The Retreat
Chapter 8
The Retreat
Chapter Eight: The Flashback
Snape trudged through the
grass, making his way to Dumbledore’s cabin, lost in thought. He could
still remember the day he’d driven awayry, ry, and the sadness it brought
him to do so was still quite keen. He set aside those thoughts, focusing his
mind instead on the kiss he’d impulsively given Harry moments before.
Severus was glad that
he’d finally taken that step, that he’d put his feelings out in the
open. It had indeed been a big step for him; he was not a man to expose his
emotions to the world, and letting Harry through had been most difficult.
However, now that he’d done it, he felt no regret whatsoever; in fact,
his feelings were quite the opposite: he felt much lighter than he had in the
past two years.
Yet…he still felt
that he would hold Harry back. Potter was, after all, still young, still had
his entire life ahead of him. And where was he? A middle aged wizard with a
disgusting disposition, the professor most despised at Hogwarts. Severus sighed
as he felt the familiar waves of guilt upon him once more, the same ones that
had induced him to distance himself all those months ago…
-----------------
“Severus! I’ve
just spoken to Dumbledore; he’s requested that I stay here to take over
the Defense Against the Dark Arts position!” a
voice called, causing Severus’ heart to give an involuntary jolt. He
sighed, strengthening his resolve. I have to be strong.
Harry bounded into the dank
Potions classroom, beaming at the other man, who currently was seated behind
his desk, grading papers.
Harry frowned when, even
after several moments, Severus made no sign to acknowledge his presence.
“Well? Aren’t you happy?” he prodded, glaring down at his
-now former- professor.
spanspan style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Severus finally looked up,
fixing Harry with an even stare. “No,” he stated simply, before
diverting his attention to the Hufflepuff essays once again.
Harry’s scowl morphed
to an expression of confusion. “Why? I thought you’d like the fact
that I didn’t have to leave.” He reached out for the other
man’s hand, grasping it in his ow#822#8220;We can be together now,”
he whispered.
Snape slowly raised his
head, gazing pointedly at the hand that covered his own. Shaking it away, he stood
up, using his imposing height to intimidate Harry. “Excuse me, Potter, if
I’m not elated by the fact that I must continue to endure your presence,
despite the fact that you have already graduated from this godforsaken
school,” he sneered.
Harry’s eyes widened,
the happiness in his emerald eyes giving way to hurt. “…S-Sev?
What’s wrong?” he asked, daring to move closer. Why
couldn’t the boy just leave?!
“It is Professor
Snape, Potter. That is, unless you decide to accept the infernal position that
the headmaster has offered you, in which case it will be Severus. I refuse to
acknowledge this idiotic nickname you have assigned to me any longer.”
Snape snarled, before turning around and heading to the back of the classroom.
“Sev- Severus, what
the bloody hell is up with you?!” Harry said, his voice growing as
incensed as his lover’s. “I can’t stand these mind games,
Sev, don’t do this. Not now, when we can finally be together, finally be happy.”
With every word, Harry moved closer, until he too was situated near the
cauldron which Severus was busying himself with.
“Potter.
Gryffindor brain that I do not want you here. I have never wanted you here. You
are simply a nuisance, a hindrance.” He turned around, making eye contact
with Harry. “I might even say that you are the bane of my existence.
Therefore, I am none too happy to discover that you might prolong your already
too lengthy stay at Hogwarts.”
Harry’s eyes shone
with unshed tears as he looked at the unyielding back of the man before him.
“You…you don’t mean that, Sev,” he whispered weakly.
Severus spun around, anger
blazing in his dark eyes. “For the last time, Potter, it is Professor
Snape. Now get out, you foolish boy!” he growled. “And do
not come back again. You are no longer welcome here.” Finishing his
tirade, Snape turned his attention back to the potion, adding a pinch of
asphodel to its blood red depths.
Harry’s shoulders
sagged as he turned away, his face looking worn and defeated. He trudged slowly
out of the room, but not before glancing back once more, the tears spilling at
last. “I still love you, Severus. I always will,” he murmured,
before fading into the darkness that enveloped the dungeons.
Severus refused to look
back. He refused to go after Harry. Most of all, he refused to acknowledge the
single tear that made its way down his face, falling at last into the simmering
potion, disappearing into its midst as Harry had into the shadows.
--------------------
Severus walked on, although
his stride has lost his confidence. He slumped visibly, and his pace slowed, as
he stared contemplatively at the grass below him. Had he made the right
decision? His own life was nothing without Harry, but Harry himself had seemed
to be getting along fine without him.
That is, until Severus had
mucked it up. Did he even deserve to be with Harry? He let loose a
groan, leaning against a tree for support. No, he didn’t. He had been a
Death Eater, a follower of Voldemort. He had to pay back those debts; Severus
wasn’t entitled to love.
He slid onto the ground
below him, placing his head on his knees. I don’t. I do not deserve
him. He sighed. Now, if only he could convey that to Harry…
~tbc~
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