Darkness Within

a/n: chapter title taken from the Elbow song of the same name. Things take a darker turn in the next couple of chapters. You have been warned.



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Severus had managed to clean Hermione’s kitchen to a suitably hygienic level to cook in and prepared a light meal of pasta with vegetables. He needed to eat before they proceeded with the legilimency and he knew that Hermione still needed to build up her strength. He had encouraged her to take a sobering potion of his own formula, along with another anti-emetic. He had another a calming draught to give her, but he wanted to see her eat first. He spooned the pasta into two brightly coloured dishes from Hermione’s kitchen cabinet and pondered to himself the irony of their cheerfulness in such bleak situation. While he wanted to help her and bring her back to herself, he wasn’t sure he wanted to share her memories if they were so bad as to create this reality.



He carried the pasta into the lounge and handed a bowl to Hermione, who was curled up in the corner of the couch and covered with one of Severus’s own blankets. He noticed with a wry smile that she had put on his black jumper from the pile of clothes he had brought with him.



‘It suits you,’ he smiled gently as he sat next to her and eyed her as she started to eat.



‘It feels good, and it smells of you. It makes me feel safe,’ she looked at him shyly before turning her attention back to her food.



They ate in silence for a while and when Hermione had eaten as much as she could, he took their bowls back into the kitchen and returned with two glasses of water and the calming draught.



‘Are you ready? You know that you will see what I see, Hermione. And you have to let me see it. I think there may be some memories you don’t want to experience again, that you have tried to block out. If I come up against those, you need to try and relax and let me through. This should help,’ he handed her the calming draught. Hermione paused and looked at him for a moment.



‘How will this help, exactly?’ Hermione asked him thoughtfully, her brow furrowed.



‘I am assuming, although you haven’t told me anything, that something happened to you after the war that you have never shared with anyone. You have bottled it up, am I right?’ Severus looked serious, his face that of the Professor explaining to a pupil.



Hermione had tears in her eyes and she nodded, biting her lip.



‘And I am assuming again that whatever it was, it was serious enough to turn your life upside down. Something shifted,’ he was almost talking to himself as he thought his way through the process.



‘Yes,’ Hermione sighed softly, ‘shifted, changed. Will never be the same again,’



Severus looked up at her. Hermione was staring off into the distance and was obviously remembering something.



‘I think if you share it, you may feel less inclined to cover everything up with alcohol, or cut yourself to disguise your feelings. We don’t have to do it this way, however. You could just tell me yourself, if you prefer,’ Severus looked at her carefully.



‘I can’t talk about it, I can’t say the words…’ Hermione whispered sadly.



‘That’s what I thought. So,’ Severus took a breath, ‘shall we?’



Hermione swallowed the calming draught and straighten her position in the corner of the couch as Severus positioned himself opposite her.



‘We need to maintain eye contact during the process, Hermione, and I will hold your hand for reassurance after we have finished. You will feel weak, as will I. I may not be able to speak to you immediately afterwards so please, be patient.’ Severus took her hand lightly in his and rested them on his knee. ‘Ready?’



Hermione took a breath and nodded, raising her eyes to Severus.



Severus murmured ‘Legilimens’ softly and was inside her head before Hermione had time to breathe in again.





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Hermione was in a bright and airy sitting room. She was talking to Ginny Weasley. She looked healthy and happy and they were chatting excitedly.



‘When are you leaving?’ Ginny was asking her.



‘Tomorrow. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed them, Gin, really,’ Hermione was clutching a photograph in her hand and she gazed down at it with a warm smile.



‘You will be careful, though, Hermione. I wish you’d let Harry go with you, for protection,’ Ginny face creased with a slight frown.



Hermione laughed, a tinkling laugh that rang around the room.



‘Do you honestly think I would take Harry away from you now? You’ve only just got engaged, Ginny. Anyway, Australia is miles away, what could possibly happen?’



‘Well, just be careful, Hermione. They’re still out there, the renegades. You just never know,’ Ginny shook her head sadly.



