Questions of Science

Disclaimer: Are we still debating this?

A/N: You guys already know how much I love you…well…I’ll say it again. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thanks for all the reviews, they are the main reason I write.

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The chapter title comes from the song “Give a Little Bit” by the Goo Goo Dolls.


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Chapter 8: So Much That We Need to Share

Hermione wiped her cheeks and eyes and got up off the floor. To say her back and neck hurt was a gross understatement.

Not only did the bastard cause her emotional pain, but physical pain as well. She stretched out her body and walked to the bathroom to take a pain-reliever potion.

She looked into the mirror upon her arrival in the elegant bathroom. Her eyes were a bit red, but the puffiness had vanished in her sleep. She washed her face and brushed her teeth; a fresh start to a whole new day. All of a sudden a smile crossed her face.

She wasn’t supposed to let her emotions get to her like that. She was here for a purpose, to help treat a woman from suffering the full effects of a mental illness. Malfoy was just a distraction. She cleared her thoughts and was glad that she remembered her duty.

Hermione found the pain-relieving potion and downed the right amount of contents. She pulled her hair back into a high ponytail and set off to her wardrobe to pick out the day’s clothes.

She decided on a blue and black halter sundress that was very casual, but also very professional, coming down to her knees and showcasing her arms. Her arms were probably her favorite part of her body, besides her breasts (come on now, a girl can admire when the powers that be bestow a nice rack on her person), and she just felt like feeling happy with herself and feeling pretty.

She didn’t dare let her thoughts stray to the events of the night before. She knew that once she saw the Malfoy spawn, those thoughts would eventually infiltrate her psyche, and she just wanted to be in peace at the moment.

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The cold water did not help wash the guilt and the shameful emotion Draco was feeling at the moment. He vaguely remembered falling asleep outside of the Healer’s double doors and his mother waking him to go sleep in her bed.

Instead of sleeping, he had wandered into the bathroom and splashed water on his face. This wasn’t turning out very well and there had to be some major damage control.

Draco decided that he would have to tell Hermione the real reason for the hooker. Maybe Hermione would hate him a bit less if she knew that he had gone through all that trouble because he needed to get her out of his mind.

But why did he have to get Hermione out of his mind? The answer was a difficult one and a practical one. He sighed and left his mother’s bathroom to go to his own room and get ready for the day.

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“Are you going to tell me why I found you out in the hallway this morning?” Narcissa asked when her son had joined her out in the garden.

“It’s a long story.” He said tiredly.

“Trust me dear, we have all the time in the world.” She said with a smile.

“I don’t think I could tell you.” He said.

“Are you afraid I would judge you? You are my son and nothing you do could ever make me think less of you.” She said and took a sip of her Earl Grey.

“Ugh. Mum, I’m in such a mess right now.” Draco sighed and nervously tapped his spoon against the side of the teacup.

Then he let the flood gates open. He told her everything, everything he had felt, everything he had doubted, everything about the girl who made him smile just by being the same room.

Narcissa nodded along to everything her son said.

“So what happened last night?”

He told her about the prostitute and about his skirmish with Hermione afterwards.

“I don’t even know why she was so upset.” Draco said dismally.

“Well, isn’t it obvious dear?” Narcissa asked. He looked blankly at her and waited for her to continue. “She has feelings for you.”

“That can’t be it, mum.”

“Oh, but it is.” She said. “Why don’t you just tell her how you feel?”

He never answered her because Hermione came into view at that moment, carrying her notes and sat in front of them. Thankfully, she hadn’t heard their conversation.

“Good morning.” She said genially to the both of them, but didn’t even glance in the direction of the blond devil.

“Good morning, dear. Have you had breakfast?” Narcissa asked.

“Yes, thank you.” Hermione said and opened her folder of notes. “Now, Narcissa, I need to go through a round of questions today to further research your mental progress. I have a sedative ready for you in case you become hysterical because I know that this might not be easy.”

Narcissa looked nervous and reached for her son’s hand. “I d-don’t know if I can do it, if it’s going to be that hard.”

