It's always easier to run

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Chapter 8

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.
— Anna Eleanor Roosevelt
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Hermione walked up the steps to her flat, humming a small tune under her breath and smiling contentedly. Thoughts of Snape berating her the moment she stepped into the flat were replaced with shag flashbacks that had her positively beaming. Simon Simon Simon...

She stepped up to the door, rummaging through her purse for her keys. Her mind was still on Simon and his sweet disposition, and she recalled that his birthday was coming up soon. She finally fished the keys out of her purse.

\"Sandra Stapleton, just who are you hiding in there?\"

Hermione\'s heart jumped in her chest as she whirled around, her back against the door in minutes as she came face to face with an older looking girl with large, icy blue eyes. Judith. Hermione\'s stomach sunk.

\"Oh.\" Hermione said with a wayward grin, \"Judith, it\'s you.\"

\"Of course it is silly.\" Judith -namely known as Jude- said with a tinkling laugh, throwing back her silky mane gracefully. \"Who else would it be?\"

Hermione felt the slowing of her heart and the shallowness of her breath leaving her and she offered a tight nod to the girl a few steps away wearing a beautiful, backless red dress, clad with expensive looking shoes. She looked as if she were entertaining, which was rather expected of a socialite woman like Judith.

Hermione always felt awkward around the taller, slimmer, more graceful looking woman, and today was no different. Judith always looked like she stepped off the pages of some magazine whilst Hermione looked like the clichéd, low-income college student.

Hermione had moved into her apartment, while Judith was in the process of finishing the remodeling of her own flat, directly beside Hermione\'s. She was rich -father was a self made millionaire-, beautiful -surgery no doubt-, blonde, twenty-five, single and extremely sociable. Hermione herself was almost the antithesis to this creature, and found Judith to be extremely trying at times.

She always had all her friends over all the time, yucking it up so loudly that Hermione could tell everything they were saying. This was mainly due to the thin walls of the apartments, but Hermione accepted it, even though she found Judith to be a rather phony individual, but gave her the benefit of the doubt.

To her credit, they\'d not had an argument or anything of the sort the entire time Hermione had been living there, and according to some neighbors, that was saying something. Her only real beef with the neighbor was her tendency to gossip, and even if there was nothing to gossip about, Judith found something. No doubt, every neighboring person that talked to Judith this morning had an earful of \'Sandra\'s new man.\'

Now the blonde woman stood before Hermione expectantly, \"So? Who is he? Weren\'t you dating that cute Professor of yours?\"

Hermione held in a scowl. How Judith found out these things was beyond her. She also didn\'t like the fact that Judith found him attractive. She shuffled a bit, hoping to convey her sudden need to hurry into the apartment as she spoke aloofly. \"Yes. I still am actually.\"

Judith\'s face suddenly went alight, her piercing eyes suddenly showing white all around its inner color. \"WHY, Sandra Stapleton!\" She practically squealed, \"I never would have thought it was in you! Juggling two men at once! Imagine that...\"

Judith trailed off smarmily, smirking at Hermione, obviously waiting to hear more to tell her gossiping group. Hermione grimaced visibly, finding that she was acquiring a rather severe headache. \"Judith, there\'s obviously a mix up.\"

\"Sorry?\"

\"I think you must be mistaken.\" Hermione said with a shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. \"I don\'t have anyone in my apartment. Certainly not some mystery man.\"

\"Oh come now Hermione.\" Jude said with a bright smile, nudging her with a bony elbow. \"We\'ve been neighbors a long while now. No secrets between neighbors, you know that! Why, it\'s practically an unwritten code here!\"

\"Oh.\" Hermione said warily, not believing a word the woman said. Judith had a penchant for the dramatic, something Hermione rarely appreciated in anyone, especially her.

\"Besides.\" Judith continued on in her breezy tone. \"I saw your mystery man this morning.\"

\"What?\" Hermione nearly yelped, her eyes widening in shock. What the hell was Snape doing?

\"I must say,\" Judith went on with a large grin. \"I found his outfit to be most unusual. Was that a cape I saw him wearing?\"

\"Where did you see him?\" Hermione said in shock, evidently Snape had been walking out in full view, in the daylight for all the neighbors to see!

\"AHA!\" Judith exclaimed triumphantly, \"No man is there? Well then, you won\'t mind me having a peek around the apartment?\"

Hermione suddenly barricaded the door, looking to Judith wildly. \"Alright. You win. There is a man in there-\"

\"I knew it!\" Judith was practically alight.

\"\'But it\'s not what you think.\" Hermione continued darkly. \"He\'s my Uncle.\"

\"Your uncle?\"

\"Yes.\" Hermione responded eagerly, \"My Uncle Sylvester.\"

\"Oh.\"

\"He\'s still a bit ill you see.\" Hermione continued lowly, glancing around nervously, seeing if there were any prospective eavesdroppers. She turned her attention back to Judith. \"He\'s staying with me a few weeks and I just want him to be able to relax. I just don\'t want people popping in all the time coming round.\"

\"I\'ve never heard you mention him.\" Judith butt in nosily, giving Hermione a piercing look. \"And why is he staying with you?\"

\"He\'s the only living relative I have.\" Hermione lied lowly, trying to look pained. \"And he\'s just had surgery and needs some time to recuperate.\"

Judith fell silent, looking as if she didn\'t really believe what Hermione was saying. Still, she eventually nodded bidding Hermione a phony farewell, her long nails glinting in the moonlight. \"Well, I have to be off...company\'s coming round later and all that.\"

\"Nice chatting with you.\" Hermione lied, wanting to be rid of Judith as soon as possible. Judith swung her blonde mane over her shoulder, heading over to her flat.

