Sunset

That evening Severus’s family and I played a game of soccer together before I returned home. I departed with hugs and well-wishes, and was back in my driveway before I knew it. Severus sent me inside my house with the promise that he would be back later; I gave him a quick kiss goodbye and danced the whole way to my front door.

I opened my window when I had gotten to my room and dressed in some thick pajamas. Just as I pulled my shirt on over my head, a particularly gusty whoosh of air came in from the window. Severus was standing next to the frame, gently shutting the pane to keep the freezing air sealed out. I smiled and patted my bed in an invitation for him to sit with me. I cuddled with him, talking about random nothings for the next few hours, until I finally drifted off to sleep.

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The next day I woke around 11:00 in the morning. A quick glance out the window showed that the day would be gloomy; the sky was murky, gray, and dismal. I noticed Severus sitting on my carpeted floor reading a textbook from my backpack. I smiled at him and mumbled sleepily, “G’morning, Sev.”

Severus looked up and said, “Good morning, my Harry,” returning a smile.

I stretched in bed, feeling rejuvenated and relaxed from the previous day’s sexual shenanigans. I blushed as I remembered them and excused myself to take a shower. Severus just nodded as he continued flipping through the pages of the book.

I grabbed some clothes from my closet and walked lazily to the bathroom. I closed the door and stripped, turning the water faucet on and checking the temperature to assure that it would be hot before I hopped in. I let the showerhead sputter to life and stepped under the steaming spray with a washcloth in hand.

I lathered my unruly hair with sweet-smelling shampoo, massaging my scalp to work in the soap. I rinsed it out after I felt it was clean enough, then grabbed my bar of soap from its container in the corner. I wrapped it in my washcloth to maximize cleanability, scrubbing all surfaces of my body to become squeaky clean. Once my whole body had been lathered and scrubbed, I began rinsing off under the relaxing stream of water.

When I was sure that no soap was left on my skin, I turned off the water and stepped out of the tub. I grabbed the fluffy towel that I had set out and dried off with it, then dressed in a pair of fitted jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. I brushed my teeth, decided it was no use to even try combing my hair, and left the steamy bathroom to find Sev.

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I convinced Severus to let me drive with a minimal amount of begging. We rode in my truck and arrived at his mansion close to one o’clock. The pouring rain did not relent during the ride over, so I zipped my jacket tight before hopping out of the old truck.

As I walked through the front door, I was greeted with the sight of four vampires relaxing in the living room while watching an old movie. Severus led me to the couch and I sat next to Remus, with Severus on my other side. Next to Remus was Sirius; on the other couch was a recumbent Lucius. Albus sat in his own reclining chair.

I watched the film for about an hour. It was black-and-white, set in the early 1900s, and had a lot of jazz in it. It wasn’t bad. My bladder was beginning to become uncomfortable though, and I discreetly asked Severus for directions to their bathroom.

“Down the hall, second door on the left,” he whispered to me.

I got up and meandered to the specified door. Upon walking in, I was taken aback with the lavish décor and expensive furnishings. Shrugging at their obvious lack of frugality, I relieved myself and then washed my hands in the gold sink. I took a moment to study myself in the mirror, making sure that I looked decent. My shaggy hair was in its perpetually tousled state, and I used my hand to try and flatten it. After a few seconds of futile attempts, I gave up and left.

As I walked back to join the vampires, I heard raised voices. I stopped walking before the corner to the living room and effectively hid myself from the rest of the family, curious to hear what the argument was about.

Severus’s voice was the one I heard first. He spat, “Lucius, you just can’t keep thinking things like that. Especially when I’m around; it’s disgusting.”

“Oh come now, Sev…” Lucius replied.

I hard Remus quietly interject, “Is this really the best time?”

“Stop acting like it isn’t something to fuss over!” Severus replied angrily, “I’m in a relationship with Harry. You have to stop entertaining ridiculous notions in that empty space between your ears before I make you.”

“Well it isn’t as if we haven’t been fucking for the past few decades,” Lucius snidely retorted.

My heart skipped a beat while my ribs started caving in on my lungs.

“That’s nothing,” I heard Snape growl.

“Really? That isn’t what you said when my cock was up your ass.”

I was hyperventilating, unable to do anything but focus on Malfoy’s words. I felt dizzy and sick as millions of thoughts ran through my head.