“I understand Narcissa, but I’m only saying that as a precaution. Your son will be here in case you need comfort. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but I really need to find the source of your imbalance and this is the only way.”

Draco squeezed his mother’s hand in reassurance. She smiled at him and took a shaky breath. “Alright, it looks like I have no choice.”

Hermione smiled kindly at her and turned to the King of Evil. “Same rules as last time. No interruptions.”

He nodded his head curtly.

“Now Narcissa I want you to clear your mind. Just empty it of everything, relax, enjoy the peace of an empty head. Close your eyes; let the back of your eyelids be the only thing you concentrate on.”

Narcissa closed her eyes and Draco felt her hand relax in his. He knew that this relaxation was going to be very short-lived and he wished she could be at peace forever.

Hermione waited a minute and then set her quill to dictate the conversation.

“Narcissa?”

“Yes?” she answered distantly, eyes still closed.

“What do you care about most in the world?” Hermione asked gently.

“My Draco.” Narcissa replied without a second thought.

“What do you care for Narcissa, not who.”

“I care for his happiness. I haven’t thought about anything but his happiness for the past twenty years. The mother’s curse, if you will.”

“Did it hurt you when he joined the Death Eaters?” Hermione asked.

“Of course it hurt me. I’d seen up close what horrible souls they had. I begged him not to join, but I knew he couldn’t disobey his father. I knew there was no way out of it. It was either his life or his servitude.” Narcissa said and opened her eyes.

“Tell me, Narcissa. Tell me what they did to you.” Hermione said.

Narcissa looked down at her hands. Hermione noticed Draco shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“I don’t want Draco to hear.” Narcissa said in a soft voice.

“He already knows what happened. He witnessed it.”

Narcissa nodded her head. “Yes I know. I just…I’m ashamed.”

“There is nothing to be ashamed of Narcissa. You are a victim and you have no responsibility over anything that happened.”

Hermione thought for a moment. “Would you like Draco to tell me instead, so you don’t have to say it?”

Narcissa looked up from her hands. “When he’s done, do you still want me to tell you?”

“Yes. But it doesn’t have to be today. I just want you to listen to the outsider perspective and then some time later I will listen to your first-person account.” Hermione said.

Narcissa nodded her head slowly and then occupied her eyes and hands with a lace tea-cozy.

Hermione turned to Draco for the first time that morning. She was almost expert at hiding her emotions, but he wasn’t trained like her. She could see a multitude of emotions pass through his grey eyes. They held sorrow, regret, uneasiness…nothing positive. It was almost as if what he was about to tell her wanted to escape through his eyes first and not his mouth.

“Now Draco, I want you to tell me about the first time you witnessed group abuse on your mother.” Hermione said delicately.

Draco took a breath. “I don’t mean to be rude, Healer Granger, but I remember telling you that I wasn’t ready to enlighten you with what I witnessed at those meetings.”

“I understand the confidentiality and I don’t mean to invade your personal space, but as long as I have your mother’s attention and her agreement with what’s going to be said, I need you to disclose the information. It is necessary for her progress that we get these things out in the air.”

Draco stared at her, possibly hoping for all this to go away, so he wouldn’t have to say aloud the things that haunted his nightmares.

Hermione continued. “I’ve left her without questioning for a week to prepare her for this. I need you to comprehend how crucial it is for both of you to take a step back and just have those inner demons brought up again. The only consolation I have for you is that those things will never happen again.”

“I was sixteen.” Draco started. “I had just gotten the Dark Mark that morning. My life was pretty much at the lowest point it had ever been. I was terrified, alone, unaware of anything happening around me.

“My father told me that this meeting was an important one, what with it being my first meeting. He said it was where they find out the true Death Eaters from the fakes. I tried to repress the memory but obviously, it just didn’t work.

“We stood in this circle around the Dark Lord, all with our hoods and masks. I felt sick; I wanted to throw up; I wanted to go home and just curl up in bed and forget about everything. The Dark Lord summoned one of the Death Eaters. They brought forth with them a hooded person as they stepped into the inner portion.

