To Love Again

CHAPTER 8

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or places in this chapter. Also, I do not own the song used, which is "November Rain" by Guns N'Roses.

Harry sat in the back of the library with Ron and Hermione, his head in the clouds. He was supposed to be studying for the N.E.W.T.s, but he just couldn't concentrate. All he could think about was the Boggart incident. What the hell made him think that damn lesson was actually a good idea? Thanks to his stupidity and poor judgment, Draco now knew his deepest, darkest secret; the secret he'd been hiding from himself for so long...

"Harry?"

Harry was literally shaken out of his reverie by Ron and Hermione, both of whom looked worried. He supposed they had a good reason to be concerned about him. After all, they were his friends and wanted to help with whatever was bothering him. Harry wished he could tell them the truth, but what happened that night was between himself and Draco.

Ron punched Harry lightly in the arm to get his attention. "Blimey, what's gotten into you, mate?"

"You've been in a constant daze for the past two weeks," Hermione added, her voice gentle yet stern. "N.E.W.T.s are coming up, Harry. How do you expect to pass?"

Harry sighed and started to gather his things. "Um, I'm sorry you guys, but I'm in no shape to study right now. I think I'll head back to the Common Room."

As Harry stood up and left the table, Hermione's words echoed in his mind: You've been in a constant daze for the past two weeks... Had it really been that long? He remembered his last meeting with Draco as if it were yesterday; the Boggart revealing their biggest fears, the shock and disbelief at what they had witnessed, the overwhelming tension and awkwardness that followed. Harry had not been to the Room of Requirement since then and did what he could to avoid the Slytherin. He hated to leave Draco hanging like this, but he told himself that it was for the best. He was sparing Draco the agony of having to reject him to his face.
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That evening, Draco was deep in thought as he made his way to the library alone. He still couldn't believe that Harry's biggest fear was that he would never want to see him again. He wondered if perhaps Harry was the one who didn't want to see him anymore, because he had not shown up for their meetings since that night. Draco knew this because he had continued going to the Room of Requirement in hopes that Harry would appear...but alas, he never did. The disheartened Slytherin was hurt and a bit angry, but tried to understand.

He had almost reached the library door when someone coming out nearly bumped into him. He looked up to see the handsome boy with messy dark hair; the boy who now acted like a stranger. Draco's heart stopped as Harry's eyes locked with his for a brief moment. Although they didn't speak, Draco saw something in those eyes; something revealing and unexpected.


When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained


Draco turned and watched Harry, his black robes flying behind him as he rushed away as fast as he could without running. The Slytherin frowned to himself. He missed Harry terribly, and he had those feelings again. Harry felt it, too, whatever it was. Draco could see it in those frightened sage eyes.

Turning on his heel, the blond boy entered the library and sat down at a deserted table. He opened his Transfiguration textbook to the assigned chapter, but ended up staring at the same page for nearly an hour, not even seeing the words before his eyes. He could think of nothing and no one but Harry; Harry smiling and laughing, Harry in the dim firelight...Harry in his arms.


Darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same


Draco slammed his book shut with frustration, earning an ominous glare from Madam Pince. They couldn't go on avoiding each other like this. It was time for them to finally face each other once again and really talk. As he began the long walk back to the Slytherin Common Room, he knew what he had to do. Harry didn't give up on him; now he was going to return the favor.

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When Harry went to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning, he sat with his back to the Slytherin table so that he wouldn't be tempted to stare at Draco. All through the meal, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched...and he knew exactly who was watching him. He tried to ignore the pair of eyes that bore into the back of his head, the penetrating gray orbs that held his gaze the previous night. I could get lost in those eyes, he mused before reminding himself not to think like that about Draco.

The Gryffindor slumped in his seat and merely picked at his waffle. He hadn't had much of an appetite since he and Draco had stopped speaking. He longed to break the silence, but didn't dare for fear of what the Slytherin might do or say if he did.


Nothing lasts forever,
And we both know hearts can change...


Harry looked up and suddenly became aware of Ron and Hermione staring at him with concern. "So Harry," Ron's voice was light and conversational, "are you coming to the Quidditch game this weekend? It's Gryffindor against Slytherin."

Harry frowned. If he went to the Quidditch game, he'd have to see Draco. "Er...I don't know. I, uh, need to study for the N.E.W.T.s."