What was this supposed to mean? Were they lovers? Were they in a relationship? Did I even mean anything? They’d been having sex! Who were these people? I’d known them all for such a short amount of time that I couldn’t be sure of anything. Who knew what truths they were telling me? For all I knew, it was all lies.

I felt used.

And that was when the pain became overridden with fury and despair. I ran into the living room and screamed at Snape, “How could you?” I only spared his surprised, beautiful face a single passing glance before I rushed for the door. I grabbed my keys from my jeans pocket as tears sprang to my eyes and mingled with the rain outside.

Bawling furiously, I ran to my truck, flung the driver’s side truck door open and got in. Just as I turned the key, my door was opened and Severus was there, begging me not to go.

“Harry, stop!” he pleaded, “Let me explain, you don’t understand! Wait!”

I had already put the car into drive. I hit the gas, accelerating quickly away from Severus and the home his family lived in. Fuck them. Fuck all of them.

Gravel flew from my tires as I sped out of their driveway to get away. Severus jogged beside me, still trying to get me to wait. He could have stopped me, of that I was sure, but I knew he wouldn’t dare. Our relationship was as good as dead already; why add a totaled car to the mix?

“Just leave me alone!” I screamed at him, forcefully slamming the door shut as soon as Severus had stopped trying to keep up with me. Tears of frustration spilled from my eyes, and I struggled to keep my vision clear so that I wouldn’t crash the truck.

I disregarded all speed limit signs as I raced back to my house. It was the only place where I could find solitude and forget Severus fucking Snape for any length of time whatsoever. I looked at the clock in the truck and saw 2:41 flashing back at me. Angry raindrops hit my windshield as I sped beneath the turbulent sky. The Earth around me seemed unnaturally still, seeming to understand my furious mood and the peril it would place itself in if it even so much as blew a stick on the road in front of me.

Several fuming minutes later, I swerved into my own driveway. I sat in the truck for a moment, gripping the steering wheel in a stranglehold, furious beyond words at Severus’s actions and obvious lack of communication. I felt like shit.

Finally, I threw my door open and jumped out of the car, keys digging into the palm of my hand as I slammed the driver’s side shut and stomped to the front of the house. Sniffling, I fumbled with my keychain and finally found the right one as I stood on the front step. I shoved it into the handle and turned, shoving the door in and slamming it behind me. I angrily kicked my shoes off and threw the keys on the kitchen table.

I walked into the kitchen, feeling lost and vulnerable now that my anger was starting to ebb away. Newfound tears sprang from my eyes as the events that happened replayed in my head. Despairing and full of grief, I grabbed my hair in my fists and sank to the floor in a heap of sobs.

I lay on the linoleum floor for at least half an hour, curled up into myself, before I had stopped crying long enough to be able to sit up straight. I hugged my knees to my chest and sat staring straight ahead at the cabinet in front of me, the one below the sink.

Realization his me like a Mack truck.

I crawled over to the cupboard and slowly opened it, peering inside. Hope flared in my chest as I recognized bottle-shaped objects inside, and I opened the door further to identify their labels. I grinned, wrinkling my tear-stained cheeks, when I recognized the name on the biggest bottle of them all.

Vodka.

I reached into the cupboard space and grasped the glass bottle by its neck. I carefully picked it up and maneuvered it around the rest of the items, finally pulling it out. I held the vodka up like a prized possession, grinning like a fool at the hard liquor sloshing around inside the glass.

I scooted my back against the nearest surface, which happened to be the front of the dishwasher, and unscrewed the cap. I took a tentative sip of the clear, foul-smelling liquid and nearly choked at the overwhelming taste of rubbing alcohol. I managed to swallow it, feeling a sense of power as the pain seared my throat. It reflected my mental state both cruelly and poetically.

Sighing, I breathed in and took another deep swig. I swallowed quickly with a grimace, and breathed out, smelling the alcohol on my breath already. Warmness began to seep from my stomach, making a fiery pit of hell in a place close to my heart. I laughed, feeling a little dizzy, and took another swig. I was beginning to become accustomed to the taste. It was far from pleasant, but at least somewhat manageable.

I shook my head and a tear rolled down my cheek. I angrily wiped it away, feeling weak for ever believing Severus could love me. It was all a joke.

