Love Affair

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. And I’m not making any money from this.
Pairing: (We’re almost there) Remus/Sirius
Author: Catium
Rating: NC-17 (I suck at ratings)
Word Count: 3366
Genre: Romance, drama.
Status: In progress
Warnings: Fluffy feelings, language, drama, slash, smut!!!
Summary: The story of Remus and Sirius’s friendship and love affair.
Note: This story is kind of a prequel to There Is a Thin Line between Hate and Love. In chapter 13 of There Is a Thin Line... Harry comes to Remus for an advice because he thinks he has feelings for Draco. Remus tells Harry that he and Sirius were a couple and after Harry runs out to talk to Draco, Remus starts to think about how he and Sirius became friend and later lovers. This story traces Remus and Sirius story of friendship and later love affair.

Thanks to everyone that have read.

Chapter 8. – Suspicions Confirmed

“Okay that’s it!” James beat his hand in the table in the Hogwart’s library.

“SHUSH!!!” Madam Pince shushed James down.

Sirius, who had for once actually been studying, looked up mildly surprised by James’s irritation, but still knowing that he’d had it coming for a while.

“You need to start talking to Remus again.” James hissed in a low voice, not wanting to be thrown out of the library by Madam Pince.

“I’ve tried James.” Sirius whispered back. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me these days. I’ve tried to.”

“Is there a wonder. What you did to him...telling Snape.” Peter said joining the conversation.

“I didn’t tell Snape. I told him where he should go if he wanted to see where Remus disappeared to every month.” Sirius whispered.

“That’s as good as telling him.” Peter said.

“You should apologize to Remus.” James added. “He’s really hurt be your betrayal.”

“Well he...” Sirius started to say but stopped himself, remembering that his friends knew nothing of the reason why he’d betrayed Remus so spectacularly.

“hurt me too.” Sirius finished the sentence in his head but not out loud.

“He... what?” James said waiting for an answer.

“Nothing. I was thinking out loud.”

“Apologize to him Sirius!” James said in a demanding tone and then went back to his studies.

Sirius sighed and looked at the table across the library, where Remus was sitting alone studying. They hadn’t spoken, or spent time together since Sirius had betrayed Remus so badly nearly two weeks ago. That was the longest time they’d spent apart during school. And it was killing Sirius not having his best friend around.
To Sirius’s surprise James and Peter had kept talking to him and spending time in his company, but James had told him it was just because Remus had insisted on being alone. Claiming that he needed alone time to learn to control himself better.

“Clearly he doesn’t want to risk kissing someone he doesn’t want to kiss, just because the wolf’s desperate.” Sirius thought bitterly. “Oh Merlin damn it. James is right. I’ll apologize.” Sirius thought in defeat.

He stood up and walked to where Remus was sitting. Remus looked up when he heard the footsteps and his face darkened. He was going to stand up but Sirius stopped him.

“Please Remus wait. I really need to talk to you. Can we...please...go somewhere we can talk without risking having a cranky librarian biting our heads off?”

Remus’s looked changed a bit at Sirius’s shameless begging and desperate face. His features softened and he knotted his head.

“Thank you.” Sirius mouthed and followed when Remus walked out of the library.

They went down the hallway and found an abandoned classroom.

Remus beckoned Sirius inside. Once they were inside Remus put up locking and silencing spell. Sirius’s mouth fell open in shock.

“Oh god he’s going to curse me.” He thought and started reaching for his wand.

“Don’t worry Sirius. I’m not going to hex you. Leave your wand.” Remus said and his voice sounded hoarse.

“No wonder he hasn’t spoken to anyone in days.” Sirius thought.

“That’s good. Got me kind of scared there for a moment.” He told Remus.

“What do you want Sirius?” Remus asked wanting to get straight to business.

“I...I wanted to. Okay first please don’t say anything until I finish. I’ve been getting this speech together nearly two weeks and I need to get it out.” Sirius started to say. Remus knotted his head, agreeing to keep silent.

Sirius drew a deep breath “Either he’ll hate me and never speak to me again for what I’m about to tell him or he’ll hate me and kill me instantly. I’m hoping for the first.” Sirius thought then he exhaled slowly.