Ron's smile slid right off his face like water off a duck's back. "You know, Harry, you haven't come to cheer me on all year, and I'm starting to take it personally. Besides, you need to get out and enjoy the weather."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ron, this is March. It's just barely warm enough to play Quidditch. Believe me, I won't miss the cold wet wind on my face."

"Ron's right, you know," Hermione piped up after taking a sip of her pumpkin juice. "You've done nothing but mope around this castle lately. You need to get out and do something."

Inevitably, the day of the big Quidditch match came. Harry groaned and buried himself under the covers. If Hermione wants me to go to the game, she'll have to drag me kicking and screaming.

To his unpleasant surprise, Hermione charged into his bedchamber and forcefully yanked the covers off of him. "Up and at 'em, Harry!"

Harry grabbed his glasses off of his bedside table, put them on and glared up at the bushy-haired girl. "What the hell? Leave me alone, Hermione!"

Completely ignoring Harry, she helped herself to Harry's clothes, shuffling through them until she found a green shirt and a pair of jeans, both of which she threw at him.

"Damn it, Hermione, I'm not going to the blasted game!"

"Yes you are," she replied cheerfully. "And you'd better hurry or we'll be late."

About a half hour later, Harry sat shivering in the stands next to Hermione, waiting for the game to begin and cursing under his breath. Why did he have to have the most stubborn friends in the whole world? He looked up at the dreary sky, where storm clouds gathered and rumbled a warning.

Loud cheering erupted from the Slytherin stands, which meant that their team was now entering the field. Draco was instantly recognizable with his sleek blond hair and fair complexion, making Harry's stomach do flip-flops. The Gryffindor noticed Draco's sad, listless demeanor as the Slytherin stared up at him from the field.

"What's the ferret looking up here for?," Hermione wondered out loud.

"Beats me," Harry shrugged and tried to act innocent, thus continuing the enemy facade they'd carried on for so many months now.


We've been through this such a long, long time
Just trying to kill the pain


The game began and it was clear that Draco's heart was not in it. He seemed preoccupied by something; the Golden Snitch had paused in front of him and was trying to egg him on, but he didn't seem to notice the little gold ball. Suddenly, a Bludger came up behind Draco at an unusually fast speed and knocked the blond Slytherin off of his broom.

Harry was horrified as he watched Draco start to fall. He stood up so quickly that he almost knocked Hermione out of her seat as he drew his wand and shouted, "Tardus decido!" Draco's unconscious body instantly slowed down and fell gently onto the ground below, where a crowd was gathering. Pouring rain began to fall, causing the students to scatter and run for cover, but Harry stood there and watched as Headmistress McGonagall and Madam Hooch prepared to take Draco to the hospital wing. Harry didn't notice the lightening above him or the rain that soaked him to the bone; all he saw was Draco, injured.

Hermione tugged hard on his arm. "Come on, Harry! Let's get inside!"

Harry reluctantly followed Hermione back to the castle. Once she had Ron distracting her, Harry snuck back out into the storm. He knew that Draco was no longer outside, but something in his gut told him to return to the Quidditch pitch. He treaded through the mud to the exact spot where Draco had been lying just moments ago, and saw something silver and shiny laying in a mud puddle there. The Gryffindor slowly crouched down to see what it was, and his eyes widened with surprise. It was Draco's amulet; the one he'd given the Slytherin for Christmas!

Harry placed the dragon in his pocket, then hurried back to the castle. He was out of breath by the time he reached the hospital wing. Upon entering the large room, he saw Madam Pomfrey treating Draco, who still appeared to be unconscious. She looked up as he came towards her.

"How is he?" Harry's voice was more urgent than he intended.

"He'll be fine, Mr. Potter," the nurse replied as she straightened the covers over the Slytherin. She smiled thoughtfully at Harry. "I remember when Mr. Malfoy saved your life, and now Headmistress McGonagall says that you saved him. Are you sure you're enemies?"

Harry half-smiled, "Oh, yeah. We...er, hate each other."

Madam Pomfrey smiled knowingly at the Gryffindor. "Well then, Mr. Potter, I'm going to my office now so that you can have a few minutes alone with your...enemy."

Harry waited for Madam Pomfrey's office door to close before taking the dragon out of his pocket. He gazed down at Draco, sorrow and regret creeping up inside him as his fingers closed around the amulet. Harry reached out and gently caressed Draco's soft pale cheek, then brushed a stray lock of blond hair off his forehead. A lump formed in Harry's throat. Draco looked so peaceful and so handsome as he lay there, his chest rising and falling with every breath.

