Undesirable - COMPLETE
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
43,505
Reviews:
301
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
43,505
Reviews:
301
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Worthless
Chapter Number/Total: 8/31
Chapter Title: Worthless
Words: 3325 Words
Harry woke up only an hour or so after falling asleep. He turned and looked at Malfoy, his face in the moonlight again. It was much like the first night here. He slipped out of his own bed and walked over to Draco's bed, standing there and looking down at him. It didn't work out so well the first time, but maybe he'd do better now. First he started with his own shirt, pulling it off and dropping it on his bed. Then Harry pushed down his own pyjama bottoms. Naked, he moved onto Malfoy's bed, pulling down the other man's blanket before moving up his body. He straddled him, sitting down on Malfoy's hips.
Draco had been tired and was sleeping pretty soundly. His dream, like many of them lately, was erotic and he squirmed.
Harry shifted, beginning to move his hips in a circle, already feeling that insistent hardness in Malfoy's pyjamas.
Draco moaned, arching into the body on top of him. In his dream, he was fucking Potter – doing those things he couldn't ethically do as a Healer.
Harry rocked harder, taking Malfoy's moans as encouragement to go on. He reached beneath himself to pull Malfoy's pyjama bottoms down so that his cock was exposed. He sat back down again, biting his lip at the memory of the last time he did this. He had to do it, had to thank Malfoy in some way for doing so much for him. Malfoy said he didn't want it, but his body showed Harry something different.
Draco gasped at the feel of soft firm flesh against his shaft. He shuddered and then realised it was too real, too good. He opened his eyes and saw a very naked man sitting atop him. "Harry?" he asked, voice sounding strangled.
"You like it," Harry said, sounding out of breath, but wriggling his hips harder.
Draco's cock was pressed between the cheeks of the other man's arse as he rocked against him. It felt glorious and made him groan again. "Harry, this is wrong," he gasped.
Harry closed his eyes and focused on making Malfoy come, clenching his cheeks together a few times.
Draco reached up, really intending to pull the man off of him, but then he felt himself shaking, fingers clutching Harry's thighs as he came, coating the man's arsecheeks in his seed.
Harry shuddered and went still, feeling accomplished. "See, you liked it," he whispered.
Draco closed his eyes and moaned. He should excuse himself from this case. But that would mean taking Harry back to St Mungo’s, probably to spend the rest of his life locked away. "Potter," he said, forcing himself to look up at him. "I need you to get up, please."
Harry did get up then, moving to pull Malfoy's pyjamas up before heading back to his own bed to lie down.
Draco grabbed the man's wrist, stopping him. "Stop and stand right there," he said, picking up his wand and cast Lavare to clean both of them. Then he pulled his own pyjama bottoms the rest of the way up.
Harry looked down at his wrist then slowly up at Malfoy, staying still.
Draco released him. "Get your pyjamas back on and then we need to talk," he said.
At the direct order, Harry felt he had no choice but to obey, reaching to pull his clothes back on.
Draco used his wand to light the candles in the room and then gestured to a place beside him on the bed. "Sit down, Potter," he said, sighing.
Harry sat down next to Malfoy, knowing that he had done something wrong just from the sound of Malfoy’s voice. He began to tremble with fear.
Draco turned to face him. "So, I need to understand this," he said. "Can you tell me why you did that?"
"Because ... I wanted to thank you for helping me," Harry replied softly, looking down at his lap.
"You didn't come ...” Draco said, shivering again. "It didn't bring you any pleasure, did it?"
"Sometimes it does," Harry admitted quietly. If that was what Malfoy wanted to hear, he would tell him he liked it.
"You don't need to do that to thank me, Potter," Draco said. "It's my job to take care of you. I am not supposed to have sex with a patient." It was difficult not to feel shame at how much he had wanted to touch Potter, how much he had actually enjoyed it. Draco forced himself to focus on Potter instead.
“But I want to,” Harry mumbled, trying to convince himself of that as well. “And no one else has to know.”
"I would know," Draco said. "Potter, look at me."
