The Usual Suspects

I woke strangely at peace, though my body ached. I felt heavy and tired, but my mind was clear at last. Had I fallen asleep or passed out? I didn't care. Whatever price I had to pay to be able to think again.

I lost my train of thought.

What time was it? I walked across the room to check Megan's clock. It was evening. The Great Hall would be filled with students eating dinner. My stomach growled, but I didn't want to face them. I couldn't handle the stares.

My foot was dry. I felt disgusting, though. I thought about going back to bed, but I wanted to see Draco. I dragged myself to the bathroom and cleaned up, changing into fresh clothes.

As I looked into the mirror, I examined myself. My wet hair lay in springy curls around my face. My nose was red, but thankfully not bruised. Who was I?

All my life I'd done what others wanted me to do. I'd been set on being a good daughter, a good student, a good friend. And what had it gotten me? Solitude and pain.

I thought, briefly again, about grabbing my wand and ending it all. But then I'd be just like my mother. I couldn't do it. I had to keep going, if only to be better than her. Damn expectations. Damn dreams. I was going to live.

The first thing to do was stop caring what everyone else thought. Damn Cho and her holier-than-thou fair-weather friendship. If she didn't want me, I could do without her. Something inside me broke, and I felt horrible, horrified at myself for hating Cho. It was my fault she hated me now, not hers. I was the one who'd screwed everything up.

I went upstairs and paced in front of the Room of Requirement for a quarter hour. When Draco appeared down the corridor, I brightened immediately. I opened the door and went in ahead of him, tugging off my robes as he shut the door behind him. I turned around and started unbuttoning my shirt. When I had the last button free, my shirt slid to the floor and Draco pulled his robes off and tossed them aside. He strode across to me, wrapping his arms around me. His hand worked the clasp of my bra and pulled it off, then moved to the hem of my skirt, rucking it up to my hips. I tore at his shirt, desperate for him, not caring if he thought I was some sort of nymphomaniac. Right now I was, and I wanted him.

His mouth was on my breast and I gasped as he nipped, his teeth grazing the tender skin. I shoved his shirt down and off, then pushed him back to pull at his undershirt. Draco's eyes gleamed with gray fire, and he wore a sort of smirk and sneer all at once.

I took out all my frustration on him then. I lunged against him, knocking him into the door. He squeezed my breasts painfully and I bit at his lip, needing to wear some of what I was feeling off on him. He released me and opened his belt buckle, and my hands joined his, unwilling to wait.

I hooked my leg over Draco's hip as his trousers fell, and he turned me, pinning me against the door. The air was shoved out of me with his weight, and I cried out as he entered me in one hard push. Draco's hand cupped the back of my leg, holding it up as he thrust. I put my hands on his shoulders for support, my fingers curling slightly toward his neck.

He shoved, harder and harder, and I groaned as I exhaled with every movement against me. I wanted more even as my body screamed at me. I curled my fingers into his shoulders, pulling toward myself, and Draco gritted his teeth, the hand holding my thigh lifting until I could raise my leg no higher. I was open to the beating of his body against mine, and I felt the sudden avalanche of sensation preceding the final wave.

Draco kissed me, his lips pressing so hard on mine that my teeth ached. Draco's other hand reached my breast and squeezed the screaming nipple, throwing my body over the edge. I clamped my teeth closed, unable to concentrate on the kiss, thrusting my hips toward his in an attempt to get more. Draco pushed harder, our hips grinding together. He groaned, the sound growing louder until it was a yell and he pulled out, dropping my leg as he spent himself on me.

He braced himself, one hand on each side of the wall behind me, and bowed his head, breathing deeply. I reached between us and touched him, still hard and pulsing. He shuddered as I wrapped my fingers around him and stroked slowly, my fingers wrapping tighter, then releasing lightly. Draco's body twitched, then shuddered again, and he came in my hand, throbbing, then slowly softening.

I released him and when he raised his head at last, I chewed my lip nervously, though my body felt ecstatic; so alive. Draco leaned toward me and kissed me, taking my lip between his teeth, then letting go to slide his tongue onto mine. I pressed my body to his, not caring if we were a mess. His hands slid down to my skirt and he pulled back, eyes fogged with afterglow and desire.

Draco bent to retrieve his wand and I watched the curve of his spine leading to the indentation at its base. He stood and cleaned us off, then pulled up his trousers, buckling them. Draco looked up at me, still leaning topless against the wall near the door. I tilted my head down, looking up at him through my lashes, though for once I didn't feel at all shy. I knew how much he wanted me now. He wanted me almost as much as I wanted him.

