All I Ever Wanted

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write...are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.

"All I Ever Wanted"...chap. 8 'Anything For This'

Harry held the curled form of Draco Malfoy against him as he climbed a secret staircase. It led to a quiet and familiar place on the sixth floor, the very one that he and Draco had discovered a week ago. It was surreal, holding the sniffling boy in his arms as he climbed.

Harry thought that Draco should feel heavier, and yet it seemed so easy to carry him, as if this was a burden he had waited a lifetime to bear. Harry was almost painfully aware of the soft cheek that was nuzzled into the side of his neck, and some part of his conscious mind was trumpeting over and over again...'What are you doing?! That's DRACO MALFOY you're holding!!'

If anyone had told him that this was what he'd be doing Saturday night...well, he would have laughed himself sick. Yet here he was, carrying Draco in his arms, filled with a sense of peace and purpose.

They had reached the sixth floor when the head on his shoulder lifted to his ear and spoke..."It's okay Harry, I can walk, but thank you." Draco's voice was ragged from crying, but sounded sure, so Harry carefully let Draco's legs down.

He still had his arm draped protectively around Draco, half afraid that if contact was broken, even for a second, this wonderful peace he felt would vanish like mist. Harry peeled away the Cloak with one hand and threw it over his shoulder, then looked into Draco's red-rimmed eyes and asked, "Draco, we really need to talk...do you trust me?" He offered his hand and Draco took it without hesitation.

"Yes, Harry." It sounded so demure that Draco was momentarily ashamed, then he realized he just didn't care anymore. Not here, not now, not with Harry next to him holding his hand. This is how he'd always wanted to feel and he wasn't going to waste this moment like he'd wasted so much of his life. Impulsiveness was not the Slytherin Way, but the dark-haired youth before him was a lifeline to everything he'd ever thought was impossible...and Draco wasn't letting go for anything.

Harry led the way, and a couple of landings later they emerged only a few hundred yards from their destination. Draco stiffened with apprehension for a moment, recognizing the hall and door where all this had started, then decided he didn't care what did or didn't happen as long as it involved Harry. 'God! He's Harry now. He'll never be Potter again. Not after this. Everything...everything is different. And I want it that way!'

They entered the room quietly, and as soon as the door was closed, Harry set Spells of Locking and Silence. When he felt sure they had privacy, he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked expectantly at Draco, who immediately followed suit and sat beside Harry, though he fidgeted nervously and was still wiping his nose and eyes with his sleeve.

Harry spoke first, desperate to kill the silence, "I've got an awful lot I want to say, there's so much I feel like I'll explode because I can't get it all out fast enough. If there's anything you want to ask me...well...I'll give you answers before I give you a big speech. Is that okay?"

Draco looked up, smiling a bit sheepishly, "Why were you there?"

"Probably the same reason as you, it's been...difficult...this week...you know...ever since Sunday. I just had to know what happened, all of it, and I hoped I could store it and control it. You showed up and tripped my wards, and I couldn't get out in time. After I saw you at the Pensieve, I knew it didn't matter anymore, I knew I wanted to keep those memories and learn to live with it." Harry's response wounded Draco just a little.

With a pained wince, Draco looked more than little ashamed of himself. "I was going to erase it...all of it. I couldn't stand it anymore. I haven't slept right in a couple of days now, and I've thought of you a lot lately. When I saw everything, well, it all came out at once. There are a lot of things I need to say, too. I was right that night, you know? You really don't know me...but I never told you how much I wish you did."

This new honesty was very taxing for Draco. It made his chest feel terribly tight and his breath catch in his throat, but with every blatant truth he shared, he felt a little freer, a little closer and more comfortable with Harry. Right now he couldn't imagine anything he wanted more than that.

"Did it come back to you in pieces...like visions? It did for me, I think I just have more practice feigning indifference than you do. Please don't think I'm proud of that," he added in a hushed tone, almost plaintively. Draco's face was burning. It made him horribly uncomfortable to realize that he was blushing...BLUSHING, like a complete Hufflepuff, in front of Harry Potter!

"Yeah..." Harry sighed, "all week long. Different things at different times. I wanted to tell you a hundred times that what I remembered was...well...pretty amazing. But I promised silence and I was keeping it."

Draco chuckled softly. "Believe me when I say I understand. I've been biting my tongue all week, and not because there were insults lined up to get out! At least Slytherin helps you build a poker-face...your face was shouting things to me that I couldn't answer in public. I wasn't sure if I should laugh, yell at you, or just run like hell to keep from falling apart. You should know one other thing, too...amazing isn't even NEAR a good word enough to describe what we did together, and I ought to know! I...I'm ready to let you say whatever you want...if you'll just tell me one thing first. Do you want...I mean can we...ARGH! Fuck all! Merlin, is this hard...can we be...together?"

It took everything he had to get the words out, and Draco was tensed from head to toe waiting for an answer. His head was even cast down, eyes boring through the stone floor, so his face wouldn't show his feelings if the answer was no.