Harry looked up at him, unable to meet his eyes and swallowing a few times. “Sorry,” he whispered.
"I am not angry with you," Draco soothed, heart clenching at the look of misery on the other man's face. "I want you to tell me why you think that having sex with me is the way to thank me."
“Because it’s all I’m good for,” Harry whispered, looking away again.
"You think that the only thing you have to offer is sex," Draco said. "Who told you that?" Draco knew the answer to that but he had to get Potter to say it, to confront it.
“They all did,” Harry said softly, wrapping his arms around himself and beginning to rock. He did not want to talk about anything anymore.
"Death Eaters believed that all Muggle-borns should die, were they right?" Draco asked him.
Harry shook his head no, wanting this to stop. He couldn't think about it. It was going to make him remember, make the nightmares come for him.
"Harry," Draco said softly, reaching to lay his palm against Potter's cheek, forcing him to focus through touch. "They were wrong. They were wrong, I was wrong, about Muggles and Muggle-borns. And they were wrong to say and do the things they did to you."
Harry made a small noise and closed his eyes, shaking his head and pulling away from the blond. He wanted to believe, he did ... but he was a whore. A stupid worthless whore.
"Sex can be ... great, Potter," Draco said. "But I don't think you actually know that. I think you are doing it because you think you have to."
Harry bit his lip softly, thinking about Malfoy’s words. Sex for Harry was associated with pain and sometimes a little pleasure during the pain. But he didn’t know if he’d ever call it good, let alone 'great'.
"Did you ever have sex before you were ... captured?" Draco asked, letting go of Potter's face, but watching him.
Harry shook his head no, moving his legs up onto the bed so he could pull them closer to his chest, biting his lip as he rocked now.
"So you never even played around before ... they did things to you?" the blond asked, hating to press the topic but wanting to get Harry talking.
Harry shook his head again, shaking now. “No,” he whispered.
Draco had a moment where he felt guilty about that, as if he himself could have done something to have prevented it. He tried to remind himself that he had been only a teenager at the time. That he could not have helped even if he hadn't been in hiding. That the Dark Lord would have made him pay for his failure, probably in the same way he had hurt Harry. He had to swallow hard on the bile that rose at the very idea of it. "You didn't deserve any of the bad things that happened to you," he said.
Harry rested his forehead on his knees, his hair forming a curtain around his face. He had heard those words before. But there was always one part that he couldn’t help but bring up. “But it happened,” Harry mumbled, shuddering. “It happened, it happened ....”
Draco shook his head sadly, laying a hand gently on the man's shoulder. "Yes, it happened, and you survived. You did more than survive," he whispered. "But now you have to figure out what you want from that."
Harry couldn’t figure out what he wanted from what happened to him. The only thing that sounded possible was him wanting to forget it all ever happened.
"You deserve a life, a life with some happiness in it," Draco told him. And Draco was surprised to realise how strongly he believed that, how important it was to him that Potter get that happiness.
Harry couldn't have happiness. He didn't deserve it. He was a disgusting whore. He continued rocking and shaking his head.
"Harry, if you could have whatever you wanted, what would it be?" Draco asked softly.
Harry got up and went over to his own bed, climbing into it and curling on up on his side. He looked at Malfoy after a few minutes, whispering a few words underneath his breath. If he leaned in close enough, Malfoy could hear something that sounded like "love".
Draco watched Harry retreat, not knowing if it was right to follow him or remain on his own bed. He did follow him, though, getting up and tucking the blankets around the other man. He didn't know if he had heard him right, but he smoothed back Harry's hair.
Harry closed his eyes and quieted down, but couldn't fall asleep. His mind was too worked up, images and thoughts floating through it and making him snap open his eyes once again.
Draco had gone back to bed and lay down, staring up at the ceiling. He felt out of his depth. What he was feeling had nothing to do with what he was trained to do. He wanted to wrap his arms around Harry, hold him and never let go.
