A Song for Severus ~ (Not Update, but Edit)

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 8 ~ Just Hang On

Albus listened soberly, tapping the tips of his fingers together on his desk as Severus informed him of the Death Eaters’ plans to create a new Dark Lord to lead them. When he finished, the Headmaster looked thoughtful.

“This could be quite fortuitous, Severus. Bella will be forced to produce the child earlier than she planned. There is a good chance she will come to you for help, since most likely he hasn’t come to full power and she will want you to come up with a way to accelerate the process,” Albus said to the Potions Master.

“Yes, that is possible,” Severus said, “Although she has nothing to bargain with this time.”

Albus’ eyes twinkled.

“She had nothing to bargain with last time either, Severus. You know all our Order members are under a Wizarding Oath not to reveal anything concerning other members. She was bluffing you,” Albus said.

“Yes, I knew that, Headmaster…but as you know the method of implanting a false memory was just starting to be used. I couldn’t risk Bella having placed such a memory in her mind and showing it to Voldemort. He was already suspicious of me. Besides, I had something on her as well. Her betrayal.”

Albus nodded.

“Most likely she will offer you some kind of protection or position in the new regime in exchange for helping her. If she does make such an offer, Severus, accept it on the condition that you are allowed to meet and examine the boy yourself. If she balks, simply tell her you will not be able to create an elixir that will work faster if you cannot see him. She will be forced to comply.”

Yes, this did seem like the perfect opportunity to find the child. It was also a good opportunity to stay away from the meetings for a short while at least, under the guise of recreating the potion.

“I believe I should lay low, Headmaster, so they will think I am hard at work with the elixir,” Severus said, thinking of Hermione, “However, this will require Draco to work twice as hard to find out how the search for the new leader is going, and also to find out when Bellatrix appears. I believe he should pay Devon Rosier a visit and purchase some jewelry, working his way into his confidence. Sooner or later he will be confronted by Bella.”

“Yes. I will contact him shortly. I believe a month’s hiatus will suit you, Severus,” Albus said, “No doubt Hermione will be happy about this.”

”I should hope,” Severus said a bit darkly, “My secretiveness is coming between us. Hopefully a bit of quality time will restore her faith in me.”

Albus could hear the sadness in the wizard’s voice, though the Potions Master did his best to sound matter-of-fact. He truly cared about Hermione. The fact that he did made his service to the Order all that much harder. He had hoped it would end with the demise of Voldemort. But it didn’t. Maybe this time it would end. He looked at Albus.

“Albus, what will happen to the child once we do get him?” Severus asked the Headmaster. Albus’ eyes darkened.

“I’m not sure, Severus. We have to see how dark the boy is and how twisted Bellatrix has made him. More than likely he will have to be locked away for the rest of his life in a best case scenario. In the worst case…”

Albus didn’t finish. Killing a young wizard, even Voldemort’s offspring, was not something he relished.

Severus nodded, then rose.

“Do you want me to contact Draco, or will you do it, sir?” Severus asked the older wizard.

“I’d better do it, Severus. Draco won’t be happy you are out of the loop for the time being. If you told him, it would be rubbing salt in the wound,” Albus said.

Yes, Draco wouldn’t be happy about that. He had woman trouble too because of his service. Severus patted his pocket and felt the gift box with Hermione’s charm bracelet in it. It was a perfect cover for his going to Rosier’s shop. He could tell her he had it made especially for her and went to retrieve it. That would explain why he left so suddenly. Another lie, but a necessary one as far as Severus was concerned.

The Potions Master bid Albus goodbye and disapparated directly from his office to Hermione’s flat. Apparition on school grounds was one perk from all this madness. He unlocked the door and entered to find Hermione at her writing desk, working on her paper. She looked up at him.

“You’re back,” she said coolly, “And imagine, lunch only took you three hours. I imagine you took small bites.”

Severus scowled at the witch’s sarcasm. Hermione could be quite snarky when she wanted to be. Obviously, she wanted to be.

“Actually, lunch went quite quickly. It was what happened afterwards that took up my time. As you know, I can be quite…picky when checking to see if my instructions were followed to the letter,” he purred.

Hermione looked quite curious.

“Instructions? What kind of instructions?” she asked him, putting down her quill.

Severus sat down on the sofa and looked at her.

