The Punishment of Secrecy

Just like anything else you\'ll see on this site, I don\'t own the characters, the places blah blah blah. You know the drill. This story is littered with BDSM issues; spanking, whipping, domination, paddling,sadistic behaviours etc. If you don\'t like this sort of thing...TURN BACK NOW and DON\'T READ! Ifs iss is your cup of tea...continue and enjoy. The chapters will be continually longer the further into this story I get. I\'ve finished it and would just put the whole thing on one damn page, but gah! 85+ pages is too much! Enjoy, check back for updates!

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He’d paced the halls for the better part of two hours. He’d tried distracting himself by visiting with some of the other professors, but it wasn’t any use. His mind was still lingering far below them in the chambers under the castle. He knew that Malfoy had intended to do the unspeakable to her, but when he saw Draco’s face as he headed back to his common room, he knew that there had been more going on than just some sex. Severus picked up his pace, stopping only when he was called. His mind was numb, not wanting to think about what had happened in the hours before. When he arrived in the dungeon that was his classroom, it felt wrong. It was too quiet. He walked into the room off of his office and at first, thought perhaps Hermione had gone back to her common room without waiting to see him. Then he saw her lying on the floor. At first, in shock, he couldn’t move. He knew she was sleeping because of her steady, shallow breathing, but the nhe noticed that she had not even so much as covered herself up. He unfroze himself from the spot he seemed rooted to and went to her side. Initially, he couldn’t see her wounds in the dying firelight. When he picked her up, she whimpered slightly and jerked. He then noticed the violent purple and black bruise across her face and the several smaller ones on her legs. He hurriedly put her on the bed and took a closer look at her. She had large bruises the size of books across her back, legs and sides and there were what looked like hundreds of smaller ones up and down her thighs that looked to be made from pinching. Her hair was matted in large clumps and her face and hands were filthy. He conjured up some hot water and towels as she was waking up.
“Hermione,” he whispered. “Are you alright?” he asked as he sat down beside her and took her hand into his. She tried to smile but found it painful and stopped. “What in the name of Merlin happened to you? Did Malfoy do this? Do you think that anything is broken?” he asked, firing his questions at her unrelentingly. She started crying again, too afraid to answer, yet longing to tell him.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she whimpered. “I just want to forget what has happened tonight and move on.” She moved herself to a sitting position painfully and smiled at him. She’d never seen so aso angry.
“I swear to you Hermione, if it’s the last thI doI do, I’ll make him pay for this,” he hissed. She put her hand to his face.
“No you won’t,” she whispered. “You’ll do nothing until I know for sure there is something we can do about this. If you were to do something now, he would tell the world, you’d lose your job and I’d be made out to be some kind of whore and everything that has happened up to this point would have been in vain. You will not even let on like anything is different, do you understand?” She stared at him hard, piercing his soul with her eyes. She knew that if she made him promise, he wouldn’t do anything foolish, but without his word, he was a loose cannon.
“I understand, Hermione, but I can’t promise you anything. I have half a mind to go up and jerk the little bastard out of bed right now. I’d love nothing more than to beat his scrawny little ass into a bloody pulp.” He jumped up angrily and started pacing the floor. She watched him as he battled with the same predicames shs she and it pained her to see him suffering.
“Severus, please don’t do anything rash. Promise me that you won’t treat him any differently. Promise me that you’ll act as though nothing happened tonight. I know now what his ultimate goal is. He wants to see me broken, destroyed, both physically and mentally. He thinks he’s giving me a mind fucking and I have to confess, it would normally work if not for the knowledge that you’re waiting for me. I can handle it; disconnect myself from the situation as long as I have that to hold on to. At one points tonight, I even fell asleep somehow, but he woke me up,” she said softly putting her hand to her cheek.
The glare in his eyes was unquestionable hate. He was pacing furiously and would stop to look at her for a moment, only to find a new injury or another bruise and his hatred would grow that much more intense. Finally, she held her hand out to him and he took it, allowing her to pull him to her side. He sat reluctantly and she laid her head on his shoulder.
“We’re going to get through this aren’t we Severus? Please tell me you’re not going anywhere…” she said, a fresh wave of sobs choking her words.
“I won’t leave you,” he said, his anger ebbing a bit. “I’m not going anywhere but I can’t sit by and watch you be treated like this. He’s gone too far. Did he…” he paused, searching for the right words.
“Fuck me, yes,” she said flatly, not disguising the malice in her voice. “To tell the the truth, he was really kind and gentle at first. And, even though I know you aren’t going to like this, he had me going for a while. I was genuinely aroused from the things he was doing.” She hung her head, ashamed of her confession.
“Well, if it’s done right, there’s no resisting it, so it’s not like I can be upset for it. Did he…did he please you?” Severus asked hesitantly.