Harry continued to stare blankly at the world around him, his eyes feeling heavy, but he wasn't granted any sleep. When his eyes closed, Harry could see the images of the people who made his life hell for him while he was captured. With them open, he thought about them to the point where he thought he was back in the dungeon. "I want to sleep," Harry begged softly, speaking to anyone who would listen. "No," a voice would reply and Harry had no choice but to go on, forcing his eyes to stay open.
"Harry?" Draco asked from his place in the other bed.
Harry didn't reply, his eyes watering and tears spilling down his cheeks.. He gripped at his sheet and made a frustrated sound.
Draco rolled out of bed again with a sigh and knelt by Potter. He reached out and took the other man's hand in his.
It was as if Harry were blind to the world he was in, only seeing the dark stone wall of his prison. His hand was limp in Malfoy's as he fought the sleep, blinking away the tears in his eyes.
Draco squeezed Potter's hand. "Harry, I'm here, beside you," he said quietly but firmly. "Can you hear me?"
Harry could only hear muffled voices, his hand merely twitching in Malfoy's. "I'll be good," he whimpered, biting his lip hard enough to pierce the skin.
Draco's training was to use a spell and stop a patient from injuring himself. Those spells has been used a lot on Harry and his episodes just kept happening. Draco kept a hold of Harry's hand as he stood up and then sat on the edge of the bed. He cupped Harry's face with his other hand. "Harry," he whispered again.
Harry remained unresponsive for the next few minutes, staring off as his lip began to bleed. And then finally he blinked, looking around before his eyes focused on Malfoy. "Can I sleep?" he asked fearfully, sucking his lip into his mouth, licking at the blood.
"Where were you?" Draco whispered, the terrible pain in Potter's green eyes was hurtful just to see.
"I don't remember," Harry replied quietly, his eyelids drooping.
"You are having trouble sleeping," Draco said. "If I sit beside you, will it help?"
Harry hesitated before he nodded, remembering the last time he did that.
Draco released Harry's face but continued to hold his hand. "Sleep well, Harry," he said.
Harry slowly closed his eyes and found himself drifting off to sleep much faster than he did before. He could only hope he didn't have any nightmares this time.
Draco waited until Potter's breathing had evened out. He sat there watching him for a while but wondered if Potter would sleep better if he was nearby. Finally, Draco settled on the floor, resting his arms on the bed and his head on his arms. He fell asleep still holding Potter's hand.
***
Harry woke up with a start, quickly turning his head and looking at Malfoy, who was still holding his hand and sleeping. Harry's heart was beating wildly as he struggled to relax against the bed, not remembering what he was dreaming about that made him feel so scared. He felt Malfoy's hand in his tighten reflexively, the blond sighing in his sleep. Harry swallowed, looking down at his hand in Malfoy's. Malfoy's hand was bigger than Harry's, but it was warm and soft, and Harry couldn't remember the last time someone held his hand like this. And ... Harry liked it. A lot. It made him feel warm and ... safe.
Draco blinked, waking up. His body was stiff from falling asleep sitting on the floor. But his hand in Potter's felt comfortable. He looked up and his eyes met those green ones where the other man lay contemplating him. "Hi," he said softly.
"Hi," Harry whispered in reply, not sure of what else to say.
"You sleep better?" Draco asked, thumb gently caressing Potter's hand.
Harry nodded, looking down at their hands again. "You slept there?"
Draco shrugged but nodded. "Thought you might sleep better," he said, shifting slightly to ease the ache in his legs.
"Thank you," Harry said softly, fighting the urge to want to do something sexual again to thank him.
"It's fine," Draco said, not sure if he should get up now. It felt so peaceful sitting here like this and it seemed to have helped Potter who looked to be more aware.
Harry was amazed at how good it felt not to be woken up by a really bad dream and the wetness of an accident that usually came along with them. If he had known sleeping with Malfoy holding his hand worked, he would've asked for him to do it ages ago. Well, maybe he wouldn't have asked, but he would have wanted to.
"You hungry?" Draco asked, squeezing Potter's hand before moving to get up, his legs tingling a bit painfully as blood flow returned to them.