\"Oh and Sandra, you two should come over for drinks later on!\" Judith trilled over her shoulder, \"I\'d just love to meet him!\"

\"I\'m sure you would.\" Hermione mumbled under her breath as she gave Judith a stiff smile and wave. How was she going to get out of this one? Distractedly she unlocked the door to the apartment, walking in quickly and slamming the door, only to find that her apartment was pitch black.

\"Where have you been?\"

Hermione felt the ripple of initial shock diminishing at the familiar tone of voice sounding from nowhere. Who else would it be berating her? Who else wouldn\'t even have the courtesy to ask how she was or if something had happened to detain her arrival home?

\"I\'m sorry I\'m late.\" Hermione said through gritted teeth, her eyes scanning the dark room. No Professor was in sight. She groped around a bit until she\'d switched the lights on, the glow flooding the room and giving her an acute pain in her head and stomach.

She suddenly didn\'t want to be back in her flat. She wanted to be with Simon in his. She felt around in her purse, bringing out her small tin box, usually reserved for mints. She opened it and pulled the small tablet from its perch on the pile of others, it\'s shiny coat bringing her temporary relief before she\'d popped it into her mouth. It had taken her a good half hour to dig around in the rubbish bin after Snape had gone to bed last night, but she\'d gotten her medication back. Bloody twit that Snape was, touching all her things.

\"Why are all the lights off?\" she eventually called out, heading to the kitchen, feeling the nagging sensation that she\'d forgotten something. She absently ran her hand through her hair, looking around the kitchen in minor agitation. What had she forgotten?

\"Where. Is. My. Dinner?

The voice was low, dark and obviously furious. At this Hermione recalled just what she\'d forgotten that was so important. Dinner. She sighed deeply, not wanting to face him just yet and he took this as a bad sign.

\"Oh, I see.\" Snape\'s voice was rising, starting off low and almost nonchalant. \"Off shagging your little boyfriend were you? Forgot that you had prior responsibilities, did you?\"

Hermione\'s temper flared at the sentiment, a part of her genuinely curious as to how he\'d figured she was shagging Simon. Another part of her thought it strange to hear him say; \'shagging\', but she observed this was probably what all students felt like towards ex professors. Still she was furious at his tone. It was always this way with Snape. She felt nothing around others, but whenever she was around Snape, no matter what, he managed to get her so furious she couldn\'t think straight.

\"Oh would you just s-\" Hermione started angrily, turning on one heel to face the sullen professor, a sneer on her face to match his own, and stopped suddenly, not noticing that she was gaping. It took her a full moment to compose herself, and when she did all she could come up with was a sobering;

\"What are you wearing?\"

Snape stood a few feet away, looking down at the articles of clothing he\'d found in Hermione\'s room. Hermione was gaping at the articles...black trousers that came above his ankles (and boots she noted glumly), and a green sweater that was at least three sizes too small, and too short. She said nothing.

Snape had witnessed Hermione\'s gob smacked gape and was now thoroughly humiliated at the prospect he looked ridiculous. He\'d thought he looked presentable. He\'d seen several Muggle men wearing such clothing outside. He suppressed an urge to mock the girl for making him feel so uncomfortable.

\"I found some clothing in your room.\" Snape replied snottily, trying to look aloof and absolutely bored. \"I thought my robes were causing a bit of stir-\"

He stopped halfway through the speech, seeing that the girl\'s eyes were suddenly filling with tears. Was the outfit really that bad? He looked down to the black muggle trousers coming just above his ankle. Was it that? He absently picked a piece of lint off the green sweater he\'d also come across, a nice fit and color, even if it was a bit tight...and just covered his abdomen. He pulled it down again, seeing as it had ridden up a bit.

Surely she wasn\'t crying over how hideous he looked? He\'d believed it to be a perfect disguise. The thought shook him momentarily, until he remembered just whom he was associating with, Miss Granger would not be winning any beauty awards soon.

Still, her eyes were misty and she was starting to breathe shallowly. She wrapped her arms around herself, finding that the room seemed to be tilting ever so slightly. Flurries of feelings went through her and she silently cursed Snape for it.

\"Is it that bad?\" Snape said stiffly, trying to remain composed. If he did look stupid, he didn\'t want to remain as such. He viewed the girl as she shook her head, giving off a small sniffle as she crossed her arms in front of her. It wasn\'t his fault.

\"No no...\" Hermione said absently, giving him a small shrug, feeling distracted as she spoke. \"You look very handsome, it\'s just that...well, the clothes were my father\'s.\"

Snape was silent a moment, but not for the reason Hermione believed him to be. He\'d barely even registered the last of her comments. It was the first that had struck him almost stupid. She thought he looked handsome? Him?

He immediately felt guilt at thinking of such a thing at a time like this, and blaming the comment on the girl\'s grief looked to her with a small cough, clearing his throat. She had acquired that of a distant, looking off look. He knew he didn\'t like it, but wasn\'t sure why. He did however, feel the need to break her from it.

\"Why do you keep them?\"

The loss of focus was gone from her eyes at his words. She was narrowing them at him, her dark orbs rapidly as if trying to erase whatever veil had been covering them minutes before. Her voice was crackly. \"Keep what?\"

\"Your father\'s clothing.\"

\"Oh.\" She\'d gotten that misty, weepy look to her eyes again and Snape internally noted he wouldn\'t bring up her parent\'s unless it were necessary. Which he hoped wouldn\'t be. Hermione was silent a moment before continuing.

