Practice

Chapter Eight



Remus walked through the brick barrier at Platform 9 ¾ to catch the Hogwarts Express, followed by his parents. He kept his head down, not wanting to see anyone. Who was he kidding? He didn’t want to see Emma. His dad loaded the trunk on the train, and he lifted his head slowly and looked around. Almost immediately, his gaze was drawn to his right and he locked eyes with Emma. She stared at him, unable to hide her hurt. Lily Evans said something to her and she nodded, turning away from him to follow her friend onto the train. Remus closed his eyes and looked back down until Sirius, James and Peter saw him and hustled him onto the train.



‘Remus,’ called his father. ‘Don’t forget.’

He nodded and tried to smile as he waved good bye. His parent’s had sat him down the day before and told him what the Healer thought. At the moment, he hated himself for doing this to him and Emma; for bringing about what would probably be the end of their friendship. And he had to tell her. His father insisted, telling him she deserved a proper explanation for his standoffishness. ‘If you care for her, respect her, you’ll have to tell her,’ he said.

He would tell her. Not here, though. Not yet. He wasn’t strong enough to be near her yet.



Emma was barely listening to the Gryffindor girls as they discussed their OWL results from last year and what subjects they were doing this year. She leaned her head against the cool window and thought about Remus - his refusal to see her; his strange behaviour the night of his transformation; his coldness towards her now.

‘If he doesn’t want anything to do with me, at least he could tell me,’ she thought angrily.

She’d been confused about her feelings towards him lately, they hadn’t been just “practicing” on each other this summer. They’d been doing what they did because they wanted each other; wanted to be with each other like that.

‘It’s just physical,’ she told herself. ‘It’s nice; it feels really good and we can do it without feeling weird or self conscious.’

But deep down, she knew it was becoming more than that - for her anyway.

‘Obviously not for him,’ she muttered then said, ‘Nothing,’ when the other girls asked her what she’d said.



Remus waited until he was half way through his cycle - when he was at his strongest - before he approached Emma one evening.

‘Em?’ he said softly, sitting next to her in the Common room.

She stood up and walked past him without a word.

‘Emma,’ he said, unable to hide the desperation in his rising voice.

Several students turned to look at him in surprise, including Emma. ‘What?’ she snapped and he moved closer.

‘Please, come with me?’ he asked, his face betraying his fear. ‘I need to explain something to you and I can’t do it here.’

A muscle in her jaw jumped but she sighed loudly then nodded. He walked up the stairs to his room, Emma following. Sirius greeted them as they walked in, smiling a little broader at Emma.

‘You look good, Em,’ he said with a grin and she tried to smile.

‘You too,’ she murmured then sat on Remus’ bed.

He drew the curtains and cast a locking spell as well as a Silencing spell then sat down opposite her.



‘First, I want to say sorry for not seeing you or talking to you over the last week or so..’ he began.

‘Thirteen days,’ she said abruptly. ‘It’s been thirteen days.’

He looked at her and knew she wasn’t going to make this easy. She was hurt and, damn it, all he wanted to do was hold her and kiss her and tell her how much he wanted her.

‘I couldn’t see you until I was stronger,’ he told her. ‘Something happened to me this month. Em, when we were in the park…I, um, put my finger in my mouth after I…you know.’

She flushed and nodded. ‘Well, it did something to me.’



Emma frowned and looked offended. ‘What?’ she said with a horrified expression. ‘Did I make you sick?’

‘No!’ he said quickly. ‘No, Em. That’s not it. I…I loved it. You taste…amazing. The thing is, I’m not the only one who thinks that.’

She looked confused and he sighed. ‘When I did that, something changed inside me. The wolf part of me kind of…took over and that’s why I told you to leave that night. I wasn’t myself. I wanted you too much, Em. I would have hurt you.’

‘I don’t believe you’d hurt me,’ she said but he grabbed her hands.



‘Jack, it wasn’t me,’ he told her. ‘I would have been rough and selfish and if you hadn’t agreed to sleep with me…I probably would have forced you to.’

Emma shook her head, looking confused and a little scared now. ‘The wolf…it recognises your smell; your taste now. It wants you. It wants to mate with you and I’m afraid I can’t stop it.’

She frowned. ‘So, you want to have sex with me?’ she asked, not quite understanding the big deal. ‘Ok. I want to, just not right now…’



‘It’s not that simple, Em,’ he said. ‘I want to be with you but I‘ll wait until you‘re ready. The wolf needs to be with you and it’ll do anything; it won’t stop until it takes you. It thinks you’re its mate.’