"A little," Harry admitted softly, clinging to Malfoy's hand before he let go and sighed.
Draco stood and then held out the hand again to help Harry up. "Come on," he said.
Harry gratefully took it and pulled himself up, slipping out of the bed. "Bathroom first ....”
"Yes," Draco agreed. He was glad that Potter seemed more lucid this morning, even leading the way to the bathroom for their morning routine.
Harry walked into the bathroom and immediately went for the toilet, using it without any modesty.
Draco averted his gaze, and reached for a flannel to wash his own face.
When he was done, Harry put the lid down and sat on the seat, pulling his knees up to his chest like he always did. This time he watched Draco, waiting for him to give him something.
Draco sighed. Potter still didn't initiate his own self-care. The blond picked up his own brush and with his other hand held out Potter's to him. "Time to brush your hair," he told him.
Harry looked at the brush before grasping it. He held it up to start brushing his hair. It was hard to do still, and he scowled, beginning to get frustrated as he went on.
Draco brushed his own hair too, watching Potter as he struggled with the latest knots in those dark strands. "Gently, and it will go better," he told him.
But Harry wanted to do it like Draco did it, and it just wasn't working. He huffed and shook his head, throwing the brush away from him before he reached to grip his hair again.
"Stop," Draco said firmly. "No hurting yourself." He bent to retrieve the brush.
"I can't do it," Harry whined, sniffling as he pulled at his hair.
"How did you take care of your hair before?" Draco asked, reaching to gently take Harry's hand.
"I don't know," Harry mumbled, frowning and trying to pull his hand away from Malfoy.
Draco's grip on Harry's hand was firm, fingers curling around the other man's. "Shh, don't fight me," he admonished. "Either we have to take care of your hair or cut it. Which do you choose?"
"I don't wanna cut it," Harry said, shaking his head and trembling now.
"So that means you have to learn to brush it," Draco responded. "Your hair was messy in school but wasn't matted in knots, so you must have at least brushed it then."
Harry stopped struggling as he tried to remember, but it was more than a distant memory now. He wanted to remember, though, he really did.
Draco's thumb gently soothed the back of Potter's hand. He thought he understood what this was really about. "It's okay to take care of yourself. You don't need to punish yourself any more."
Harry shook his head, looking up at Draco for a long moment. "Can you ... help me?" he asked quietly.
Draco smiled. "Sure, it's okay to ask for help. Let's brush our teeth and then go back to the room to brush your hair there, that way I can sit down too."
Harry nodded slightly and turned to get his toothbrush, wetting it before dipping it in the powder like he had seen Draco do so many times.
They brushed their teeth. Draco used the toilet too, trying not to notice the way Potter watched. When he was done, Draco picked up Harry's brush and led him back to the room, sitting on the bed and patting the spot beside him.
Harry obediently sat down next Draco and turned a little, looking down so Draco could start brushing his hair.
First Draco cast a Detangle Spell to make it a bit easier. Then he began at the ends and worked his way up, using his free hand to hold the hair so it didn't pull Harry's scalp as hard. There were still moments where it pulled painfully and the other man whimpered, but Draco was as gentle as he could be.
Harry closed his eyes and actually stayed calm as Draco continued, even though he couldn't help the occasional sound when Draco pulled too hard.
"When your hair is brushed, it is soft and shiny," Draco whispered. "I like it that way."
"Why?" Harry quietly asked when he heard that, blinking in confusion.
"It looks good," Draco admitted, working until the brush slid through Harry's hair without catching. "That feels better now, doesn't it?"
"Yes," Harry whispered, finding that he liked it a lot. Even more, he liked the idea that Malfoy liked it this way. "I like it a lot ...."
Draco realised he was brushing Harry's hair now just because he didn't want to stop, because he liked touching him. He made himself set the brush down. "There," he said softly. "Time to get dressed."
Harry looked up at Draco when he stopped brushing his hair, the confused look still on his face. He just didn't understand how anyone could find him attractive after everything he had gone through. Use him, yes, but not like the look of him. He shook his head and moved to get up.
