What Is and What Should Never Be

What Is and What Should Never Be

What Is and What Should Never Be

Chapter 7: How Many More Times

Author: Prongs

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things 'Harry Potter.'  Led Zeppelin owns the song, "How Many More Times."  It was released in 1969 on their album, 'Led Zeppelin I.'

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far!


~*~


"James?  I'm waiting," Professor McGonagall said quietly.

James stared at the floor for several moments debating what to say.  Finally, he came to the conclusion that he would have to reveal some information to his head of house-just not everything…

"Sirius and I sort of got into a fight," James replied.  "It was really nothing, and everything is fine now."

"What did you fight about?  Are you telling me that Sirius is the one who caused all of these bruises?"

"Yes," James murmured.  "Erm, it's kind of complicated."

"Explain," McGonagall said sternly.

"Right now?"

"Yes, James."

"So, why are you calling me by my first name, anyway?"

"James, do not attempt to change the subject.  Why did you and Sirius get into a fistfight?"

"Like I said before, it's sort of complicated.  Are you sure you really-"

"Yes, I am positive.  Explain before I take house points away for not following my instructions."

James sighed.  "Last night, I went to see Sirius because I wanted to tell him something."

"Continue."

"I'm in love with him," James whispered.

"I figured as much," McGonagall replied.

"Really?" James asked, surprised.

The professor nodded her head.  "It was especially obvious a few minutes ago when he was in here.  I take it he feels the same way about you?"

James nodded his head.

"Then why fight?"

"Erm&;"
;"

"Mr. Potter, I'm warning you…stop hemming and hawing and just get the story out!"

"Yes, professor.  When I told him, he thought I was a Slytherin disguising as me.  Does that make sense?  He thought it was Snape or someone using polyjuice and pretending to be me."

"And so he beat you thinking you were really Mr. Snape?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes," James said quietly.  

"Why on earth would he have thought it wasn't you?"

"It's a long story," James replied.  

"I see," McGonagall said.  "What else is going on?"

James looked rather shocked, but tried to quickly hide it.  "What makes you think that something else is going on?"

"Isn't there?"

"No," James lied.  "May I please go to the hospital wing now?"

"I thought you didn't want to be healed."

"I want to see Sirius," James replied.

McGonagall studied her student for several seconds before nodding her head.  "Mr. Potter, I'm well aware of the fact that you're hiding something from me.  You're not very good at lying."

James stood up and walked toward the door.  "You're not going to say anything to the headmaster, are you?"

"I can't make any promises, Mr. Potter."

James sighed and opened the door.  

~*~

While James and Sirius were being healed in the infirmary, two intruders were madly searching through the head boy's room.

"I know it's in here somewhere," Severus Snape mumbled unhappily.  "That fucking bastard has it!"

"Are you positive?  Maybe Black has it," Severus' companion replied.

"Not a chance.  Potter has it.  Besides, he has a larger room.  It would be easier to hide."

"I still don't understand why you're so concerned about a bloody book!"

"It was my father's," Severus explained quietly.  "And it's about the dark arts.  No bloody Gryffindor should have it!"

"Merlin, calm down, Severus.  I've never seen you show so much emotion before."

"Really?" Severus cocked an eyebrow at his companion.

"What color is it?"

"Black."

"And old?"

"Yes, I suppose it is," Severus replied.  "Do you hear a noise?"

"There's a black book on his bed."

"Excellent!" Severus replied, grabbing the book.  He and his companion hurried over to the window and climbed onto a broom.  They flew out of the open window and disappeared just in time.

~*~

"Well, what did you tell her?" Sirius asked, following James into the head boy's room.

"I had to tell her some of the truth," James admitted guiltily.  "I'm sorry, Siri."

"It's okay," Sirius whispered as he sat down on James' bed.  "I understand.  What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything about your father," James said.  "Although, I think she and Dumbledore both should know.  I mean, your mother threatened you in that letter, Sirius!  They can help us keep your family away from you!"
aybeaybe," Sirius replied, drawing his knees up to his chest.  "I'm just not ready to say anything yet, okay?"

James sighed and sat down next to his boyfriend.  "I told her that I loved you and when I told you, you thought I was Snape and that's why we got into a fight."

Sirius lowered his eyes and stared at the floor.  "I'm still really sorry.  You know that, right, James?  I never meant to hurt you.  You mean everything to me."