‘You aren’t going to ask me to have sex with you when you’re transformed, are you?’ she asked and he shook his head.

‘No,’ he said. ‘It doesn’t work like that. The wolf…it’s always there; always inside me. It just doesn’t usually make itself known. But, it got one taste of you and now it won’t go away again. I’m scared I won’t be able to control it, Em. I could really hurt you. I could…force you.’



She thought for a moment then said, ‘So, do I have to stay away from you around the full moon? Is that it?’

He nodded and said, ‘A day or two either side of it. But there’s something else. We can’t have sex or any contact like that - at all. Ever.’

‘What?’ she asked, startled. ‘Why not?’

‘Because you can’t give me more of you,’ he said softly. ‘Em, it already wants you for it’s mate and I’m finding it hard to control it. If it gets more of a taste…’



He took a deep breath. ‘I could have sex with other girls and it wouldn’t matter but…the wolf thinks you’re its mate. And, if it has you, it won’t let you go. Werewolves mate for life. If we were together, I would only want you; I would only want you to be with me. You’d be my mate. I don’t know why, but it’s chosen you and, if we were to get together…’

‘It’d be like we were…married or something,’ she finished and he nodded. ‘We’d never be able to be with anyone else?’

‘If I smelt someone else on you, I’d get angry. I could hurt you,’ he confirmed.



Emma looked down at the blanket and curled herself into a ball. He let her process what he’d told her. After a few minutes, she looked up at him.

‘What if I do it with someone else now?’ she said softly. ‘Try and put the wolf off? Or what if you have sex with someone else? Maybe that would…confuse it. Maybe if we just do it with someone else first, that would put it off me.’

‘No,’ he said regretfully, wishing it were that easy. ‘Once it’s chosen the one it wants, it won’t be budged. I’m sorry, Em. I did this. I should have looked into this more. I should never have started this with you. You’re my friend and now I…’



He stopped talking, biting his lip to try and stop his tears from falling. ‘I’m still your friend,’ she insisted, moving closer and taking his hand. ‘You’re still my best friend, Lupin. You can’t get away from me that easily.’

He smiled, wiping away a stray tear. ‘Honey,’ she said softly, wiping his cheeks with her thumbs. ‘It’s ok, Remus. I’m sorry. It was my idea. I shouldn’t have… It’s alright. We’re still friends. We’ll just be careful around the full moon and we can’t be together like that anymore.’

She hugged him and he felt his body stir and his chest tighten painfully. ‘Good thing I really don’t fancy you, isn’t it?’ she whispered, feeling empty, and he smiled and nodded.

‘Good thing,’ he mumbled, putting his arms around her.



Considering they’d never really been together, it was startling how much this felt like a loss. She pulled back and swiped at her own face.

‘I should go,’ she said, standing up.

He nodded and stood as well. ‘I won’t stop being your friend, Lupin,’ she said softly. She kissed his cheek quickly. ‘Night.’

He repeated the farewell and, when he parted the curtains, he saw Sirius watching them. He saw their faces and frowned.

‘You alright, Moony,’ he asked and Remus shook his head.

‘Not really,’ he said with a grim smile. ‘But I’ll live.’



They did manage to keep their friendship intact. It frustrated them both to have to avoid each other around the full moon when it was the time he needed her the most, but it helped Remus keep Moony under control. The wolf still clawed at him to find her when he occasionally caught a whiff of her but she never got close enough to drive it crazy. That was until one night late in the year when word reached her that Sirius had played a trick on one of the Slytherin students, sending him down to see Remus whilst he was in full transformation. Remus could have killed him and was distraught. Sirius tried to apologize but Remus didn’t want to hear it - it was still too raw. He lay on his bed, trying not to break down, when he smelt her.



‘Emma!’ he called, sitting up. The wolf too, was aroused and began to urge him to go to her; to claim her. ‘Don’t come in here.’

‘How did you know it was me?’ she asked, ignoring his request and appearing in the doorway.

‘I could smell you,’ he said, frowning when his body sprang into life and the wolf tensed. ‘You really do need to leave,’ he said weakly.

She moved over to the bed. ‘Are you…controlling it?’ she asked and he nodded. ‘Barely,’ he whispered, his breathing beginning to speed up. ‘Please, Em.’

‘Are you ok?’ she asked, sitting on the bed.



Remus shuffled back, breathing through his mouth, feeling every nerve in his body thrum with excitement at having her so close.

