’ll have to get one of the teachers.”

Harry raised his eyebrows and smiled amused. “I thought that Hermione would say that, I never expected it from you, mate.”

“Damn it, Harry.” Hermione cursed. “It’s not funny. You’re coming with us to dinner and that’s final.”

Harry leaned back and turned his head away.

“I’ll curse you,” Hermione threatened, pulling out her wand.

“Fine!” Harry exclaimed. “It’s not like you two are going to leave me behind anyway.”

Both Ron and Hermione smiled to each other proudly, which made Harry snigger. He wasn’t sure he could survive the haunting rumours again, but Ron and Hermione were trying so hard to make him feel better. He owed them this much.

They walked to the Great Hall silently. They were about to enter the Great Hall when Hermione grabbed Harry’s sweaty hand and squeezed it slightly.

The students fell silent when Harry entered. He wished he could turn around and run, but he wasn’t going to show them his weakness. Biting on the inside of his cheek, he continued his way to the Gryffindor table.

“Nice to see you again, mate.” Seamus smiled, when Harry finally sat down. It took a couple of seconds before the students began to talk to each other again. Harry felt relieved when they did.

Harry ate as much as his stomach allowed him to. He was so hungry, which isn’t really a surprise when you haven’t had a decent meal for 6 days. He saw in the corner of his eye that Hermione and Ron were looking at him with big, relieved smile on their faces.

His eyes wandered to the spot where Draco used to sit. It was empty, so was a part of his heart. When he realised that he had still a month and a half to go until the Christmas holidays, he felt his heart ache. He had to tear his gaze away from Draco’s old seat to prevent him from crying again.

“Uh...” he stuttered, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable and restless. “I’ve had enough.” With that he stood up and rushed out of the Great Hall again.

He ran outside, swallowing gasps of air. He leaned against a tree, not knowing how he got so close to the lake and watched the sun disappear behind the hills.

“Potter?” A voice he didn’t recognise said behind him.

Harry jerked around, automatically grabbing his wand. When he saw who it was he frowned, giving the person a questioning look.

“Draco asked me to give this you earlier in the week,” Blaise said, pushing a small package into Harry’s hand. “but I couldn\'t find you.”

By the mentioning of Draco’s name he flinched. He didn’t know what to say or what to expect. “Thanks.” he muttered, looking to the small package.

“No problem, but you didn’t get it from me.” Blaise warned, before turning around. His cloak billowing behind him.

Harry watched Blaise until he was out of sight, before looking back to the package. He noticed that a small note was hidden underneath the paper. He sat down, wanting to take the time to open the gift. At least that is what he thought it was.

Slowly he opened the note, somewhat afraid of what Draco might have written on the parchment. The words were very tiny.

‘So you wont forget me...

I promise I wont forget you either.

You’ve got my heart

I love you more than you will

ever know

Even though the time we spent together

Was so terribly short.

With all my love I have to give,

Draco’

Harry felt his stomach turn and traced the words with his finger. He put the note away in his pocket, making sure he wouldn’t lose it. After that he carefully unwrapped Draco’s package.

A silver ring rolled in his hand when he held the package upside down. It was a small and thin ring. When he looked closer he saw it was a tiny snake. Holding his tail in his mouth. Slowly he pushed the ring around his long and thin finger. The snake adjusted itself, making it fit perfectly.

Harry stared at his gift, it was so beautiful. He stayed near the lake a couple of minutes more, thinking about what Draco would be doing before heading back to the Gryffindor common room.

When he stood before the portrait he didn’t feel like entering. The common room was filled this time of the evening. The last couple of nights he sneaked away to his dorm during dinner and avoided the whole cosy bunch of Gryffindors. But his potion essay was still in there and he had to finish it tonight.

He took a deep breath and entered, as he expected the common fel fell still when they noticed him. Slowly he walked through the common room, smiling weakly. He spotted the parchment near the fire. He increased his pace, feeling all the eyes burn on his skin. He refused to have his skin flush, because he was not going to show them he was ashamed. He wasn’t ashamed of loving Draco. After realising that he strode through the room with more confidence. It didn’t matter what they thought about him. Ang ang as he could be with Draco. They would have found out that he was gay anyway.

He grabbed his essay and wished Hermione, Ron and Ginny goodnight. After that he left the common room, faster than he intended too.

He entered his dorm and sighed. “That wasn’t too bad.” He said to himself.

He loved having his own dorm, it really improved his schoolwork. He walked to his desk and began to write his potions essay.

*~*

Harry let his quill drop and stretched his legs together with his fingers. He finally finished his Potions essay and the weird thing was that he didn’t feel too bad about it. Another good thing about loving Draco were his grades. Although you might expect them to drop dramatically, with Harry they didn’t. He felt as if he had to make Draco proud. He knew that Draco would ask him in a letter. Quickly he took off his clothes and jumped into the bed.