“For some reason, in the back of my mind, I knew who it was. I knew my mum was the person under the hood. I knew that this was going to be a test to see if I would stand up to them, to see if I would choose family over loyalty to the Dark Lord. I didn’t dare open my mouth because I knew if I did, I would most likely throw up with fear.”

Draco paused for a moment and looked at his mother. She was holding onto the tea-cozy so tight, it looked like it would tear at any moment. He took a shallow breath and continued.

“They took her hood off and she looked right at me.” Draco said and closed his eyes. “She wasn’t disappointed in me, or ashamed of me. She was just…she was just, existing. As if she accepted what she was about to be put through. She was wearing this white robe and she looked like an angel. I know that’s a muggle reference, but I had started reading early on in life and I knew that that’s what angels probably looked like.

“The Dark Lord walked around her, studying her. He summoned my father and told him to take his wand out. My father automatically did as he was told and withdrew his wand from his robes. He pointed it at my mum as if he had been through this many times before.

“W-what bothered me the most, was the look in her eyes when she looked at him. It was almost as if she was asking him not to do it. To take mercy on her because she was his wife. I wanted to grab that wand from his hand and kill them all, run with my mum and forget about it all. But I was frozen. Frozen with fear, cowardice and anxiety.”

“I have to stop you there, Draco.” Hermione said. “I have to correct you. You weren’t a coward. Please learn to accept the fact that you had no choice. It was your mother’s life, your life or the torture.”

“I already told you, it would have been better off if we had both died.” Draco said coldly.

Narcissa cleared her throat. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to die Draco. I’m glad you didn’t stop it. I’m glad you stayed quiet. I’m glad you’re with me now to help me. I’m so lucky to have you.” She said and a tear escaped from one of her beautiful blue eyes.

Draco took his mother’s hand and kissed it softly. “I’m so sorry, mum.” He said and turned back to Hermione who was one step closer to losing the control over her emotions.

“I watched as my father placed a Cruciatus curse on her for a full five minutes. Every second was pure agony to me, as if I could feel the physical pain that she felt. But bless her, she didn’t once fall to her knees or cry out. She winced and grimaced and stood on her two feet, retaliating against them. It was the strongest I had ever seen her.

“They obviously didn’t like that and from then on, it was their goal to break her. He stopped the Cruciatus curse and back-handed her a few times. But I doubt she felt those after the curse. The Dark Lord whispered something in my father’s ear and before I knew it, my mother was chained up on the floor.”

Draco stopped and took a few breaths, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

Hermione’s hands were shaking, but she hid them under the table and kept a resigned face.

“I, they uh, I w-watched as my f-f-father…” He took a very shaky breath. “r-r-raped her.”

Hermione couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her lips.

“I tried to close my eyes…but they had put a spell on me that only allowed me to blink and not close them for a period of time.”

Draco let out a breath that he had seemed to be holding and put his head in his hands.

Narcissa had silent tears running down her cheeks and a soft smile on her face. She rubbed her son’s back, as if he were a little boy who had just lost a pet and needed comforting.

Hermione was near the breaking point. No, fuck that, she was past the breaking point and she didn’t even notice the hot tears run down her face and into her lap.

Draco looked up at a point behind Hermione’s shoulders. “When he was finished, they dragged her off of the floor and she looked at me again…I remember her eyes were red from crying and she had blood on her lips and cheek, but she had never looked more beautiful to me than she did then.

“She mouthed the words ‘I love you’ and they covered her with the hood again, whisking her away to…I don’t know where.” He said and rubbed his face.

Hermione quickly wiped her cheeks and stopped her quill.

“I think that’s enough for today. Draco, I could give you a low-dose sedative if you’d like. An anti-depressant maybe.”

“No.” he said simply. “I don’t need anything.”

“Narcissa, are you ok?” Hermione asked quietly.

Narcissa nodded and wiped her own cheeks. “I think I’d like to take a nap. I don’t feel like being awake right now.”