‘I’m fine,’ he said quickly. ‘Jack, go.’

She bit her lip. ‘If I touch you, if I make you come, will that satisfy it for now? Will that mean I can stay with you for a little while?’

‘I don’t know,’ he said and she crawled onto the bed, stopping when he moved back. ‘If it wants more, you aren’t strong enough to stop me.’

‘I’m willing to take the chance,’ she said and he shook his head.

‘I’m not,’ he told her.

‘Remus, tell me you don’t need me right now and I’ll go,’ she said, staring at him. ‘Remember, you can’t lie to save your life.’



He closed his eyes. She knew him far too well. He needed her tonight more than he ever had before. He needed her to hold him and tell him that he wasn’t a monster; that everything would be fine.

‘I need you,’ he admitted. ‘But I’ll need you tomorrow and the next day and the next day. If I rape you tonight, you won’t be there.’

He knew he was being blunt but there wasn’t any way to pretty this up. If she stayed, he’d probably rape her.

She was silent then stood up. ‘Alright,’ she said, obviously upset. ‘Good thing I can take rejection.’

‘Em,’ he said but she shook her head. ‘It’s fine, Lupin. Get some rest and try not to worry too much. We’ll talk in a few days.’

‘Emma,’ he whispered, eyes filling. ‘Thanks.’

Her own blue eyes were watery and she blinked rapidly then nodded before she left.



Sixth year finished and they went home for the summer, Emma organising to spend the week of Remus’ transformation with Lily Evans. She and Lily went out with James Potter, who Lily had just begun seeing, and Sirius Black, who had moved in with James. Sirius showed an interest in Emma again and she gave into him, spending some time with him in his room. She refused to progress beyond mutual masturbation, realising after a couple of days that she was still holding onto hope that Remus would be her first. Deciding to leave Lily’s early, she said her goodbyes then went to Remus’ house.



‘Is it too soon?’ she asked Mrs Lupin when she answered the door.

‘No, I think he’s alright,’ she replied, taking her up the stairs to Remus’ room.

He was reading on his bed and sat up with a smile when he saw her. ‘Hi,’ he said and she smiled back.

His mother left and he lost his smile. ‘You’ve been with someone,’ he said accusingly and she frowned.

‘What?’ she asked and he stood up, jealously crashing through him like rapids.

‘You’ve been with a guy,’ he growled, moving closer. ‘I could smell him on you the second you got here.’



‘Remus,’ she said, getting a little frightened at his intensity. ‘I was. I was with Sirius - just a couple of times and we didn‘t sleep together. Are you…?’

‘Jealous?’ he asked with a bark of humourless laughter. ‘You bet your pretty little ass I am.’

She was startled to see this side of him but was equally as shocked at how turned on she was by his jealousy.

‘God, I want the wolf to be jealous,’ she realised. ‘I want him to be jealous and to make me his.’

‘Should I go?’ she asked and he pounced, grabbing her roughly and throwing her down on his bed.



‘If I bite you; if I take you, you’ll be mine,’ he said harshly covering her body with his. ‘I’ll have you to myself.’

She felt cold wash through her. If he bit her hard enough, if he attacked her, would he make her a werewolf?

His face pressed into her neck and she felt his teeth scraping her skin and she decided to call his bluff.

‘Bite me then,’ she murmured and he frowned, seeming to lose some of that out of control look. ‘Take me and make me yours. I’ll be yours.’

‘Em,’ he moaned, Remus back now. ‘Go away before I hurt you.’

‘No,’ she said softly then pulled his face to hers, kissing him.

She wasn’t sure what she was doing but all she knew was it had felt wrong with Sirius. This felt right. If she had to be his, for the rest of her life, then she’d do it, just to be able to feel like this.





He pulled away, using his last thread of self control. ‘Please, baby,’ he whispered desperately. ‘Go and come back tomorrow. I’ll be better then. I don’t want to hurt you, Em. I’m so scared I’m going to hurt you.’

He was shaking, both with the effort of controlling himself and his fear. His final words, and the tears in his blue eyes, got through to her and she pushed him off of her, standing and walking out the door without another word.

She went to the park, swinging for several hours, thinking. She went home at dark and lay awake most of the night. Early the next morning, she went to her parents and asked that they allow her to leave and be on her own for the rest of the holidays.



‘Where are you going?’ her father said with a frown.

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘I just need to get away. I need to think.’

‘Is this about Remus?’ Mrs Jack asked.

