Tainted White

So, you can all send your thanks for the soon update to my beta Cassie :) Enjoy


CHAPTER EIGHT


Hermione curled up on her bed, and squeezed the blanket tighter around her body; it was a warm night...and she was shivering.

She didn’t know why. Why again?

After all he had said and done to hurt her...why did she do it again? Why did she give in?

After that painful encounter at the library...after he had left...Hermione walked to the garden. She practically ran...she needed air. Needed to be away from him, that house, and all the memories that it held. It was so hard to breathe.

She felt a light chill from the early spring air touch her face and bare arms, and fill her lungs.

She walked until the sun set...thinking, contemplating, discussing with herself...crying.

Alone. So alone and so confused.

Hermione lived isolated from the world in the Malfoy Manor. She knew nothing. Only what he decided to tell her.
She only knew his truth and he was Malfoy, how could she ever trust him? Nevertheless, Hermione grew suspicious.
Because...if it was over...if Harry was dead...or missing or captured...then, then the light lost and it just didn't look like it.
Days were warm and bright...and she...she was alive. Why would Voldemort ever let her live?

Something was wrong. ... she was about to turn back to the manor and confront him again when she saw a ....field...a field of daffodils....

Her name meant daffodil....Narciss...Narcissa....

It was for her...A black marble tombstone in the middle of the yellow field. Silver letters on the tomb read...

“A breath away is not far...to where you are.”
-Draco-

Her stomach contracted...what was this...what, what about Lucius?
She expected a monument...anything that would show that his beloved father was remembered but there was nothing.
Just his mother...just her...Where was Lucius' grave?

Hermione rushed back...'a breath away...'

Did he really love his mother that much? Did he love her so much that a thought of taking his life only to get closer to her was a comforting one?
Is that what kept him going the fact that he could just join her whenever he wanted? When life became too hard to live without her?

He...loved.

Who was he? Who was Draco Malfoy?

Did he...was there...was there a beating heart inside that chest?

Why wasn't she afraid of him? So many times was she in the line of danger from him...but not once afraid...of him?

What, what was that Hermione? Where do you stand? Do you honestly not know who he is? Do you remember Seamus? Remember that emotionless _expression on the face you kissed and caressed last night after he killed your friend, Hermione and then looked at you. Do you remember the ice you saw in his eyes?

You at least remember Harry don‘t you?

Malfoy’s cold words echoed in her disturbed mind ' you lost him...and you didn't even get me in return...you only let me fuck you. And I did.'

She pressed her hands to her temples. Threw the covers off... it was that scent again.

She tried to make it go away. Make him go away.

She wanted to show him that it wasn't just that. Just fucking. She wanted to make him regret his words.

She needed him to because she was a wreck. She felt as if there was a hole that went through her and she was bleeding to death...like everything she once was...was just leaking out...She was half-alive; something weakened and crushed. She was drowning and she needed a rock to cling to...even if that rock was Draco Malfoy...she needed him to help her to the surface.

After that, she was ready to drown him.

She saw through him. Hermione felt it. Last night,and this evening, she felt it. He was so careful, so gentle, so opposite of his cold words.
He was human in those moments. He was warm. There was a soul behind the ice. She was desperate for a soul, a soul to wrap around hers.
Even for a moment.

When she entered his study earlier this evening she saw pain...pain hung from his broad shoulders...pain smiled on his lips...pain gleamed in his amazing eyes...pain crushed the glass in his hand.

She knew pain.

Well.

She had no trouble recognizing it.

She had trouble fighting it.

He could help...he helped her once...he could help her fight it again....

‘Nice explanation Hermione very clever. Why won't you just admit it? Admit that you are attracted to the greatest monster in the world?

It must be hard. To see what you've become. Remember Ron? Remember Harry? You are a breath away from them...where is the courage Hermione? Breathe that last breath. Why don't you? Won't you just look at your face in the mirror? Go on, get up and walk.’

She started to shake her head.

