What Have I Done?

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Chapter Seven

Madame Pomfrey watched the two wizards sitting on either side of her patient’s bed. Both had come baring flowers and both had remained silent since entering. They, in turns, glared at one another or watched the still features of the unconscious woman lying on the bed between their chairs. It was one of the oddest situations she’d ever come to witness within the halls of Hogwarts. Shaking her head, she went back to reading an article on healing youthful accidents from harmful potions.

Severus shot a glare at Lupin sitting at Larentia’s bedside as though he weren’t the reason she lay there. He tore his gaze away and focused on her face, soft as it was when she’d woken up in her rooms before... Gods, he was being driven mad just remembering the day before. He wished he could have stayed away, busied himself with potions preparations or grading, but the thought of not being by her side ate away at him. He needed to be here, near her. When she woke up, he vowed, he was going to take the time to get to know her. Really know her. Even if she chose to stay with Lupin, the brute, he wanted to know everything about her. Like her favorite flower, he looked at the cluster of lavender he’d brought with him. Would she like the lavender? He knew she liked the scent, her hair smelled of lavender, but did she like the flower itself?

He was rather shocked that he cared. That he would bother to want to know anything at all about her. It had been years since he had wanted to know someone. Years since his heart broke into a million pieces after one word was spoken without thoughts of its consequences. His eyes caressed Larentia’s face. He remembered her from his school days, well remembered a shadow of her. She was two years younger than he was, in a different house, and definitely not part of either his crowd or the crowd that tormented him. No, he’d not paid the least bit of attention to her then, so focused was he on Lily and the Marauders, not to mention his own dark aspirations. For once, Lily’s memory wasn’t haunting him. He felt a sort of peace, as though Lily herself were giving her blessings for him to continue on with Larentia. As though he’d finally earned the right to be happy.

As Snape sat, lost in his own thoughts, Remus fought back the urge to crawl into bed next to Larentia. He wanted to be nearer her, to be touching her, to make everything better. The guilt he felt at what he’d done was nagging at him. He couldn’t believe how angry he’d been. Couldn’t believe that he would ever raise a wand in anger near her, let alone cause her a moment’s pain. But the proof lay on the bed beside him

He looked up at the small earthenware vase of wildflowers he’d brought her. He remembered how they’d taken a walk earlier in the year, before the weather changed. Remembered wandering into the Dark Forest and finding a clearing littered with wildflowers where they’d made love and she’d plucked a few to take back to her rooms to remind her of their time spent there. One part of him hoped for more times like that one, while another more reasonable part knew those carefree days were past them. How could she ever look at him with anything other than loathing? He’d only proven his argument for why they shouldn’t be together in the first place. He was part dark creature, and she would never be truly safe with him.

So lost in their own thoughts, neither man noticed Dumbledore until he stood beside Tia’s head. Conjuring a simple crystal vase, he placed the three white lilies he held before setting it between the two other floral offerings. He let his hand fall to her cheek in a fatherly gesture before turning to face Remus and Severus. Keeping his voice low, he asked them both to accompany him to his office again.

Once ensconced in the Headmaster’s office, surrounded by dozing portraits, Dumbledore gave his wand a flick and a setting of tea appeared before them. He gestured to them to help themselves to a cup after taking his own cup.

“I realize Larentia’s condition is not easy for either of you,” he started, adding an obscene amount of sugar cubes to his cup. “However, I’d like to remind you both of the nature of Hogwarts. While it’s still weekend, her absence has not gone unnoticed. Tomorrow, when classes are again in session, it will be fully noticed by all the students and teachers. Of course, everyone will be told that she’s in the Hospital, there’s no point in denying that fact. The nature of the school, as I mentioned, is one of gossip and innuendo. Already, the students and teachers that have noticed her absence will have also noticed the two of you entering the Hospital. Soon the stories will begin.” He stopped, letting this settle in their minds.

“All three of you will be the subjects of such gossip. As you should already know, there are no secrets in Hogwarts. I won’t say you shouldn’t visit Tia, I will however, ask that you consider both your own and Tia’s reputations.”

Remus and Severus listened and understood immediately. Of course the students and teachers would notice her absence. Even if she wasn’t as popular as she was, they’d notice her being gone. Being that she was popular among staff and students alike, there would be more than a passing interest into what put her into the hospital. Even though they’d noticed no one on their trip to the Hospital with her unconscious body, the portraits had, and they weren’t known for their discretion. Both could have groaned outloud, realizing how right Dumbledore was.

Lupin will be thought some gallant hero, saving her from my greasy clutches, Severus’ mind growled.

Remus thought about facing all the sympathetic faces and his guilty conscience nearly made him physically ill.

Dumbledore watched the men digest his words, ignoring their cups. He truly understood how difficult the situation was for both of them, but they had to be prepared for what was to come. Better they were forewarned facing the curious staff and students.

“Now then, there was another reason I brought you both here. Larentia’s classes will need covered. Remus, I know I asked you here for Order business, but I must ask you to take her classes.” Both men started to protest, but he held up an impatient hand. “Perhaps I should make myself clear. I’m not actually asking, I’m ordering. Because of the two of you, I’m a teacher short. Remus, you’ve taught here before. I know you feel the parents and governors would disapprove, but I’m not offering you a permanent position. And you, Severus, you are to hold back the obvious animosity you feel for Remus while he’s teaching. Unlike how you behaved the last time he taught here.” The tone of his voice broached no argument and both men nodded their reluctant acceptance.

“Difficult choices are coming, gentlemen. Perhaps if you both tried to see things from each other’s prospective instead of assuming the other’s wrong simply because that’s how you’ve always believed, things would not have deteriorated so far.” He looked into each man’s eyes in turn, seemingly seeing straight through them. “Perhaps you’d see that you’re not so very different after all. Your school days are behind you, keep them there.”

Severus stared at the Headmaster. That was practically the same thing Larentia had said the first time they’d been together. Surely he didn’t know. No, of course he didn’t. It was just an oft repeated mantra to keep him from holding grudges against any member of Potter Senior’s merry gang of hoodlums.

“I won’t ask you both what your intentions are for Tia. I will, however, ask you to consider just what it is that you want from her, what type of relationship you expect. She deserves the best she can have, but so do both of you.” He raised an eyebrow behind his half-moon glasses. “Now, I don’t think I have to say that I will not be happy should either of you intentionally hurt her.”

Both men shifted uncomfortably in their seats under Dumbledore’s gaze. Of course they knew he’d be unhappy if they hurt her. He wasn’t exactly a bundle of merriment right now, was he?

“I think that will be all for today, Professors. Might I suggest you both retire to your rooms to prepare for tomorrow? I feel it will be a long day for both of you.” He said, dismissing them.