\"I have a few of my dad\'s clothes, and my mum\'s...\" She trailed off a moment and Snape said and did nothing as she continued. \"I don\'t know why I still have them. I suppose I kept them, because they gave me comfort. You see, they smelled like my parents cologne and perfume.\"

Hermione came over to Snape then, looking at his cheek a moment before lifting herself up to his neck. He tensed immediately, feeling her hair brushing his cheek. He felt her hands on his chest, ever so lightly, and was about to question her when he heard her inhaling deeply. He didn\'t dare move.

He found he was very uncomfortable then, and it was all due to her hands on his chest, and her cheek so close to his own. She stayed at his neck a few moments and Snape found himself breathing erratically. He was irritated at his lack of composure.

He was rather relieved when she pulled back from him, her hands dropping from him quickly as if she\'d just realized whom she was touching. He also saw that her eyes were trickling with fresh tears.

\"But now it doesn\'t anymore.\" Hermione was hiccupping through her cries now, her face still very near his own, so close he could almost feel the teardrop slipping down her flushed cheek. She sobered up a bit enough to utter in a whisper; \"It smells like you.\"

Hermione backed from him then, her face and body nowhere near his own. Her tears were dried and now replaced with a stony look of firm responsibility. He didn\'t expect her to have such a facade, and such a rapid succession of features disconcerted him.

\"I\'m not supposed to be crying.\"

Snape\'s face blanched at her words, suddenly feeling as if he\'d been struck. He felt as if he\'d done something so horrible, he couldn\'t even find the words. How was he to know that they\'d been her father\'s clothing? How was he to know that she kept them for comfort? He was almost shaking with hollowness from within, a feeling he didn\'t readily grasp. He was floundering for words.

\"Miss Granger...\"

She stood across from him on the carpeted floor, finding that when she didn\'t look at him, it was far easier to speak to him as if he were a feeling human being. That was a laugh.

\"Don\'t feel guilty.\" She suddenly affirmed, stopping him from embarrassing himself. \"You didn\'t know. How could you?\"

Snape said nothing. He wanted nothing more than to change out of the short trousers and now itchy sweater. He wanted to do anything to leave. He hated this feeling of trepidation. He hated her for making him feel awkward.

But Snape, being one for words of detest instead of kindness, found it near impossible to find the appropriate words to give the girl, no matter how desperately she yearned for them. She was still a strange figure to him, as he couldn\'t readily categorize her in his mind. The Granger of yesteryear would never have had the gall to come so close to her Professor. She never would have yelled at him. She never would have called him handsome, even if by accident. Mainly because he never would have given her the chance.

She was new now. A new person, almost a shell, protectively covering the shaking, brilliant know it all he could so readily recall now. He felt ashamed, ashamed at how he\'d treated such a frail young girl. How he\'d treated the young woman she\'d become. He just felt ashamed.

Then abruptly, the spell between them was broken.

The tender moment of hidden maturity had slipped from them both, too readily being replaced with masks of irritation and anger. Hermione was the first to step into this role, finding it was much easier to get angry with someone when she felt so utterly lost.

\"Judith says she saw you this morning.\" Hermione said angrily, looking to Snape with utter exasperation. \"You know, there\'s no point in me trying to keep you under wraps if you\'re going to go strolling out in the middle of the day for all my neighbor\'s to see! For all of London to see for that matter!\"

Snape took a full moment to register the switch in roles. She\'d been so tenderly gentle moments before. Now she was glaring at him, almost wanting an argument. Wanting something to keep her from feeling the pain of loss.

But he refused to give into it. He refused to become the girl\'s emotional punching bag. Many people had problems. Many people had lost parents. He refused to cater to this emotionally charged girl\'s fancy. And so, in his usual way, Snape did the exact opposite of what the girl wanted.

\"I wasn\'t outside.\"

\"What?!\" Hermione said incredulously, her tone almost aghast. She was a bit unsettled that he wasn\'t getting angry with her straight off. She\'d almost wanted to start yelling then, and so she did under the guise of fury. \"You\'re lying! Judith says she saw you.\"

\"You needn\'t raise your voice with me Miss Granger.\" Snape said smoothly, looking to her complacently. \"I\'m sure two mature adults can have a civilized conversation without having to resort to screaming. Now, who is this Judith character?\"

Hermione gaped at Snape a moment, finding the switch in personalities to be most disarming. She felt utterly deflated, but a spark within her still yearned for an argument to win. \"What does it matter? She says she saw you! Why would she lie?\"

\"She may have seen me.\" Snape emphasized lowly, trying to calm the girl but finding his inner irritation slipping into his words. \"But that certainly doesn\'t mean I was outside this horrid flat.\"

\"Then what?\" Hermione said, rummaging through her fridge and finding nothing appropriate. She ignored the fact that he\'d insulted her flat. \"I\'m supposed to believe that my neighbor just magically knew you were here? And that you wore robes? My neighbor is psychic? Is that it?\"

Snape was somber, looking to Hermione with a level of obvious detest. He clearly saw her as some hotheaded woman with a vendetta against him. Which in a way, she was. Still, after all he\'d done for her and her idiotic friends in the past, Snape found it most disagreeable that she would be so accusing.