“I’m so, so very sorry for what I did Remus. I shouldn’t have told Snape the things I did and giving him every means necessary for him to find out about you. I know you feel betrayed and...hurt and I totally get that. What I did to you was low... even for me. I just... oh Merlin...I wanted to hurt you the way you had hurt me. You’re going to ask me how you hurt me and I’ll tell you.” Sirius paused still not sure if he wanted to lose his best friend forever. But knew he’d explode if he didn’t get his feelings out soon. “That day in the hallway. When you...when you kissed me. You gave me hope Remus. Hope that you might have feelings for me... the way I’ve feelings for you. The way I’ve had feelings for you since we were fourteen. Then the next day when I finally managed to speak to you...you broke my hope completely. You told me you would have kissed anyone like that. That it had just been the wolf wanting some action. I had hoped against hope that it had just been because you liked me. And when I found out it wasn’t I was hurt. So hurt. So I hurt you back. I know you hate me now and you don’t want to be my friend after this but I just had to tell you how I feel. I’ve been hiding it for so long, out of fear of losing you completely, and I just couldn’t anymore. So...” Sirius closed his eyes not wanting to look at his friend when he rejected him. “...just hit me.” He ended his speech expecting to get a punch every second now. But what he got sure wasn’t a punch.
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Remus stared when Sirius started his speech, after he’d followed him into the abandoned classroom.

Remus had spent the last two weeks trying to learn to control himself better. He’d tried to forget how much Sirius had hurt him that day, betraying him like this, and sank into his studies. He had isolated himself from his friends. Both because he needed alone time to learn the necessary self control so the wolf wouldn’t break out next month like he had the month before, and also because he couldn’t be around Sirius right now. He’d finally found the answers he’d been looking for about self control in some muggle Yoga books, that for some reason were in the library. And he’d started studying them conscientiously and feeling the results in better self control day by day.

Now he needed every inch of that self control not to jump at Sirius when he ended his speech.

“He has feeling for me. Feelings feelings. Feelings for me the same way I’ve feelings for him. Only he doesn’t know that. I need to tell him.”

Remus looked at Sirius face, who still had his eyes closed looking like he was waiting for a punch and said in a low voice.

“I wouldn’t have kissed just anyone Sirius.”

Sirius opened his eyes and stared at him in awe, not saying anything so Remus continued.

“Only you. And it wasn’t the wolf. Well, he helped, if he hadn’t been so demanding I wouldn’t have kissed you. But I wanted to kiss you Sirius. Not just the wolf. I wanted to. And thanks to the wolf I did. And...” Remus hesitated but decided that since he was that far he might as well go all the way. “...I’ve feelings for you too.”
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“He has feelings for me. He wanted to kiss me. I did so not expect this.” Sirius thought upon hearing Remus’s last words.

“Why’ve you never...” He started to ask but Remus interrupted him.

“...never told you?” Remus asked, then answering the question himself. “The same reason, I guess, you never told me. I didn’t want to lose you Sirius. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be my friend if I told you I’d feelings for you, so I just didn’t. I would rather have you as just my friend and wanting you to be more in secrecy than loosing you completely.”

“Good guess.” Was all Sirius could muster since Remus had explained the reason for why he hadn’t told him in better ways than Sirius ever could had.

“Now it’s my turn.” Remus said. “If you had feeling for me since we were fourteen then why did you...you know? With all those girls?” Remus said referring to Sirius’s active sex life with members of the opposite sex.

“I couldn’t tell you my feelings. Was so sure I would lose you like you just explained. So I tried to be with girls to bury these feelings. It didn’t work though. I’ve got a really good imagination and I would imagine you every time...” Sirius blushed a little at his confession and Remus blushed too knowing in what cases Sirius had imagined him “...I was having sex with them. And that was all it ever was, just a fuck. I wanted so much more with you. But couldn’t... and sex was the best way to try and erase those feelings.”

“But why didn’t you have...sex with guys?” Remus asked after a little hesitation.

