The Return

Chapter 8

Hermione woke an hour later and found herself covered by her blanket and sat up slightly confused, not remembering covering herself. She looked around her flat and saw Ron sitting in the arm chair across the room. She sat up and smiled at him as she stretched slightly, shaking the sleep from her limbs.

“Ron, what are you doi….” Hermione stopped suddenly as she saw Harry’s letter in his hand. Her heart fell to the floor. This was not the way she wanted Ron to find out anything about her and Harry. She wondered how he had reacted and wondered how he had sat and patiently waited for her to wake, instead of waking her in a rage. “I can explain Ron.” Hermione was cut off as Ron raised his hand to silence her.

“You’ve seemed different the last week, I couldn’t think of why, but now I know. I don’t understand how I couldn’t see it. As long as we’ve been together, and even before that, you have had this void in your eyes. I never knew why, but you almost seemed to be waiting for something to fill it. I always thought somehow I might have the power to do it. But it was always there, no matter what I did. The last few days, you’ve seemed distant, almost cold, but the void is gone. Despite the distant look, you have a new twinkle that somehow fills the previous void. I know I haven’t done anything different, so is this why it’s there?” Ron asked, rather calmly, holding up Harry’s letter.

“Ron, I…. don’t… I…” Hermione mumbled over her words, not knowing where to start.

“It’s okay Hermione. I’ve read the letter. I always knew it would be the two of you. The way you always looked at him, the way your hands always found their way into each other. I always knew you would end up with him. But then he left without anything ever happening between the two of you and I got a glimpse of hope that maybe I had a chance after all. But there was always that void, and I always tried to deny it was Harry but I think deep down I always knew I would lose you if he came back. It hurt, but I actually wished he wouldn’t, so I wouldn’t lose you. I’m okay, honestly, it hurts but I’m okay.” Ron remained calm, despite the obvious emotion in his voice. He choked back a few tears and looked to the floor. Hermione allowed a few tears to fall down her face, tired of fighting them. She wiped them away and stared at Ron’s sad form.

“I’m sorry Ron. I should have been honest from the beginning. Something did happen with Harry, before he left, awhile before, during the war. It wasn’t fair to keep it from you, but we haven’t even talked about that night, the two of us.” Hermione tried to make Ron understand.

“Something happened? What? When?” Ron questioned.

“It was the night of the dual attack. We found out my parents were killed and your dad was injured. You rushed home and Harry stayed back at Godric’s Hollow with me. He came to me to make sure I was okay. I had loved him for so long, I always had, but I kept it in. I was so weak. When he came to me and held me as I wept, I don’t know, something inside of me snapped and I needed him to take the pain away. I kissed him, he tried to fight it at first, but then he gave in too and well one thing led to another and we, well, you can guess. We’ve never talked about it, it was wonderful but awkward.” Hermione attempted to make Ron understand her dilemma.

“I never knew about that. I never knew you loved him. Why didn’t say something?”

“I tried to stop loving him. I tried to move on when he left, and one day I decided that it was stupid of me to give up the chance to be happy with you. I love you, I do, it isn’t a lie, but I love Harry too, but it’s different. I don’t know what to do.” Hermione looked to the floor and bit her lip.

“Why did Harry leave if you guys were in love? I don’t understand how he could walk away from you if he knew you loved him.” Ron said, almost angry.

“He didn’t know I loved him. We had never talked about how we felt about each other. He wrote me a letter to let me know he was leaving and he confessed it to me in there. I never knew he felt the same. He left because he didn’t think he could love me the way I deserved because of the person he was at the time. He said he would rather walk away from hurting me, even if it meant losing me. It wasn’t until he came back that we finally talked about any of what we felt.” Hermione explained.

Ron sat for several moments, not moving or speaking, just staring at the wall next to Hermione. He looked to be deep in thought. Hermione wondered whether she should speak or not.

“I’m not leaving you Ron. Just because Harry wrote me this letter, doesn’t mean anything has to change with us. You make me happy and I don’t want to hurt you.” Hermione finally spoke and Ron looked to her.

“I don’t want you to be with me because you’re afraid of hurting me if you leave. I want you to be with me because you love me. Harry was man enough to walk away from you for your happiness, and so am I. I know you love him and he loves you. After reading his letter I can see that he loves you more than I could ever hope to. You deserve that. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined because I held on to you to spite him. I want you to be happy and if that means you need to be with another man, then so be it. Seriously, Hermione, you both deserve it, being happy, after all you have been through. I’ll be going.” Ron stood from the arm chair and placed Harry’s letter on Hermione’s coffee table and turned to leave. Hermione stood quickly from the couch and went after him.

“Ron, wait!” Hermione yelled and Ron stopped turning to her. Hermione gently wrapped her arms around him, catching him by surprise. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and put his cheek to the top of her head. A small tear fell from the corner of his eye and was lost in her curls. Hermione pulled back and looked him in the eyes, a sad expression crossing her face.

“Thank you, Ron.” Hermione whispered. Ron smiled weakly before pushing her away and walking out of her door. When the door closed Hermione fell to the floor sobbing for the loss she knew Ron had experienced. She knew it was wrong, but through the guilt and sadness, a light shone, a light that was meant for one person.