\"Are you quite done, Miss Granger?\"

Hermione was grinding her teeth then, Snape noticed bemused. He loved using her old name, mainly because of the affect it had on the girl. She slowly lowered her eyes to the floor, breathing deeply through her nose and closing her eyes before giving him a very low;

\"Yes.\"

Snape nodded, mainly to himself and began to speak in that same professional and terse manner that Hermione had grown accustomed to over her years at the school. Only now he was much closer and...different somehow. She tried not to dwell on it, and instead listened to Snape\'s explanation.

\"I caught some blonde woman staring at me through the window this evening.\" Snape said, absently crossing his arms over his chest. \"She was outside this flat, wearing ridiculously tacky shoes and trying to peer into the flat and she saw me. It was most unsettling.\"

Hermione felt a flush of embarrassed regret pass through her then. Of course Snape wouldn\'t jeopardize...whatever he\'d come here for. She\'d known him as a spy, obviously he was capable of such a seemingly easy task. If only she knew what it really was.

\"I see.\" Hermione finally said softly. \"And what did you do?\"

\"I shut the blinds.\"

Hermione suddenly felt a small giggle rising up within her. A feeling that she never really obtained when inside her flat. Her moments of laughter, as minimal as they were, only really happened when she was with Simon. But, now, the mirth of the situation had caught up with her and with a crinkling of her eyes, she was laughing. Not ladylike giggles, but loud, booming chuckles accompanied with the occasional snort.

Snape watched this spectacle in moderate shock. \"What\'s so amusing?\"

\"You shut the blinds on Judith?\" Hermione said, the giggles slowing, the situation really not as funny as she\'d previously imagined, but still had amusing aspects. \"What did she do?\"

Snape sort of shrugged, a glimmer of a smirk on his lips. \"She yelped.\"

Hermione went into more shrieks of laughter, almost holding her sides as her cheeks went red. She couldn\'t remember laughing this hard. It was merely the mental image of Snape scowling at her neighbor before shutting the blinds, causing the normally reserved Judith to yelp and jump back in shock. Snape had done what everyone wanted to do to Judith the nosy neighbor, but hadn\'t the gall.

Snape shook his head almost good-naturedly at the response. He honestly didn\'t see what was so funny about the situation. But, a laughing Hermione Granger, far outweighed that of a sad one. He almost wanted to smile himself, but didn\'t. Instead he capitalized on his host\'s good humor.

\"Now Miss Granger,\" Snape said with ease, \"What shall we do about dinner?\"

* * *

\"Pizza will be here in half an hour.\" Hermione called to Snape who sat uncomfortably on the sofa in the living room. He frowned to himself at her words, finding that the rumbling sound of his stomach was rather undignified. On top of that he was irritated that he didn\'t know exactly what pizza was. It sounded strange.

He had searched her cupboards all day when she was gone, looking for something suitable to ingest. He\'d polished off all the bloody muffins in less than an hour! All that he\'d found was bottled water, a pathetic array of potato chips, some browning apples, a half a carton of orange juice -which he\'d polished off and found out was past expiry- and a box labeled; \"Kraft macaroni and cheese.\"

He\'d read the directions on the back several times over before finding that even if he were able to understand the stove (which after the washer dilemma he highly doubted), he still didn\'t have any milk to add to the recipe. So, he\'d gone all day with nothing to eat, and no magic to aid him. When he\'d questioned the girl on her sparse amount of food, she\'d merely shrugged offering a shy; \"I usually eat at Simon\'s.\"

Simon. Bah. He didn\'t care for the boy any more than he did any of the other Muggle\'s he\'d met during his course in their world. They all had a subtle naive ness to them, a manner of complete oblivious relaxation, which he envied and yet loathed. He scowled more deeply.

Worst of all in Snape\'s opinion, Albus had made no attempt to contact him and he was more than worried. Perhaps he should go back. No. Albus had made his directions quite clear. Suddenly he recalled what Miss Granger had been saying moments before.

\"Fine.\" he mumbled back absently, looking to the fireplace in disenchantment. Even though it had all the aspects of a normal fireplace, he hated the glass wall in front of it. He felt as if he were missing out on something. He did feel comfortable here though, that was for certain. He wasn\'t half as nervous here as when he was at Hogwarts.

He looked to the various books on the coffee table and sighed softly. Hermione had brought out the books for him minutes before she\'d gone to phone these pizza people. There were various titles of literature, of science, of logic, philosophy...any topic he could really ever imagine was there. Not only that, the books were old and tattered, something Snape always adored in books. Well worn, weathered books were his favorite, with thick covers and rough parchment for his fingertip to brush when he turned the page.

He\'d sorted through them all, opening some, discarding others. He\'d become rather absorbed in one volume for a bit, but found that due to his fatigue, he could barely read the print. Nothing but blurry squiggles. He had grown disgusted with himself and had tossed the volume beside him on the sofa and was now almost comfortable. The fire was warm, the sofa was soft, and the mood was calm.

\"Would you care for something to drink Professor?\" Hermione\'s voice drifted into the sitting room from the kitchen, breaking him from his thoughts. Her voice was rather strained. \"Wine perhaps?\"

Snape took a pondering sigh, wondering if it would be appropriate. She still felt like a student. But one glass couldn\'t hurt could it? No. He needed to be on his guard constantly. He shook his head to himself, deciding right then and now.

\"Water will be sufficient.\"

Hermione gave a muttered response and grabbed two water bottles from the fridge. She stretched a bit, seeing that it\'d grown dark rather quickly. Then again, she had gotten home rather late. A small smile spread across her face. Simon. She absently wondered if she should give him a ring.

