Darker Side of Me

A/N: I posted this early because I really wanted to and felt that it follows the other chapter well. I will likely wait before posting chapter 9 for reasons previously state. Thanks to all those who did review! I hope you like it!


Darker Side of Me –Chapter 8

A rush of fluttering feathers came overhead as the morning owls entered the Great Hall to deliver the mail. Harry paid little mind to them as he was carefully pretending to listen to Ron and Hermione’s brilliantly happy tales of their Christmas holidays. He did stir a little, however, when Hedwig landed in front of him and dropped a tiny piece of parchment in front of him.

Opening the letter, however, Harry’s breath caught in his chest and his face shaped into a visible grimace. It was a quickly scrawled letter from Malfoy asking to meet later that day out by the lake. He glanced over at the Slytherin table. Malfoy was staring sullenly into his toast with dead eyes. Harry gritted his teeth and crumpled the letter. Without another word, he got up and left.

He did not look back when Hermione called to him. He did not look back after having bumped into the Creevey brothers and nearly sending them flying across the room. He did not look back for anything. All Harry could do to stop himself from openly hexing everyone in his path was not look back.

What nerve Malfoy had to dare to ask him to meet. After all he had done, after all that had been said and after all the lies, he still thought Harry would willingly meet with him. What a fool.

Harry walked aimlessly through the halls of the castle, unaware of where he might end up and simply needing to walk and get away. He felt all the horrible feelings of anger and pain swell in his chest again, urging him to expulse the negative energy by destroying something. He refrained from doing so, nevertheless, and dropped behind a statue to sit and mull things over. He wanted to calm down. Classes were starting today and he could not afford to allow these things to rule his life, anymore.

Potter groaned softly as he held back both tears and screams, refusing to let himself be overcome by his heartache. He had not told Ron and Hermione about any of it. He had not even told them that his situation had worsened over the break, though he was sure they would find out eventually.

No matter what he did though, his thoughts always came back to the Slytherin. He hated himself for everything that had happened. He hated himself for not knowing better, for not wanting to know any better. He opened the letter and stared at the short message for what seemed to him like an eternity. He almost hoped that there was some hidden message behind the chaste, short words. He almost hoped that if he stared long enough that they letters would rearrange and spell out some kind of apology or explanation, making everything better and washing away the past as something meaningless. He stared but the words did not change. They simply burned themselves into the backs of his retina and imprinted themselves on his brain.

Harry tore the letter to shreds out of anger and frustration, feeling little tears escape his eyes and stream down his face. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He wanted to get away, he wanted to escape and never have to face the people he felt that he had let down ever again. He didn’t want to have to face his own betrayal every day and certainly did not want to get anymore messages reminding him of it.

Hopefully Malfoy would simply give up if he refused to see him. Perhaps he would be too scared to write again. Harry did have some kind of leverage now, after all.

But he was wrong.

The letters did not stop coming. Every day for the next two weeks, Harry was greeted every morning by Hedwig bearing little pieces of parchment for him. These letters seemed to get more and more desperate as time went on, but Harry refused. He would not see Malfoy. He would not talk to him. He couldn’t. He would not put himself in any vulnerable position again.

He would not let Draco kill him again.

*_*_*

Draco sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the ground. The Slytherin dormitories were empty. Everyone had gone to class, but Draco had stayed behind. He couldn’t bring himself to try and sit still for that long, pretending to listen, while he wondered all the while whether or not Harry was going to give him away or not. More importantly, he couldn’t sit there and allow himself to imagine just how much Potter must hate him now.

Draco bit his tongue to stop himself from yelling and got to his feet to get dressed. He put on some pants and picked up a long-sleeved shirt. Before he put it on, however, he stared at the black mark on his arm once again. He found that lately he had been mesmerized by its presence and could not stop himself from staring at it and wishing he could just cut off his arm.

He tore his eyes from the mark and finished dressing. Draco walked over to the mirror in the corner of the room instead. He stared at himself, searching for something in his own eyes. He didn’t know what he was anymore. He felt as though he had been separated into two different people who happened to be living in the same body. As of now, he hated that other half and wished he could kill that person and be free. He knew, however, that this would likely just mean killing himself.

He looked away from his reflection, thinking a bit further on that idea. But before he could even manage to formulate rational thought, he felt something hit his back and felt as though he’d been knocked upside the head by a frying pan. His vision blurred drastically as he felt the ground speed towards him, and then felt nothing at all.

*_*_*

The ambient sounds were muffled and painful to Draco when he awoke. His head felt as though it weighed a ton. He tried to lift it, but managed only to make it loll back and forth over his chest. His arms were heavily bound and hanging apart just above his head. He waited carefully for his vision to focus and his head to clear.

His shirt was in shreds about his torso and his chest and stomach felt as though he’d been trampled by stampeding centaurs. His throat was hoarse and he finally managed to raise his head. Standing before him were the unmistakable figures of his father and McNair. He was sure that there were some other Death-Eaters lingering in the shadows somewhere, but he paid no mind to them, wherever they were. His father’s face was sullen and dark, staring at his son. McNair’s face was obstructed by a black shroud and he held a long, two-tailed whip in his bony hands.

