100 Ways to Kill a Weasley
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
93
Views:
41,835
Reviews:
236
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
93
Views:
41,835
Reviews:
236
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Misadventure of Ron The Spy
Ronald Weasley was a man on a mission; a mission to find out who was “the other man” in his relationship. The fact that his girlfriend Hermione had called quits on said relationship the night before seemed unimportant to him. He just knew that there was someone else involved and he wanted to know who, so he could beat the crap out of him…
Flashback
“Ron, I just don’t want to continue. You are busy traveling with the team; I am busy working in the apothecary. We hardly spend any time together. I want to keep you as a friend, I love you, but I am not in love with you!” Hermione’s eyes watered, “I’m sorry, Ron, I just believe it is for the best.”
Ron just looked away and nodded once.
“If you feel this way, Hermione, there is nothing I can say. I’m leaving with the team soon, but I will tell my family. Will you tell Harry?”
Hermione agreed, thanked him for being so understanding and left his apartment. He listened for the elevator door to close and slammed his fist on the table. Ron was sure there was another man, and he wasn’t letting Hermione walk out of his life so easily. He knew she would be at work at the Greasy Git’s apothecary all day tomorrow, so he could use the time to investigate…
End
As a result of the situation, on the next day Ron arrived on Hermione’s doorstep at noon. He still had the keys from her flat and he let himself in, knowing she never went home for lunch. He wanted to look around her place for evidence of another male presence.
Entering her bedroom, Ron’s eyes fell on a pair of men’s jeans, too big to belong to Hermione. He snatched them violently, but instantly he recognized them to be Harry’, probably left from the last sleepover. He continued to look through Hermione’s things, when he heard the sound of a door clicking open. Oh, crap, Hermione was home early!
Ron looked around frantically and dove under the bed. He barely suppressed a growl when he heard a male voice besides Hermione’s. At first he relaxed, when he recognized Snape’s voice. The git was only her boss, and was old and creepy. Then to his horror they walked into the bedroom. He tried to keep as quiet as possible and listened in.
*******************
Hermione turned towards Severus and smiled apologetically,
“I apologize for the mess, I didn’t feel like cleaning up yesterday. Ah, there’s the book, I was sure I left it on my nightstand.”
Severus accepted the proffered book and asked:
“You didn’t feel well yesterday?”
She blushed and muttered
“Actually, I finally broke up with Ron. I hope he realizes it’s the best for both of us.”
Severus’s eyes quickly fixed her own and a lazy smirk spread on his features. She actually stepped back under his intense gaze.
“So, little witch, you got rid of the whelp? This put things in a different light, hmm?”
He advanced towards her until the back of her knees met the bed. He didn’t push her, he just hovered there, his hot breath on her neck making her dizzy. He whispered in her ear,
“You said you couldn’t start a new relationship until you have ended the previous. I admire you for that, witch, but you have made me wait too long. Or have you changed your mind?”
His teeth grazed her neck and she shivered. Hermione tried to gain her composure and looked at him.
“No, Severus, I haven’t. But now is hardly the time, we are on our lunch break…”
He silenced her with a hot, searing kiss on her lips. Her mouth automatically opened to receive his tongue and before she knew I, they were on the bed; his hand was unbuttoning her shirt, while the other was rubbing her through her panties, causing delicious shudders to course through her body. She couldn’t help thinking that the man was very intense in everything he did. He came up for air and stared at her.
“I do own the apothecary where we work, therefore lunch break lasts as long as I decide. So, if you want out, think of something better, Hermione.”
The lusty whisper of her name made up her mind and she snaked her hands down his torso until she grabbed his erection through his trousers. She smirked in his stunned face and purred,
“On the contrary, Severus, I want IN. You are not the only one who has waited. You. In. Me. NOW.”
Something in his eyes snapped and he grabbed her with a growl, tearing clothes and sending them flying across the room. Soon they were both naked, Hermione was pinned under him, facedown, and he was rubbing against her backside with tantalizing slow movements. She could only moan into the pillow and grind into him, hoping he would stop teasing soon. Ha made her so horny with only his kisses and voice, that foreplay was far from her thoughts. There would be time for that later.
“Please!” she moaned loudly.
Severus kicked her legs apart and asked with raspy voice,
“Do you really want this?”
She growled in frustration and gritted through her teeth,“Why don’t you check for yourself?”