Chapter Title: Worthless
Words: 3325 Words
Harry woke up only an hour or so after falling asleep. He turned and looked at Malfoy, his face in the moonlight again. It was much like the first night here. He slipped out of his own bed and walked over to Draco's bed, standing there and looking down at him. It didn't work out so well the first time, but maybe he'd do better now. First he started with his own shirt, pulling it off and dropping it on his bed. Then Harry pushed down his own pyjama bottoms. Naked, he moved onto Malfoy's bed, pulling down the other man's blanket before moving up his body. He straddled him, sitting down on Malfoy's hips.
Draco had been tired and was sleeping pretty soundly. His dream, like many of them lately, was erotic and he squirmed.
Harry shifted, beginning to move his hips in a circle, already feeling that insistent hardness in Malfoy's pyjamas.
Draco moaned, arching into the body on top of him. In his dream, he was fucking Potter – doing those things he couldn't ethically do as a Healer.
Harry rocked harder, taking Malfoy's moans as encouragement to go on. He reached beneath himself to pull Malfoy's pyjama bottoms down so that his cock was exposed. He sat back down again, biting his lip at the memory of the last time he did this. He had to do it, had to thank Malfoy in some way for doing so much for him. Malfoy said he didn't want it, but his body showed Harry something different.
Draco gasped at the feel of soft firm flesh against his shaft. He shuddered and then realised it was too real, too good. He opened his eyes and saw a very naked man sitting atop him. "Harry?" he asked, voice sounding strangled.
"You like it," Harry said, sounding out of breath, but wriggling his hips harder.
Draco's cock was pressed between the cheeks of the other man's arse as he rocked against him. It felt glorious and made him groan again. "Harry, this is wrong," he gasped.
Harry closed his eyes and focused on making Malfoy come, clenching his cheeks together a few times.
Draco reached up, really intending to pull the man off of him, but then he felt himself shaking, fingers clutching Harry's thighs as he came, coating the man's arsecheeks in his seed.
Harry shuddered and went still, feeling accomplished. "See, you liked it," he whispered.
Draco closed his eyes and moaned. He should excuse himself from this case. But that would mean taking Harry back to St Mungo’s, probably to spend the rest of his life locked away. "Potter," he said, forcing himself to look up at him. "I need you to get up, please."
Harry did get up then, moving to pull Malfoy's pyjamas up before heading back to his own bed to lie down.
Draco grabbed the man's wrist, stopping him. "Stop and stand right there," he said, picking up his wand and cast Lavare to clean both of them. Then he pulled his own pyjama bottoms the rest of the way up.
Harry looked down at his wrist then slowly up at Malfoy, staying still.
Draco released him. "Get your pyjamas back on and then we need to talk," he said.
At the direct order, Harry felt he had no choice but to obey, reaching to pull his clothes back on.
Draco used his wand to light the candles in the room and then gestured to a place beside him on the bed. "Sit down, Potter," he said, sighing.
Harry sat down next to Malfoy, knowing that he had done something wrong just from the sound of Malfoy’s voice. He began to tremble with fear.
Draco turned to face him. "So, I need to understand this," he said. "Can you tell me why you did that?"
"Because ... I wanted to thank you for helping me," Harry replied softly, looking down at his lap.
"You didn't come ...” Draco said, shivering again. "It didn't bring you any pleasure, did it?"
"Sometimes it does," Harry admitted quietly. If that was what Malfoy wanted to hear, he would tell him he liked it.
"You don't need to do that to thank me, Potter," Draco said. "It's my job to take care of you. I am not supposed to have sex with a patient." It was difficult not to feel shame at how much he had wanted to touch Potter, how much he had actually enjoyed it. Draco forced himself to focus on Potter instead.
“But I want to,” Harry mumbled, trying to convince himself of that as well. “And no one else has to know.”
"I would know," Draco said. "Potter, look at me."
Harry looked up at him, unable to meet his eyes and swallowing a few times. “Sorry,” he whispered.
