Living in Darkness

Okay this is to clear up any confusion anyone may have!!

ichi.ruki: I'll clarify and explain a few things that may not have come out in the story as clearly as I would have liked.

-Hermione disguised herself so that if she were caught, they would not recognize her. Also, the idea that she looks different allows her to feel different and justify her new feelings for Draco. It's a false concept that she looks different and takes it to mean that she is different. She is suddenly in a situation she has never been in before and experiencing the true atmosphere of the war that she hasn't so far. She stopped the roots from growing simply so her dark roots didn't grow out and make it obvious she changed her appearance. Also, she did this "muggle style" in order to avoid being revealed by magic, as you mentioned. And the eyes and cheekbones are simply more precaution to not be recognized. If the Dark Lord reversed the charm, it would have just appeared as a cosmetic thing she did and hopefully not recognized her anyway. I had a hard time justifying it to myself when I began the story that Draco wouldn't recognize her, so the drastic changes made me feel better. I also had it in my head I would have then try to counter the charms she had placed, but it got away from me.

-Also, I feel I should clarify that Harry has been in on her mission the entire time, knowing she wasn't truly "missing." They were aware of a spy in the Order and knew the information that Hermione was missing would reach the Dark Lord after Hermione was caught, making sure they did not suspect her. It also distracted them from her by making the Dark Lord intent on finding her while she was weak, basically forgetting of the prisoner he left in Draco's charge. So basically, instead of Harry exposing the spy (Fleur), he took advantage of it. More to come on Fleur!

-And about the last part ichi.ruki... you are on to something! I hope you like the coming twists... I must warn you though, the story is called Living in Darkness for a reason!! You may not like what I'm about to do. But war is nothing but what it is.

I hope that cleared up any confusion!! :)



Chapter 8: The Senselessness of War

Draco entered his quarters to find her wide-awake at three am, looking at him as he shut the door. She looked beautiful. As always, he thought.

"What are you doing awake?" he asked, taking off his cloak and hanging it on the door hook. She looked at him, her expression made of stone.

"I was just waiting for you to come back," she said, still gazing at him strangely. Draco stopped what he was doing to go sit on his leather couch.

"And why would you be waiting on me, you never have before," he said slowly, trying to read her expression.

"Where were you, what do you do when you leave," she said, in a monotone voice. Draco looked at her, not exactly expecting that.

"Nothing," he said, looking away. Her eyes hardened.

"Fine, why are we back here? I thought you were threw with the Dark Lord, I thought you were going to change sides and help us to end this god forsaken war," she said, her voice raising with each word.

Draco sat in silence, understanding her true meaning.

"I avenged my mother's death. And I do hate this war just as much as you do, perhaps more. You are not committed to something you hate, something that has become a part of you," Draco stood up and walked to his balcony doors to look out into the night, "You do not understand. This is a part of me; it is who I am. I don't know how to be anything else," he finished desperately, almost frustrated.

She stared at his back coldly, "You don't want to be anything else."

Draco looked at her. How could she presume to know what he wants.

"You have no idea what I want, do not pretend you understand me," he said sharply.

"Then tell me Malfoy, what am I so wrong about. You have options, you have choices, but you choose to not take them and the only logical explanation is that you don't want to." Draco closed the distance between them in moments whispering deadly words.

"Do you want to know what I want? I want to stop seeing the faces of the countless innocent victims I've murdered... I want to rid myself of the dark mark that is burned into my skin... I want to find something I truly believe in that isn't just bullshit... And worst of all...I want you... I want you in every fucking way I can have you... I want to fuck you into the wall every time I lay eyes on you...I want you now, I'll want you tomorrow and I'll want you ten years from now, but guess what? We don't always get what we want. You don't know what it's like... To want something so bad, but be afraid to get too close to it, because the second you do, it is torn away."

"If you want me so much, why are we here?" She was shocked at his confession, but pressed further.

"I said that you could go, but you chose not to. That is why we are here. I don't know what the hell you think can happen between us, but if I go to the Order, they'll have my head before I can utter a word!"

"No they wouldn't, they would accept you. You have information that could help end the war. They could use you and they would believe you." Draco looked at her suspiciously.

"And who are you that they would hold your word so highly?" She sighed.

"You know I'm right, why can't we just do it, you said it yourself, you hate this, why not leave with me?" she asked pleadingly. Draco felt his mark burn. It was his father.

"I just can't," he said, without another word as he left the room.

