Lost and Found

A/n
Thank you so much for the reviews. I hate to call myself a review whore, largely because I am not very good at it. I am however very driven by feedback. Lemonade, your comments meant a lot to me. I am pleased that you don’t see my story as contrived and typical. Hyde, I am sorry for keeping you up late. Okay, I am not really sorry, I am flattered. Thank you for letting me know you liked it. Mnfm, Rawben, Cassie, rosie, and serpentina thank you for the feedback. Treckler, I have already written more chapters than I intended. I keep thinking that I am almost done, but the story seems to think otherwise. Dumbledore’s crowd will show up. Enigma, He mostly meant emotionally, but there is no doubt that jelousy plays a part. Ice owl, thank you for sharing my pain. This has been much more difficult that I expected. Thank you all again for reading.


Harry woke early the next morning. He took a moment to savor the feeling of be wrapped around another person. It was almost sad how much he needed the contact. Glancing over at the potions master, he was startled to see black eyes staring back at him. Harry swallowed heavily and looked away. Bracing himself for the day ahead he extracted himself from Malfoy and stood up. He knew he should be more concerned with his nudity, but it wasn’t as if the man hadn’t seen him before. He could feel the dark eyes following him as he gathered clothes and made his way out of the room. It was disconcerting to think that the man probably hated him more than ever for sleeping with his godson.

When Harry was safely ensconced within the small shower he sighed audibly and let the warm water wash away some of his worries. He smiled when he thought of his friends arriving today. He was a little nervous about seeing them. He hoped that Draco would act like nothing had happened between them. He couldn’t bear to see the disbelief and hatred in Ron’s eyes. This would likely be the last time he would see his friends and he wanted to enjoy it. He would have liked to stay in the shower, but with three of them sharing the small space, he knew he needed to vacate the warmth of the water and face the day.

The tension at breakfast was so thick that Harry felt like he was suffocating. Draco had smiled shyly at him when he entered the room, he knew that his tense smile back couldn’t have looked welcoming. Snape hadn’t said a word to anyone and was simply glaring at his breakfast. Harry knew that this couldn’t continue, but he had no idea how to end the uncomfortable silence. When it became too much, he finally decided that he had nothing to lose with an opening gambit. “Did you want to see the progress I made, before the others get here?”

Snape jumped a little at the sudden noise, but quickly schooled his features into a blank mask. “Yes. I believe that would be wise.” They made short work of cleaning up breakfast and walked to the clearing. Snape was angry at himself for his lack of self control. He had spent over twenty years as a death eater spy. He had committed atrocities that didn’t bear thinking about, he had learned quickly to keep his emotions under control so that he could act without condemning himself or showing remorse. Why couldn’t he control how he felt now. What was wrong with Potter sleeping with Draco? Why did he want to kill his godson for touching what was his? His? Potter certainly wasn’t his. He had to deal with the fact that he never would be, no matter how much he might wish it to be otherwise. He was shaken out of his thoughts as they entered the clearing to meet with some very realistic looking Death Eaters.

Harry walked over to where he had left the invisible Snape-like figure and found to his relief that it was still there. He directed his energy to making it reappear and was pleased that it looked undamaged. Smiling he turned to the face the two stunned looking Slytherins. “I think I can make one of you invisible so that you can apparate me into the meeting and then apparate right back out again without anyone knowing you were there. If one of you is willing I would like to try it.”

Snape stopped Draco from speaking with a hand on his shoulder. A way to test his theory about Harry’s magic had presented itself and he wasn’t going to let it slip by. “Why don’t you show us the attacks that you were talking about first, and then I will be happy to be a test subject for you.”

Harry nodded. “Stand back behind that tree. I won’t send anything in that direction.” He gestured at a tree behind him.

