Love, Lies & Loneliness

Chapter 8
(The Only One)

Harry yawned as he finished off the last few sentences of the parchment on Charms he’d been writing all afternoon.

The day in comparison to yesterday hadn’t been so bad Harry considered. Upon arriving at Snape’s classroom that morning, the professor had led Harry through into his private office, a place Harry had only ever been inside after he and Ron had crashed Mr Weasley’s flying car into the whomping willow in second year. The place hadn’t changed much, the jars lining the walls still held a multitude of nasty substances and the desk was still cluttered with papers and texts. If there was one thing Harry had never imaged Snape being and that was messy and unorganized, but here on the desk in front of him was the proof that his potions professor was truly as unorganized as Harry was. Still that information wasn’t going to get him the grades he needed in class so Harry had pushed it aside as information to feed Ron later. The morning had been spent reading the notes his teachers had all made for him, before scribing and reading for himself the information in the texts. Lunch had come and gone quickly Hermione and Ron jabbering about Crab being stung by a African gnawing weed which attacked him after he’d trimmed its branches too short. After lunch Snape had had a class and Harry had been left alone in the professor’s office to practice his transfiguration and charms while the professor taught his second year potions class next door. Unfortunately practicing charms and transfiguration was useless without using magic and so finally bored of practicing with his pencil instead of his wand Harry had gotten ahead on his charms project for the semester, which he had just now finished.

Replacing the quills he’d used during the day back into their spot on Snape’s desk Harry was folding and closing up his things when Snape strode into the office with his usual air of nastiness. So far Harry had avoided any confrontations with the professor, making the effort to get along with him just as Snape had said he’d do in return.

“Are you finished?” Standing from the professor’s seat behind the desk Harry shoved his things into his bag and stepped away from the desk as Snape took his seat back behind the large piece of furniture. Harry nodded, obediently listing off what he’d accomplished during the day as Snape asked for the information. “Good Mr. Potter, perhaps this year not all my efforts to teach you something will be in vain.” Harry bit his tongue forcibly making himself not reply to the sarcastic remark. Snape didn’t seem to be in a good mood; no doubt the second years had blown something up in his class. “Here is your timetable for this year.” Harry reached across the desk and took the colored parchment from Snape’s grasp, taking a moment to glance over it. Harry had already seen Hermione and Ron’s timetables at lunch and was pleased to see all their classes together were the same. Snape remained silent as Harry glanced over the timetable and having checked his Quidditch practice times frowned a little as he saw two evenings out of the week were colored in gray with no allotted class or activity.

“Professor? What’s this?” Putting the timetable on the table in front of Snape Harry pointed to the gray areas and then looked up expectantly at Snape, who didn’t even glance at the timetable before standing and walking over to the fire place his arms folded into his robes.

“They indicate the times in which you are to meet with me.” Harry frowned at this information but remained silent as he watched Snape turn around to face him having warmed himself by the fire. “Dumbledore wishes me to monitor your ‘transition’.” Again Snape paused his eyebrow raised as if waiting for Harry to protest the situation as he had in Dumbledore’s office the day before. When Harry remained silent however Snape continued. “As I am neither your mother or mediwitch I will treat these times as tutoring sessions. Tuesday evening after dinner you will join me in the dueling club classroom on the fourth floor. Wednesday evening you will spend in my office completing your schoolwork and catching up on study.” Harry swallowed heavily around a sudden lump in his throat, unable to stifle an exasperated sigh. Seeing Snape in potions twice a week had been hard enough but now having to spend time in private tutoring sessions was going to be hell.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Anger quickly took over his emotions and Harry twisted his hands into tightly clenched fists as Snape casually sat back down at his desk.

“Five points from Gryfindor for back chat Mr Potter.” Harry huffed contemptibly at Snape’s taking house points. It was just like the potions professor to do that, take points from Harry when the boy had done very little to deserve it.

“What? You can’t take house points from me; I’m not even supposed to be at school. I’m suspended remember.” Snape looked up from where he’d collected a small pile of parchment together in front of him, his red ink dipped quill poised above one of the papers.

“My memory is just fine Mr Potter, and any more cheek and I’ll double it and give you a months detention.” Harry’s mouth hung open in shock but he shook it off quickly and shrugged his shoulders uncaringly.

“Oh right and that’s such a bad punishment, I’m spending the whole fucking year with you anyway and if that’s not enough you’ve separated me from my friends and my house and thrown me into a house where everyone wants to fucking kill me.” Harry couldn’t believe he’d just said what he had to Snape’s face but as the expression on the professor’s face changed Harry suddenly realized his mistake.

“That’ll be thirty points from Gryfindor and consider the next three weekends on detention with filch.” Snape had risen from his seat and literally towered over Harry who sunk downwards at the thunderous expression on Snape’s face. Never had Harry ever seen Snape get as angry as he was now, the passive expression he used most now replaced with an angry snarl.

“This blows.” Meeting Snape’s glare head on Harry shook his head in disgust and turned to leave the office. If he stayed any longer he’d say something he’d regret and ensure Gryfindor would be in negative points for the next three years. Harry didn’t make it to the door however before a whoosh of magic shot past him the door slamming closed in front of him and locking.