She headed into the sitting room with the waters, the fireplace giving the room the warmest of glows. She barely ever used it any more, but Snape seemed to fancy the warmth. He was recently complaining about how cold her flat was and she\'d indulged him slightly in silent thanks for his patience.

She saw Snape sitting on the sofa, his body slowly slumped in minor relaxation, even though his eyes were still half open. He looked beyond tired, and irritable. But there was something about his presence in the room, and the fire, and the books all over the place that tugged at her. Something that made the flat feel familiar...almost alive. Almost like coming home.

Something about the scene made a lump rise to Hermione\'s throat. She stopped halfway to the sofa, feeling the emotion taking her over a minute. Snape viewed out of the corner of his eyes as the girl rushed off to the kitchen, re emerging moments later looking more composed as she neared him.

\"What\'s the matter?\" he offered softly. His voice was void of malice for the moment and Hermione was slightly taken aback, although her features didn\'t show it.

\"I just had a feeling...\" Hermione trailed off, her face flushing as she handed him a water bottle. He took it from her quickly, looking uncomfortable as he did so. She ignored it, continuing on breezily. \"It doesn\'t matter. Would you like to watch television?\"

Snape surveyed her a moment, looking puzzled before shaking his head. He remembered too readily his previous experience with the washer. \"I\'d rather not.\"

Hermione nodded, moving to the armchair across the coffee table that separated them both. Snape suddenly got a curious look on his face, his dark eyes narrowing on an empty space behind Hermione that gave her the chills. She jumped up, looking behind her and then back to Snape who sat lazily on the sofa.

\"What?\"

\"Nothing.\"

Hermione ground her teeth in exasperation. Obviously something had bothered him, but he wasn\'t going to say what it was. She sat back in her seat, seeing Snape\'s eyes looking to the ceiling. Suddenly a nagging question popped to Hermione\'s mind, and she felt the utter compulsion to inquire about it, even if it were a delicate situation.

\"Professor...how did you know that...\" Hermione went slightly pink, the conversation drifting as her voice strengthened. \"How did you know that I was with Simon tonight?\"

Snape looked from the ceiling to the girl and gave her a look of speculation. He was surprised at the gall she had. Imagine, questioning him on this. He was half embarrassed at what he was going to say, embarrassment, which soon turned to defense. If she wanted to know, she was going to know.

\"That cologne of his.\" He finally spat out disgustedly. \"That putrid scent that I was forced to inhale when I reluctantly \'made his acquaintance\' yesterday. You\'re practically reeking of it.\"

Hermione fell silent, knowing that she should have expected as much. Instead of getting defensive she said nothing. Her eyes on her hands. Sometimes Snape was needlessly cruel and she loathed him for it. But a part of her pitied him, that he was forced to become the man he was today.

Her eyes scanned his lithe body then, and she was surprised to note that he wasn\'t half as wiry as she thought he\'d been. He seemed rather toned actually, she noticed that his eyes were on her, watching her scrutiny. She blushed faintly, making it seem as if she\'d been searching for something when her eyes came across his constantly worn boots.

\"Why are you still wearing your boots in here?\" Hermione finally asked with some hesitation, not sure she wanted to hear the answer. \"Is it because my flat isn\'t clean enough? The carpets? I swear to you, I vacuum it all the time.\"

\"It\'s not that.\" Snape grumbled, looking to her out of the side of his eyes. She was strange at times. He hadn\'t liked her leering at him. Hermione leaned back into her chair, giving him a coy smile before she started her questioning.

\"Do you have more than five toes on each foot?\"

\"No.\"

\"Do you wear embarrassing socks?\"

\"No.\"

\"Do you change your socks?\"

\"Yes.\"

\"Then what is it?\"

There was a small moment of silence, as if Snape didn\'t really want to tell her the reason, but deemed it an idiotic thing to hide.

\"It\'s to make a fast get away.\" Snape finally sneered, looking back to the fire. Hermione saw the flames reflecting in his eyes and decided that the way his face was made up was rather striking, especially with the way his dark hair framed it. He seemed regal, almost portrait like and Hermione found herself completely captivated with the exploration of her former Professor\'s features.

Then of course he ruined the moment by looking over to her and giving a scoffing; \"What are you gaping at?\"

\"Why not just conjure up shoes?\" Hermione offered broadly, trying to change the subject and finding the mystery of his shoe wearing to be a bit of a let down. Snape shrugged broadly, not wanting to say more than he had to.

Hermione was about to question him further when the doorbell rang. Pizza. A welcome distraction. She sprung up, heading to the door with her purse. She dug around in it, looking for her wallet and reaching for the doorknob when a black and green flash darted past her.

\"What are you-\" Hermione managed to get out as Snape elbowed her behind him. He flung open the door with bravado, brandishing his wand and pointing it at gangly, acne laden youth with long blonde hair, clad in a red and white uniform who peered out from behind heavy lids. His hat was on sideways and he didn\'t even glance up as the door was whirled open.

\"Who are you?\" Snape snapped angrily, his wand still pointed at the young boy\'s face, sadly the boy was looking to the small slip of thin paper on top of the pizza box, trying to read the scrawling print.

\"Uh, I have an order here for a...Sandra Stapleton? That\'ll be sixteen-\" the youth offered in an American accent, his eyes lazily drawing up to the tall figure in unflattering clothing. He viewed the wand, assuming it was a gun, his eyes growing large.