“If you would join me, I’d be happy to tell you,” he said, patting the cushion next to him.

Hm. Severus was actually going to share something with her? Well, this was a red-letter day. Hermione slid back her chair, stood up and walked over to the sofa. She sat down, pushing her curly hair out of her face.

“What kind of instructions did you give him?” Hermione asked the Potions Master. Severus’ black eyes washed over her before he reached into his pocket and drew out the little velvet box. Hermione stared at it for a moment.

“What is that, Severus? Jewelry?” she inquired.

He nodded.

“Yes. Something very special that I had designed specifically for you. It took weeks to complete. I had him do some last minute work on it today…which is why I was gone so long,” the wizard lied, opening the box.

Hermione looked at it, then brought her hand to her mouth.

“Oh Severus…it’s beautiful,” she said softly, eyeing the golden lions and silver snakes.

“No more beautiful than you are, Hermione Granger. I wanted you to have this as a reminder that we two…are one,” Severus said, taking the charm bracelet out of the box and placing it on her wrist.

Hermione stared down at it. Slytherin and Gryffindor together. She examined the detail on the little charms. Exquisite workmanship.

Severus took her hand.

“Hermione, I sincerely wish that there was not so much secrecy between us. I wish when I return to you that I could speak and cleanse my soul with you as my confessor. But as much as I wish I could do that, witch…I can’t. For your protection and the protection of the wizarding world. It is my hope that soon this will be over, and I can retire from service to the Order and concentrate on the things, the people…the person that matters to me most. You. I long to return to you and see love in your eyes instead of resentment. Like I used to see…before my absences became longer. I know you are planning on leaving me, Hermione,” Severus said.

Hermione looked up at him, her eyes wet…but she didn’t confirm or deny this.

“I am asking you, Hermione…to please wait before you make that decision. You are the light in my life, the whole beauty of it and…and I would be lost without you. Several years ago, I wouldn’t be able to admit that…to lay myself bare before you opening myself up to hurt, pain…rejection. But because of you, I am not the man I was…not completely. Yes, I am still dark. Most people make my head ache. I am not the friendliest wizard or the most social. I still enjoy instilling terror in my students when I appear…I also enjoy instilling it in my bumbling assistant as well, but that is besides the point…”

Albus had appointed Severus a very talented assistant named Bartholomew Trimmings to cover his classes and as a Potions Master in training, since Severus planned to retire from Hogwarts as soon as he was free of the Order. He was a mild-mannered fellow, and Severus’ main complaint was his pupils were not properly conditioned. Which meant they weren’t afraid of Bartholomew a bit. But when Severus billowed in unannounced and demanded to know what they had learned over the weeks he was absent, the proper shakes, stammers and whitened pallors appeared class-wide.

He still had it.

“The truth is Hermione…I can’t imagine you out of my life. You are an integral part of my existence now. Sometimes it feels only the thought of you waiting for me keeps me going. This situation is much different that when Voldemort was in power. Then, everyone knew the danger. I was working toward a viable end. But this is so much more insidious…so much more clandestine. The thought of you being swept into this madness frightens me. And very little frightens me, Hermione…but the thought of you being taken from me does, which is why I keep you a secret. My most precious secret.”

Hermione felt her heart swelling as the wizard talked. Severus rarely spoke about how she made him feel, or how important she was to him beyond the bedroom. Yes, he told her things when he was fucking her…made passionate declarations how she belonged to him and he would never let her go. Demanded she repeat who she belonged to over and over as if hearing it would cement the bond between them. But he had never said he loved her.

Hermione suspected he did, but didn’t tell her so because of the dangerous work he was involved in and the secrets he was forced to keep. Love had no secrets, and perhaps the Potions Master felt he was not worthy to say those words to her as he was. He was committed, but he had a commitment beyond their relationship…a commitment that made a one on one union pale in comparison. Severus was committed to the wizarding world. No matter how much he wished he could just stop and live a normal life, he couldn’t. It could mean the end of everything good.

“Hermione, this gift is nothing compared to the gift you’ve given me over the past two years. It is only a token of how…how…” the wizard faltered.

“How much you appreciate me?” Hermione helped him.

“Yes, appreciate you,” he said softly, though his eyes said more.

Hermione stared at him.