XXX

Draco walked briskly down the corridor to his father's study. The castle was even gloomier and damper than he remembered. The dementors had probably returned. He fast approached his destination and entered the room without knocking.

Lucius looked up from his unconscious stare out the window.

"It's about time Draco, where have you been?" Lucius demanded with a cold tone. He soon noticed Draco's malevolent stare that he had transfixed upon Lucius.

"What is it? How is Narcissa?"

"She's dead," Draco said, the emotions suddenly devouring him like rapid flames. He felt enraged at him for allowing his mother to become a target. Lucius's face fell so dramatically that it could have been a ploy.

"You obviously pissed the Slovenians off. We should have disposed of them weeks ago, I didn't think the Dark Lord would tolerate such defiance."

Lucius studied Draco hard, his expression unreadable.

"Do you understand that the Dark Lord would have punished them for their disobedience eventually, but for now, all they were doing was creating more of a problem, more chaos. It would have made things easier in the end. That is why we did not act. They were not a threat and we could only benefit from their ignorance," Lucius finished with an almost insane tone, drawing closer to Draco.

"How is it that we allowed Mother to be killed within the protection of Malfoy Manor as we did nothing? How can we call ourselves the elite when we cannot even protect those most dear. We are weak... We are hypocrites for our beliefs because they are false. All we are doing is causing death because even if we do win, the balance of power will fall back to neutral. Nothing lasts forever and we are wasting our time for something that will fail. Eventually, we will all fail and what we have dedicated out lives to will become pointless." Draco's face was heated as he poured every bit of anger and frustration into his words which seemed to spread poison throughout the room. Lucius had breathed it in.

"There is nothing more that I would like to see happen than to go back in time and leave England before this war ever began. But that is impossible. Nothing can change what is done Draco. Your mother was strong, she knew what she married into and she knew the risks. However, no one regrets more than I..." Lucius finished sitting in his armchair and gazing out the window.

Draco watched as his father began his mourning and left the room silently wishing he could end all the pain he felt. His life since the war began had gone from bad to worse. He was a rapist, a murderer, a torturer and a liar. He had nothing good left in his life...except her... She was the one thing that he had actually felt on a positive level in the last six months. She was want he wanted to take away with him and never look back.

Draco walked down the empty corridor, his mind numb by how much had happened of late.

"Draco," a voice shouted from behind him. He turned around sharply to see who was calling his name. Melanie came striding towards him quickly.

"Where have you been, I've been looking for you for days," she said, frowning.

"I've been busy Melanie, now if you don't mind, I have things to do," Draco said, coldly, walking away from her.

"You don't have enough time to come back to my room," she asked hopefully. Draco turned to look at her for a moment thoughtfully.

"You really are a whore," he said, honestly turning his back on her and disappearing around the corner.

Melanie stood in pure anger as she stared at the last spot she saw Draco. She turned briskly and headed towards Blaise's quarters.

XXX

Hermione sat in the empty room gazing at nothing in particular. She desperately wanted to ask Malfoy about his run in with Harry. It had only been a few days, she wondered which night he had come in after seeing Harry.
"Oh no," she thought, revealing the truth to herself prompted by her own thoughts. The night Draco came back near death... Harry had done that... or it was a strange coincidence. She felt herself get sick. Nothing was going well... she wanted this war to end so badly...

As soon as Draco had left, Hermione decided she was tired of waiting around for him. She wanted answers and she wanted them now. She wanted to know what happened to Ginny. She grabbed one of Draco's black cloaks and put in on. Throwing the hood up, she left. She followed the path she remembered coming here from the dungeons. She didn't remember the walls being this silent... or so cold. It chilled her to the bone just being there. She suddenly found Malfoy's room very comforting. She soon found the dungeons empty of Death Eaters. She walked past the many cells... all empty... until she saw a person hunched back in the corner. She had almost passed her up. It was then that Hermione recognized her.

"Madeline," she asked, uncertain if the girl would hear her. She slowly looked up and Hermione felt the shock rise in her features. Her face was covered in dirt and dried blood. She looked malnourished and dehydrated. Hermione felt anger soon replace the repulsion.

"Madeline," she repeated, "are you alright." Hermione wished desperately that she had a wand and could help her...

"Madeline, listen, do you remember when Ginny was taken from here? Do you know what happened to her?" The girl looked out at Hermione.
She shook her head.

"I haven't seen her since I saw you last, they took her the same night. They took everyone that night, except for me..." She looked back towards the ground incoherently. Hermione's heart sank.