She had to fight to stop her body from walking up to a mirror, because they were no longer one being. Her body and her mind and her soul were no longer one.
It was as if she watched her feet touch the ground, but she could not stop them. As if her hands were pushing her up from the bed...and she could not control them.

She wanted to close her eyes in front of her reflection. She had to close her eyes but she couldn't and those same eyes filled with tears.

What have you done…Again?

The person in the mirror was filth.

Was a traitor.

Was low.

The person in the mirror was NOTHING.

But, how could she see her if she was nothing?
Why was she there if she was nothing?

Why won’t she disappear...make her disappear.

Her tears spilled silent.

Why couldn't they wash away the guilt? If they ran so violently, then why, why couldn't they wash her clean...clean of him?

‘I'm so sorry...forgive...me...please.’ She was pleading in her mind. 'Harry.'

She was asking him to forgive her...to remember that she was his sister that she has loved him and taken care of him.
She needed him to remember that he loved her back. She was his Hermione. The one he could always count on.

The one that betrayed him, in the worst way she could.

The pain was overwhelming and that disgusting image in the mirror would not go away.

The moon would not stop shining...that evil shade of white…Platinum White.

Silver.

The light exposed her to her own eyes...and she reached for the porcelain vase on the sink counter and threw it into the mirror but it left it intact.

The vase broke. Water spilled everywhere. The flowers reminded her that she was dead inside. Only alive to feel the pain.
They were white...the flowers...white and innocent, as she was once
.
A statue of a silver dragon...heavy and smoothly...polished remained in her hands.

She heard a crash. Then realized that she managed to break it, she broke the mirror...but the reflection was still there.

Cuts passed across her face, down to her chest... they disturbed the picture...made it even uglier.
And Hermione screamed, she screamed as loud as she could
' GO AWAY...LEAVE...GOOOO...' then whispered, finally letting her spent body sink to the floor. 'Please go, please... forgive me...‘’

She managed to close her eyes.

Then he came in. He came in and reached to touch her.

She could feel it with her eyes closed and she could not let him touch her again. ' Do not touch me. '
She spat out and her eyes snapped open as she crawled away cutting her hands on broken glass not even noticing, and got up quickly.
She backed away.

' Which is it, Granger? ‘Touch me’ or ‘don't touch me?’ You seem to be forgetting recent events.' He said, smirking.

The broken mirror caught his eye. 'Reparo.'

' Something you saw in that mirror bothered you, Granger? What made you break it? Was there something that would kill him, in the reflection you saw?
How very foolish for a clever girl you used to be. You cannot make it go away...never. It is written in your eyes; all over your face, it screams from your features...that you are mine now. You belong to Draco Malfoy. The one you hated and fought against...and now, now, you are just dying for him to take you...honestly, if I had known that fucking a mudblood would be like this I would have started long ago. '

With that he reached for her but she used his motion to slap him.

Her palm burned. The air between them burned. He was angry.

He was humiliated.

By a mudblood.

Again.

Good. She wanted him to be mad.

' What is it Malfoy? Are you angry? Stupid mudblood just slapped your precious face...won’t you kill me already? Hit me back! No...you won't.… because you can't. I see through you. I'm still the smarter one. Still superior. I remember your words...your weakness...you can't fight it, you can't fight me...remember? I make your blood boil. I make you feel less lonely....I am inside of you, but I don't belong to you....I am not yours...I can't be...because you can't posses something that does not exist.'

He pulled her to him roughly...' You are not my weakness...you are a piece of filth...worthless.' just as violently as he pulled her to him Draco pushed her away, painfully aware of his growing need for her, turned around and walked away slamming and locking the door behind him.



A_N/ soooo, I read your reviews.....shalamonde, I hope things are clearer now :) and, malinda, maybe you don't know it but you are the most loyal reviewer :) thank you for that. Many many thanks to all the others...if any of you whishes to send a longer review or ask some questions...feel free to e-mail me at zara23_000@yahoo.com Please review some more :) I love reading as much as you do :)

Oh, 'to where you are' is Josh Groban's song...very very sad and strong...so I took a verse from it.