Hermione nodded and put away all of her notes, handing them to a house-elf to deliver to her office.

Draco stood up to help his mother to her room. He walked with her back into the house, leaving Hermione outside in the garden, ready to combust from all the emotion-control.

The minute Hermione was sure they were in the house she let the tears back out. These weren’t silent tears; these were heart-wrenching, throat-aching sobs.

Minutes had gone by as she sat out in the garden and cried. She thought about the pain that Narcissa had gone through, the strength she had to try and fight it. She thought about how hard it was for Draco to watch as horrible things were done to the only person he cared about and who cared about him.

Suddenly, Hermione felt strong arms stand her up and strong arms wrap around her upper body. She buried her face in the warm chest of the one person who could make her cry like that.

The emotional strain seemed to ebb as she stood so close to him. He smelled of clean, earthy cologne.

She not only felt the strong arms around her, protecting her from the world, trying to protect her from the horrors that invaded recollections. But she also felt the soft lips that she so yearned to kiss, she felt them near her ear whispering:

“It’s going to be ok. It’s going to be alright. Those were just memories, memories that can’t happen again. Not to her, not to you, not to me...it’s going to be alright, Hermione. Please, don’t cry. It’s all ok.”

In that moment, in that horribly emotional moment, Hermione realized something that had been nestled in the back of her mind and now it was making an appearance to her entire consciousness:

She was in love with the man whose arms she was in.

Hermione didn’t understand at what point the realization hit her. Maybe it was when she broke down sobbing. Maybe it was at the fact that Draco had said her first name.

For whatever reason, the realization was already there. She loved him. It had only been a week, but in that week, she had grown to yearn for his company, yearn for his smile, his laugh, his being.

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Draco held the sobbing girl in his arms. He could feel her heart beat against his chest. It was racing. She seemed so innocent right then, so naïve to the terrors of the world.

He wanted to be the one to protect her. He didn’t want things to make her cry, least of all himself. Holding her there, whispering reassurances in her ear, feeling her rapid heart beat: the realization hit him like a train.

Draco tried hard to disregard this realization, but the longer he stood holding the beautiful girl in his arms, the more it made sense. He wanted to hold her forever, and not just because she was the only female he had seen in three years besides his mother, but because she understood him and accepted him for who he was.

Little did he know that Hermione had had the same realization about him at pretty much the same exact time.

He was in love with her. She was in love with him. Neither knew of the other’s feelings and right then, it didn’t matter. They just needed to be in each other’s arms.

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Hermione pulled away from his arms and wiped her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that morning. She looked up into his eyes and they seemed so comforting to her, so understanding.

“I’m sorry about your shirt. It’s all wet.” She said with a watery smile.

“I have others.” He said softly.

“Is your mother asleep?” she asked, looking down at her hands. His gaze was too intense.

“Yes.” He said and leaned against the carved table. “I think we have to talk.”

“Listen, about last night. I was being weird and all, I don’t know, I guess I was just surprised.” Hermione rambled.

“I was stupid in hiring her. It was all a big mistake.” He said.

“No it’s understandable. You’re a guy after all and it’s been three years in solitude. I mean you have, uh, needs and stuff.” She said with a slight blush and sat down in the chair in front of where he was leaning, head still down.

Draco sighed. “Do you want to know the real reason I hired a hooker?”

Hermione looked up at him and now he was the one looking down at his hands.

“I needed to get you out of my thoughts.” He said.

Hermione’s eyes widened. Isabelle had been right.

“You needed to get me out of your thoughts?” Hermione repeated.

“Yeah. For those first few days, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I teased you about analyzing and scrutinizing things, but fuck, I was doing it so much more.”

Hermione couldn’t help but smile. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I don’t mean to sound so unrealistic and I know it’s only been a few days.” Draco said and took a breath. “I think you’re wonderful. The way you listen to me, the way you treat my mother, the way you allowed our past to be put behind us, and the way you accepted me for what I am, and not for what I was.”

Draco looked up at her and saw her smiling. He chanced a soft smile back at her.

