W.I.B

“Sir, are you sure I’m ready for this? I mean, we’ve talked a great deal about what my role will be in Voldemort’s downfall, but you never mentioned this.”


Dumbledore looked at Harry Potter, who was flanked on either side by his moral support consisting of Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, and smiled serenely at him.


“Quite sure Harry. Don’t you worry.”



“But Muggles, Sir? Sure, 10 points for originality, but won’t Voldemort kill them as soon as he sees them?” Ron asked.



“Not these Muggles.” Remus smirked.




“’Sup, little man?” the voice directly behind Ron greeted.




Ron, who had not heard anyone approach from behind, fell silent and slowly turned his head only to see three intimidating and expressionless men in dark suits staring down at him.



“This one?” K asked, pointing down at Ron who was silently opening and closing his mouth.




“Ah no.” Dumbledore said and motioned to Harry. “This is the lad.”




“Oh. Our bad. ‘Sup, Hare?” the younger Muggle asked, and held a fist down at Harry’s level.




Harry stared at the man’s fist until he remembered how to return the greeting that he learned from the few Yank sitcoms he had seen on his aunt and uncle’s television. With a quick glance to Dumbledore for reassurance, Harry tapped his fist on top of the waiting Muggle’s fist.




“Alright alright.” K said, impatiently pulling the nearest chair to him which just so happened to be the one Hermione was sitting in. She gingerly scrambled out of it as K flipped it around, straddling it. He leaned in close to Harry and began his signature rapid fire monotone.




“Okay kiddo, here’s the scoop. Aliens exist. We a special branch of the American Government that patrols and monitors their activity on planet Earth. Because of this, we have access to technologies that are light years beyond any weapon humans have invented. Dumbledore contacted us to help get rid of Voldemort. For the last week, we have been working with the Phoenix Order training them in weapons use and problem alien elimination tactics. Now I know Voldy isn’t an alien, but if you’ve seen what we’ve seen, junior, you’d understand the differences are slim at best. Any questions?”




Harry looked exactly as he did when he found out he was a wizard, if on that day Hagrid had appeared in front of him dressed as the Easter Bunny to deliver the news. For once, Hermione had nothing to contribute. Ron only had one thing to say.




“Blimey!”




“I assure you Harry, you will be in no danger. Your godfather is personally assigned to keep you safe and the rest of the Order will be there as well.” The Old Man said, motioning around the room at all the members.




Harry glanced over at Sirius who gave him a confident wink and half smile.




“Can’t shoot worth a damn.” K said so that only Harry could hear.




Harry looked about the room, trying to come to grips with several perception shattering truths that had just been tossed at him at once. The three Muggle men patiently waited.




“What…what do you want me to do?”




“All you have to do is make an appearance. Let Voldemort see you.” The Old Man said.




“You know, mess with his mind.” J added. “From what we understand, Snakey is a little bit squirrely. Kind of like the fools from the Reticulum Dwarf system. Yo, check this out. One time they got lost during their bi-millennial spawning migration and landed up in New Jersey. It took us weeks to sort that bullshit out coz we couldn’t tell ‘em apart from the average New Jerseyan. Know what I’m sayin’? I mean, know…what…I’m…sayin’? It wasn’t until they found some cows and a cork screw that…”




“Kid.” K interrupted as Harry turned several shades paler.




J looked indignantly at his partner.




“Oh I get it. Y’all can flap your gums as much as you want but the second the black dude wants to contribute it’s all ‘Naw J, don’t tell ‘em about the cows! J, don’t play DMX in the car! J, bring a mop. The ambassador from Reinmuth 80 just sneezed.’ It’s some bullshit, is what it is!”




The awkwardness of moment was interrupted when Snape entered the room, carrying a festive, brightly wrapped package and dressed in black sequined robes, that glittered like diamonds in the night sky. It was the special Scary Mary ensemble that Voldemort insisted his Death Eaters wear for revels. He walked stiffly and was highly offended that he had to appear in front of Potter as such. Harry, Hermione, and Ron’s eyes bugged at seeing their potions professor dressed so flamboyantly.



“Not a word, Potter!” Snape spat when Harry’s mouth opened to comment.



“Severus, is all in readiness?” asked Dumbledore.