“I was wondering why it was taking you so long,” Draco murmured, his voice broken and rough. “I’d almost thought you weren’t coming. But I should have known that you could never pass up a chance to prove your superiority.” Draco paid dearly for that remark. With a crack, he felt but did not see the two-tailed whip strike him across the chest. These were magical methods of torture, of course. Draco immediately started to cough, heaving whatever breath was left in his chest, and spat out blood onto the ground beneath him.

“You spiteful little fool,” his father spat at him. “You should have known better than to think you could talk to me the way you did and not be punished for your insolence.” Malfoy nodded to McNair, who immediately complied and raised his wand to Draco’s chest. A vice-grip appeared around the young teenager’s mid-section and tightened, crushing the air from Draco’s body and allowing him little breathing capabilities. “You have put us all in jeopardy and cannot be allowed to get away with it.”

“You realize that if you kill me, he won’t be any happier with you,” Draco whispered, unable to raise his voice any more. Lucius Malfoy raised his wand at his son and hit him with a spell, knocking his head back and causing his eyes to roll back into his head. He groaned as his dreams became real, though he had experienced them many times before.

“I’m not going to kill you, you idiot.” Lucius Malfoy walked towards his son. “You are going to complete your mission whether you like it or not. I will not die because of you.” He raised his wand again. “Imperio!”

Draco immediately felt his muscles relax and a soothing voice resound in his head, encouraging him to obey and do as he is told. His eyes lost focus briefly before something else jumped to the forefront of his mind. An image of Potter’s face just before they had kissed came to him. Draco snapped himself out of his daze and began to fight back against the curse. He clenched his jaw and fought against his own muscles that urged him to comply.

“I will not be a coward like you, anymore,” he managed to spit through his teeth, contorting his face in concentration at his father. Lucius Malfoy’s eyes widenened and he back-handed his son, knocking Draco unconscious. He removed the shackles and vices around his son’s frame and allowed him to drop to the ground in a fallen heap of limbs.

“You will pay for that,” he muttered to his son’s unconscious figure. “Mark my words; you will not get away with this.”

*_*_*

“He hasn’t been seen in almost a week!”

“Last I’d even heard anything about him was just before his father showed up with McNair. After his visit, no one knew where he went.”

“I don’t know what to think, he doesn’t disappear like this. Do you suppose it has something to do with his father?”

Harry shut his eyes trying desperately to ignore all the voices around him. The Slytherins were all abuzz with gossip and worry as they spoke of Draco Malfoy’s strange disappearance from classes. Harry hadn’t seen him in more than a week but he’d just thought that Draco had started avoiding him. He hadn’t realized that the Slytherins hadn’t even seen him. He began to worry, despite himself, and listen in on the little bits of conversations that he could. He pretended to be focused on his potion while eavesdropping on Pansy’s hushed worries.

“I’ve looked for him everywhere! The hospital wing, all over the castle, the Quidditch pitch, even everywhere I know of on the grounds. He’s gone! I wonder if the teachers know…. I bet they would know where he is…” he could hear her muttering to her friends. Harry couldn’t control himself.

“What do you think has happened?” he suddenly blurt out, turning to her. He felt his face flush immediately, but shut his mouth and waited for a response as though his interjection had been completely normal. The Slytherin girls simply glared darkly at Harry.

“What’s it to you, Potter?” Pansy snapped, unwilling to answer. “I bet you’re overjoyed that Draco is missing, aren’t you?” Harry said nothing, but turned back to his potion. He didn’t really know how to feel. All he could think of were the letters Malfoy had sent him over the previous weeks. He could only bring himself to remember the increasingly desperate wording of the letters and wonder to himself whether he had been, in part, the cause of Draco’s disappearance.

But Malfoy deserved it. He deserved whatever he got, he tried to remind himself. He tried to rekindle that feeling of hatred and anger at Draco. He tried to force himself to feel no worry and no concern for the missing Slytherin. He tried hard to pretend as though it did not bother him at all, but Harry was never that good at pretending. He was worried and he could not help himself.

He fought with himself for the rest of the day until dinner, when he decided he couldn’t deal with it anymore. He left his plate, uneaten, bid goodnight to his friends and ran back to Gryffindor tower to try and sleep it off.

His dreams were vivid and relentless that night though. He dreamt of Draco. He dreamt of Malfoy holding him and touching him. They were kissing, feeling every part of each other’s body, pressing against one another and there was a deep yearning in each of their actions. Harry felt pleasure roll over him in waves as Draco would suck on his neck and grind their hips together. He felt as though nothing bad had happened and they were free to be together and do what they wanted.

But suddenly Draco was pulled away from him. He sank away into darkness and Harry felt alone and cold. He called out for him, his fingers reaching out to grab in the darkness and pull the blonde back to him.

“Draco…. Draco…” he could feel himself murmur in his sleep. He whimpered, seeing nothing but darkness. Then suddenly, Harry felt soft, warm lips press against his own, engulfing his mouth and making him feel again. The kiss broke gently and Harry snapped himself out of sleep, his eyes wide in shock and confusion.

Draco Malfoy was looking down at him, sitting on the edge of his bed.