"I am not angry with you," Draco soothed, heart clenching at the look of misery on the other man's face. "I want you to tell me why you think that having sex with me is the way to thank me."
“Because it’s all I’m good for,” Harry whispered, looking away again.
"You think that the only thing you have to offer is sex," Draco said. "Who told you that?" Draco knew the answer to that but he had to get Potter to say it, to confront it.
“They all did,” Harry said softly, wrapping his arms around himself and beginning to rock. He did not want to talk about anything anymore.
"Death Eaters believed that all Muggle-borns should die, were they right?" Draco asked him.
Harry shook his head no, wanting this to stop. He couldn't think about it. It was going to make him remember, make the nightmares come for him.
"Harry," Draco said softly, reaching to lay his palm against Potter's cheek, forcing him to focus through touch. "They were wrong. They were wrong, I was wrong, about Muggles and Muggle-borns. And they were wrong to say and do the things they did to you."
Harry made a small noise and closed his eyes, shaking his head and pulling away from the blond. He wanted to believe, he did ... but he was a whore. A stupid worthless whore.
"Sex can be ... great, Potter," Draco said. "But I don't think you actually know that. I think you are doing it because you think you have to."
Harry bit his lip softly, thinking about Malfoy’s words. Sex for Harry was associated with pain and sometimes a little pleasure during the pain. But he didn’t know if he’d ever call it good, let alone 'great'.
"Did you ever have sex before you were ... captured?" Draco asked, letting go of Potter's face, but watching him.
Harry shook his head no, moving his legs up onto the bed so he could pull them closer to his chest, biting his lip as he rocked now.
"So you never even played around before ... they did things to you?" the blond asked, hating to press the topic but wanting to get Harry talking.
Harry shook his head again, shaking now. “No,” he whispered.
Draco had a moment where he felt guilty about that, as if he himself could have done something to have prevented it. He tried to remind himself that he had been only a teenager at the time. That he could not have helped even if he hadn't been in hiding. That the Dark Lord would have made him pay for his failure, probably in the same way he had hurt Harry. He had to swallow hard on the bile that rose at the very idea of it. "You didn't deserve any of the bad things that happened to you," he said.
Harry rested his forehead on his knees, his hair forming a curtain around his face. He had heard those words before. But there was always one part that he couldn’t help but bring up. “But it happened,” Harry mumbled, shuddering. “It happened, it happened ....”
Draco shook his head sadly, laying a hand gently on the man's shoulder. "Yes, it happened, and you survived. You did more than survive," he whispered. "But now you have to figure out what you want from that."
Harry couldn’t figure out what he wanted from what happened to him. The only thing that sounded possible was him wanting to forget it all ever happened.
"You deserve a life, a life with some happiness in it," Draco told him. And Draco was surprised to realise how strongly he believed that, how important it was to him that Potter get that happiness.
Harry couldn't have happiness. He didn't deserve it. He was a disgusting whore. He continued rocking and shaking his head.
"Harry, if you could have whatever you wanted, what would it be?" Draco asked softly.
Harry got up and went over to his own bed, climbing into it and curling on up on his side. He looked at Malfoy after a few minutes, whispering a few words underneath his breath. If he leaned in close enough, Malfoy could hear something that sounded like "love".
Draco watched Harry retreat, not knowing if it was right to follow him or remain on his own bed. He did follow him, though, getting up and tucking the blankets around the other man. He didn't know if he had heard him right, but he smoothed back Harry's hair.
Harry closed his eyes and quieted down, but couldn't fall asleep. His mind was too worked up, images and thoughts floating through it and making him snap open his eyes once again.
Draco had gone back to bed and lay down, staring up at the ceiling. He felt out of his depth. What he was feeling had nothing to do with what he was trained to do. He wanted to wrap his arms around Harry, hold him and never let go.