“Too risky. What if they would decide to tell someone? I would have been the next target in the, oh-so-nice pureblood sport of “bashing everyone that aren’t like us”. Remember what happened to Joshua Galeb and Valens Victor in our fourth year? Victor was a pureblood but not a traditional one and Galeb was muggle born. They came out as a couple together. A few days later Victor was found bashed and Galeb...Galeb was killed. They only bashed Victor because his family is in high respects. I see him once in a while. He was really beautiful, now his face is like a painting after Picasso. His family took him out of school and “cured” him of his homosexuality. Now he’s married to a nice but not so pretty pureblood girl and they have a little boy. But he’s not happy. That’s why I didn’t have sex with guys and also why I’ve never came out. Although I’ve known I was gay since...forever.” Sirius said. He’d remembered Victor and Galeb’s story and decided to tell Remus it so he would fully understand what might happen if they became a couple and decided to come out.

“What about you Remus. When did you know you had feelings for me and when did you know you were gay.”

“You have to remember that the lycanthrope made me precocious. So to your first question. At the end of our first year, is when I knew I’d feelings for you. Around the same time you all found out about me. That’s why I didn’t want you to make your Animagus a dog. And about being gay, around the same time. But I lived in denial with those feelings for three years. During our first year I thought I was too young. So I didn’t admit to them until our fourth year, when I caught myself constantly staring at your arse and wanting to kiss you.”

Sirius chuckled at Remus’s confession.

“If you would have done something about wanting to kiss me right away, you would have saved us both a lot of trouble.” Sirius became serious. “But I need to know now if you’ll forgive me my betrayal?”

Remus didn’t say anything he just knotted his head.

“So you forgive me?”

“Yes.” Remus said his voice husk. Looking Sirius in the eyes. Sirius swallowed down the lump in his throat that he got from Remus’s intense stare .

“What do we do now?” He asked Remus knowing he didn’t need to explain this any further.

Remus didn’t say anything as he kept looking Sirius deep in the eyes, and started to walk towards him slowly closing the distance between them.
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Remus was in seventh heaven and he felt that his newly learn self control was starting to slip away during his and Sirius’s conversation. When Sirius seemed to be out of questions and him too and Sirius final question came from his mouth.

“What do we do now?” Then Remus simply kept looking him in the eyes and decided he would let his self control slip a bit further. He walked towards Sirius.

He watched as Sirius started to walk towards him too.
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When they met in the middle, closing the distance between them, they embraced each other and their lips met in a kiss. Perhaps not the most innocent kiss there was but it would have been suitable for church compared to their frantic kiss over two weeks ago. But that didn’t last long.

Soon their kiss became more heated and Remus lost the little control he’d been holding on to.

He pushed Sirius up against the nearest wall, pushing himself flush against him. Sirius answered eagerly. Then Remus started to tug at his shirt, and put his hand inside Sirius’s shirt feeling Sirius’s bare skin against his palms. Sirius moaned at the feeling and dug his hands in Remus’s light brown hair. But when Remus started to tug at Sirius belt buckle, trying to loosen his pants, Sirius panicked a bit. He tried to brake their embrace and push Remus away but Remus was too strong.

“Remus... Remus!” He managed to yell and Remus startled broke their contact.

“Oh Merlin Sirius. I’m so sorry. I...I lost control. I promised I wouldn’t lose control with you again.” Remus started to apologize devastated.

“Hey...hey.” Sirius said in a soothing tone and took Remus face between his hands. “It’s fine. No harm done. I didn’t have anything against this. It was so great I’m at loss for words. It’s just that I’m not ready to go this far...” Sirius showed Remus the almost loose belt on his pants. “...with you yet. Firstly I think we should get to know each other as a couple better first and secondly...” Sirius pointed at the abandoned, empty classroom they were in. “...I don’t fancy my first time with another man against a stone wall or on a stone floor. I’ve heard the first time can be a bit...painful. So I think bed is in order for the first time. And thirdly I think you need to get some more self control first. I imagine that you’ve never done it with a girl...or anyone because you’re afraid you would get too rough right?”

“Right.” Remus told him.

“And although I’ve always fancied getting it rough. Which is something, by the way, that’s near impossible to get girls to do...go rough...or at least as rough as I would like it. Again I don’t think it’s something that we should do the first time around. But later after I’ve gotten used to anal sex I wouldn’t mind sex against a stone wall or any kind of rough sex you can think of.” Sirius ended his explanations with a teasing glint in his eyes.

Remus couldn’t stop a growl that escaped at Sirius’s last words. Then he said in much huskier voice than before.

