By Fair Means or Foul

Chapter 8

“Well that was the most exciting potions class I’ve ever been to. It even beats the time Parkinson drank her botched potion and grew three arms out of her head and they all started slapping Malfoy. Thanks, Hermione, for making me take it this year.”

Hermione glanced at her red haired friend and shook her head in annoyance. Next to her Harry was grumbling to himself with an aggrieved look on his face. The three of them had been the last ones out of the class and were slowly making their way through the crowd of eager men at the door. They caught a glimpse of the strawberry haired man who had dared to barge in as he was talking excitedly with two others. Some of the men were calling out questions to the passing students, which they studiously ignored. Just as they cleared the largest clump of men and began making their way down the long corridor towards lunch Harry decided to make his gripe known.

“I just don’t get it. How come, of all the men in the world, that greasy, mean git gets to make babies? I mean, that’s like a gift, right? How in the world is Snape deserving of that kind of gift? It’s just not fair!” Harry complained.

“Oh, Harry, do stop being jealous. It’s just a genetic condition that is very rare. Next you’ll be jealous of me,” Hermione said.

“Can you just imagine what kind of kids Snape’d make?” Ron asked adding his two cents. “Bet they’d all be ugly and mean. With big noses, too.” He made a face with that mental image.

“Well, I think it is simply fascinating. There wasn’t a whole lot in the library about Geronis males, but what I did find is very intriguing.” Hermione’s eyes glowed in anticipation of educating others on a new subject. “Geronis means ‘carrier’ or ‘to bear’. Did you know that they are reported to almost always be homosexual? Which does make sense, doesn’t it? Only one out of the last ten recorded cases was heterosexual. The last ten cases were spread out over nearly three hundred years, making this an exceedingly rare condition. Geronis males are also said to have strong protective streaks. Hmm, I suppose risking his life to help take out Voldemort could be seen as protective.” She stopped and reached into her book bag. Her friends also stopped and then had to move out of the way of a man carrying what appeared to be a rather large jewellery box. Hermione found the book she wanted and showed it to her friends. It was a thin volume but highly decorative. In very elaborate pink scroll it read ‘Wizards with Wombs: A guide to the rare Geronis male’. Ron shared a grimace with Harry as they read the title but Hermione was too engrossed to notice. She began thumbing through the pages as she continued her lecture.

“Their gestational period is the same as a woman’s but it is reported that their bodies show physical signs much sooner. This is most likely due to the male body really not being made for a pregnancy where as a woman’s has extra fat deposits in the belly and hips. But the most interesting item is that the birth, if left alone, can be done completely naturally. I was assuming that with no birth canal it would require a caesarean section to be performed. But no, here look.” She held out the book opened to the page she had been looking for. A photograph took up the entire left side. “As you can see, they do have a canal that can birth the baby but only-“

“Agh! Hermione! I never ever wanted to see that!” Ron yelled as he quickly turned away. Harry blushed and also quickly turned away. Hermione looked down at the magically moving photograph, looked back up at the two boys and then started to put the book away with a disgusted look on her face.

“Ron, really! It’s just a photo of a birth. It’s a completely natural thing. How can that be disturbing?”

“Hermione, I’m going to have nightmare’s for a month because of that bloody picture especially when I think about Snape doin-agh! Now I’ve squicked myself!” Ron began banging his head against the wall. Harry laughed at his friend’s antics and then turned to Hermione.

“So, ‘Mione, do they also have mood swings and things like that? Is that why Snape’s always in a bad mood?” This got Ron’s attention enough that he stopped banging his head and instead leaned against the wall.

“Hey, yeah. Is that what his problem is then? Perpetual PMS?” he asked. Hermione shook her head.

“No, they do not have menstruation cycles. The book says that it’s magical by nature and yet it has merged into the physical. So, I think it means that they are always fertile but it takes a concentration and focus of thought to make conception happen. Although the book did say that a pregnancy could and has occurred by accident with no admitted intentions by either parents to create a baby.”

“Yeah, well, it was a thought,” Ron muttered.

“Well, if there were any way that Professor Snape’s condition could contribute to his, er, rather unpleasant demeanour it would be through his frustration.” Hermione stated.

“Frustration? What frustration?” Harry asked.

“Sexual frustration,” Hermione stated succinctly. “Geronis males are reported to be highly sexual creatures with extremely high sex drives. Apparently, they also are quite naturally gifted in physical pleasure with an ability to anticipate and satisfy the desires of their lovers.” Harry looked down the hall at the mass of men still converged around the potions classroom door.

“So that’s what’s got these guys all crazy about it? That’s a pretty big prize, then,” he stated with awe.

“Yes, quite. I believe most of the rest of it is pure myth, though.” Hermione said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, there are silly rumours such as they having the ability to read minds and that they can actually choose the gender of their children. Oh, and that they can create orgasms that last for an hour.”

“Hermione!”

“Really, Ron. It’s not me making this stuff up. I think those things are silly and the book states that they have yet to prove any of it true.”