“Yes. I have the charmed gloves in here. He won’t notice anything until he tries to use his wand. Give me one hour. By that time, he will be ready to have…” Snape frowned, embarrassed at what he would say next. “cupcakes. At that point, he won’t notice if I slip away. I will meet you outside the revel. That is unless Nagini is on alert. If she is, wait there until I come for you.”



With one final sneer at Harry, Snape disapparated.




“Hold up. Who’s Nagini?” J asked.



“The Dark Lord’s pet and familiar. Monstrous thing too.” Mad Eye answered. “She’s got to be, hmm, twenty feet long by now with the way he feeds her. Wouldn’t you say?” he looked about the room for confirmation.




“A twenty foot what?” J pressed, going on alert.



“Snake.” several Order members answered simultaneously.




J’s face twitched and contorted through an interesting progression of emotion.



…?...



…!...




…?!...




“Oh HELL NO! Snakes?! Y’all didn’t say anything about snakes!”




“No, but we thought it wouldn’t matter much to you. Given your occupation, that is.” Sirius said.



“It’ll be alright. Just like the worm guys back home. Just…20 feet long and minus the arms and legs.” K offered. Zed, who was standing in a corner of the room, simply sighed.



“Naw K, naw! The worm guys are only this big and hang around drinkin’ coffee and smokin’ all day! They don’t slither, they don’t squeeze, and they sure as hell ain’t no TWENTY FEET LONG!”




“You handled Jeffrey alright.” Zed remarked. “Top notch work, as a matter of fact.”




“Zed, Jeffrey was an alien with a big ass and a flower on top of his head. Not the same thing.”




“Don’t tell me you’re scared.” Sirius couldn’t help but sneer at the cocky Muggle.




“Look Cuz, I ain’t scared of anything.” J bristled. “I just don’t like things that…squeeze.” he shivered remembering how on his first day, a pregnant alien in labor grabbed him with large tentacle and bounced him off the roof of her and her husband’s car. Soon after, her squid baby sicked up on him.



“So? We’ll just take care of her too.” K shrugged nonchalantly.




“Yeah. I’ll make a pair of boots outta her ass.” J grumbled.




For the remaining hour, the plan was hashed and re-hashed to ensure that everyone knew what to do and when. The Golden Trio was fascinated as Zed ran everyone through a weapons check and Mad Eye ended up slapping Ron Weasley’s hand as the redhead went to push a blinking button of one of the guns.




The atmosphere was tense, yet hopeful. Tonight could really be it. Merlin, what a thought! No more Voldemort! Of course, no one would ever be able to look at sequins in the same way again or listen to a catchy Muggle show tune without remembering, but such was life.



“It’s time.” Remus said as a clocked chimed the hour.




Everyone stood and tucked their guns away and prepared to disapparate. Sirius went to Harry and put a protective hand on his shoulder. K and J picked out an Order member each and linked arms.




“We’ll see you soon!” Dumbledore said as he, Hermione, and Ron watched the group disapparate.



The team apparated to a crumbling stone building out in the countryside and began peering about for Snape who was to meet them and lead them inside.




“I don’t see him. Blast that greasy git!” Sirius growled.




“I’m right here, Black.” Snape drawled, stepping out from behind a stone wall. “Unlike you, I can keep a level head and my attention to the task at hand.” he sneered, making reference to how Sirius lost his cool in the sewers of London when an enraged alien charged them.



Sirius glared at Snape’s back as he retrieved his Series Four De-Atomizer from behind a bush.



“They haven’t finished having cupcakes and punch yet so the Muggles are still caged in another room.” Snape holstered the gun under his robes.




“And the snake?” J asked with another brief shiver.




“Currently napping under the throne.”




K and J slipped on their Ray-Bans


“Let's do this thing.”




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Gads, sorry about the long time between updates! Migraines had me blocked and work deadlines kept me annoyed and unpleasant.

Next up will be the battle. I need room to do that!

Tambrathegreat: Nope, Mad Eye wasn’t an alien, although he’d make a good one I suspect. Frank the Pug stayed behind to do some undercover work. I’ve always felt Remus would have an ornery streak so I thought I’d let him have his fun! ;)

Starstruck: I hear you! You just know that Remus would have a zexy wolfish smile!

Alabaster Princess: Next chappie is the battle. I thought about doing this scene and the battle as one long chapter, but it really needs its own. Stay tuned to see how Voldy reacts.

Alleyneko: Hi there! Glad you enjoyed it.