Back To Me

A Long Time Coming

Hermione braced herself. She knew this wasn’t going to be easy, and she knew it was going to be painful. After all, even though she loved Severus more than she had ever loved anyone in her life, she still ached for what she was about to do to Ron. After all, he had given her nearly eighteen years of devotion and love. He had been a wonderful husband despite how he had come to be so.


She took another deep breath. Even though she was going to break his heart, it was what was best for all of them, Ron included. He deserved to be loved wholly by someone, even if it couldn’t be her. He deserved someone who would be as devoted to him as he had been to her. She knew that it would probably take a long time for him to realize this, but she hoped that someday, he would realize that it was the right thing.


She squared her shoulders and walked into the house, ready for the storm that she knew was already brewing. After all, she hadn’t come home last night, and she knew he would be inside waiting for her.


True to form, he was waiting for her in their kitchen.


“Do you still want to stand there and tell me you haven’t been shagging him?” Ron asked her quietly.


Hermione didn’t quite meet his gaze.


“You’re never going to see him again, Hermione. We’re going to move away, because that seems to be what it will take to keep him out of our lives. I plan to have Rose transferred to Durmstrang, even if it is a terrible school, I don’t care, because keeping this family together is more important.”


Hermione bit back a rude retort. It was very important to keep her composure right now.


“If you want to move to Bulgaria, Ron, well that’s fine, but I won’t be going with you,” Hermione said softy.


“Well if Bulgaria doesn’t suit you, I am sure we could consider the states. I hear there is a decent school over there we could check---”


“No, Ron,” Hermione said.


“Well what about Australia? We could---”


“No, Ron. It’s not about the location. I-I want a divorce,” Hermione said, feeling her face flush furiously.


There, she had finally said it. It was out in the open, and there was no going back now.


“So that’s it then,” Ron said, holding back tears. “I was nothing but good to you, Hermione, and still, you break my heart this way?”


Hermione looked taken aback.


“I gave you seventeen faithful years of marriage based on a lie, Ron. I stood by you despite what you had done to me, and I sacrificed my own happiness to give you yours, to raise our child,” Hermione said, face red with anger.


Ron’s face fell.


“Were you never once happy with me? Was I not a good husband to you?”


Hermione’s expression softened.


“Ron, you were the picture perfect husband, and I cannot begin to express my sorrow for the fact that it was wasted on me. I know you had good intentions in doing what you did, but can’t you see what it has done to us? Can’t you see how wrong you were? I love Severus. I know it is painful for you to hear, but I love him.


“I have always loved him. I couldn’t give you my heart because it wasn’t mine to give. It would be unfair to us both to continue this way. You deserve to have someone who shows you as much love and devotion as you have shown me over all these years,” Hermione said, feeling a rogue tear slip down her cheek.


“But I don’t care, Hermione. Please, just stay with me,” Ron said. “I love you.”


He turned away in shame as tears fell from his own eyes.


“If you really love me, you’ll let me go. You’ll let me find my own happiness,” Hermione said softly.


“And what of Rose? What are we to tell her?” Ron asked, panic apparent in his shaky voice.


Hermione gave him a tired smile.


“I know you love your daughter more than words could ever say. Someday she will learn that love makes people do crazy, stupid things, but that is a lesson she needs to learn on her own. I would not have her thinking less of her own father.”


Relief washed over Ron’s face.


“I know what I did to you was wrong, Hermione, but I don’t regret it at all,” Ron said. “And I know that if that greasy, foul git had never put his hands on you in the first place, we could have been happy together. We were happy together once, and I will never forget that.”


“I tried to be happy with you, Ron, but my heart just wasn’t in it. My heart--”


“No, Hermione, don’t even say it. Don’t take this away from me. I have to believe that somewhere along the line you were happy with me. I have to believe that I did not waste nearly twenty years of my life. I’ll grant you your divorce, even though it tears me apart inside. I’ll do this for you because I love you,” Ron said, tears running freely down his cheeks.


“Oh, Ron,” Hermione said, tears filling her own eyes. “Thank you so much.”


She threw her arms around his neck and allowed him to hold her for several minutes.