By then, the warmth in my belly had spread throughout my body. I took another sip from the bottle, and shuddered. I was hot; my face was flushed. I shrugged out of my sweatshirt and balled it up next to me. I felt woozy, lethargic… people did this for fun? Drinking sucked balls if this is what it always felt like.

Well, all the more reason to continue.

I tilted the bottle back again, and chugged a gulp or two. I coughed at the severe burning in my mouth and throat with a harsh grimace. I wiped away some of the alcohol that had dripped down my chin with the sleeve of my shirt. I could feel the vodka sloshing around in my stomach, and I was beginning to feel really nauseous.

I picked the bottle up from my lap and marveled at how heavy it seemed. I moved my arm to my right to set it down, almost knocking it over in the process. Dizzily, I lowered myself down to rest my head on my sweatshirt and lay on the linoleum floor of the kitchen. The room was wobbling around my head, and the fire in my stomach transformed into a severe ache. I felt sick, miserable, heartbroken, and was sobbing my eyes out into my makeshift pillow.

What an all-time low, faggot. I told myself.

Moaning, I rolled onto my stomach to try and feel less sick, but I only succeeded in making the nausea worse. Suddenly, I got up on my hands and knees to try and get to the sink.

Too late.

I heaved all over the kitchen floor. A foul-smelling liquid was expelled from my mouth to rest in a vicious puddle on the linoleum. I started crying harder at that point, feeling all out of self-control and just wishing Severus was here to pick up the pieces. But he didn’t love me, and never could. I stumbled to my feet and staggered across the floor, hanging onto the wall to keep the world from tumbling around me.

I finally managed to trip over my own feet and fell to my knees in the middle of the living room. Out of energy, I let myself slump onto my chest and lay, sick, exhausted, and sobbing on the pseudoly-comforting carpet.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk,” I moaned into the floor, words muffled by the material of the carpet and my own inability to enunciate.

Still crying, I just lay there, unable to do anything else. I succumbed to the pain and grief that held my heart in a merciless stranglehold. My sobs were choking – I couldn’t breathe. The pain was too unbearable.

Semi-conscious, I felt a freezing breeze blow over my motionless body. I heard footsteps coming across the floor and I squinted, trying to see in the dark of the house. Having a vantage point from the ground wasn’t the best circumstance for my current situation.

“Harry…” I heard a velvet voice say. I recognized it instantly.

I tried to muster as much strength as possible, only to yell feebly, “Go away.”

The figure knelt by me and hands reached out to roll me over onto my side. I lashed out with my fists, knuckles connecting with the unforgiving harness of Snape’s chest.

“Don’t TOUCH me!” I protested.

“Harry, stop,” Snape said, “You’re going to hurt yourself. Just listen to me.”

“You’re a liar!” I accused, “A fucking asshole dickface deceitful prick! How COULD you?!” I started sobbing, and my hands stopped hitting his chest and instead just grabbed the front of his shirt. I clung to him, and confessed “I love you…” I choked and accused him, “How could you do this to me?” My voice broke and tears kept streaming down my face.

Severus’s strong, protective arms gathered me to him. He hugged me to his chest as he carried me up the stairs and to my room. I felt like I was going to vomit again, but valiantly suppressed the urge. The alcohol must have been wearing off.

Severus set me down on my bed and left the room. I was starting to run out of tears, and wiped the snot that was running from my nose away with my sleeve. I curled into a ball on my side and tried to pretend like today had never happened. I took shaky breaths and tasted the vodka on my lips.

Severus returned to my room carrying my sweatshirt.

“I cleaned up your kitchen so James won’t see anything when he gets home,” Snape informed me. “I’m going to stay with you overnight whether you like it or not. We need to talk, and you can’t keep avoiding me.”

“Fuck you,” I retorted.

Severus just walked over to my bed and pulled the covers up over my shoulders. He smoothed the hair back from my forehead and placed a cool kiss on my scar. I angrily slurred, “Stop it,” but had far too slow a reaction speed to hit his hand as I swung my arm. I angrily rubbed at the place where his lips had touched my head.

A few minutes later, there was total silence in the room. My breathing evened out and my temper and emotions were erased by tiredness. Exhaustion overcame all other physical and mental needs. I passed out in my bed, breathing deeply, and slipped into the black world of sleep.

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I awoke the next morning to the worst headache I had ever experienced. I groaned, trying to move my tongue, but it was swollen and felt like cotton stuck to the roof of my mouth.

I felt dead.

