The Worst Kind of Nightmare

The Worst Kind of Nightmare

Author: Prongs

Disclai JK JK Rowling owns all things ‘Harry Potter.´

Chapter Eight: James´ Offer

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(A Week Later.)

Sirius opened his eyes and smiled when he saw James looking down at him.

“How are you feeling?’ James asked.

“Okay,’ Sirius replied.

James smiled and sat down on the bed next to his boyfriend.  “Do you need anything?’

Sirius shook his head.  

“Siri, there´s something I want to talk to you about.’

Sirius´ eyes flickered, and he suddenly felt rather clammy and nervous.  Was James going to break up with him?  Was James tired of his mood swings?  Was James sick of hearing Sirius complain about being pregnant?  Was he annoyed at having to hear Sirius rant and rave about his father?

“Siri?  You sure you´re okay?’

“Yeah,’ Sirius mumbled, looking down.

“Are you sure?  It looks like something is on your mind.’

Sirius snorted.  “Yeah, I´m still not thrilled about being pregnant, thanks to my fucking father.  And I feel really restless.’

James looked worried.  

“Sorry,’ Sirius muttered.  “I know I need to stop complaining about him.  It´s just that…some days, I feel really down and upset, and I can´t stop thinking about how I should be having fun, not worrying about having a child.’  Sirius shuddered.  “Sorry, James.  I don´t how how you put up with me.’

James pulled Sirius towards him and embraced his boyfriend.  Sirius placed his head on James´ shoulder, figuring it might be the last time he could ever enjoy the feeling of being held in James´ warm arms.  Sirius really couldn´t blame James if he was indeed sick and tired of putting up with Sirius.

James slowly combed his fingers through Sirius´ long hair.  “How many times have I told you that you don´t have to apologize?’ James asked softly.  “I honestly mean it when I say that—don´t keep saying you´re sorry.  After everything you´ve been through, you have every right to complain and to be upset.  What happened to you was horrible, and you have no idea how often I wish I could change the past.&rsqup>
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Sirius sniffled and clutched James´ robes tightly.

“I wish everything could be different,’ James continued, still playing with Sirius´ hair.  “You´re so special, us. us.  None of this should have happened to you.’

Sirius didn´t reply.  He just closed his eyes, causing the tears to spill down his face and onto James´ clothes.

James kissed the top of Sirius´ head.  “Siri, don´t ever forget that I love you with all my heart, and I will always be here for you.  You mean the world to me, and I love you so much…you can´t even begin to imagine.’

Sirius opened his eyes and lifted his head.  He looked at James.  “You´re not going to break up with me?’ he asked hopefully.

James looked surprised.  “Of course not, Siri.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’

“Really?’ Sirius asked, still holding onto James tightly.

“Yes, really,’ James said.  He gently kissed Sirius´ lips and hugged his boyfriend again.

Sirius smiled and returned his head to its previous position on James´ shoulder.

“Have you decided if you´re going to use a concealment charm?’ James asked tentatively.

Sirius sighed.  “I don´t know what to do, James.  If I do use a concealment charm, then once I have the baby, everyone will know I was pregnant.  I mean, for a while there, I thought maybe it could work.  Bes tes the professors and your parents, you, Remus, and Snape are the only people who really know what happened.  Even with us trying to get my father locked up, hopefully the truth won´t come out that way since they´re keeping things hushed up.  But…every damn time I start to think it will work, I realize it can´t.  Once the baby is born, everyone will know I was pregnant.  And then they´ll know what happened to me.’

James started playing with Sirius´ hair again.  “Have you thought of any other options?’ he asked quietly.

“No.  Yes.  Well, no.  I don´t know.  Maybe.  I mentioned something to Remus last week, and he thinks it´s a good idea, but I don´t know.’

“What is it?’

“I can´t tell you,’ Sirius replied softly.

“But you can talk to Remus about it?’

Sirius remained silent, trying to decide what to say.

“Look, Siri, I´m not sure what exactly you talked to Remus about, but I have an idea, which might be what you mentioned to Remus or it might be completely different.  In my opinion, it´s what I think you should do, but only do it if you´re comfortable with it.  Just so you know, I´m completely comfortable with it, and it doesn´t bother me at all.’

“What?’ Sirius asked as he continued clinging to James´ robes.

“I don´t think you should use the concealment charm,’ James said.  “I think we should tell everyone it´s our child.  Only my parents, the professors, Remus, and Snape will know the truth, and I completely trust them.  Even Snape.  He won´t any anyone or Remus will personally hex him to another planet.  I mean it, Siri.  I think we need to start acting like it´s our child.’

Sirius was speechless.  He couldn´t believe it…James had just suggested what Sirius had desperately wanted, but had been too scared to mention.  

“Siri?  What do you think?’

“Do you really mean it?’ Sirius asked.  He lifted his head and stared at James with tears in his eyes.

James gently wiped away the tears that were already falling down Sirius´ face.  “Yes, I do, Sirius.’

“You´d do that for me?’

“I´d do anything for you, Sirius.’  James pressed his lips against Sirius´ for a small kiss.  

“That´s what I talked to Remus about,&o; So; Sirius admitted quietly.  

“Why didn´t you say anything to me?’

“Because I couldn´t…I couldn´t do that to you.  We´re so young, James.  You don´t have to deal with all of this if you don´t want to.’

“You make it sound terrible, Siri.’

“It is, isn´t it?’

“What happened to you was terrible.  Being with you for the rest of my life is not my idea of terrible, though.  I adore you, I love you, and I really, honestly want to be with you for forever and beyond.’

“Gods, I love you so fucking much,’ Sirius replied.  He threw his arms around James again and cried for a while longer with James whispering soothing words into his ear.

Eventually, the tears subsided, and James eased himself down on the bed with his sleeping boyfriend in his arms.

……………..

TBC