Harry continued to stare blankly at the world around him, his eyes feeling heavy, but he wasn't granted any sleep. When his eyes closed, Harry could see the images of the people who made his life hell for him while he was captured. With them open, he thought about them to the point where he thought he was back in the dungeon. "I want to sleep," Harry begged softly, speaking to anyone who would listen. "No," a voice would reply and Harry had no choice but to go on, forcing his eyes to stay open.
"Harry?" Draco asked from his place in the other bed.
Harry didn't reply, his eyes watering and tears spilling down his cheeks.. He gripped at his sheet and made a frustrated sound.
Draco rolled out of bed again with a sigh and knelt by Potter. He reached out and took the other man's hand in his.
It was as if Harry were blind to the world he was in, only seeing the dark stone wall of his prison. His hand was limp in Malfoy's as he fought the sleep, blinking away the tears in his eyes.
Draco squeezed Potter's hand. "Harry, I'm here, beside you," he said quietly but firmly. "Can you hear me?"
Harry could only hear muffled voices, his hand merely twitching in Malfoy's. "I'll be good," he whimpered, biting his lip hard enough to pierce the skin.
Draco's training was to use a spell and stop a patient from injuring himself. Those spells has been used a lot on Harry and his episodes just kept happening. Draco kept a hold of Harry's hand as he stood up and then sat on the edge of the bed. He cupped Harry's face with his other hand. "Harry," he whispered again.
Harry remained unresponsive for the next few minutes, staring off as his lip began to bleed. And then finally he blinked, looking around before his eyes focused on Malfoy. "Can I sleep?" he asked fearfully, sucking his lip into his mouth, licking at the blood.
"Where were you?" Draco whispered, the terrible pain in Potter's green eyes was hurtful just to see.
"I don't remember," Harry replied quietly, his eyelids drooping.
"You are having trouble sleeping," Draco said. "If I sit beside you, will it help?"
Harry hesitated before he nodded, remembering the last time he did that.
Draco released Harry's face but continued to hold his hand. "Sleep well, Harry," he said.
Harry slowly closed his eyes and found himself drifting off to sleep much faster than he did before. He could only hope he didn't have any nightmares this time.
Draco waited until Potter's breathing had evened out. He sat there watching him for a while but wondered if Potter would sleep better if he was nearby. Finally, Draco settled on the floor, resting his arms on the bed and his head on his arms. He fell asleep still holding Potter's hand.
***
Harry woke up with a start, quickly turning his head and looking at Malfoy, who was still holding his hand and sleeping. Harry's heart was beating wildly as he struggled to relax against the bed, not remembering what he was dreaming about that made him feel so scared. He felt Malfoy's hand in his tighten reflexively, the blond sighing in his sleep. Harry swallowed, looking down at his hand in Malfoy's. Malfoy's hand was bigger than Harry's, but it was warm and soft, and Harry couldn't remember the last time someone held his hand like this. And ... Harry liked it. A lot. It made him feel warm and ... safe.
Draco blinked, waking up. His body was stiff from falling asleep sitting on the floor. But his hand in Potter's felt comfortable. He looked up and his eyes met those green ones where the other man lay contemplating him. "Hi," he said softly.
"Hi," Harry whispered in reply, not sure of what else to say.
"You sleep better?" Draco asked, thumb gently caressing Potter's hand.
Harry nodded, looking down at their hands again. "You slept there?"
Draco shrugged but nodded. "Thought you might sleep better," he said, shifting slightly to ease the ache in his legs.
"Thank you," Harry said softly, fighting the urge to want to do something sexual again to thank him.
"It's fine," Draco said, not sure if he should get up now. It felt so peaceful sitting here like this and it seemed to have helped Potter who looked to be more aware.
Harry was amazed at how good it felt not to be woken up by a really bad dream and the wetness of an accident that usually came along with them. If he had known sleeping with Malfoy holding his hand worked, he would've asked for him to do it ages ago. Well, maybe he wouldn't have asked, but he would have wanted to.
"You hungry?" Draco asked, squeezing Potter's hand before moving to get up, his legs tingling a bit painfully as blood flow returned to them.