The Gryffindor unfastened the clasp on the amulet's silver chain, and fastened it around Draco's neck. Then he took the Slytherin's soft hand in his, feeling his weak yet steady pulse. There was so much he was feeling right now...but all he could do was give Draco's hand a gentle squeeze before walking out of the hospital wing and away from the Slytherin.
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Draco regained consciousness that night, and awoke to find himself in the hospital wing. He looked around with confusion. He didn't remember being sent to the hospital wing, so why was he here? After several minutes of wracking his brain, Draco's memory was coming back to him, but it was all a bit fuzzy. He recalled being on his broom during the Quidditch game, and seeing Harry in the stands with Granger. After that, he remembered nothing.

"Oh good, you're awake." Madam Pomfrey rushed over to Draco's cot and started to examine the place where the Bludger hit him. "A mighty nasty blow you suffered, that was."

Draco looked at Madam Pomfrey like she was nutters. "What are you talking about?"

The nurse shook her head, "Oh dear, a Bludger hit the back of your head. Hard. You might've fallen to your death if Mr. Potter hadn't saved you."

Draco jerked around so suddenly that Madam Pomfrey jumped. "Did you just say that H-Harry saved me?"

The witch nodded and continued the examination. "Yes, and he came in to see you after the Headmistress and Madam Hooch brought you here. Bloody worried, he was. He wanted to make sure you were going to be all right."

A smile crept up onto Draco's face. So Harry really did care about him!

The nurse chuckled softly, "With enemies like these, who needs friends?"

Madam Pomfrey sent Draco back to his common room once she was satisfied that he was ready to leave her care. He started for the corridor that lead to the Slytherin Common Room when he suddenly had an idea. He turned around and snuck out to the owlry; he had a special delivery to make!
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The next morning, Harry was absently eating his breakfast when an owl dropped a folded piece of parchment in front of him. Luckily Ron and Hermione were busy arguing about something and didn't notice this letter's arrival. He picked it up and unfolded it, and was surprised at what it said:

Harry,
Tonight. Room of Requirement. Seven o' clock.

DM

The Gryffindor nervously looked around to make sure nobody was paying attention to him, then peered over his shoulder at the Slytherin table. When his eyes fell upon Draco's familiar face, his heart felt buoyant. But at the same time, he was apprehensive about meeting with the Slytherin. What would Draco say to him? Would he tell Harry that their friendship was all a big mistake? Would he say that he didn't return Harry's...um, feelings? His expression subdued, Harry gravely nodded to Draco to indicate his compliance with the Slytherin's wishes.

Later that evening, Harry slowly trudged to the seventh floor with the morose demeanor of a man going to his death. He was certain that the Slytherin would, at best, let him down gently then turn him away like an unwanted gift. Of course the Boggart had shown Harry that Draco cared about him, but it was probably a more platonic brand of caring, whereas Harry was feeling something entirely different altogether. He didn't know how to put into words what he felt for Draco, but it was different from the way he felt about Ron and Hermione.

Once Harry reached the Room of Requirement, he stood outside the door and took a moment to compose himself. Regardless of what Draco was about to say to him tonight, he was determined to keep his cool and not show any strong emotions. That way, it would be easier for Draco to move on.


Lovers always come
And lovers always go
And no one's really sure
Who's letting go today

Walking away


When Harry felt ready, he turned the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open. Draco sat alone on the couch and looked over at Harry, mixed emotions flickering upon his face like the light from the fire. The Gryffindor gulped and took a deep breath, then shut the door behind him and turned to face Draco again. He hesitated, afraid he'd lose his composure if he got too close to the Slytherin.

Draco moved over to make room for Harry on the couch. "Sit down, Harry. We need to talk."


If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine

The closer the Gryffindor got to Draco, the harder it was to keep his emotions in check. Harry sat down next to Draco, but not too close. The Slytherin's intoxicating scent had a bizarre effect on him. He kept his head down and avoided Draco's gaze for fear of what he might see in the clear grey orbs.

"Look at me, Harry."

The Gryffindor slowly turned his head and looked into those entrancing eyes. In those eyes Harry saw anger, pain, confusion...the same emotions that he, himself, was battling inside his heart. "Look, Draco. I know what it is you want to say, and I understand completely. No need to explain--"

"Why have you been avoiding me?," Draco hissed. His brow was furrowed, and he looked close to tears.

