Torn - Repost

TITLE: Torn
AUTHOR: Ravenkiss
STATUS/PART: 8/?
EMAIL: Ravenkiss2000@yahoo.com
RATING: NC17
PAIRING: SS/RL, SS/RH
SPOILERS: COS, OOP
WARNINGS: AU, M/M Slash, Rape, Violence, Mpreg
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money made.
SUMMARY: The last prank has been played, now Severus has to deal with the consequences.
AUTHOR\'S NOTES: Warning! Caring, but manipulative Dumbledore alert!
Beta: The Goblet and Tall oaks

Part - 8


It had only been three days. That is what they told him.


Three days since he had been beaten and raped.


Three days.


Severus Snape did not want to live.


As that third morning dawned, Snape slowly became aware that he was curled up in foetal position. \'Foetal position,\' he let that thought turn over and over in his mind. Sadly this was a bit ironic on its own.


He was pregnant.


Preggers. Knocked up. With child. Bun in the oven. Potion in the cauldron. It all meant one thing. He was in every way possible, fucked.


When he had first awakened from his faint, the events of the night had struck him with the force of a Bludger to the side of the head. Quite suddenly instead of the aftermath of another annoying, or even dangerous prank he was confronted by the knowledge that a demented Harry Potter in the form of Sirius Black had raped him. Not only raped him, but impregnated with the child of either Remus Lupin or Rubeus Hagrid.


Faced with the undeniable truth of his plight, Severus, for the first time since he was five years old cried like a frightened child; which was not surprising, since that was exactly what he felt like.


Nothing but a terrified child, helpless, near despair.


These facts were firmly embedded in his mind when Poppy had come in to check on him.


At first he had stared at the mediwitch blankly as if he did not recognize her, but suddenly something deep inside him snapped. Severus felt as if he was outside his body, watching someone else. He cringed as he watched that person scream obscenities at the poor woman until she had no choice but to place him under a sleep charm.


Many hours later with a forced smile and a pocket full of lemon drops Dumbledore came to \'cheer him up\' he could not stop himself from screaming hysterically at the Headmaster. In his rage, he called the older wizard things that, even at the ripe old age of one hundred and fifty-five, shocked the older man.


The worst part for Dumbledore was that he could not deny that some of the things the distraught man said hit close to the mark. He had stood back and listened to the rant with the hope that his distraught Potions Master would wear himself out; that eventually Albus could reason with the boy.


The older man said nothing as Severus screamed, \"You use me like a bloody whore! Take what you need and throw me back in the dungeon till I\'m needed again!\"


The Potions Master sobbed as he reminded the Headmaster that he had refused to punish Harry Potter for anything, just like his father. How Snape truly expected the Boy-who-lived to be forgiven for the rape as well. He shrieked that \'The Great Man\' did not care about a pitiful Slytherin when his Golden Gryffindors were involved.


The Headmaster\'s hopes of being able to eventually reason with the sobbing wizard had been dashed as the younger man began to claw frantically at his own face and hair. Albus had been forced to push him into fitful slumber just as Pomfrey had done.


Now that the poor boy was awake, Dumbledore could only hope that he would be able to reach him.


For his part Severus was almost numb as his mind began to process his plight; he did not want to see anyone. He did not want to be near anyone. Period.


People meant pain.


Once more fully awake and aware, Snape felt as if the walls were closing in on him. His slim form trembled violently as a very concerned and cautious Dumbledore stepped into the room once again. The frail looking old man stood silently just inside the doorway, obviously waiting to see how his Potions Master would react.


Severus did not scream at him this time. Oh, he wanted to. He had volumes of pain that had yet to find a voice but simply did not have the energy within himself to yell, curse, or even care. He felt hollow inside, as if a Dementor had sucked out every emotion leaving him nothing more then an empty shell.


Somehow he managed to sit up; or rather he pulled himself into a more or less upright position, then slumped dejectedly against the headboard. The Slytherin felt completely drained.


Bloodshot, sunken eyes could not meet the Headmaster\'s blue orbs; though they held no sparkle, twinkle, or shine this day, excepting the sheen of unwept tears. The eyes, which normally held such life, were subdued, saddened, filled with pain, and worry.


Albus Dumbledore moved carefully into the room and walked around the bed until he could look into the pale face of Severus Snape. The Headmaster almost expected the other man to turn from him again.


Dumbledore had never felt more useless in his life. He had failed them all. Harry, Severus, and for the second time, Moaning Myrtle. He had failed to protect her from Tom Riddle, and now Harry. In her stall he found the residual magic of the same spell that he and Harry had used to send Voldemort to the realm of the dead. She was gone, with no hope of return.