\"Wow...put the piece away man!\" the boy offered, holding up his free hand in surrender. \"If you can\'t pay-\'

\"WHO SENT YOU!?\" Snape boomed, his dark eyes smoldering as he looked to the young man -Scott, as his nametag read- who gave Snape a wild eyed look as Hermione scrambled to intervene, but was constantly nudged behind Snape.

\"Jimmy\'s Pizza Factory?\" Scott said worriedly, his one hand still up in defense. Snape suddenly saw the large box in the boy\'s hands and his eyes narrowed. There was something strange about the box. It almost seemed to be smoking.

\"What\'s in the box, boy?\"

\"Pizza.\" Scott managed to get out, his eyes curiously trained on the wand. \"Large, pepperoni?\"

\"Open it up.\" Snape ordered angrily, his eyes still trained on the flustered youth. He didn\'t trust him.

\"The box?\"

\"What else?\"

Scott gathered a pained look on his face, looking to the pizza box and then back to Snape. \"We\'re really not supposed to-\"

\"Abl-\" Snape started with a raise of his wand, seeing this man as a threat. He was halfway through the spell when Hermione suddenly grasped the wand from his hand, pushing herself in front of the still looming Snape. She turned to Snape, giving him a meaningful look.

\"Uncle Sylvester!\" Hermione laugh gaily, \"Enough acting now. It\'s time to have dinner.\" She turned to face a very shaken Scott, still trembling as he held the pizza box. Hermione took it from him gingerly, handing it to Snape. \"Would you mind putting our dinner on the table Uncle?\"

Snape looked to the box in Hermione\'s hand warily, and then back to the pimply youth. He jerkily took it from Hermione, giving the two figures one last scowl before placing the box on the kitchen table.

Hermione meanwhile had pulled several pound notes from her wallet, handing them to Scott with an overly chirpy smile and laugh. \"I\'m sorry about my Uncle, he gets like that sometimes. He\'s just an actor.\"

\"An actor?\" Scott implored in disbelief, taking the money from Hermione mechanically, his eyes still trained on Snape\'s looming figure a few feet away.

\"Yes.\" Hermione said with a broad grin, \"He\'s part of this Shakespeare company thing...they\'re touring around for a bit, and he\'s gone a main role. Sometimes he just gets so into character it\'s impossible to get him out...isn\'t that right Uncle?\"

Snape was stonily silent, glaring at Scott and Hermione with his arms crossed over his chest guarding himself. Hermione looked back to Scott, giving him a conspiratorial smile that she wasn\'t certain he\'d return.

\"Oh.\" Scott\'s face broke out into an easy smile as he looked from Snape to Hermione. \"That explains it..Wow...he\'s good...I really thought he was gonna blow my head off or somethin\'\"

\"Oh, Sylvester, did you hear that?\" Hermione said with a stricken look as she turned and faced a scowling Snape. \"The pizza boy thought you were actually going to kill him? Isn\'t that marvelous?!

She turned back to Scott, giving him a bit more change. \"There\'s a big tip for being so understanding.\"

Scott took the money gratefully thanking Hermione excessively before bidding them both a goodnight, heading back to his care with a large plastic pizza on the top. The moment he was out of sight, Hermione slammed the door and whirled to face Snape.

\"Just what the hell was that?\"

\"Do you let just anyone in here that knocks?\" Snape said angrily, looking to Hermione exasperated. Hermione groaned in irritation, as she and Snape made their way into the kitchen. Snape was still lecturing her as she went to the sink to wash up.

\"It\'s dangerous.\"

\"Why should I be worried?\" Hermione said distractedly drying her hands. She went to cupboard, pulling out plates setting them on the kitchen table beside the pizza box that Snape was observing at the moment. \"I\'ve never had trouble before.\"

Snape glanced at the pizza in revulsion, eventually seating himself at the table slowly. He ignored Hermione\'s questioning, his dark eyes intently placed upon the circular glob in the cardboard box. How bizarre.

\"How many slices?\" Hermione said, grasping a slice of pizza by the crust and placing it on her plate. \"One? Two? Three?\"

\"I beg your pardon?\"

\"I bet you could eat at least four.\" Hermione continued on, oblivious to the look of confusion on Snape\'s normally stoic face as she placed two slices onto her own plate. \"You said you were really hungry after all.\"

\"Miss Granger.\" Snape said stonily, seeing just what she was referring to. She was manhandling all the food! \"I insist you stop touching my meal.\"

Hermione\'s hand dropped to her side as if she\'d been burned. Her face went a light pink and she ground her teeth in habit. \"Well Professor, people at the pizza place touched it. They make it by hand. At least you know I washed mine.\"

Snape said nothing, feeling very haughty at the moment. Still, the girl took her own helping and moved to the other side of the table, refusing to meet Snape\'s eyes as she ate. Snape observed the meal in a box a moment before following Hermione\'s suit. Gingerly his hands went to the edge of the pizza slice, pulling it from its cheesy confines and onto his plate.

He looked at his dinner in dismay. This is what he was intended to eat? This is what their meals were going to consist of? His head suddenly boomed, his eyes drifting to the girl across the table from him.

\"Miss Granger.\" Snape said softly, \"I think I\'ll have that wine now.\"

Hermione looked up a bit perplexed before she eventually nodded brusquely and moved from the table. She reappeared moments later with a rich red wine in a glass for him. She placed it beside his plate and sat back in her own seat.