The tension between them was palpable. They had just agreed to end their marriage. They looked at each other, neither of them really knowing what to say to the other. Finally, it was Ron who broke the uncomfortable silence.


“Listen, Hermione. Could you do me a favor and, uh, not tell anyone about what I did to you? I think it would kill any chances of me ever finding a good shag again, much less love,” Ron said, laughing nervously.


Leave it to Ron to make jokes to ease the tension. Hermione laughed out loud. It felt like they were back at Hogwarts, when they were friends, when things were actually still good between them.


“As long as you promise you won’t be trying to get that shag out of me,” Hermione said, grinning.


“After my last run in with the greasy bastard, I think it would be best for my health if I didn’t,” Ron said with a hollow laugh.


Hermione could tell he was trying to be civil, but she knew that deep down he was devastated, and the idea of Severus was the last thing he would want to think about for a long time. She gave him a weak smile and nodded in agreement.


“Well, I’ll have the official documents sent to you tomorrow. I’m going to move my things out over the next week or so, but I’m not going to stay here anymore. I think that would be for the best,” Hermione said, more to herself than to him. “I know we need to talk with Rose about all of this, but I think that can wait until after her birthday party this weekend. For now, let’s just keep this quiet, so that she can find out from us and not from someone else. I just don’t want her seventeenth birthday to be ruined by all of this. I’ll leave a few of my things here in case she pops in between now and then and sees that I’ve moved out.”


Ron nodded in agreement, barely hearing her. Leave it to Hermione to be as quick and efficient as possible regarding everything, including something as deeply painful to him as this. He didn’t know what hurt him more; the fact that she was leaving him, or the fact that she showed no remorse at all whatsoever.


He decided that pondering over the what didn’t change the fact that his heart was broken. He tried not to watch as she cleared out her clothes from the wardobe. He turned away when she walked out the door, and out of his life. He felt like he would never again be whole. He wondered how long this pain would last.


He decided to do what most men did when their hearts were broken; go to a bar and get pissed out of his tree.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Hermione lay in bed next to Severus’ sleeping form. She was having a difficult time sleeping. It wasn’t that she was having second thoughts about leaving Ron. On the contrary, she couldn’t have been more relieved with her decision. It hurt her to think she was losing one of her best friends. The logic in her knew that this feeling was normal, and that it would pass with time, but it unsettled her nonetheless.


She rolled over and snuggled against Severus. The thought that this was now her home, that she wouldn’t have to leave him before morning filled her with so much happiness, it allowed her to push aside her thoughts of Ron.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


The next day, as promised, Ron received the divorce papers. They arrived on his desk by owl. He took another gulp of the pain potion, and wiped the sticky purple liquid from his moustache. He stared at the paperwork with bloodshot eyes. His thoughts drifted back to last night.


He couldn’t remember her name, but he could remember that when she kissed him and fucked him, she did it with more passion and fire than Hermione ever had in their eighteen years of marriage. He tossed the empty vial into the garbage can and signed the papers numbly. Perhaps there was something to what Hermione had said about finding real passion.


With a sigh, he sent the paperwork away with his owl. He slumped back down at his desk and buried his head in his hands. Perhaps it was time to accept that his marriage had been a waste. Perhaps it was time to accept that what he had done hadn’t brought about any good.


Then his eye caught a picture of Rose that he kept on his desk. It had been taken in front of Hagrid’s hut on her first day of Hogwarts. He saw the laughter in her honey colored eyes, and thought of the sweet pastry smell of her bushy red hair.


If he hadn’t done what he had done, then this beautiful little girl would not exist, and that, he decided, was enough to make the pain he felt right now completely worth the trouble. He composed himself. He had to stay strong for her. She was going to need them both when she found out that their family was being divided. He felt lucky that he was getting a reprieve from Hermione. She could easily have decided to tell their daughter the truth about her conception, thus delivering the blame from Hermione. For this he would be eternally grateful to her.


A/N: Thank you for all who have been reading this story. Sorry there wasn’t much of Severus in this chapter, but I really felt like this chapter needed to be more about Ron and Hermione rather than Severus and Hermione. 2 chapters before the story is over. Please review! xxx-snapescauldron