The students would never know what had happened to her. It was in an ironic way fortunate that Myrtle would often brood in her bathroom for years at a time and rarely interacted with anyone save the other ghosts. No living soul would miss her. The other spirits of Hogwarts were saddened, but understood the need to keep her fate a secret. She would fad into myth, and eventually be forgotten.


Albus could only hope that wherever she was now, she had at last found peace.


Pushing the tragic fate of the unfortunate Myrtle from his mind, he turned to the one person that it was still within his power to help. He cringed at the sight of the pale, trembling figure on the bed that bore little resemblance to Professor Severus Snape, the demon of the dungeons.


His heart ached for this wounded child, his child. No one, not his abusive father, or even Voldemort had such a strong hand in shaping this broken soul to the extent that Albus Dumbledore had. It was his neglect that pushed the angry boy into the darkness.


And in spite of the pain and betrayal, it had been the Slytherin\'s own conscience that brought him back to the light.


Now after all that had happened to this young man in his short, much too painful life, for his spirit to be crushed in such a cruel way was unjust, unfair, and wrong. He should have been able to prevent this.


\"Are you, alright Severus?\" It was a stupid, useless thing to say under the circumstances, but it was all that came to mind.


\'So much for the great Albus Dumbledore being omniscient.\' He thought to himself with uncharacteristic self-doubt.


\"No Albus, I am not alright.\" Snape hugged himself tightly, not bothering to wipe the burning tears from his eyes. \"I am absolutely wretched!\"


\"Child, I wish there was something that I could do to help you. I wish...\"


Snape sat up slowly, his black eyes narrowed as he tried to glare; he could not even manage that.


\"You wish?\" The words were barely a whisper. \"You wish what Albus? Wish that you realized that Potter had lost his bloody mind? That you had taken those pranks played against me seriously for once? Wish that I did not have either a werewolf\'s pup or half-giant\'s whelp in my belly?\"


The words were classic Severus Snape, but they did not sound nearly as bitter as they should. His usually low passionate voice was almost a monotone.


There was little venom left in him.


\"Now, now Severus, please do not upset yourself further with such thoughts, you know very well that there will not be a wolf pup much less a child with fur,\" Dumbledore began to say something else, but thought better of it.


\"And if Hagrid is the father will I have a twenty pound monstrosity?\" Severus asked flatly.


\"Such a child would have giant blood true enough, but you yourself possess more then a few drops of fey blood from your mother. High Elves tend much more towards small infants. I believe that the one thing that we can safely assume is that any child of Hagrid\'s would have a very sweet disposition, and the same lovely black eyes that the two of you share.\"


\"Somehow I doubt that any child of mine will be sweet,\" Severus grumbled, \"or lovely.\"


Dumbledore felt a smile play at the corners of his mouth at that retort. The younger man was conversing with him. Though obviously frightened and anxious he was, perhaps, starting to come to grips with the situation.


Glancing at Professor Dumbledore from beneath his mop of matted, sweat soaked hair; conflicting emotions swam in his head; at first he had wanted to withdraw back into himself, for the Headmaster to leave. But, as the other man moved nearer, touching his hand tentatively, quite suddenly he did not want that at all.


Even if the conversation was inane it did not matter; he did not want to be alone. Part of him did feel better with Dumbledore there. The weak, frightened part of him desperately wanted the nearness and warmth, of the closest thing to a real father that he had ever known.


Snape finally admitted to himself that even if it made him weak, he did not care that he wanted someone to be with him. The thought of sitting in the room again, alone with only his memories for company terrified him.


They sat in silence for a time until the Slytherin finally felt compelled to speak. \"What am I going to do Albus?\"


\"No one can answer that but you, Severus,\" Dumbledore said softly, as his steady hand very gently brushed the hair from the younger man\'s pale face.


\"Should I,\" Severus gulped; his voice small and even a little frightened. \"Should I abort it?\"


The Headmaster stroked his cheek soothingly. He had been dreading this moment since the younger man\'s condition became known. \"My child, it is you who was injured, your body that was affected. The choice of whether or not to allow this pregnancy to continue is yours, and yours alone.\" The older wizard smiled at him gently.


\"I am a man, I was never meant to carry a, a foetus,\" said Severus wiping a stubbornly clinging tear from his chin.