\"You have strange tastes Professor.\" She said absently, popping the tab from her soda can. Snape looked to the girl condescendingly before his eyes went back to his food. His stomach rumbled once more and he took a sip of wine. He grimaced a moment as it\'s sour confines made their way down his throat. Muggle wine.

Finally, when he could stall no longer, and Miss Granger had already had three slices, Snape finally succumbed to the tasty smelling morsel, as repugnant as it looked. He took a tentative bite off the crust, finding it lacking in flavor. Suddenly small muffled giggles caught his ear, and his dark eyes darted across the table.

\"You\'re not supposed to eat the crust first.\" Hermione explained with a small giggle, motioning to his pizza. Snape\'s eyes gathered a stormy look to them, and she knew she\'d said the wrong thing again. Big surprise.

\"How I eat my meals is none of your concern.\" He bit off irritably, \"Perhaps if we were eating a real meal using utensils instead of our hands, this wouldn\'t be an issue.\"

Hermione fell silent, shaking her head a moment in irritation. Time didn\'t change much with Snape. Still so quick to anger. Could he never take a joke? Could he never laugh at himself? Obviously not.

He\'d turned a bit pink at the cheeks and continued eating his pizza backwards, as if he intended to prove to Hermione that he\'d meant to eat it that way. Strange man. In a way, she\'d almost missed him.

They sat in silence a long while, munching on their pizza and listening to the sounds of the flat. Dripping faucet. Creaking floor. Thin walls. They could hear the loud laughter of Judith next door and Hermione sighed. Drinks with Judith and Snape. That was a therapy session waiting to happen.

\"I don\'t wear cologne.\" Snape suddenly said lowly, his eyes on the steaming pizza. He sounded almost angry. Hermione looked through the billowing steam, giving Snape a blurry look to him. She frowned slightly, trying to understand what he was getting at. Nothing was coming.

\"Pardon?\"

\"Earlier with the sweater.\" Snape said primly, his voice never faltering, even at the mention of such a sensitive topic. \"You said it smelled like me.\"

\"Oh...\" Hermione said nodding with a small smile at her ex Professor\'s words. \"I see.\"

\"I was just curious.\" Snape said officially, making the strange topic seem almost diplomatic. \"What exactly. Why did you..\" He stopped a moment, trying to say the sentence correctly and finding it extremely difficult.

\"You smell like a musky potion. You always have.\" Hermione said firmly, taking a small sip of her soda. Her face suddenly softened and her eyes held that dreamy quality once more. \"Almost Spicy. Exotic.\"

Snape was silent, watching her as she spoke. Exotic. Spicy. Such strange descriptions of his signature scent. She wasn\'t repulsed by it by any means, this was evident in the soft smile she had on her lips as she said the words.

He didn\'t know why he\'d mentioned it...but curiosity had gotten him. He hadn\'t any idea he smelled like anything in particular, but when she\'d mentioned it, he was transfixed. It had been something in her tone.

The term; \'you always have\' suddenly drifted into his subconscious. This evidently meant that she\'d noticed it before. This shouldn\'t have affected him in any way, but it did. He just wasn\'t sure exactly how. Perhaps it was the remembrance that they had known each other before now. Sure it had been completely negative (on his part surely) but the fact that they had a background of sorts seemed needed at this juncture in time.

\"Why did you attack the pizza boy, Professor?\"

Snape dropped the pizza onto his plate, finding that to his surprise it wasn\'t half bad. He looked lazily to the girl, finding her inquiry to be a bit unsettling. He wasn\'t sure how much to tell her, for he himself didn\'t even know.

\"I had my reasons.\"

\"You thought he was dangerous?\"

Snape didn\'t answer, instead he resumed chewing his pizza. Pepperoni be damned, it wasn\'t a bad meal. He reached for another slice, wondering if the Granger girl was going to eat any more.

\"As in, we could be in danger right now?\"

Snape sighed deeply. Albus hadn\'t said anything of Granger\'s danger, but he was constantly wary, magical world or not. That was his curse.

Whilst he sincerely doubted they should have any serious concern for their safety, the spy in him would never let him rest. But, he was pleased to note that Miss Granger looked rather nervous now. The most nervous he\'d ever seen her, and he couldn\'t let the opportunity pass him.

\"Perhaps.\" he answered darkly, trying to look suspicious. Hermione\'s dark eyes widened and she dropped her pizza onto her plate. She moved her chair back, the sound irritating Snape\'s sensitive ears.

\"You mean...there could be spies right out my window, right now?\" Hermione said in a rather stricken sort of way. Snape smirked as she rose from her seat, suddenly engrossed with looking out her kitchen window.

\"Why Miss Granger...\" Snape purred silkily, a look of triumph crossing his features slowly. \"You\'re not afraid are you?\"

Hermione whirled around quickly, seeing that Snape himself had risen also, coming over to where she stood. She hated that smile he always wore. That supercilious look he always contained even when wrong.

\"No.\" she ground out defiantly, \"I\'m not afraid at all. Just curious\"

Snape was a few steps from her and he nodded complacently, looking out the window himself before looking back to the pale girl. She was looking at him, staring at his face in a manner that could only be classified as wary.

\"I think you should keep your blinds and curtains drawn for the most part.\" Snape said distractedly shifting where he stood, inches from the girl. Hermione assumed that sleeping and teaching in the dungeons had transformed him into what he was now. Afraid of natural light and windows.

\"Why?\" Hermione blurted before she\'d had a chance to think of what he was saying. Surely what he said made sense...if there was actually something to be afraid of. What if this was some trick to keep her from leaving the house? She hadn\'t had any trouble so far. She noticed Snape\'s face had turned hard, and he seemed completely furious at her.