He slipped one hand between her folds and his breath hitched when he found her dripping with arousal. He extracted his hand, grabbed her waist and slammed into her with all his length. Hermione groaned at the delicious feeling of his cock filling her completely, touching places inside her that Ron never could or even cared to touch. She writhed under his forceful thrusts, screaming his name and asking for more.
Severus grabbed the headboard for more leverage. After one particularly vicious thrust, Hermione shrieked and he felt her clamp around him, milking his orgasm as well. A loud crack sounded from the bed.
Hermione looked back at him and they both thought, “Oh, crap!”
*********************
Under the bed, Ron Weasley was designing completely new ways to murder a human being. He was going to kill Snape for touching his woman. He winced at one particularly shrill cry from Hermione. She never sounded this way with him, the bitch. Then he suddenly heard a loud crack, and before he knew it, the whole bedspring collapsed on top of him.
***********************
Severus rolled off Hermione and they stared at each other for a moment, before they broke into hysterical laughter. Gasping for air, Severus managed to say,
“I think we ought to get you a sturdier bed, witch.”
She looked down, still laughing, but her smile died on her lips, replaced by a look of horror. She covered her mouth and pointed to the floor. From beneath the bedspring, a hand was protruding. A very familiar hand with familiar red hair on the knuckles, holding a very familiar wand.
“Weasley!” Severus hissed.
Then he realized the hand wasn’t moving at all.
He jumped off the bed, pulling the stunned Hermione with him. He summoned his wand and levitated the bedspring, revealing that it was indeed Ron Weasley, his neck bent at an unnatural angle. Hermione paled, while Severus tentatively checked the boy for pulse. Nothing. He sighed and hugged the shocked witch.
“It’s not your fault, Hermione. He had no business being in your flat, much less under your bed. Go lie down in the other room, while I try to explain this to Molly and the Aurors.”
As he walked towards the Floo, he muttered under his breath:
“The boy never had a knack for spying; of all the hiding places he had to hide under the bed.”
Severus sighed and threw some Floo powder into the fireplace.
This was going to involve a lot of paperwork.
*************************
A/N Umm...this actually came to me when I was pretty much in Hermione's position (literally) and the bed was in fact threatening to collapse any moment. It didn't, but I had this surge of inspiration that made me giggle like a maniac. My husband made me explain what was so funny and when I told him, he stared at me wide-eyed and shouted, "You're thinking about fan fiction NOW???" Sigh. I guess I ruined a perfectly good shag. At least I can write here and hope he isn't angry at me when he gets home, so I can get an encore.
Flashback
“Ron, I just don’t want to continue. You are busy traveling with the team; I am busy working in the apothecary. We hardly spend any time together. I want to keep you as a friend, I love you, but I am not in love with you!” Hermione’s eyes watered, “I’m sorry, Ron, I just believe it is for the best.”
Ron just looked away and nodded once.
“If you feel this way, Hermione, there is nothing I can say. I’m leaving with the team soon, but I will tell my family. Will you tell Harry?”
Hermione agreed, thanked him for being so understanding and left his apartment. He listened for the elevator door to close and slammed his fist on the table. Ron was sure there was another man, and he wasn’t letting Hermione walk out of his life so easily. He knew she would be at work at the Greasy Git’s apothecary all day tomorrow, so he could use the time to investigate…
End
As a result of the situation, on the next day Ron arrived on Hermione’s doorstep at noon. He still had the keys from her flat and he let himself in, knowing she never went home for lunch. He wanted to look around her place for evidence of another male presence.
Entering her bedroom, Ron’s eyes fell on a pair of men’s jeans, too big to belong to Hermione. He snatched them violently, but instantly he recognized them to be Harry’, probably left from the last sleepover. He continued to look through Hermione’s things, when he heard the sound of a door clicking open. Oh, crap, Hermione was home early!
Ron looked around frantically and dove under the bed. He barely suppressed a growl when he heard a male voice besides Hermione’s. At first he relaxed, when he recognized Snape’s voice. The git was only her boss, and was old and creepy. Then to his horror they walked into the bedroom. He tried to keep as quiet as possible and listened in.
*******************
Hermione turned towards Severus and smiled apologetically,
“I apologize for the mess, I didn’t feel like cleaning up yesterday. Ah, there’s the book, I was sure I left it on my nightstand.”
Severus accepted the proffered book and asked:
“You didn’t feel well yesterday?”
She blushed and muttered
“Actually, I finally broke up with Ron. I hope he realizes it’s the best for both of us.”