“Snape can read minds,” Harry pointed out.

“Yes, well, that is a spell. What they are referring to is the ability to see thoughts and images without Legelimency and not be stopped with Occlumency.”

“But, if they could do that, that would account for the ability to anticipate their lover’s needs,” Harry argued. “I mean, if they could look into their lover’s mind and see a particular fantasy or desire then they could make it happen, right?”

“Ugh, you guys! You know you’re talking about sex and all that with Snape as the subject, right? I swear you guys are putting me off my lunch.”

“I suppose it gives credence to the theory, Harry,” Hermione continued without paying any attention to Ron. “But what is most likely the case is an empathic ability.”

“That’s possible,” Harry conceded the point and then cast a thoughtful look towards the potions classroom again. “Hmmm, so you think he’s nasty because he hasn’t been getting any?”

“Harry!” Ron screeched. Again, he was ignored.

“Well, it’s a definite possibility. If it’s true about their sex drives and Professor Snape is always at the castle, which can be attested to by his never being out sick and notorious nightly rounds about the castle, then I would say the poor man is desperate for it.” Harry nodded in acknowledgement of this point. Ron on the other hand had had enough.

“Ugh. Snape could not possibly be desperate for it!” He shuddered at the thought. “The man is an ice block covered in slime. He couldn’t have any sort of those feelings because he is Snape!”

“I don’t know, Ron. He is certainly passionate about potions and extremely zealous in his persistent pursuit of the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. Perhaps he’s been diverging his hot blooded urges into these other directions.” Hermione rationalized.

“The only thing that man is passionate about is making our lives miserable,” Ron emphatically stated with a gesture back to where they had come from. Hermione shook her head and looked in the direction he pointed and saw again the eager men clumped about the door.

“Yes, well, I think karma is having its way with Professor Snape.” She nodded her head at a portly and balding man dressed in garish yellow clothing passing by leading a mini-giraffe with a sign that read ‘Severus, want to neck?’ “He hates all this.”

“Yeah. Passionately hates it,” Harry quipped. The three of them chuckled at the joke and started again for the Great Hall. Within a few steps they caught sight of very familiar white blond hair. Lucius Malfoy made his way around the dark corner and stopped dead, eyes trained on the abundance of masculine presence in the potions corridor. A quite malevolent sneer graced his features, which sent the Golden Trio behind the statue of a great potions master who had created the Stomach-ease elixir. They traded suspicious glances and then watched every move the elder Malfoy made.

Lucius schooled his features back into his aristocratic mask of slight disapproval of everyone and everything. As he made his way down the corridor he used his cane as a means of moving the men out of the way. When he made his way to the largest cluster of avid males he simply stood and the group parted in deference to his imperious presence. As he put his hand on the door handle he turned about with a surprised look on his face. He addressed the eager men as if he had just noticed their existence.

“Oh. I am sorry, Professor Snape should have left a note,” he said sounding apologetic and a bit exasperated at the aforementioned teacher. “All this traffic has quite congested the school. So Severus has been sent off to Diagon Alley to receive his,” a slight sneer was glimpsed briefly, “suitors. I have just popped in to collect a few things for him.” Lucius turned to the door. When no one in the corridor moved he slowly turned round again.

“Good day,” he stated with just enough dismissive malice in his voice and steel in his eyes to initiate the startled exodus of the discouraged men. When the group broke up and began to disperse Lucius finally turned the door handle and slipped into the room.

Behind the statue, Harry, Hermione and Ron had bemused expressions on their faces. Once the hall had cleared out of the last of the men they came out from their hiding spot and contemplated the closed potions door.

“I wonder what that was all about?” Hermione murmured with a narrow-eyed expression. “Don’t you think that was rather suspicious behaviour? That is the second time in as many days that I’ve seen Lucius Malfoy visit Professor Snape. Why would he get rid of all the men for Professor Snape? Did you see that nasty look on his face? Do you think Snape is requesting the visits?”

Ron scratched his head in thought. “Well, maybe he’s returning a favour,” he ventured. “I mean, Snape completely lied to the Ministry about Lucius Malfoy being his partner in spying on Voldemort. I ask you, who would be dumb enough to believe that?”

“The Ministry,” Hermione and Harry answered together. Tapping her lip with a forefinger Hermione again mused aloud.

“I wonder why Professor Snape did that? Do you really think it was all for Draco’s sake?” she asked her friends.

“Of course,” Ron stated with no little amount of acrimony. “The poncy git would have been a tarnished pauper if his parents were convicted of being Death Eaters. Can’t have that of the bloody Slytherin Prince, now can we?”

“Ronald Weasley! You should take care,” Hermione admonished. “Draco lost his mother. Both of your parents made it out safe and sound. You should have some compassion!”

“Compassion?! For Malfoy? Ugh, now you’ve really gone round the bend,” Ron groaned. Hefting their book bags the three students left with two of them still bickering and one still glancing back at the closed door.