Emma had told her parents about Remus over the last break and they were still trying to wrap their minds around it. Learning that their daughter’s closest friend was a werewolf, a supposedly mythical creature, was a lot for a Muggle to comprehend and to find out the he’d set his mind on her as his mate…



‘Yes. I’m of age,’ she reminded them. ‘And I’ll stay in the Wizarding world. I can use magic if I need it. I’ve got the money Gran left me to use in my Gringott’s vault and I’ll get all my books and school things in Diagon Alley. I’ll take Hooter with me and I’ll contact you once a week alright? Please. I just need to be alone for a while.’

Her parent’s looked at her then her mother nodded. ‘Alright,’ she murmured. ‘We’ll give you some money for your school things and accommodation. If you need anything, write and ask.’

‘Thanks,’ she said, hugging the woman then her father. ‘I’ll send Hooter with a note to let you know where I am. I’ll probably stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a while.’

‘Just be careful,’ her father said and she nodded.

‘I will be,’ she promised then left to pack.



She came down half an hour later, her trunk shrunk and in her pocket. She handed her mother an envelope.

‘Could you give that to Remus for me?’ she asked quietly. ‘Not until after I apparate though, please?’

She nodded and, after a goodbye, Emma apparated to London, appearing outside the Leaky Cauldron. Settling into a room, she chucked a few Owl treats into Hooter’s cage then spent the rest of the day exploring Diagon Alley. She finished her set work for the holidays then got all her books and uniforms for the school year. In between shopping trips and study, she had a lot of time to think and, two weeks later, she’d made a decision and OWLed a letter to Remus.



Emma was eating breakfast the next day when he appeared, sitting down opposite her.

‘You’re a hard woman to find,’ he said, staring at her.

He saw the slight bags under her eyes and was worried that her face was paler than usual. Her hair was piled into a messy bun on top of her head and she was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt but she looked gorgeous. He was a little taken aback by the joy he felt seeing her again. The last couple of weeks had been agony - not knowing where she was, her parents respecting her request to not tell him, was torture. He missed her and was relieved she’d contacted him, frightened that he’d scared her so badly last time they spoke that she never wanted to see him again.



‘I wanted it that way,’ she said softly, putting down her fork. ‘Do you want something to eat?’ He shook his head and she stood up. ‘Come on then.’

He followed her up the stairs to her room. He stood uncertainly until she frowned at him.

‘Sit down,’ she said, gesturing to the bed as she fed the owl.

‘Jack..’ he began but she shook her head.

‘The wolf wants me to be his mate,’ she said, sitting on an armchair. ‘What about you?’



He looked surprised and blinked. ‘Me?’ he asked and she nodded.

‘If we did have sex, I’d be your mate. Yours too, not just the wolf’s. How do you feel about that?’

Remus looked as though he was having trouble following her but said, ‘You’re my best friend, Em, and I…I really care about you. I’m not sure how I feel about all this. On the one hand, I wouldn’t want you having to spend your life with me instead of someone you really loved. On the other, very selfish hand, I want you, Em. That’s it. I want you and I don’t ever want to smell anyone else’s scent on you. I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else; or another man touching you.’



He sighed and shook his head, not confident he was ready to tell her what he‘d realised over the past fortnight so he tried a little joke.

‘Maybe…maybe I do fancy you a little.’

He looked at her and was surprised to see her smiling. ‘Emma?’

She stood up and her fingers moved to the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head.

‘I want you too,’ she admitted. ‘I hate that I can’t be with you when you need me. I hate that I can’t bring myself to even think about being with someone else. I hate that I feel sick thinking about you being with someone else. Seems like I’m yours already, Remus. We may as well make it official.’

She undid her jeans and slid them down her legs, stepping out of them.



‘Em, what are you doing?’ he whispered, unable to stop his eyes wandering.

She really did have an amazing little body and he could feel himself hardening. The wolf, although weak at this time, was raising its head hopefully, smelling its mate and sensing victory.

‘I’m doing the only thing I know feels right,’ she murmured, reaching around her back and unclipping her bra. ‘I don’t know exactly what I feel, but I know that you are the only person I can’t imagine my life without, yet you’re the one I could lose. I don’t want to lose you.’

‘I can’t do this, Em,’ he said softly. ‘I can’t do this to you. It’ll be forever, honey. If you wanted anyone else, I’d get jealous. I could hurt you.’

‘I know,’ she said, standing before him in only her underwear.

She pulled them down then looked down at him, putting her hands on his shoulders. ‘I want it to be you, Remus. I guess I do fancy you a little after all.’