Why We Build Castles In The Sky

“Severus...”


He turned, facing a breathless Narcissa—for she had spoken.


“Are you... okay?” She asked, concernedly.


Severus shrugged, “I dunno...” But it was much deeper than that; he had never felt so shut down. He sank to the floor and sat and she went with him.


“Can I help?” She asked.


Severus was beginning to get flustered. “No. Let’s just... go. Okay?”


“But—“


“I said let’s go.” He grumbled, rising quickly to his feet.


She said nothing this time as he pulled her along by her hand, both heading towards the Slytherin common room.


When they arrived there he swept past his friends and immediately went into his dormitory, bringing her with him. He motioned her to go to the bed and then shut the door behind him. He closed his eyes tightly and began battling with himself. He was shaking slightly, beginning to sweat...


‘I don’t miss him... This is for the better... Remus is a bastard for making you feel this guilty... I’ll never be with him again... Just Narcissa... focus on the girl... god dammit I wanna get laid right now!’


“Severus, are you alright?” Narcissa asked. He could sense fear in her voice.


“I am fine.” He growled, opening his eyes to stare at the bare back of the door.


“Doesn’t look it.” She said crossly. “Looks like you’ve gone mental.”


“Maybe I have...” He muttered darkly in barely a whisper. ‘Fuck, just calm down... take her to the dance... Remus means nothing to you anymore...’


He strode over to her and kissed her deeply, pressing his lips hard against hers. “You can go get changed.” He said tenderly, “I’m going to get into my dress robes. Bellatrix is in the common room, I’m sure she’ll let you use her dormitory.”


“Okay.” She said, a little more brightly. “Hopefully you’re in a better mood.”


She kissed him softly and left the room, leaving him alone.


“Lily, hurry up!” James called up the dormitory steps to the girl’s rooms.


“Calm down, Prongs. She’ll be down.” Sirius said reassuringly, clutching the arm of his date (a cute Hufflepuff sixth year) and looking very handsome. “It’s Remus I’m worrying about... where d’you think he’s gone?”


James shrugged. “No idea. Wormtail, have you seen him lately?”


Peter shook his head feverishly, “No. I haven’t.” He was standing beside James, dateless.


“Maybe he’s found a date?” Sirius suggested.


James shot him a look. “Yeah right. The day he finally gets over... you know... is the day I’ll kiss a bowtruckle.”


“True.” Sirius said, still a bit worried.


Severus paced around the common room with his gang all lounging in the nearby chairs and couches by the fire, waiting for Narcissa to come out. Her and her sister Bellatrix had been in their dormitory for almost a half hour.


“Severus.”


He looked up and saw her; she was dressed in a dark green dress with her blonde hair down and wavy. She came over to him and he smiled, extending his arm. She took it and Bellatrix appeared from behind her, heading over to Rodolphus Lestrange (her date).


They all left the room in one big group, heading toward the entrance hall to see everybody all dressed up.


Severus had a very smug look on his face when he showed up with Narcissa; everybody’s heads turned.


“How many potions did he have to force down her throat...“ Sirius began heatedly.


James scowled as he clutched Lily’s arm, watching Severus’s haughty expression increase.


“James, I’m worried about Remus.” Lily voiced.


“I am too.” James said, frowning. “Thought we’d see him here.”


Severus gazed upon the faces of Sirius and James, and his expression faded slightly; Remus was not with them. Remus couldn’t be...


“Shite.” He muttered, sweeping Narcissa into the Great Hall quickly. “Stay here.” He told her, exiting the Hall and making his way towards James. “Hey.” He called to the boy, fearfully. If Remus was hurting himself... it would be all his fault.


“What the hell do you want?” James hissed in complete hatred. Severus Snape was the last person he wanted to see.


“Have you seen Remus lately?” Snape continued, beginning to sweat.


“No. Thanks to you.” James said coldly. “We’re trying to think of where he could be.”


“Did you try your dormitory?” Snape asked, his eyes shining with exasperation, “It’s empty right now.”


“No shit.” Sirius said, moving towards the Slytherin. “What are you getting to?”


“He cuts.” Severus breathed.


Sirius and James exchanged quick looks. James looked back at Snape.


“Come with us. And god help you if he is.” James spat, glaring wildly at Snape before he turned and tore off towards the steps. “Lily stay here!” He called behind him.

“Rachel, you too!” Sirius called, sprinting in pace with James.


Severus was following close behind them as they raced up several flights of steps. It seemed to take forever. All that crossed his mind were horrid images of what Remus might be doing...


At last James was muttering the password to the Portrait of the Fat Lady and she swung forward. They all ran in and seeing Remus was not in the common room, raced up to the dormitory.


James paused at the door and exhaled deeply. He threw the door open.


Remus was sitting on the floor against his bed; legs sprawled out in front of him. He held a shining silver something in his hand, almost frozen in midair...


Severus rushed forward, “Remus, don’t!” He said desperately.


James let out a cry of rage and grabbed Severus around the neck. “Don’t touch him you son-of-a-bitch!”


Sirius went forward and grabbed Remus’s wrist.


“NO!” Remus cried out, “Just let me do it!” He shrieked.


“Stop it!” Sirius hissed, wrestling with his friend, “STOP IT!” He shouted again, finally pulling the knife out of Remus’s hands. He threw it on the floor so that it skidded along the floor and collided with the opposite wall.


Severus began to cry. He went down to his knees, shaken by the image of what he had just seen. “I’m sorry...” He whimpered, sobbing greatly.


Sirius placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “I had no idea.” He admitted in shame.


James went over to the other side of Remus and raised his wand to Remus’s cuts. He stopped the blood-flow. “Why are you doing this?” He asked calmly.


Remus shook his head, shaking. He was so cold...


“It’s because of me.” Snape uttered, disgusted with himself. “It’s all because of me.”


James and Sirius raised their heads, glaring at Snape. “You’re a bastard.” James shot, “You’re nothing but a lying, worthless, shit.” He added.


“Don’t ever some near him again.” Sirius told his enemy, “If you do, we’ll make your life hell just like you did to Remus.” He threatened, giving Snape a look of pure loathing.


Snape looked at their expressions and then to Remus, who wasn’t looking at him.


“Remus...” He called softly. “I’m sorry. I cared about how people saw me more than being true to my feelings... and you. I do love you, but I can never be with you again. I’m never going to bother you again.” He said.


Remus looked at the boy, saying nothing. ‘I hate you.’ He yelled in his head.


Severus had heard this. He saw the look on Remus’s face, one he would never forget... and when he got no response out of the werewolf, he rose up, new tears streaming down his face.


He left the Gryffindor boys’ dormitory... and Remus Lupin... for good.