“You’re right Sirius. You usually are. But you’ve no idea how hard it is for me not to finish what we’ve started right here. And when you panicked when I started to loosen your belt buckle you only made it worse.” Remus leaned in and buried his face in the crook of Sirius neck, smelling him intensely. “Do you have any idea how good you smell when you get afraid? Even better than you do usually. The first time you transformed with me and you were afraid Moony would bite you, you smelled so good.”

“You remember that?” Sirius asked him taken aback. “I thought you didn’t remember much from your transformations.”

“I remember a lot more than I tell you or care to tell you. It’s just a part that I’m not willing to share, I’m afraid I’ll scare you, and the only way to get your guys of my back off is telling you I don’t remember.”

“Oh.” Sirius said. “Will you tell me from now one since we...we are right?” Sirius asked Remus not sure.

“A couple?” Remus asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh hell yes we are. I’m not letting you go now that I know you have feelings for me too. And I won’t for as long as you will have me.”

Sirius heart jumped in glee at Remus’s word.

“I will have you forever if you want me to.” He whispered.

“I want you to.” Remus whispered back. Then he added a bit more playfully. “And if you fancy rough sex that’s what you’ll get once I’ve gotten you used to anal sex. Do you have any idea how hot I got when you said that.”

“I’m glad you want me. And I can imagine it’s similar to the hotness I’m feeling and quite frankly I can’t wait for you to...break me in.”

“But not yet?” Remus asked him to clarify.

“Not yet. Let’s wait a little. It’s the right thing to do.”

Remus broke their contact again. And started to walk towards the door.

“I’m totally gonna ruin the moment now. But it’s lunchtime and I’m starving. And also I won’t be able to control myself much longer if we stay here alone.”

“Understandable.” Sirius told him. “I’m starving to. But we need to talk about one more thing.”

“What?” Remus asked him.

“We are a couple now. But what do we do? Keep it secret our come out? Just tell James and Peter?”

“I...” Remus started to say then thought of Sirius earlier story. “Coming out officially didn’t end good for Victor and Galeb. And the Wizarding world doesn’t approve of homosexuality.”

“No official outing then. I told you this story, quite frankly, so you would understand what might happen but it’s going to be hard keeping my hands off you in public.” Sirius admitted. “How about...” Sirius started to say but Remus caught in once again.

“James and Peter?” Remus sighed their names. “I...I don’t think they’ll understand or accept. Most people are homophobic. I think it would be reckless of us not to assume they are too. Maybe we can try to fish for their opinion and tell them in the future.”

“So we keep it a complete secret then?” Sirius asked to be sure.

“Yes.” Remus said, sad for not being able to tell everyone that this gorgeous man that he was standing in the room with was now his...and his alone.

“I wish we could scream it from the rooftops.” Sirius said him.

“Me too.” Remus agreed But for now...”

Sirius finished the sentence for him.

“It’s nobody’s business but ours.”
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The rest of their seventh year, Sirius and Remus spent together in secrecy and graduated, with excellent grades, from Hogwart’s in the spring.

They got themselves a little house outside of London to live in, buying it together, but it was the only house they could afford together. Sirius wanted to buy a penthouse in central London but Remus couldn’t afford it. The only money he owed was his little life savings. Sirius whom had inherited his uncle was well set and despite really wanting this penthouse gave in so Remus wouldn’t feel bad about not affording the penthouse.
They told their friends they were renting the house and even had separated bedrooms to complete the delusion. Despite the fact that they never spent night apart from each other.

After the summer Sirius started his Auror training along with James.

Remus finally got a job at Flourish & Blotts, because despite having good education, his school reports talked about a frequent illness. That made people who interviewed him suspect he might be a werewolf so no one was willing to hire him. But Flourish, one of the two owners, didn’t care about that. He saw a good employee in Remus so he hired him. Also he had a brother with lycanthropes so “I know the prejudice shown against werewolves and I don’t want to be one of those people”, he told Remus after he’d given him the job.

So Sirius and Remus started their adulthood life together. Getting the feeling right away it might not be as boring they had suspected. But they still didn’t suspect how much un-boring their adulthood life would become soon.

TBC

The boys are together at last. I think that deserves a review. Do you? If you do think so then prettiest please review.