Harry was stunned speechless. The straightforwardness of that question caught him off-guard, as did the heartbreaking expression on the Slytherin's face. To his surprise, Draco didn't seem like he wanted to reject Harry; he seemed to think that Harry was rejecting him. Draco was looking at him expectantly, but Harry just couldn't find the right words to say.

"Listen," Draco went on after their moment of silence, "I came here every Tuesday and Friday for the past two weeks hoping you'd show up, but you never did. Is it because of what happened at our last meeting?"

Harry didn't need to say a word. Draco could tell by the look on his face that the answer was "yes."
The Slytherin ran a hand through his sleek blond hair and sighed. "It's okay if that Boggart freaked you out. I understand if seeing my biggest fear made you uncomfortable...but you can't keep avoiding me like this."

Slightly relieved that Draco didn't invite him here to stomp on his heart, Harry managed to find his voice again. "I'm sorry, Draco. I know it was wrong of me, but to be honest, yes, it did freak me out...the Boggart incident, I mean."

"It scared me, too, Harry! Merlin, I've spent so much time lying to myself...trying to convince myself that you didn't mean that much to me, telling myself that what I was feeling was normal..."

The Gryffindor was in a state of shock. Without meaning to, Draco had just spoken the very words that resounded deep within his soul. Was this beautiful blond Slytherin actually saying what Harry thought he was saying?

So if you wanna love me, then Darlin' don't refrain

"That Boggart forced me to face the truth." Draco paused to look into those jade eyes. "...and the truth is that...well...I think I'm falling in love." With flaming red cheeks and a rapidly pounding heart, the Slytherin quickly looked away. Bloody hell, did I just say that out loud? Yet at the same time, it was a big relief to finally come clean to Harry.

The Gryffindor stared down at the floor now, torn between rejoicing and continuing to deny his feelings. He was quiet for a long moment, unsure of what to say next.

"Don't lie to yourself," Draco urged with sad, pleading eyes. "You feel it, too. I know that now."

"But how?"

"Boggarts don't lie, Harry! I saw your worst fear right here in this very room, and you saw mine!" Draco stood up and threw his hands up with exasperation. How could someone so intelligent be so thick?

Harry bit his lip as he watched Draco pace back and forth in front of the fire. He knew that Draco was right, but he was still reluctant to admit that he felt the same. If he confessed the very things he'd gone to great lengths to suppress, that would make all those unnatural thoughts and feelings real...and that scared him.

Draco stopped pacing and sat back down next to Harry. The Slytherin knew that Harry was afraid to feel this way about another man. He also knew that Harry still blamed himself for what happened to Ginny. Ginny would always have a place in the Gryffindor's heart...but Draco was certain that Harry could love him as well. He wasn't about to give up on this wonderful man.

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain,
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way

Harry sat there staring into the roaring flames in the fireplace. He missed Ginny, but his feelings for Draco were stronger than ever. He wanted Draco, wanted to love him completely...yet he still attempted to fight his overwhelming desires. His resolve was slipping. "Draco, you were right. I do care about you, but in a...different way." You idiot! Harry slapped his forehead with frustration and groaned. He never was very good at verbalizing his emotions, and it came out all wrong.

Draco blinked back the tears that threatened to spill forth as he glared at the dark-haired boy. "What does that mean, Harry? That you don't really care about me after all, and I'm a foolish person? I should have known!"

"No! Wait...Yes! I do care! I just don't know how to describe it, but there's definitely something there. I don't know what to think anymore!"

The Slytherin quietly got up and started for the door, not wanting Harry to see the tears that trickled down his cheeks.

Harry wanted desperately to express to Draco all the things he was feeling inside, but he didn't know how. So he did the only thing he could think to do; the only thing that really made sense. He leapt across the room after Draco, who had almost reached the door. Without missing a beat, he grabbed the Slytherin's arm, spun him around, pulling their bodies together, and crushed their lips together into a glacier-melting kiss. The salty taste of Draco's tears mingled with the sweetness of his soft, velvety lips as Harry held him close and cast his inhibitions aside like the cork from a champagne bottle. Harry poured his heart and soul into the Slytherin, allowing all of those bottled up emotions to spill forth through his indulgent kisses.

Taken aback by Harry's sudden advances, Draco's eyes widened with surprise and his body was stiff for a brief moment. Was the man of his dreams actually kissing him with an urgency he'd never experienced before? Once the initial shock wore off, Draco's delicately masculine fingers entwined in the Gryffindor's unruly dark hair and he held the boy softly as he kissed back with mirrored intensity.