"A little," Harry admitted softly, clinging to Malfoy's hand before he let go and sighed.
Draco stood and then held out the hand again to help Harry up. "Come on," he said.
Harry gratefully took it and pulled himself up, slipping out of the bed. "Bathroom first ....”
"Yes," Draco agreed. He was glad that Potter seemed more lucid this morning, even leading the way to the bathroom for their morning routine.
Harry walked into the bathroom and immediately went for the toilet, using it without any modesty.
Draco averted his gaze, and reached for a flannel to wash his own face.
When he was done, Harry put the lid down and sat on the seat, pulling his knees up to his chest like he always did. This time he watched Draco, waiting for him to give him something.
Draco sighed. Potter still didn't initiate his own self-care. The blond picked up his own brush and with his other hand held out Potter's to him. "Time to brush your hair," he told him.
Harry looked at the brush before grasping it. He held it up to start brushing his hair. It was hard to do still, and he scowled, beginning to get frustrated as he went on.
Draco brushed his own hair too, watching Potter as he struggled with the latest knots in those dark strands. "Gently, and it will go better," he told him.
But Harry wanted to do it like Draco did it, and it just wasn't working. He huffed and shook his head, throwing the brush away from him before he reached to grip his hair again.
"Stop," Draco said firmly. "No hurting yourself." He bent to retrieve the brush.
"I can't do it," Harry whined, sniffling as he pulled at his hair.
"How did you take care of your hair before?" Draco asked, reaching to gently take Harry's hand.
"I don't know," Harry mumbled, frowning and trying to pull his hand away from Malfoy.
Draco's grip on Harry's hand was firm, fingers curling around the other man's. "Shh, don't fight me," he admonished. "Either we have to take care of your hair or cut it. Which do you choose?"
"I don't wanna cut it," Harry said, shaking his head and trembling now.
"So that means you have to learn to brush it," Draco responded. "Your hair was messy in school but wasn't matted in knots, so you must have at least brushed it then."
Harry stopped struggling as he tried to remember, but it was more than a distant memory now. He wanted to remember, though, he really did.
Draco's thumb gently soothed the back of Potter's hand. He thought he understood what this was really about. "It's okay to take care of yourself. You don't need to punish yourself any more."
Harry shook his head, looking up at Draco for a long moment. "Can you ... help me?" he asked quietly.
Draco smiled. "Sure, it's okay to ask for help. Let's brush our teeth and then go back to the room to brush your hair there, that way I can sit down too."
Harry nodded slightly and turned to get his toothbrush, wetting it before dipping it in the powder like he had seen Draco do so many times.
They brushed their teeth. Draco used the toilet too, trying not to notice the way Potter watched. When he was done, Draco picked up Harry's brush and led him back to the room, sitting on the bed and patting the spot beside him.
Harry obediently sat down next Draco and turned a little, looking down so Draco could start brushing his hair.
First Draco cast a Detangle Spell to make it a bit easier. Then he began at the ends and worked his way up, using his free hand to hold the hair so it didn't pull Harry's scalp as hard. There were still moments where it pulled painfully and the other man whimpered, but Draco was as gentle as he could be.
Harry closed his eyes and actually stayed calm as Draco continued, even though he couldn't help the occasional sound when Draco pulled too hard.
"When your hair is brushed, it is soft and shiny," Draco whispered. "I like it that way."
"Why?" Harry quietly asked when he heard that, blinking in confusion.
"It looks good," Draco admitted, working until the brush slid through Harry's hair without catching. "That feels better now, doesn't it?"
"Yes," Harry whispered, finding that he liked it a lot. Even more, he liked the idea that Malfoy liked it this way. "I like it a lot ...."
Draco realised he was brushing Harry's hair now just because he didn't want to stop, because he liked touching him. He made himself set the brush down. "There," he said softly. "Time to get dressed."
Harry looked up at Draco when he stopped brushing his hair, the confused look still on his face. He just didn't understand how anyone could find him attractive after everything he had gone through. Use him, yes, but not like the look of him. He shook his head and moved to get up.