“No. Almost, but no. He stopped just short of that. That’s when he moved me there,” she said, pointing to the desk.
“To a desk?” he asked, puzzled.
“Well,” she said, getting up and walking towards it. “Come here and let me show you.”
He joined her at the desk, and upon closer inspection, noticed it wasn’t a normal desk like he’d originally thought. There were large slots cut in the top and it was a bit larger than a normal desk. He’d always assumed that it was just something that had been pulled out of storage.
“See those slots there,” she said pointing to where he’d just been looking. He nodded and she made her way to the large wooden crate she’d seen Draco rummaging through earlier. Upon opening it, she found all of his little devices he’d been talking about, the stocks that fit nicely into the slots on the desk, the large, heavily shellacked paddle, and the thin dagger among other things. This was his toy box, his box of fantasies and punishments. She grabbed the stocks and slid them into the slots on the desk and pulled out the set of tightly binding cuffs.
“He put me in these and then continued with his playing,” she said, shuddering at the memory. She put the items that he’d used on the desk and grasped the heavy wooden paddle, turning it over and over in her hands.
“To tell you the truth,” she said coyly. “This probably wouldn’t have been so bad if it had been you. See, I told you it’s all about trust. I don’t trust him anymore than I would a complete stranger. You however, you could do this and make me enjoy every second of it.” She tossed the paddle back into the crate with disgust. “It’s just too bad that he went and destroyed it for me.”
He embraced her softly, taking care not to hurt her. They stood holding each other for a long time before she finally spoke again.
“Severus, promise me you won’t do anything right now,” she asked. He tightened his grip on her but nodded.
“Only because you’ve asked me, will I not do or say anything. If only you’d let me go to the headmaster…”
“But that’s out of tuestuestion. Dumbledore trusts you and you’d devastate him if you were to leave or tell him what’s going on. We’ve been through this and I’m not doing it again. Anyway, I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s late and tomorrow is going to be a long day.” She pulled herself from his grasp and he let her go reluctantly.
“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” he asked, afraid for her safety and well-being.
“I’m fine,” she muttered, gathering up her things and getting dressed.
He sat on the bed and watched her. Hermione was normally graceful and moved with great ease, however, tonight, she moved stiffly and painfully around the chamber, trying to hide how much pain she was really in. His heart reached out to her, wishing she would stop being so stubborn, but knew that would be like asking him to stop being so aloof to his students. It was something that just was; it was part of what made them, them. He picked up her bag, wand and cloak, and she smiled at him thankfully. He bent to kiss her again and she lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Severus, don’t ever forget that I love you,” she wailed. “Promise me you’ll be here for me always and that I’ll never have to go through this alone.”
He shushed her with a kiss and she choked back her remaining sobs.
“If you are ever alone it will be because I’m dead,” he said softly. She nodded and kissed him again before leaving quickly to return to the Gryffindor Tower.

~~
The walk back to the common room was a painful one. Each step up reminded her of how often and how hard he’d hit her. Her cheek felt hot and the skin drawn where her face was surely a terrible looking color of black. She wasn’t sure, but she felt as though one of her ribs might be broken. When she reached the portrait hole, she paused, wondering if there would be anyone in there. She glanced at the clock down the hall and saw that it was almost midnight, which would greatly reduce the number of students up. Her two best friends would probably be among them and those were the ones she didn’t want to see right now. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and fall into a deep sleep. She didn’t feel like being bombarded by questions and listen to them carry on about it. As she pondered what to do, she decided that she would go take a bath first and hope that they’d be in bed by the time she got back. She walked down the stairs again and headed towards the prefect and head girls bathrooms and tried to put the evening out of her mind.

**

Severus paced furiously in his office, turning everything over in his mind. Several times, he considegettgetting his wand and marching up to the Slytherin dorms and pulling Malfoy out of his bed but after remembering his promise to Hermione, he realized he could not. After about an hour of pacing and plotting in his mind, he sat at his desk and jotted everything that had happened, according to Hermione, that evening. As he was writing, he heard a knock at his door.
“What?” he said impatiently, not wanting company tonight. When he finally looked up, the headmaster was standing in front of his desk.
“Am I interrupting anything Severus?” he asked, looking rather disconcerted. Severus felt himself blush in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry Headmaster, it’s been a rough day,” he said apologetically. Dumbledore nodded and sat in the chair across from him.
“I wanted to have a word with you tonight. You seem to be distracted by something lately Severus. Would you like to talk about it?” he asked.
“Sir?”
“Is there something bothering you? I just wanted to tell you, if you are in some kind of trouble or have some issue you’d like to discuss, I’ve always got a free minute for my staff. You have seemed so preoccupied lately and I figured I’d come talk to you. I know it’s not easy to confide in someone that you see as your boss, but I’m also your friend Severus.”