"Draco...there are a few things I really have to say before I can answer that, but if it would make it easier for you to know what I want...then yeah...I don't know how we could do this and not make the rest of the world go crazy...but I really, really want to try. More than anything I've ever wanted I want to know you, and it's just so...new...I have trouble saying it. Is that good enough for a start?" Harry's eyes were practically begging, and his voice was thready with tension when the lean blond he'd been pining over all week crushed him in a hug.

Muffled by Harry's collar, Draco's voice was still fairly clear. "YES! You can say anything you want, as long as you want. I want to hear everything you have to say, just as long as it's going to end with me being with you!"

Harry didn't know it, but Draco really wasn't the same person he thought he'd known for most of seven years. At this moment, Draco was almost intoxicated with the sense of relief that came with finally being himself, and it was showing in his words and his actions.

Seven years of rigidly controlling his every act or word had left him ill prepared for appearing composed while simultaneously letting his guard down. Draco felt the surprise and shock in Harry's body language and pulled back to give Harry some free space while he talked, all the while wearing a contented expression reminiscent of cat that had just found a limitless supply of cream.

Harry took a deep breath and started in. "Okay, Gods, where to start. I can't speak for you...but I know I saw things in the Pensieve that made me feel like I woke up from a really long bad dream. I...I'm sorry about everything that went wrong between us, there's so much I wish was different I can't even begin to list it all. I know I don't know that much about you, even less than I thought as it turns out. I need to start learning now, and it might take a little while to catch up after wasting seven years.

I've spent a lot of time with no one to share my thoughts with, and maybe I'm not that good at sharing them, but I really wanna try. I'm scared half out of my head by all this, mostly because it started before you or I had any real say in it. Now we're just trying to figure it out. Most of all, and this is what I hope you understand, there's something I need from you, something that might be hard for you to give, or not...I just don't know.

Draco, I always dreamed about something like this, I just didn't think it would happen so fast, and no offense, but I sure didn't expect it to be with you. What I want...is for us to just date...you know...like boyfriends, just for a while before we do anything else. I wanted my first time to be perfect, something I'd remember forever, and it meant a lot to me.

Draco...if we could take that night, and make it disappear, I think I'd still want you to be the first. What I'm asking for is kind of hard, and we'll have to be careful and all of that, but could you make that come true for me? Just a little time to get to be comfortable with you...and then one perfect night, one I could call my first and not need magic to remember, because it really was magic on its own?"

Harry had gotten his speech out, and was almost gasping for breath. He had watched Draco's eyes intently throughout, and they had reflected his own worry and confusion, but they looked peaceful and resolute now.

Draco found the answers on his tongue without even thinking, words just flowed from the core of his being directly to Harry. "I can do anything for this, to feel this way, to be near you...whatever I have to do...I can do it. Harry, I'm not ashamed of what I've done with my life, mostly because I never even thought feeling this way was possible. If I'd known...well...things might have been different, but that was my life before and this is my life now.

I've been sick of wearing a mask for longer than you can possibly know, and now that I know what it's like to feel this way I don't think I can ever go back. If you want a dream of yours to come true...and you want me to be in it, then yes, I'll do it...because you already made mine come true. I owe you that much and a lot more.

I'm...I'm sorry, too...about the way things were before. There's a million things I want to tell you, but we'll have time for all that. What I have to say right now is...I know you think I know all about this stuff, but I don't...not really. This isn't like anything I've ever done before, and it scares me, too. It scares me because, I've never...I mean I haven't...Harry, how do I...I...FUCK!...ithinkicouldfallinlovewithyou!!!!"

Draco's breath was short and his eyes were tearing without control. Harry looked stunned and happy and worried all at the same time. "I'm alright, I've just...never said that before. I have to ask though, this waiting and dating thing...I know I can do it, but can you hold me...can we kiss? I just feel like I need this so badly...there's no words for it. If I can touch you, I can make it as long as you need me to. Is that okay?"

Harry didn't answer with words, they had already said everything that needed to be said. He leaned forward and pulled Draco into his arms, leaning back onto the bed until they were lying on their sides, nose to nose.

The kiss that followed wasn't fumbling, wasn't fueled by alcohol or half-forgotten dreams and wasn't tainted with the remains of past angers. It flowed as naturally as the water of a spring, spilling from each of them without effort, lips gliding comfortably together, soft tongues gently prodding into mouths that were equally hungry and, though their pulses raced and their loins ached, it went no further than that.

Neither of them wanted to sully the innocence of that kiss, or in any way steal from that moment it's chaste perfection. Some things truly are worth waiting for. In time, they drifted into slumber, more peaceful than either had had in some time. Draco was curled in the crook of Harry's arm, his head resting on Harry's softly rising and falling chest.

Even in his sleep, Harry was unconsciously holding close to himself the one he so suddenly cherished more than anything, while Draco slept with a peaceful sense of safety he hadn't felt since he was a small child, utterly unaware of life's cruelties, a wide and guileless smile drawn across his face the whole night through.