Harry held his hand before his face and began to study the ring again. He froze when the snake started moving. It released it’s tail and looked at him. He wasn’t sure what to do.

“Hello Deary! How’s my favourite boyfriend doing today?” The snake suddenly said, with the voice of his boyfriend.

Harry’s jaw dropped. “What?”

The snake rolled his eyes. “This is our new way of communication,” Draco’s voice said again. “It’s very expensive. Luckily I saved some money over the years and got the time to buy it for you.”

“How?” Harry asked again, with his jaw still dropped. The snake was crawling around on his hand, giving him little snake kisses.

“Honestly, you didn\'t believe that I would really use a cheap way such as owling to speak to you, did you?” Draco’s snaked grinned. “You’re snake and my snake are in contact with each other. My snake tells your snake how I’m looking and what I’m saying and your snake does the same. And you have to believe me, you’re looking hilarious!”

Harry quickly closed his mouth and opened it again to say something, but Draco cut him of.

“Harry... Why did it tso lso long for Blaise to give you the gift? You really got me scared here.” Draco’s voice sounded worried and his snake looked worried in a weird snakish kind of way.

“I-” Harry stuttered.

“You haven’t been hiding, have you?” Draco’s snake asked.

Harry fell silent, not wanting to admit it to Draco and have Draco worry about him.

“Fuck!” Draco’s snake cursed suddenly. “We’ll get back on this one. Got to go. I loou.”ou.”

“I love you too,” Harry said quickly, hoping that Draco had still heard him.

With that the snake crawled to Harry’s finger and bit in his tail again, making the circle complete.

Harry sighed not knowing what to think about such a beautiful gift. He had Draco with him after all. It felt so good to hear his voice again, even if his face didn’t match with the snake.

With a happy sigh and the ring close to his face he fell asleep.

*~*

The next morning he woke up feeling something crawl on his face. His first reaction was to slap it away, but he heard something that made him stop.

“Oh Harry, I wish I could lie next to you. All I see is a sleeping snake on my hand. I miss you Harry. I know you always thought that Malfoys were like ice kings and we are, only you melted my heart.”

Harry didn’t open his eyes, instead he listened to what Draco was saying to him. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to hear this, but it was good.

“You know I imagine you when you’re a boy again. You must be very muscular, because of the Quidditch practices. I already know how you look from behind. I sneaked into the changing rooms once, to cast some kind of curse on you. Fortunately for you that didn’t work out. You were taking a shower, not noticing me at all. I remember being stunnedat the sight of your broad shoulders and oh-so nice arse. I jerked myself off with that image in my head countless times. Of course you look nice as a girl too, but I do prefer you as a boy. I can’t wait until you will visit me. I’ll make you have so much fun. Look at me I’m aroused only thinking about it. We could take showers together, no baths. We’ll stay up all night, making love in front of the fire. Oh Harry, I think I need to take a cold shower. Wish you were here to help me,” Draco’s snake grinned.

“Me too,” Harry grinned opening his eyes

“Harry? Are you awake?” Draco asked.

Harry nodded and grabbed the snake from his face very carefully. “Where are you?”

“In my new dorm,” Draco answered.

“Is it nice? Your new school?” Harry asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer. If it was no, he would feel sorry for Draco. If it was yes, he would feel bad he he wasn’t there.

“It’s ok, not that bad. It’s only guys here.” Draco told him, sticking out his snaky tongue. “You would love it here.”

Harry froze, what if the guys were more attractive than he? Would Draco dump him for somebody else?

“Harry, it was a joke.” Draco said, when Harry had been silent for a while. “They’re extremely ugly and dull compared to you. I would never choose someone here over you.”

“Well, maybe you will after a while. We wont be able to do anything, Draco. It’s going to be hard.” Harry said feeling insecure.

“Hold on, this is not the Harry I know. Where are those words you said when I left? You’re not giving up on me, are you?” Draco asked.

Harry didn’t reply.

“Look, I know it’s hard, but you have to trust me on this one. I will stay loyal to you.” Draco said reassuringly.
arryarry smiled a bit, blushing for not trusting Draco completely.

“Harry, you don’t have to be so ashamed. I know how you feel, I know the guys you walk around in Hogwarts. They’re not unattractive.” Draco said.

“How could you see I was embarrassed?” Harry asked, not knowing how Draco could read his face on such a tiny snake.

“I just felt it, I know you.” Draco grinned. “Ok.. I enlarged the snake.”

Mentally Harry slapped himself, not thinking about that earlier.

“Look, I have to go. My roommates are waking up.” Draco’s snake whispered, giving Harry’s hand a kiss again.

Harry placed a little kiss on the tiny snake and smiled. “I love you.”

“With all my heart.”

Harry smiled as the snake wrapped itself around his finger again. His smile grew when he thought about Draco having a cold shower right now...

*~*

Hope you liked it! Don\'t forget to review! I\'m addicted to them! Mad Luv, Cherish

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader! ~Kae~ You\'re the best!!