“I know that sir.”
“So you know that you can trust me with anything that is bothering you, correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
“So…”
“Well Albus, to tell you the truth, I’ve just been thinking a lot lately. I’ve wondered if my life is as empty as it feels. I am in my forties and what have I accomplished? I have no wife, no children and I don’t seem to have left my mark on the world.” He felt terrible lying to Dumbledore, betraying his trust, but knew that the truth would be devastating on a personal and professional level. Friend or not, there were some things you just didn’t tell your employer especially if it involves one of your students.
“Severus, you’ve left your mark more than you will ever realize. There are students that have been under your tutelage that are now professors themselves. There are students that may one day become potions masters. You may not have a wife, but you have many children. Think of the hundreds of students that you taught. You’ve influenced them all, even if it was slight. I think we all go through a period of doubt in our careers but it sometimes takes another person pointing it out to make you see how much you really do matter.”
Severus sat back; forgetful of the journal he was writing in and pondered what Dumbledore had just told him. He knew all that the headmaster was telling him was true, but his mind wasn’t really on the subject. He was still furious at Malfoy and wondered if Hene hne had made it safely back to her dorm. He wanted to go to her and make everything better, but knew it was of thf the question. He wanted to summon her to his chambers where he could kiss her and tell her how their life would be in the future; about the things he would do for her to make up for the terrible things she’d had to do. He vowed to himself that he would never strike her again, out of love or not. He knew that it had to have been traumatic for her, even if she wouldn’t admit it. He didn’t feel right just sending her off on her own to deal with her pain alone. He’d fixed her up as well as he could with what he had, but knew she looked terrible.
“Well, I feel much better sir. Thank you for taking time out of your already busy schedule to come see me,” he finally said. Dumbledore glanced around and started staring at his chamber door again, a small smile playing on his lips. Severus looked also, as though he were expecting Hermione to come bursting out of the door any moment. When he returned his attention to the headmaster, he was glancing at the journal he had been writing in. He shut it quickly and put it back in his desk.
“Keeping a journal Severus?” he asked, almost knowingly.
“Yes. I find it…therapeutic. Just jot down my thoughts for the day, my concerns.”
“That’s a very wise thing to do. I’ve kept a journal since I was a boy. I never get rid of them, have a whole trunk full of them,” he chuckled, smiling. Severus nodded, not really paying attention. His mind was clear across the castle with Hermione. His heart ached and the anger he felt was draining him of his energy. The headmaster rose and smiled.
“There’s something else on your mind Severus, but I’m not going to pry. We’ve been working together for too long for me not to see it. However, you’re entitled to your mysteries just as everyone else. Have a good night and try to get some sleep,” he said as he walked towards the door. Severus followed him to the door before speaking.
“Thank you Albus,” he said softly. “I appreciate your concern and interest in my life, all of our lives. It shows us that you really do care and I know, speaking for all of us, tht met means a great deal.” He shook Dumbledore’s hand and he left him alone again with his thoughts.
**
The next morning, Hermione awoke to find herself alone in her dorm. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and saw that it was almost noon. She tried to jump out of bed quickly and found that some time in the night, her body had decided to stiffen up. She felt like every muscle and bone were working against her, doing the opposite of what she wished for them to do. Shlledlled her clothes on carefully and chanced a look in the mirror. What she saw almost made her want to scream. The right side of her face was covered in a huge black bruise extending from her forehead down to her jaw. There was new bruising on her arms and wrists and the cuts in her wrists looked deeper. She didn’t remember looking this terrible before going to bed, but it had been dark and they were still relatively fresh. After getting over her initial shock, she rummaged around in Lavender’s massive stash of make up, trying to find something to cover it up. She knew she couldn’t go to the hospital wing because Madam Pomfrey would ask questions. If she were to head down to the dungeons to see Severus, she would raise suspicions. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t spend the rest of the weekend in the dorms and even if she did, eventually, one of the other girls would see her. She dabbed a of Lof Lavender’s make up on her cheek painfully and found that it helped a great deal. When she was satisfied with the results, she grabbed her cloak and headed down to the common room. Harry and Ron were waiting for her at their usual table near the fire.
“There you are!” exclaimed Ron. “We have been waiting for you for hours. We were just about to give up on you. How was…” he stopped short when he caught sight of her condition. “Bloody hell! What happened to you?”
Harry was looking at her with narrowed eyes. She knew instantly what he was thinking but didn’t know how to tell him it wasn’t what it appeared to be without giving away the truth about Malfoy.
“I walked into a door last night. It was really dark and I didn’t see it standing open. I was just too tired to be walking around and wasn’t paying attention,” she said quickly. The two boys looked at each other and nodded.