Glancing to make sure that Dummy that he was sure was supposed to represent himself was in the line of fire, he nodded and pulled Draco with him behind the tree. Snape felt his jaw drop but couldn’t be bothered to hide his shock as the stone figures in front of him collapsed into dust. He swallowed thickly at the display of immense power. He almost forgot his little experiment until he noticed that one piece of stone was still standing among the rubble. He let out an undignified yip, before he could stop himself. He ignored the looks he was receiving in favor of thinking about all the possibilities that this opened up. “Harry recreate them if you would.”

Snape hardly noticed as Harry nodded and the clearing was once again filled with Death Eaters. “Okay. This time don’t direct the magic with your hand. Just send it out from your body with the intent of killing all of them at once.”

“Won’t that put you and Draco at risk?”

Snape pointed to the still standing dummy and smiled at the young man. “I hardly think so, Harry. I was right. All that matters is your intent. You had no desire to kill the person represented by that figure, so you didn’t. We could stand right in front of you when you unleashed hell and not be damaged. Unless you wanted us to be.” He added with a smirk.

Harry frowned in thought, staring at the still standing ‘friend’. Could it be so simple? Even if it was, what if some part of him wanted to hurt Snape and Draco. He couldn’t live with himself if he killed them after all they had done to help him. He shook his head in denial. “I can’t risk it.” He finally stated firmly.

Sighing out loud in frustration Draco moved into line of fire. “Listen, Potter. Get your head out of your ass! This isn’t all about you, and it isn’t about us. The Dark Lord needs to die. You cannot do it by yourself. We want to help and your friends want to help, and you don’t have the right to stop us. You are not the only one to lose people to this war. Now blast these good for nothing creatures to hell.”

Harry sighed in resignation seeing Snape nodding in agreement. He took a deep breath and drew power into himself. He forced himself to send the destructive force outward toward friend and foe alike. He focused strongly on protecting the people in the clearing from the surrounding Death Eaters, and let the magic fly. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he saw The rubble surrounding a very relieved looking Draco Malfoy.

Snape struggled to breath as he felt the most powerful wave of magic he had ever felt spread through and around him. He felt his skin prickle as the sharp particles of stone from the now destroyed statues hit him. He was awed at the display of power that seemed to cause the young man in front of him no discomfort. He wondered if he really needed any help. It wouldn’t be this easy when they were faced with the real thing. The magic from the clearing made it easy here. What would it be like when Harry had to use his own magic? He felt fear grip him as he thought about the drain. They couldn’t go in blind. They would need to know how much Harry could do away from the clearing without damage. “Harry, make me disappear.”

Harry did as he was asked and watched as the man vanished. He gasped as he felt the man grab his arm and saw the clearing dissolve. He stumbled as they landed in a meadow. “Where are we?” He asked a little unsteadily.

Snape still couldn’t see himself which answered another of his questions. He promptly told Harry to create the necessary targets and destroy them. He held his breath as he watched Potter’s face pinch a little in concentration and then felt once again the powerful wave of magic flow around him. The targets exploded into white dust and Harry fell fluidly to the ground. Snape wasted no time in sweeping the unconscious youth into his arms and Apparating them back to the clearing. He gently laid him onto the ground, ignoring the frightened and angry looks that Draco was sending him.

“What the Fuck did you do to him?”

Snape sighed heavily and looked up at the livid blond. “We simulated the real thing. He is suffering from magic drain. I do believe our young mister Potter underestimated the difficulty in drawing magic from the earth.” He sighed wearily again. He ran a hand idly through Harry’s hair as he continued. “It is for the best that we had a dry run, don’t you think. In the heat of real battle he might have killed himself, before he even knew the danger.”

Draco felt his heart clench at the very thought. His anger at his mentor dying in less time than it took to mentally slap himself. “will he be alright?”

“Yes. It can only help to be here where the natural magic can restore his balance. His friends should to be here shortly. Would you mind making something for lunch? I am sure that Harry will be famished when he wakes.”