Hermione put her hand over Ginny’s and smiled at her friend softly.



‘I love you. You’ve been like a sister to me. I’ll owl you when I come home, I promise. I should only be gone a few days,’ Hermione stood and walked towards an open fireplace.



The two young women hugged and Hermione grinned as she waved at Ginny from the Floo.





The memory shifted and swirled slightly and as the mist cleared, Severus was with Hermione as she walked up a paved path, towards a white rendered house with a red door, the gold coloured knocker gleaming in the bright sunlight, shadows being thrown across the footpath from the palm trees either side of the entrance. Hermione knocked firmly, a smile on her face as she waited with obvious anticipation.



A woman with short curly hair opened the door. Her eyes were the same colour as Hermione’s and she smiled a little uneasily at her.



‘Can I help you?’ she asked her, her voice a little tremulous.



‘Mrs Smith?’ Hermione smiled at her warmly.



‘Yes?’ the woman answered her, but her eyes were not focussing on Hermione’s face and seemed a little blank.



Hermione obviously hadn’t noticed and continued to talk to her.



‘My name is Hermione. I need to speak with you and your husband. Can I come in?’ she asked her brightly.



The woman stepped unsteadily to the side and Hermione frowned slightly as she looked at her, withdrawing her wand as she stepped over the threshold. She had noticed that something wasn’t quite right and she observed the woman closely as she closed the door. Hermione was too slow and her wand flew from her hand suddenly. She started to turn slowly but was grabbed from behind by a tall, male presence, his leather gloved hand over her mouth and his other arm across her chest tightly.



Hermione started to struggle, kicking backwards and pushing her arms upwards, attempting to loosen his grip and hit her assailant in the face. It was futile. She stared at her mother, the realisation growing inside her that not only did she not know whom Hermione was, she was imperioused and not in control of her actions. Panic started to build and she did the only thing she could do. She stopped struggling.



The man laughed behind her as she gave up her fight and he started to drag her into the sitting room of the house. The blinds were down and the room was in semi-darkness. From the corner of her eye, Hermione saw her Father, bound and gagged and tied to a chair in the centre of the room. Behind him stood a Death Eater, complete with mask and robes, a wand in his hand pointed directly at her father’s head. Hermione felt herself choking and started to splutter against the gloved hand over her mouth. The hand was released and Hermione screamed.



‘Daddy!’ she cried out, ‘Daddy!’



Hermione’s eyes sought his and although he looked at her, he didn’t see his little girl, just a young woman with dark curly hair. He shook his head and fought against the gag in his mouth, mumbling slightly. Hermione sobbed.



‘No, please…’ she cried, ‘ not my parents, let them go, I beg you, take me, let them go…please,’



The man holding onto Hermione pointed his wand at her mother and murmured something under his breath. Hermione watched in horror as her mother sat obediently on a chair beside her father and allowed herself to be bound and gagged by the Death Eater. Hermione was suddenly thrown to the floor, hitting her head against the side of a small coffee table in front of a large leather couch. Dazed, she shook herself and tried to stand, but was thwarted by a direct kick to her stomach.



‘Stay there, bitch,’ the man growled at her,’ I’ve only just started. I’ve been waiting for you, Mudblood. Now keep your eyes down and listen to the floorshow. Then you’ll get yours…’ he hissed.



The memory started to fade suddenly and Severus found himself back in Hermione’s sitting room, her hand gripping his tightly, sweat forming on her upper lip and her eyes tightly closed to shut out the images in her head.



He took a deep breath.



‘Hermione,’ he whispered and put his hand gently on her shoulder. Her eyes were still closed and she responded by slapping his hand away fiercely. Severus tried again and clasped her shoulder firmly, shaking her slightly.



‘Hermione, it’s me. Open your eyes, it’s okay,’ he whispered softly.



Hermione opened her eyes, panic etched in her gaze. She focussed on Severus and realised where she was, and then fainted into his arms.





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It\'s all falling into place now... it gets worse too, next chapter. please r and r if you have the inclinication, and many thanks to those who have reviewed already :)