“I think you’re so beautiful.” He added in a whisper.

Hermione sat in half-stunned, half-speechless mode. They were staring at each other; him waiting for her to function properly, and her trying to figure out if this was actually happening.

“I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this, but I just thought you should know. I don’t expect anything in return, actually I would prefer if it was only one-sided.” He said and this snapped Hermione out of her trance.

“Why would you prefer that?”

“Well, if you had feelings for me, we wouldn’t be able to act upon them. I mean, I’m on the run from the bloody Ministry, hiding out in a Manor. I wouldn’t be able to take you out, buy you things, it would be disastrous.”

Hermione smiled at this. “Is it my turn to talk?”

He nodded.

“I’ve known for a few days now that I fancied you.” She said and smiled at his bewildered expression. “I talked to my friend Belle about it and she told me that she knew that you liked me back, but I kind of didn’t believe her. I just couldn’t fathom why you would ever find an interest in me.”

He let her talk, not wanting to interrupt her.

“I had never met someone who understood the way I thought like you did. Yes, you teased me about it, but it was all in good intentions. I actually really enjoy talking to you and to tell you the truth, sometimes I would pretend that I had to ask you questions for research when I just wanted to get to know you.” She said with a slight pink hue to her cheeks.

“I know that was taking advantage of my position, but I so wanted to know you as a person and to know you as a friend. And I’m so happy I did because you are so real and so genuine. It’s hard to believe that you were once such an evil wanker.”

She looked at him to see him staring thoughtfully at her. Studying her.

“Isn’t it idiotic that we’ve both had these mutual feelings and yet neither of us bothered to confront the other?” He asked.

Hermione laughed. “I didn’t want to just come out and tell you because I was trying to ignore those feelings and everything. I didn’t know you felt the same.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t really matter.” He said dejectedly. “I already told you that we can’t act upon these feelings. I wouldn’t want you to be with someone who is imprisoned in their own home. You deserve to have someone who is normal and not one breath away from a mental breakdown. You deserve to be taken out and showered with gifts, affection, and romantic stuff. I can’t give you that. I can’t give you anything.”

Hermione stood up from her chair and approached the sullen blond man carefully. He was still leaning on the table, so she was able to match his height as she stood in front of him.

He looked into her dark eyes. They usually held mystery and obscurity, but now he could see admiration, delight.

Draco couldn’t resist reaching out and stroking her soft cheek with his thumb. Hermione brought her hand up to his and held it in place on her cheek.

They couldn’t stop staring at each other.

Grey irises vs. Brown irises

Sadness vs. Happiness

Right brain vs. Left brain

And then they became one whole brain. In the blink of an eye, Hermione’s lips found their other half. Two pairs of lips that had been studied, two pairs of lips that had been dreamt about, thought about constantly, were finally connected.

Hermione parted her lips to take an intake of breath and with the air came Draco’s tongue, like a snake finding a cool place to hide on a hot day. She accepted it hungrily, as if she had fasted all of her life and his tongue was the essential nourishment for her to survive.

Draco explored Hermione’s mouth and studied every tooth and taste bud with his tongue. She was delicious to him. She was the alcohol to his alcoholism, the sugar to his sweet tooth, the water to his thirst.

He held onto her face as if afraid that she was just a figment of his imagination. She did the same, except her hands managed to creep into the soft tresses of the blond celestial kingdom known as Draco Malfoy’s hair.

Before the oxygen level was depleted, they pulled away mutually, trying to catch their stolen breaths. Hermione’s cheeks were red from lack of air and from having the most exhilarating, heart-stopping kiss ever.

Draco’s pale cheeks had taken more of a pink shade but mostly from not having taken a breath for two minutes. He wanted more. But he knew it couldn’t happen…she shouldn’t have to be stuck with him, a convict halfway to madness.

Hermione regained her composure and dared to look into the eyes of the person who literally took her breath away. Draco looked pained.

“What’s wrong?” she asked timidly.

“You’re so fucking perfect and I can’t have you.” He said with a steady gaze.