“No Mr Potter.” Harry turned sharply around to face his professor automatically pulling out his wand as he spun around to see Snape with his own wand pointed at the boy. “What ‘blows’ is that I have to spend all my free time in the coming year mothering a boy whose presence I find insufferably annoying.” Harry was tense as Snape lowered his wand, gesturing for Harry to give him the same courtesy. “You have no regard for rules Mr Potter, your blatant abuse of privileges goes beyond anything I have ever seen and were it not for that scar on your forehead your position as student here at Hogwarts would have been terminated five years ago.” Harry felt suddenly empty as Snape rounded the desk and came to stand directly in front of him, glowering down at the boy who shrank beneath the stare. “I have tried to be reasonable Mr Potter and have ignored a great deal of your failings but I will not tolerate it any further.” Snape reached out and drew his hand down the scar on Harry’s forehead causing it to burn and making the boy hiss and back away in pain. “Do you think you are the only one whose life hangs in his hands?” Harry met the professor’s gaze wearily before watching as Snape rolled up the sleeve of his shirt revealing the dark mark scared into his forearm. “Do you think I enjoy knowing that my life balances between the whimsical moods of the dark lord and the successes and failures of a boy who has shown himself to me as nothing less than the fool his father was?”

“I didn’t choose this…” Harry found his voice then as Snape brought up Harry’s father. “You made your decision, so live with it and if you hate me so much why did you agree to do this.” Snape’s anger seemed to melt away at Harry’s question and the potions professor straightened himself and turned away from the boy staring up at him.

“Yes be assured Mr Potter I live and pay for my decision everyday and the only reason I agreed to do this is because of your mother.” Snape turned back around to face the boy before him. “I promised Lilly I’d make sure you survive this war but Merlin help me you’ve done nothing but make that promise so hard to keep.” Harry realized then what Snape was saying and in one fowl swoop all that Harry had assumed about his potions professor had been shattered with reality.

“Sorry.” That single word was empty and Harry grimaced at how little it meant to the man who stood before him. Harry sunk to the floor his knees coming up to his chest as he hugged them tight and let the sorrow of his lost parents stream down his cheeks as tears. Harry heard Snape sigh heavily the professor now propped up awkwardly on his own desk.

“Harry.” The name sounded unfamiliar coming from Snape’s mouth and Harry barely glanced up from his knees as he felt the man kneel down before him on the floor. “Power is a dangerous thing in the hands of a madman and with every mistake you make you give Voldomort just a little bit more. You are not going to be the one who destroys Lord Voldomort just by existing; you’re going to have to work for it. We’ve been trying to help you but you have to accept that help.” Harry wiped the tears from his cheek with the sleeve of his robe and then stared cautiously into the obsidian gaze of his professor.

“Can you help me?” Harry whispered softly over the tops of his knees and watched cautiously as Snape nodded the ghost of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips as he did so.

“Yes.” Standing from the floor Snape offered Harry his hand and helped the boy up too, who dusted off his robes and wiped what remained of his stray tears from his cheeks. “Well now that you’re not feeling sorry for yourself I’ll finish what I started about your timetable.” Harry nodded and collected the colored parchment from Snape’s desk watching as the professor sat back down behind it, his momentary laps of evilness forgotten as he resumed his normal menacing glare. “We will use Tuesday evenings to practice DADA and asses how you are progressing with your transition. Your magic will be unstable until such time as you re-learn to control it and Tuesdays will be spent doing just that under my controlled supervision. Wednesdays if you have completed your assigned school work I will begin tutoring you in the Dark Arts...”

“What? But Dumbledore…” Harry was shocked to hear what Snape had just said. Every year he’d asked to be tutored in Dark Arts everyone had always refused yet here Snape was proposing it as part of his timetable.

“What Dumbledore doesn’t know about he can’t prevent can he?” Snape looked up at Harry knowingly and Harry nodded in understanding. The headmaster had a way of turning a blind eye to things he as official head of the school should not typically allow, but at the same time permit it without actually officially saying it.

“You are not to discuss anything that happens during Wednesday evening tutoring sessions outside those two hours you spend in my company and if anyone should ask you are simply taking revision potion classes.” Harry went to nod in agreement but then realized a massive flaw in that excuse.

“But you said I wouldn’t be allowed in your Newt’s potions class…” Harry trailed off as Snape rolled his eyes in contempt and pointed to Harry’s timetable.

“What I say and what I do are sometimes two different things Mr Potter.” Harry smiled to himself as he saw that the Muggle Studies class, he had chosen when Snape had told him he’d have no chance in hell of getting into Newt’s potions, had been replaced with that very subject. “I expect you to excel in my classes Mr Potter, both in your timetabled regular studies and in our extra lessons, which means your free periods are to be spent studying.” Harry grimaced at the thought of more study but then remembered what Snape had said to him before and how guilty it had made him feel. “Naturally you will practice Occlumency before you sleep at night and I will test this at undisclosed times during the week so be ready. There will be no formal lessons for Occlumency as you already know all I can tell you and it is merely practice that you need.” Harry groaned at this and sighed but knew the professor was right. Standing from his desk Snape took out his wand and spelled the door to his office open and moved over to it gesturing for Harry to follow him. “We are late for dinner, we will discuss more of this timetable after your hearing, after all this plan may all go to waste if that bumbling idiot they call minister of magic doesn’t see reason.” Harry collected his things quickly and followed Snape out of his office and classroom and into the corridors.

It seemed Harry would not be the only one late for dinner because as he followed Snape’s long strides through the castle a fair few students hurried around them heading for the great hall. Reaching the bustling open doors of the great hall Snape paused causing Harry to almost run into the professor, as he’d been too busy looking for Ron and Hermione to notice the stop.

“Oh and Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you tomorrow morning after breakfast I will expect you back at my office after lunch.” With that Snape disappeared down the central aisle of the hall, taking points from students as he went. With a muttered curse at the fact he’d lost Gryfindor thirty points already Harry made his way to his table eager to inform Ron and Hermione all about what had happened.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A/N mmmmmmm smell that tension, and that was only a taste of what\'s to come between Snape and Potter. \'Transition\' can be such a trying time in a young wizards life don\'t you think???? If you want the next chapter tonight better behavour yourselves....Oh and review if you want to, I just love having my muse stroked..