“This is not remotely fair, Severus. You give me this beautiful bracelet, then talk to me so sweetly and sincerely…trying to persuade me to hang on to what we have…” she began.

“Yes. Hang on. That is what I want you to do, Hermione…hang on. I have a one month reprieve from my work, and I plan to spend much of it with you, witch. I know it won’t make up for the times I’ve been absent…but I am hoping that I can soften your heart, make you reconsider the path you are thinking about taking. It won’t always be this way. It will come to an end, Hermione, and my days of spying will be over for good. Then…then we can talk of other things, things more…permanent,” Severus said, kissing her hand.

Hermione could hardly believe her ears.

“Severus, you wouldn’t be so desperate to keep me in your grasp that you would stoop to saying what you think I want to hear to keep me from leaving you?” she asked him.

“I would do anything to keep you, Hermione,” the wizard said, frowning slightly as if affronted, “Anything…but that. I do have some honor, witch.”

Yes, he did. For all of his coldness, Severus Snape had always shown himself to be an honorable wizard. Whatever dishonorable little acts he did, he kept well hidden. He was a Slytherin after all and that fudged the lines a little. Okay…a lot.

Hermione could see by his eyes that her lover was sincere. She sighed, knowing she was sliding right back into the serpent’s coils. She flicked one of the little serpents on her bracelet, and the emerald eyes seemed to meet hers knowingly. Despite his secretiveness and yes, even his lies…she was deeply in love with Severus Snape.

“You’re going to be home a month?” she asked him.

“An entire month. No sudden disappearances,” Severus assured her.

Hermione’s amber eyes locked to his.

“You know I hate you having to continue to spy…but what I hate even more is how much you have to hide from me. Back when I was a student, when you disappeared we always knew you were with the Dark Lord, and you were never gone longer than a week. But now, I’m no longer a student. I’m intimately involved with you, Severus and I don’t know where you go or who you’re with or if I should be scared you won’t return. I’m afraid one day you will leave and never come back, and I won’t know what’s happened to you. It tears at my heart, Severus. At my heart,” Hermione said, her eyes brimming.

Severus wrapped his arms around the witch and pressed his lips to her temple.

“As long as I know you love me, I will always return to you, Hermione,” he said, “With my last dying breath if need be.”

Suddenly powerful magic swirled around both of them. Hermione’s eyes went wide.

“An oath, Severus?” she gasped at him.

“Yes, to reassure you,” he replied, “Although I have no intentions on dying in my service as a spy. I would much rather die of heart failure on top of you.”

Hermione giggled. She couldn’t help it. Severus was so…gods.

Besides, there is far too much living left to do. I have to play catch-up, witch. The first half of my life has been dank and dark, without hope or happiness. I do not intend the last half to be that way. I only need you to ‘hang on’ until my service ends. Will you do that for me, Hermione? Will you stay with me until the end of all this?”

It was as much a plea as a question. Hermione considered the Potions Master…how selflessly he gave himself for the good of others despite being alone and despised for most of his life. Now he needed someone. He needed her. It was as much an “I love you,” as if he had said it straight out.

“Severus, I’ll do my best to hang on…but it would be wrong to promise you I will when I’m not sure I can. Sometimes it hurts so much when you’re gone so long. But I will try to stay strong for you, to stand by you,” she said softly.

Severus looked at Hermione.

“Then I will have to accept that,” he replied.

His heart wasn’t heavy however. Severus knew how loyal Hermione was, even if she had doubts she wouldn’t ever abandon him totally. There would always be hope as long as she loved him.

He pulled Hermione into his embrace, her head resting against his shoulder and they both sat quietly, each lost in their own thoughts in their own troubled worlds.

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A/N: A large dose of fluff…most likely the only instance of it in such detail in the story. This incarnation of Hermione is a far cry from my usual “I will always, always love and stand by you, Severus” Hermione. She knows she is fallible and although she loves Severus, she still might leave rather than continue to be hurt by his actions. She’s a bit selfish I think…but that’s all right. Severus is invested here…in love actually, though he hasn’t said it. And Severus in love gets a bit sticky for my liking sometimes but I had to get this out in the open and past it. :::scraping the sticky honeybun-ness off my shoes::: gah! I think I really need to have him do something dark now. Really dark. Love can’t make him soft now, can it? More action next chapter. Thanks for reading.