Severus’s eyes quickly fixed her own and a lazy smirk spread on his features. She actually stepped back under his intense gaze.
“So, little witch, you got rid of the whelp? This put things in a different light, hmm?”
He advanced towards her until the back of her knees met the bed. He didn’t push her, he just hovered there, his hot breath on her neck making her dizzy. He whispered in her ear,
“You said you couldn’t start a new relationship until you have ended the previous. I admire you for that, witch, but you have made me wait too long. Or have you changed your mind?”
His teeth grazed her neck and she shivered. Hermione tried to gain her composure and looked at him.
“No, Severus, I haven’t. But now is hardly the time, we are on our lunch break…”
He silenced her with a hot, searing kiss on her lips. Her mouth automatically opened to receive his tongue and before she knew I, they were on the bed; his hand was unbuttoning her shirt, while the other was rubbing her through her panties, causing delicious shudders to course through her body. She couldn’t help thinking that the man was very intense in everything he did. He came up for air and stared at her.
“I do own the apothecary where we work, therefore lunch break lasts as long as I decide. So, if you want out, think of something better, Hermione.”
The lusty whisper of her name made up her mind and she snaked her hands down his torso until she grabbed his erection through his trousers. She smirked in his stunned face and purred,
“On the contrary, Severus, I want IN. You are not the only one who has waited. You. In. Me. NOW.”
Something in his eyes snapped and he grabbed her with a growl, tearing clothes and sending them flying across the room. Soon they were both naked, Hermione was pinned under him, facedown, and he was rubbing against her backside with tantalizing slow movements. She could only moan into the pillow and grind into him, hoping he would stop teasing soon. Ha made her so horny with only his kisses and voice, that foreplay was far from her thoughts. There would be time for that later.
“Please!” she moaned loudly.
Severus kicked her legs apart and asked with raspy voice,
“Do you really want this?”
She growled in frustration and gritted through her teeth,“Why don’t you check for yourself?”
He slipped one hand between her folds and his breath hitched when he found her dripping with arousal. He extracted his hand, grabbed her waist and slammed into her with all his length. Hermione groaned at the delicious feeling of his cock filling her completely, touching places inside her that Ron never could or even cared to touch. She writhed under his forceful thrusts, screaming his name and asking for more.
Severus grabbed the headboard for more leverage. After one particularly vicious thrust, Hermione shrieked and he felt her clamp around him, milking his orgasm as well. A loud crack sounded from the bed.
Hermione looked back at him and they both thought, “Oh, crap!”
*********************
Under the bed, Ron Weasley was designing completely new ways to murder a human being. He was going to kill Snape for touching his woman. He winced at one particularly shrill cry from Hermione. She never sounded this way with him, the bitch. Then he suddenly heard a loud crack, and before he knew it, the whole bedspring collapsed on top of him.
***********************
Severus rolled off Hermione and they stared at each other for a moment, before they broke into hysterical laughter. Gasping for air, Severus managed to say,
“I think we ought to get you a sturdier bed, witch.”
She looked down, still laughing, but her smile died on her lips, replaced by a look of horror. She covered her mouth and pointed to the floor. From beneath the bedspring, a hand was protruding. A very familiar hand with familiar red hair on the knuckles, holding a very familiar wand.
“Weasley!” Severus hissed.
Then he realized the hand wasn’t moving at all.
He jumped off the bed, pulling the stunned Hermione with him. He summoned his wand and levitated the bedspring, revealing that it was indeed Ron Weasley, his neck bent at an unnatural angle. Hermione paled, while Severus tentatively checked the boy for pulse. Nothing. He sighed and hugged the shocked witch.
“It’s not your fault, Hermione. He had no business being in your flat, much less under your bed. Go lie down in the other room, while I try to explain this to Molly and the Aurors.”
As he walked towards the Floo, he muttered under his breath:
“The boy never had a knack for spying; of all the hiding places he had to hide under the bed.”
Severus sighed and threw some Floo powder into the fireplace.
This was going to involve a lot of paperwork.
*************************
A/N Umm...this actually came to me when I was pretty much in Hermione's position (literally) and the bed was in fact threatening to collapse any moment. It didn't, but I had this surge of inspiration that made me giggle like a maniac. My husband made me explain what was so funny and when I told him, he stared at me wide-eyed and shouted, "You're thinking about fan fiction NOW???" Sigh. I guess I ruined a perfectly good shag. At least I can write here and hope he isn't angry at me when he gets home, so I can get an encore.