\"Why must you question everything I say?\" Snape barked, drawing Hermione\'s full attention. A flurry of emotion went through her then, mostly anger. Anger was always the most powerful...aside from hate.

\"Because it\'s my flat!\" She boomed back, taking Snape by surprise. \"And in my flat, I don\'t take orders.\"

\"I tell you things for your own good.\" Snape retorted angrily, wanting to shake her for being so obstinate. \"Why don\'t you just see that?\"

\"My own good?\" Hermione scoffed, her attention drawn to the sink below the window. Several dishes were begging to be washed and dried. She faced away from Snape, turning on the warm water. \"Sending me an ex deatheater for my own protection, that\'s a laugh.\"

She hadn\'t been expecting Snape to act on her muttered words. She most certainly hadn\'t expected two hands to suddenly clutch her shoulders and whirl her to face him. She\'d never been touched like this by anyone. It was such an invasion of personal space that she yelped in surprise.

Snape dragged her back to the table, shoving her into her seat, still clutching her arms tightly with his sharp fingertips. She let out a small cry of surprise and pain as she sat there, breathless with indignation and perplexity.

\"You don\'t know the half of what\'s going on.\" Snape growled under his breath. \"I may be an ex Deatheater, but I\'m the only protection you\'ve got.\"

Protection. His words were warm. When she heard him say it, she believed him. In that small breath of a word she\'d ardently believed him. But then the grip on her arm had grown stronger, the malice in his eyes darkening and she\'d become furious all over again.

\"I don\'t need protection!\" Hermione demanded, trying to wring from Snape\'s deathly tight grip. His nose was almost touching her own, and as much as she wanted to shy from him, his eyes had her glued. She felt almost trapped. \"I don\'t want it!\"

\"You don\'t even know what you want.\" Snape sneered lowly, looking to the girl in complete disenchantment. \"You\'re still just a silly little girl, in a silly little flat, living out a silly little fantasy.\"

\"Let me go!\" Hermione demanded, not wanting to hear any more.

\"But you know what Granger?\" Snape continued on, his words low and foreboding. The silken purr of his voice was gone, replaced with that of flinty steel. \"It\'s not going to be sunshine and happiness all the time, and when the reality of the word does hit you...where will you run to then? Where else can you go?\"

Hermione was silent, her eyes growing glassy at his words. Snape\'s breathing was haggard, his insides shaking at what he\'d said. He hadn\'t meant to. Something about her just did that to him. He wanted to shake her half the time. He wanted to bring her back to Hogwarts. He wanted to be rid of her.

Her lips pursed then, and a wild part of Snape was sure that she was going to lean forward and kiss him. His heart gave a wild lurch at that, but he did not move. Suddenly his eyes were assaulted with a large glob of saliva. Her saliva. She\'d spit on him.


\"Don\'t ever touch me again.\" Hermione growled lowly, still trying to shake Snape\'s grip from her arms. \"You have no right to come barging into my life, trying to change it. I left Hogwarts for a reason. I didn\'t ask you to come here.\"

Snape was suddenly looming over her, his hands shaking as if he were trying to contain them at his sides. It occurred to Hermione then, that if he really intended to, Snape could kill her. He was taller, stronger, more experienced. This thought drained the blood from her face, leaving her lips trembling.

Instead the pale hand of her former Professor, searched into his pockets and returned with a small, embroidered handkerchief. She watched in awed fear as he wiped the excess spit from his face in jerky strokes, his eyes still on her own. When he had about finished, his hands were lowered to his sides once more, and Hermione was still quaking under his heavy stare.

His hand twitched a moment and Hermione flinched visibly, wincing and turning from him, her hands coming to shield her face. When nothing came to block, her eyes were opened once more, her hands slowly lowering.

\"I\'ve never stricken a woman in my life.\" Snape said stonily, his jaw clenching as he looked to her. \"And I don\'t intend on starting now.\"

\"I don\'t believe you.\"

\"You don\'t have to.\" Snape retorted breezily. He moved back, not wanting to be in more spitting range from the girl. That had been most unexpected, and his first instinct was to strike her. No one ever had that kind of impudence towards him. But then he\'d seen her raise her hands in submissive fear, seen the eyes that shut so tightly and he\'d been ashamed.

\"I will never understand you.\" Hermione suddenly said shakily, her eyes boring into his own. He was still looming over her, gazing down at her with utter detest. Her voice was impassioned, and her chin trembled as she spoke though she hadn\'t a clue why. \"One minute you can be almost civil, almost likeable...and then...then you\'re just so cruel.\"

\"I don\'t want you to understand me, Miss Granger.\" Snape snapped darkly, his height growing as he stood in alignment, glaring down at the nosy little girl. His anger was swelling within him, the familiar prickle of irritation running its course through his body. \"Its none of your business why I am the way I am. Why don\'t you work on finding out who you are?\"

Hermione was quiet, looking up to him in stunned silence. Surely no one could be that blind. Surely no one could be as cruel as he was on a regular basis. Obviously what she\'d witnessed back at Hogwarts had been the mere tip of the iceberg. This infuriated her, his mere presence infuriated her.

\"Why don\'t you just leave?\"

Hermione growled as she pushed herself from the table, finding that being in Snape\'s company was not something she wished to drag on. Rushing to her bedroom she slammed the door loudly behind her, leaving Snape alone in the kitchen to her muffled cries and dejectedly slump into a nearby chair.