\"But the foetus does exist, Severus. Your eyes betray how heavily this burden weighs on your heart. I cannot say that I understand what you are going through. No experience of mine in over a century and a half of life compares to the decision that you must make. Biologically, what you carry inside you now consists of only a few cells. Ethically, I have no concrete answer for you. I am no theologian, and much more learned men on the subject then I still argue violently whether the removal of those cells from your body would simply be expelling extraneous tissue, or the death of a child.\"


He saw a shiver run through the Slytherin\'s taut frame. \"You think that I should keep it.\" It was not a question.


\"It is not I that must make the decision. This is hard for you, my boy. Over the past twenty years the work you did in the war forced you to do many things that you regret. What you must do now is look into your heart and decide if ending this pregnancy is what you truly want. I will not think any less of you, whichever decision you reach.\"


\"I,\" the Potions Master gulped looking down at this stomach. \"I do not think that I could do it.\"


\"Then we shall speak no more about it,\" Albus suppressed a sigh of relief. He had feared that Severus would demand a termination potion as soon as he calmed down enough to grasp the situation. At least he had not needed to bring in Remus and Hagrid to persuade him that this was the right course. Had Harry used his own or Merlin forbid, Black\'s hair to create the pregnancy, it would have been very difficult, though not impossible, to convince him to allow the pregnancy to continue.


There had been so much death and destruction because of the war. More wizard children were needed, especially one with a powerful wizard like Snape as one of the parents. Albus wished that the circumstances that started all of this were different, but since this opportunity presented itself he would be a fool to let it pass.


Besides, Albus knew his friend better then Severus Snape knew himself. Had he convinced himself to end the pregnancy, it would not have taken long for guilt over the action to consume him. This was all for the best.


Dumbledore hoped that Severus would eventually choose to bond with one of the possible parents. They were both good men. Remus was intelligent, practical, magically powerful and best of all; he already cared for Severus.

Surprisingly Dumbledore had quickly discovered that Hagrid also had feelings for the younger wizard, and while not as knowledgeable as Lupin, he possessed an instinctive connection to simple yet potent Earth magic. And his gentleness and patience could be a good influence on both \'mother\' and child.


Perhaps one day there could be more children? Dumbledore put that thought away for the time being. Best make sure that Severus accepted this one first. His Potions Master was still upset and confused. What he needed from the Headmaster now was fatherly love and gentle guidance in the right direction.


\"Albus, if I allow the pregnancy to progress will I have to leave Hogwarts? This place is the only real home I have ever had, but I do not know if I can continue to teach. When I begin to waddle around the dungeon even the dimmest Gryffindor will notice; we cannot keep this a secret.\" Dumbledore hid a smile at the casual insult. \"You have kept the Daily Prophet away but they know that something happened with Potter. I could not face the students if they knew he, he had...\"


\"Hogwarts will always have a place for you Severus. I will not accept your resignation, and I will expect that you will teach again very soon,\" assured the older wizard. The absolute worst thing that could happen would be for the Potions Master to leave the security of Hogwarts. \"Besides, neither the Prophet nor the students know the entire story. If it is your wish, they never will. As far as the rest of our world is concerned, your difficulty has nothing to do with Harry Potter. St. Mungo\'s announced that Harry had a nervous breakdown because of the battle with Voldemort. No one outside of these walls will know that you are involved with his illness at all; though I believe that Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley have figured out that it was Harry pulling those cruel pranks on you.\"


\"You are telling people that Potter had a nervous break down?\" Severus asked slowly, anger beginning to creep into his voice. \"You are going to whitewash the entire incident to save Potter\'s reputation!\"


\"No Severus, that is not my intent at all. Please be calm. I have told people nothing of the situation until I could speak to you,\" Dumbledore said softly. He needed to tread very carefully with this. \"You have a right to hate Harry for what he did, but do you want everyone to know what happened that night? Besides, even if his crimes against you were known, it would make no difference to the poor boy\'s fate. He is heavily sedated and locked away in the incurable ward at St. Mungo\'s where he will quite probably remain for the rest of his life.\"


\"Do not tell anyone,\" Severus said softly, as he arms wrapped tightly over his chest. \"Potter\'s friends, everyone would blame me for what happened. They always blame me! Tell them... What does it matter, just make up something,\" he sighed.


\'You\'re good at making things up but how are you going to explain this?\' He wondered bitterly.


\"Even if we say that I was injured falling down a staircase or something equally ridiculous to put me in the infirmary, how do you explain my delicate condition? Male pregnancy is not exactly common even amongst wizards. Everyone in the school knows that I have no lover, and not even the most naive Hufflepuff is going to believe that I was struck with a sudden desire to bear a child by either Lupin or Hagrid!\"


\"We can come up with a simple explanation. Some sort of potion accident perhaps?\" Dumbledore saw the other man shiver. \"Everything will be alright Severus, I swear it.\"


\"I don\'t know,\" he admitted, \"I feel so confused. Like my life is not my own. I hoped that once Voldemort was dead...\" His throat became too tight to speak.