I smiled, then blushed after all at my daring. I stepped away from the wall and gathered my clothes, pulling them on. When I had straightened my robes I turned to Draco. He was dressed, watching me, and I could tell he wanted me again.

"They know," I said, and Draco looked into my eyes, startled.

"What?" he asked.

"They know about us."

"Who?"

"Everybody, probably. Why, is there something wrong with that? It's not like I told anyone."

Draco sighed and looked away. "No, it's fine."

"What?"

"I just try to keep things quiet."

I chewed my lip. I probably hadn't helped anything this afternoon. "If it's any consolation I don't mind keeping it quiet either." God, if anyone found out I'd be taken out of Hogwarts immediately.

Draco put his arms around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder. "You're too good for me," Draco said.

"No I'm not," I murmured into his robes. I was a loser and everyone knew it.

"You are and don't argue."

I smiled.

We parted with a kiss and I went back to the dormitory. I felt energized, ready to do something. I opened the trunk at the foot of my bed, hoping for something to do. It was a mess inside. I'd thrown things inside in a hurry, eager to return to school, but not wanting to spend more time than necessary packing.

I decided to go through and organize everything. I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I did.

First I took everything out of my trunk, placing things in piles and stacks of like items. I'd gotten halfway to the bottom before the other girls came in to go to bed. They gave me odd looks, but went to sleep anyway. I was quiet, so they couldn't complain.

When my trunk was empty, I scourgified it. No sense in putting things back into a dirty trunk. I sat down in an open space nearby and started going through the pile closest to me. Heavy things like books went into the bottom, then things that I didn't have to worry about breaking. There were some papers I thought I'd lost, and I set them aside, then stuffed in winter clothes and things I probably wouldn't be using. Eventually the last of my belongings, other than those in the dresser, were tucked into my trunk. I was satisfied with my work. I'd have no trouble finding things now.

I closed my trunk and stood, stretching, then caught sight of my dresser. It wouldn't do to organize my trunk, which I hardly ever opened, and leave my dresser a mess, so I organized that too. By the time I was done, my eyelids would hardly stay open. I looked at Megan's clock. It was 3:30 in the morning. What had seemed like perhaps one hour had been several.

I crawled into bed fully clothed and slept immediately.
When I cracked my eyes open again, I thought instantly about all I had accomplished the night before and jumped up to look at my handiwork. Everything was just as I had left it, clothing organized by style and color, books alphabetically arranged, my trunk perfectly parallel to my bed. It looked wonderful.

My stomach growled fiercely, and I realized I hadn't eaten the day before. I went up to the Great Hall to find it filled with students hovering over their plates. Had I really only slept a few hours? I felt like I'd slept til noon. I looked around as I took my seat. Not a bowl of cereal nor plate of toast was to be seen. There were quite a few sandwiches though.

Was it really lunch time? I hadn't heard an alarm, I hadn't heard my roommates dressing, I'd slept like a rock. But it was afternoon. The boys nearby me were talking about the morning's classes. I felt dull and depressed. I was going to fail all my classes.

I didn't want to eat, but my stomach protested. Everything on the table looked bland and boring, but I took a sandwich anyway. It would be better to force something down than to be hungry all day.
When I had eaten enough sandwich to calm my stomach, I went to the Room of Requirement. I needed someplace to think, to be away from everyone. I was afraid of overhearing things again. I blocked Cho from my mind.

The Room was set the same as it had been the night before, except that the candles were much larger, and there were more of them. The room was rather bright actually, and this book, this very book, lay on the coverlet with a simple crow's feather quill. I picked it up and looked inside, but it was blank. On the first page was printed, "Dear Diary," in curling script. I scowled at the book and tossed it to the floor. A diary couldn't begin to help me with my problems.

I lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I lost my train of thought. My mind was completely blank. I frowned. This was getting annoying. I noticed once more how bright the room was. Surely it wasn't this bright so I could write. It didn't matter, I wasn't about to. Instead I thought about Draco.

We'd been together in this room every day this week. I didn't feel any different. Somehow I'd thought that when you lost your virginity it was like a light being turned on. Light again. I wondered how Draco's body would look in this kind of light. I'd only ever seen him dim and glowing, never clearly or for long. He had a beautiful body, and I had the sudden desire to just look at it, to memorize every centimeter.

A thought of my mother popped into my head, but I pushed it away. She wouldn't do me any good now. I hated my father for hiding whatever had happened from me. I hated my mother for being stupid enough to end her life. I hated myself for not being able to stop it. I hated Draco, just a little, for not being with me now.