“I don’t get it. I thought you said…” Hermione replied, but was cut off.

“I’m crazy about you and your lips helped prove it. You deserve better. You deserve so much better. I’m broken, I’m empty, I’m nothing.”

“I deserve you.” She said with force. “I deserve someone who feels the same way that I feel for them. I don’t want big fancy dates and gifts and all that. I just want what we have right now. I want that and nothing else.”

“But I can’t offer you anything.” He said hopelessly.

“I just want you.” Hermione said softly, picking up his large hand with her own petite one. She kissed his rough knuckles and laced her fingers through his. “Don’t push me away because I do want this. I don’t care what you’ve been through or how you can never leave the manor. That means nothing to me.”

Draco sighed. “Can we do this? I mean, what if it doesn’t work out? You’ll still be here, taking care of my mother, and then what?”

For the first time in her life, Hermione relied on her emotions to utter her next words. “I’m in love with you.”

She expected him to maybe laugh at her or roll his eyes and scoff. Or perhaps even just ignore her and leave.

But Draco Malfoy is unpredictable. He kissed her.

This kiss was more urgent. He was trying to tell her something through this kiss but he somehow couldn’t translate words into lip movements.

He pulled away and held her face in his hands. “Do you mean it?”

Hermione blinked rapidly, trying to get her neurons to fire signals to her brain to get her to talk. “Y-yes. I mean it.”

“But doesn’t it scare you? I mean, it’s only been a week.” He said, searching her eyes for a sign of dishonesty.

“We’ve been talking nonstop about everything and anything for this past week, Draco. I know more about you than I could ever imagine and you know things about me that not even Belle, Harry or Ron know. I’m attracted to your mind, I’m attracted to your body, and this might sound cheesy, but most of all, I’m attracted to your soul.

“I’ve never felt this connected to anyone before and we may be different and we may think differently, but I just know in my mind that for once, I should follow my emotions. And right now, my emotions are all relaying the same thing: I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Hermione took a breath to steady herself. “Yes, I’m scared because I’ve never been through this before. But it’s a good kind of scared and I want you to be the one to help me banish those fears. I know this is going about a hundred kilometers per second, and that we still have to think about what’s going to happen in the future and everything with your mother and all these other things, but right now I just wanted to tell you how I felt.”

“So you won’t flip out if I return those feelings?” he asked slowly, her face still in his hands.

“Flip out?” She asked with a laugh. “No, I promise.”

“Merlin, fuck, I’m in love with you.” Draco said with a hesitant smile. “This is all a bit surreal. Very fast, very frightening, and incredibly surreal.”

“You should see what’s going on in my head…I’m analyzing the shit out of all of this.” Hermione said.

Draco laughed and brought her face closer to his. “So you would risk having to deal with me and my problems just because you’re in love with me?”

“I think I can handle it.” Hermione said, her lips almost touching his supple ones.

They were so close, yet not quite there.

Their lips tickled with the static closeness of each other.

“So we’re in love?” he whispered

“Yeah.” Hermione breathed.

They could taste each other’s sweet breath. Just one hair width away from lip Valhalla.

And once more, they became a whole brain. Analyzing and scrutinizing and emotions and sentiment and awareness blended into a whirlpool of sensation.

They didn’t know how long they stayed like that, lost in each other’s tongues, lips, sounds, fingers, hair.

The sun beat down on top of their heads, signaling noon-time.

Hermione took a step back, releasing her lips from Draco’s captivity. “So now what?”

“Can’t we snog more?” Draco asked, running his thumb over Hermione’s plump lower lip.

Hermione smiled at him. “I have to go over my notes from today. And it’s almost lunchtime; the house-elves will wake your mother soon.”

“Mhmm.” He said, looking into her brown eyes again.

“We have to talk more about this later. My left side of the brain is on the fritz because I’ve neglected it so much today.” She said.

He laughed again, standing up straight and taking her hand in his.

They walked into the Manor, excited and scared for what would be up ahead.

So much had been exposed that morning and yet so much had been hidden…