"Madeline, hang in there, someone will be here to rescue you shortly." At this point Hermione heard the dungeon door open and to her fear, saw Malfoy striding over to her. He seemed to be carrying a tray.

"Hey there, what are you doing?" he shouted at her. Hermione panicked. He got closer and pulled her hood back and nearly dropped the tray. He was pissed.

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" he shouted. He unlocked the cell door and set the tray on the floor in front of the girl. Hermione seemed to forget about how angry Malfoy was and looked at the tray. It had a pitcher of water and a glass and bread, cheese and an apple. She looked at Malfoy.

"You're bringing her rations?" she asked. Malfoy looked angry and grabbed her arm forcefully.

"Let's go, now."

XXX

"How can he possibly think he can treat me like that?" Melanie ranted, "I've done nothing but be his little bitch ever since we've been in this castle and now he blows me off like I'm a fucking disease. And he called me a whore."

"Uh... well," Blaise laughed, lying shirtless in Melanie's bed. She looked at him, severely irritated.

"I am not a whore, I only sleep with the two of you," she said, defensively. Blaise looked incredulous.

"We are the only two good looking Death Eater's remotely your age in the castle. Besides, look at the bright side, now you can just fuck me," she said with a smirk. Melanie looked at him disdainfully.

"He'll come around... He'll come around if I have to make him..." she said more to herself than to Blaise.

XXX

Harry and Ron sat in the kitchen of the burrow looking through the information they had compiled on the remaining horcrux. The Daily Prophet lie haphazardly in the pile.

"I just can't believe that while the wizarding world is on the brink of destroying mankind already, the muggles are trying to blow themselves up," Ron said, staring at the paper, "I mean, doesn't it just seem so ridiculous.

Harry looked up at him, "How is it any different than the war we are fighting. We have wands, they have bombs. The only difference is that we could be helping, but instead we are at war."

The headline read, "Attack at Glasgow Airport Terminal."

"I can't think of any reason to attack Glasgow. I mean no terrorist attack has good reason, but really, I mean... Glasgow, Scotland?" Ron said, "At least there's a lot of important decisions made in New York and London that could piss 'em off, but Glasgow?"

Harry looked at Ron, "When has it ever made any sense... war, I mean? It doesn't make sense that because one person hates another for insignificant reasons that they murder them."

"I guess that's the problem though, perception. Everyone's is different, no one is willing to budge. Not an inch, not one fucking inch to save countless lives. No Harry, it doesn't make sense."

XXX

"What the hell were you thinking?" Draco asked once they were back inside his quarters. Hermione looked at him, nervous to lie.

"I wanted to try to release her," she said, looking away from Draco. He seemed like he was going to blow.

"That's why you stayed isn't it?" he asked her. She looked up at him immediately.

"No, it's not, I just got tired of waiting around here doing nothing."

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are it was me who found you and not someone else? Do you? They would have slaughtered you and cursed me for letting you escape. Do you know what that could have been like?" he said aggressively. She looked down at the ground. He was right. That was rather foolish.

"I just wanted to know what it was like," she said, referring to the prisoners. Draco looked angrier.

"Do you want to know what it's like?" he said, his hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at her.

"Wear this," he said, thrusting the cloak he took from her previously, "and I will show you what it's like."

XXX

AN/ Not my favorite chapter, but I do like the Harry/Ron scene. Also, I know the actual timeline of the series is actually back however many years, but bare with me, I thought that was a good point to make. War is senseless and irrational, because people are irrational. And my husband is going to have to leave for 15 months and possibly lose his life because of people who are blinded like those who attacked the terminal in Glasgow. I remember 9/11 as I am sure we all do and my heart goes out to those in the UK who now have to deal with this blind hate. It is a very unfortunate event. It rather freaks me out because I was just speaking to a British woman on our flight to Amsterdam traveling to that airport on my trip home a few weeks ago. She was a very sweet woman and it just brings horrible news like this closer to home.

Okay, I'm done. Next chapter will be dark. I don't know how dark because I have yet to come up with more ideas for dark creepy stuff.

Anybody got any cool ideas for where the horcrux could be? I had the coolest idea to put it in the Necropolis in Glasgow, now I feel like I should scrap the idea... did you guys know St.Mungo was real and lived there? I thought that was cool. I imagine that is where JK got him from. Alrighty, sorry I'm so long winded tonight. I'm rather worked up. But, alas, I am going to bed!