\"You are not alone Severus. Please remember this; I will be here for you. I know I wasn\'t for a long time. I allowed myself to become blind to your pain and refused to see what was before me. You suffered because in my eyes, you always seemed so that you could handle anything that life threw at you. I refused to see cruelty and spite in my Gryffindors.\"


The older man bowed his head. He was known for bending the truth a bit at times, but in this case, the pure unvarnished facts were all that he required. \"I refused to acknowledge that little pranks and indignities could cause so much harm. I swear, on my life, that I will be here for you Severus; as will Poppy, Minerva despite any small house rivalries. Even Argus has always been fond of you, though he would deny it to his dying day, and I dare say, Remus and Hagrid both care about you.\"


Snape recalled Remus Lupin\'s words, \'I want to be your friend.\' These were simple words, kind words that should not fill anyone with such trepidation.


And Hagrid had always acted as a friend to him even when he was not particularly friendly.


\"They both have said that they are my friends; but what will they expect from me now? This,\" Snape\'s long fingers caressed his stomach almost timidly, \"it belongs to one of them.\"


\"Is that what worries you Severus? Let me assure you that neither Remus, nor Hagrid expect anything from you. If something develops with either of them, it will be your choice, and at your own pace.\"


\"What if I decided that I do not want a relationship with either of them?\" Severus asked. The thought of someone touching him intimately made him absolutely sick with terror. He had begun to suspect that Remus wanted exactly that. But what of Hagrid, he was straight, wasn\'t he?


Snape shivered at the thought of that huge body covering him, taking him.


Albus sought to reassure him. \"If you desire no romantic relationship with either of them then your wishes will be respected. Of course in the matter of the parenting of the child, I am certain that whichever of them is the biological father will want to be involved in rearing his offspring.\"


\"Yes, of course. I- I do not know...\" Severus felt a gentle hand on his back; he relaxed into the touch. He wanted nothing more then to lose himself in the warm paternal feelings that radiated from Dumbledore and made him feel safe and loved. \"You do not have to say or do anything right now, just rest and recover. Do not worry about Remus or Hagrid, or your classes, the students or anything else. Just rest.\"


While stroking the Slytherin\'s back gently, Albus\' eyes brightened. \"Do you recall a few years ago when a potions professor and three male students from the North American Academy of Wizardry impregnated one another when splashed with a fertilizer potion? They were trying to breed those rare Wyoming Spike-tailed Dragons? Perhaps we could say that something like that happened to you.\"


\"We can say a potion spilled on you when you were helping Hagrid breed some of his creatures. He has several rather rare ones that we could use. Yes, those two young male manticores he found in the Forbidden Forest will be perfect.\" Professor Dumbledore said definitively. \"It has been a while since I made anything more complex then hot chocolate but I believe that I can still wield a mortar and pestle. I can brew the potion and we can impregnate the manticores tonight. That will not only provide a plausible diversion to mask our problem but also help an endangered species at the same time.\"


\"But will anyone believe that Remus happened to be in the area and that hairs from both he and Hagrid somehow ended up in the potion?\" Severus asked skeptically.


\"Well, manticores are extremely dangerous creatures. It would be natural for Hagrid to ask the Defense professor to help to control them. Though we can say that you were slightly injured in the ensuing chaos to explain your stay in the infirmary. As for the unlikely events that would lead to both of their hairs being in the potion, that will actually make it more believable. People love stories of unusual things,\" Dumbledore explained. Then he drew a rather surprised Snape into a hug.


The Slytherin was no longer listening; just leaned against the Headmaster. He felt as if the only warmth in his world radiated from Dumbledore.


The older man held him tightly and whispered a sleep spell. Severus did not protest as the enchantment enveloped him like a cozy blanket of warmth and peace. \"Goodnight Severus, sleep well.\"


\"Manipulative old man,\" Snape sighed affectionately as his eyelids began to drop. \"You should have been a Slytherin.\"


\"You know, the Sorting hat originally wanted to put me in Slytherin,\" noted Dumbledore. At this odd confession the younger man started to sit up, but a gentle hand restrained him. \"However, that is a story for another day.\"


Was that a kiss he felt on the top of his head? Surly not, Severus decided that he must be so exhausted that he was having hallucinations.


The Headmaster settled back in a chair in the corner to watch over him while he slept.


tbc