Draco frowned at once again being sent away when Harry needed someone. It was so difficult to remain focused on the greater good when the man that he loved was lying on the forest floor. He wanted to be noble and do the right thing, but he wanted the right thing to be staying with Harry. Nodding briefly he headed back to the cabin to start lunch for the Gryffindors that would be invading their sanctuary. He really couldn’t resent the fact though, he knew that they would be his allies in the battle to get Harry to accept help in the upcoming quest. He was determined to be civil and at the very least not convince them to side against him.

Snape stared down at the boy hero. He noted that the unnatural pallor to his cheeks was being slowly replaced with a more healthy tone. How did his feelings change so fast. There was a time when all he cared about was the downfall of the Dark Lord. He would have felt mild regret if the boy who lived killed him and then died, but it would not have been significant in the scheme of things. Now he found some part of him willing to just run away with the boy in question and let the rest of the world rot. Was anything really more important than the beautiful creature laying so still in front of him. He wondered idly what it would be like to have been Draco last night. What would it be like to have those green eyes focused only on him. Would he be able to remain intact, or would he simple spontaneously combust from the sensations. With a deep sigh, he let go of his fantasy. He had burned those bridges years ago, when he had chosen to torment the child of his enemy.

Harry woke to a gentle hand moving the sweaty hair off of his forehead. He felt very weak, and tried to remember what had happened. It came back to him in a rush and he jerked upright. The wave of dizziness hit him and he fell back onto the clearing floor. It was far more difficult than he had expected to draw the natural magic from the earth. He was dismayed at the prospect that all his work these last weeks had been for nothing. Swallowing the bile in his throat he tried to think about it all rationally. He had still managed to direct the magic with his will. He had managed to destroy all of the targets. It wasn’t wasted. He just needed to be sure that he hit the most important target when he let loose. Then whatever happened happened. He wouldn’t waste his energy on the lesser problems. He had to make it to ground zero. He just had to make it to Voldemort, he just had to kill him, then if he was left helpless it wouldn’t matter. If the death eaters killed him it would be too late.

Snape watched Harry jerk forward and then fall back with a look of resignation on his face that terrified him. He could almost picture what was happening in Harry’s head, and it wasn’t what he wanted. He needed to know his limitations, but not to the extent that he felt the need to sacrifice himself for the world. He needed to make his point now! “I hope that you realize that you need help now, Potter. You are not as all powerful as you thought.”

Harry allowed a smile to grace his tired face as he faced his former Professor. “I don’t need to be all powerful sir. Just powerful enough to get to him and take him out. I don’t need a round ticket, just an invisibility charm and a little luck.”

“Do you really want to die, Potter? Is this all one really complex death wish?”

Harry couldn’t help the snicker that he released. “I suppose that it might look like that to you. It isn’t like you have ever really given me any credit for anything other that seeking attention.” He laughed weakly at the image of the dark man leaning over his dead body chastising him for getting all the credit. “If it makes you feel any better I will put an addendum to my will. You and Draco can plan my funeral. It should be a great opportunity to get one last laugh at my expense. You can burn me in effigy, laughing at the stupid nature of the Gryffindor.”

“Would you really be that disappointed if you survived this war?”

Harry felt really angry for the first time in the asinine conversation. “You can’t really be that thick, Snape. I would love to live through this farce. I would love to live for myself for the first time. I would love to disappear from the wizarding world and attempt to find out who the hell I am. What I can’t imagine, however, is leaving others dead to achieve that goal. I will become a killer. I have to, but I won’t sacrifice the innocent. How could I go on knowing that I could have done it alone? What would be the point of living if it was at the expense of others?”

Severus felt like his heart had been pulled out of his chest for the second time in his life. The first had been when Lilly Potter had sacrificed her life to save her son, and now when that son was willing to do the same for humanity. He felt the tears gathering in eyes that hadn’t released such a pointless exercise in more years than he could count. He felt himself resorting to the comfort of the biting answer and allowed it to happen. “Come then, Golden boy. Let us go burn your future and toast to new year for the world. We wouldn’t want to deprive you of going out in a blaze of glory.” He didn’t look back as he left the clearing and headed back to the cabin.