I laboriously opened my eyelids, holding up my hands to block the torturous light coming from the window. I sensed movement at the side of my bed and squinted to see a lean man with shoulder-length black hair looming over me.

“Sit up,” Snape told me, holding out a glass of water.

I leaned forward, propping myself up on an elbow, and greedily gulped down the whole glass. When it was gone, I groaned and fell back, covering my face with my hands. Memories from the night before were clicking together and I understood the full extent of my gigantic stupidity.

My mouth tasted horrible, and my skin was sticky. I kicked my covers off and swung my legs off the bed, determined to get a shower and brush my teeth as soon as humanly possible.

Severus stepped out of my way as I stood. I rushed to grab some clothes and moved to the bathroom at a breakneck speed. My head ached in pulses with every step I took. I slammed the bathroom door and brushed my teeth for a good five minutes. I finally deemed my mouth non-toxic and quickly peeled out of my clothes to get into the shower.

Several minutes later, I stepped through the curtain and re-dressed, feeling much more human with a renewed body. My head still hurt like a bitch, but at least I was clean.

I carefully walked down the hall to my room, having every intention of telling Severus to just go home and spare me the dramatic breakup.

Such was not the case.

As soon as I entered the room, I saw Severus standing against the far wall with his hands crossed over his chest. He had a foul expression on his otherwise handsome face – it caused me to hesitate.

“Harry,” he said simply, looking thunderous.

“Yes?” I squeaked.

“One. Never leave me before we talk things through. Your actions caused a world of unnecessary heartbreak. Two. Never, ever, ever drink as much as you did last night. Especially not to drown out your sorrow; you would have developed alcohol poisoning and died if you hadn't vomited. Three. Do not even attempt to tell me what I do and do not know. I love you, and that is a fact, and if you can’t wrap your mind around it then perhaps you’re just too much of an imbecile to accept reality for what it is. How could you believe that what happened between Malfoy and I was ever a relationship? He fucks people, Harry. He does it for fun. That’s who he is. Two hundred years of celibacy quite hard to accomplish – some relief every once in a while between mutual friends isn’t out of the ordinary. Perhaps next time you’ll have the presence of mind to discuss an issue with me first, before you run away and drink yourself into oblivion. It would be much appreciated on everyone’s part, I assure you.”

Severus was glaring at me witheringly, causing me to feel very, very small in the doorway of my room. Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes, but I managed to hold them back, for now.

“Oh,” was all I could say. I hadn’t realized… I felt like such an idiot for what I had done. I had just assumed that Severus was cheating on me, and using me, but his sexual relations with Malfoy were nothing but primal need. Of course I should have talked to Severus about it. I was just too upset to realize…

Severus continued, “My actions with Malfoy have been few and far between over the course of our friendship. I will have you know that I have not sought out his company since you first came to Forks.”

I was unable to hold the tears back any longer. I started crying then, standing in the middle of my room. I wrapped my arms around myself and choked out, “I’m so sorry, Severus.”

The dark man’s face softened immediately. He walked forward and took me into his arms – I felt safe and secure as soon as he embraced me. I clung to him fiercely, crying into his shirt with wracking sobs from the misery the whole misunderstanding had bestowed upon me. His shirt bunched in my fists as I held on for dear life.

“I never want to lose you,” I sobbed, words muffled by his clothes.

“Shh, Harry,” he said soothingly. “You’ll never lose me. I promise,” he said.

Still crying, I said, “I love you, Sev. I’m so sorry for assuming the worst… you don’t deserve someone like me.”

“Oh, Harry,” Severus said, “I love you too. Don’t ever say you don’t deserve me. It’s over now and all is forgiven.”

We stood together for a while, me crying and Severus comforting, until finally I pulled away from his strong arms. I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands and gave a weak smile to the man I loved the most in the whole entire world.

“Your shirt is wet,” I told him, laughing with relief that the whole ordeal was done with.

Severus chuckled as he looked down to see the tear stains on his t-shirt. “It’ll dry,” he assured me.

I tentatively smiled and stood on my tiptoes to peck Sev on the lips. “Come on,” I said, “Let’s go back to your house – I have some apologizing to do.”

Severus kissed me back with a breathtaking passion and nodded at me with a smile. “One step at a time, Harry.”

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading - let me know what you think! I love every single review I get. (: Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone... I can't believe it's almost the year 2010!