James wrapped an arm around Sirius' body and pulled his boyfriend closer.  "I understand, Siri," he whispered.  He placed a quick, but gentle kiss on Sirius' neck.  "I promise I won't say anything to McGonagall or Dumbledore until you're ready."

"Thank you, James," Sirius murmured, resting his head on James' shoulder.

James pulled Sirius even closer and tenderly ran his hand up and down Sirius' back in a comforting manner.

"James?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you still have my diary?"

"Yes," James replied.  "Do you want it back?  Erm, stupid question.  I'll get it for you."

Sirius weakly smiled his thanks and watched James get up and look at his bed worriedly.

"What is it, James?"

"I left it on my bed.  I know I did.  I'm positive!"

Sirius' eyes widened, and he quickly got up and stared at his best friend's bed.  The diary was most definitely not there.

"Maybe you thought you left it on the bed, but didn't," Sirius suggested doubtfully.  Inside, he was a nervous wreck-the thought of anyone else seeing that diary made him want to kill himself.

"Perhaps," James said, swallowing.  He started searching through his room while Sirius just stood there staring at the window.

"James?  Did you leave your window open?"

"Of course not!  It's fucking freezing outside."

"It's open, James."

James ran over to the window and gulp&nbs 

Sirius looked pale as he joined James at the window.  "Someone stole it," he whispered shakily.

"No!" James shouted.  It must be here somewhere!  It has to be!"

"You were positive you left it on your bed!" Sirius exclaimed.

"I must have been wrong!" James shouted.  "It has to be here, Sirius.  It has to be."

"James, your window was open, and you know damn well you didn't leave it open.  You know you left the diary on your bed, and now, it's not there.  Someone obviously came in and stole it!"

Shocked, Sirius sat down on James' bed and buried his face in his hands.  "I wish I were dead," he mumbled.

James tugged at his hair and sat down next to Sirius.  "Please don't talk likat, at, Siri.  We'll find it!  I promise we will," James said with a sick feeling growing in his stomach.

Sirius lifted his head to stare at his boyfriend.  "Yeah, sure, James.  We'll find it after Snape or whoever took it has read it to the entire school!"

"Gods, Sirius, I'm so sorry I let this happen," James moaned.  "I should-"

"Did I blame you?" Sirius asked tiredly as he stood up.  "No!  I did not blame you.  So, shut the fuck up and help me fucking figure out what the fuck to do!"

All of a sudden, the door slammed open revealing Professor McGonagall.  "What on earth is all of this shouting about?  What islly lly going on with the two of you?"

"Close the door," James ordered.

Surprisingly, McGonagall obeyed and shut the door.  She walked into the room and stared at Sirius and James curiously.

"Someone stole something from my room," James admitted, glancing at Sirius.

"What was it?  Are you positive it was stolen?"

"Yes," James mumbled.  "I know I left it on my bed, and the window was open.  I never leave the window open-especially right now."

"Doesn't the window lock?" McGonagall asked.

James nodded his head.  "Maybe I left it unlocked."  He looked over at Sirius again.  "Gods, Siri, I bet I did leave it unlocked.  Please forgive me!  I-"

"I already told you I'm not mad at you," Sirius growled.

"What was taken?" McGonagall asked again.

James warily looked at Sirius.

"My diary," Sirius replied quietly.

McGonagall looked slightly relieved.  "Well, boys, I understand that this is bothersome; however, it's only a diary.  I was concerned you were going to say your wand had been stolen or-"

"My diary is full of things that other people have no right to read!" Sirius exclaimed angrily.  "How can you act like this is okay?"

"Mr. Black, I understand why you're upset, but I'm quite sure we'll figure out who took your diary."

"You have no fucking idea what is written in it!" Sirius screamed.  "Other people cannot see it!  James is the only person I would ever trust with it."

"And look what happened when you did trust me with it," James groaned.

"Shut up," Sirius snapped at his best friend.  "I already told you two times now that I d bla blame you, James."

"Mr. Black, first of all, you need to calm down.  Mr. Potter tells me that the two of you care for each other as, erm, more than friends?"

Sirius nodded his head.

"Perhaps you are worried that whoever took your diary will read how you feel about James?" the professor asked, reverting back to James' first name again.

"That's not what I'm worried about!" Sirius yelled.

"Siri, I think you need to tell her," James whispered, walking over to his boyfriend.  He put his hand on Sirius' bacntlyntly.

Sirius stared at McGonagall.  "My father has been raping me for years.  That's what I'm worried about.  It's all in my diary, professor."

~*~

TBC