Reading Too Much Drarry

Part II:

Author's Note: My eternal gratitude to my wonderful, supportive friend and beta MystressXOXO.

Author's second Note: Have you ever had a conversation like this?


“Harry, are you in the bath?” Draco said as he walked into their en suite bath without even knocking on the closed door.

Harry tried his best to hide his burgeoning erection and the book at the same time, but the water, with all of its oils, was too slick and slippery, so he failed miserably at both. When Draco stopped, standing fully inside the room, he was able to see the bathwater sloshing onto the mosaic tile covered floor and Harry desperately trying to hide a book and his genitals, attempting to maintain some sense of dignity. Sadly, he was failing at achieving any of these things.

Although Draco didn’t recognize the book or the cover and couldn’t read its title, he strongly suspected he knew what it was or at least what the subject matter was. After watching Harry's vain attempts to act as though nothing was out of the ordinary, he crossed his arms and said, “I’ll see you out in the living room when you’ve finished drying off.”

Once Harry had settled into a clean pair of undergarments, he headed off to find Draco. He found him sitting in the living room, having a rather large tumbler of firewhisky. His eyes were focused with determination as he turned to glare at Harry.

Uh, oh, Harry thought to himself, It looks like I’m in for a lecture.

“I just don't understand, Harry. It’s children’s literature! Don’t you think that it’s odd that you get your rocks off by reading distorted, highly sexual stories based on original tales that parents read to their children? Doesn't that seem a little strange, even to you?

“What if I were to use another example instead of The Tales of Beedle the Bard? Would you be able to understand the absurdity of this situation?” Draco emphatically stated, his hands flailing about trying to express his meaning.

“What do you mean?” Harry coolly said. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with 'how he got his rocks off’, and if Draco couldn’t understand it, then it would just have to be something that remained his dirty little secret.

Draco closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep cleansing breath. He was hoping he would be able to finally convince Harry of the absurdity of this situation. As he reached into his limited knowledge of Muggle children’s literature, he began again.

“Harry, do you remember the children’s song, "Puff the Magic Dragon"?”

After Harry nodded his head, Draco continued.

“Now, suppose you had stumbled upon a story in your erotic adventures that had Puff and Jackie Paper fucking each other. What would you think about that?”

Harry knew what Draco was trying to suggest. He knew that Draco wanted to make a point that these stories were morally wrong, and that maybe he, Harry, should find more normal means of sexual stimulation. He knew that’s what Draco wanted. Unfortunately, with that mental picture, Harry’s mind digressed, and he couldn’t decide whether Puff was buggering Jackie or the other way around.

“Harry!” Draco shouted as he simultaneously clapped his hands. He knew Harry was distracted and somehow wished he could have come up with an image Harry would have found repulsive. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind. Harry, for all intents and purposes, was a self-admitted pervert.

“How can I help you, Harry, if you aren’t even willing to help yourself?” Draco was quickly coming to his wits' end. He had had this discussion with Harry before and nothing seemed to help.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Draco. I know they’re children's stories. I know they’re meant for young people to enjoy reading, to learn from, to learn how to respect each other, and things like that. But some part of me can’t help but wonder what happens when the stories end.

“I mean, when we were in school, we hated each other. We fought all the time. What if our story ended there?

“Suppose we had some Muggle author who wrote about all the bullshit I went through in my teenage years. Let’s suppose they even showcased our animosity towards each other. Do you think they would have been able to show how in sixth year, when I was stalking you, you let me finally catch you and then fuck you silly? Do you think they would have shown how you popped my anal cherry one drunken night after one of the Quidditch parties? Probably not.

“At best, this author would have painted me straight, had me married off, siring out little wizards and witches with a Weasley, and probably said author would have allowed us to become friends.

“Is that how you’d like our life together to be written?

“Don’t you want to hear about our steamy scenes? The ones they could never, ever put into a book for children? I know I sure do.

“Seriously, I don’t know about you, but it makes me hard just thinking about how we used to fuck each other for long hours into the night when we were at Hogwarts.”

Draco sighed. He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to have Harry understand the absurdity of this situation, and all of his talking and trying to have the other man see reason was all in vain. After a mental shrug, he threw his arms up in the air in defeat. If you can’t beat them, and you can’t join them, then maybe you can learn to work around them.

“Well, is there at least a support group for husbands whose spouses are addicted to pornographic children’s literature?”

Harry smiled and said, “See, I knew you’d understand.”