“Bullshit,” Harry hissed. “You have not walked into any damn door. We know when you’re lying Hermione. What really happened last night? And don’t try to give us some cock and bull story about walking into a bloody door. We’re smarter than that.”
She’d never heard Harry speak like this, his voice dripping with accusation. She sighed, trying to keep herself in check and felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. She didn’t want to cry in front of them because that would make them even more suspicious. Instead, she smiled brightly at both ofm.
m.
“Well Harry, if you really don’t believe me, that’s fine. But it’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I’m not going to waste it here arguing with you. What do you say about a visit to Hagrid?” she said, as cheerful as she could. They glared at her, seeing through her guise.
“We’re not going to go see Hagrid today,” Harry said flatly. “We’re going to Hogsmeade to pick up this book of yours remember? And after that, we’re going to go have a seat in The Hog’s Head and you’re going to tell us everything.” She’d totally forgotten about their trip into Hogsmeade this weekend and suddenly felt very tired.
Sheg heg her head and nodded. They’d seen right through her and now she was in the position to tell them about all the awful things she’d been doing for the last couple of months. She didn’t want them to think of her differently, but she hoped that she could make them understand the reasons she was doing the things she was. The three of them pulled their cloaks on, headed out of the common room and down the steps towards the growing line of students at the doors. Filch was checking names on his clipboard as they approached him, none of them speaking. He glared at the three of them and let them pass.
The three of them walked in silence until they reached Hogsmeade. Ron claimed to need something out of the apothecary thisthis left Hermione alone with Harry.
“Was it him?” he asked quy, by, barely audible over the hum of the hundreds of people around them.
“No. It wasn’t. He’d never do something like this to me,” she replied. She wasn’t going to volunteer any more information than she needed to.
“Who was it?”
“I can’t tell you that. Just drop it Harry,” she said through clenched teeth aey wey walked into the bookshop. She went to the counter and paid for the book she had ordered and they left. Upon stepping back out on the street, they saw Ron looking up and down the street for them.
“You know,” he said, holding Hermione back. “It’s killing him that you’re seeing Snape.”
“I know. We tried but it just wouldn’t work. He was so…so blatantly annoying the whole time we dated that I was prepared to cut myself off from him completely. He will have to cope with it or we won’t be able to be friends.” She sounded harsh, but knew that it was for the best. Her and Ron had dated briefly in their sixth year but it ended in a screaming match on the train ride home from Hogwarts. They’d reconciled over the summer, but she knew that it had been hard for him. She just couldn’t picture herself with someone that wasn’t as determined about furthering his career and schooling as she was. The agreed to be friends and up until now, it had never been mentioned again.
“I just wish you’d not rub it in his face,” Harry said. She nodded and they made their way through the crowd to where Ron was still surveying the crowd. He beamed when he saw them and came running to meet them.
“You’ll never believe what I heard when I stopped in Honeydukes. Malfoy doesn’t seem to be the star pupil in Snape’s class anymore,” he said, almost too excited for his own good. “I heard Malfoy talking to Crabbe about how Snape assigned him 12 inches more parchment on his essay and told him if his potion wasn’t exact, he would get a zero for the day. Have you ever heard of Snape giving a Slytherin a zero…let alone Malfoy?” Hermione swallowed hard and put her hand to her face without realizing it. They stared at her as they made their way towards the Hog’s Head pub but didn’t ask anything.
When they arrived, they chose a seat far from anyone and waited for the bartender. She didn’t want to start her story with anyone else around. After they’d ordered their bottles of butter beer and the bartender delivered them three dusty old bottles, she took a deep breath and started to tell them what had happened. Every time she tried to skip over something or leave something out, they would both be staring at her with doubtful eyes and she couldn’t bring herself to lie to them any longer. She spilled it all to them, from meetmeetings with Snape to how they’d been blackmailed blfoylfoy. When she came to the events of the night before, she shuddered visibly and her hands started shaking.
“It’s ok, Hermione. You can tell us and if you’re about to say what I think you are, you can bet, Malfoy is a dead man.” Harry said quietly but she was shaking her head.
“No Harry. You two can’t tell anyone and you can’t let on like you know anything. You have to pretend that you don’t know what’s going on. You can’t change your attitude, although, I doubt that you three could hate each other any more than you do now,” she added with a chuckle.
“Oh it’s possible alright. I hate that slimttlettle git more right now than I ever have,” Ron hissed as he curled and uncurled his fingers into a fist. “Leat lat little bastard say one thing, one word to me about anything and I’ll rip his bloody head off.”
“You will not Ron. I’m asking you both not to do anything drastic. You have to swear to it. Until I wade through these books, which will hopefully answer some questions, you two will act like you know nothing. I won’t have you flying off the handle and possibly cag hig him to tell everyone what’s going on.”
“Well…” Harry said nervously. “You were telling us about last night.”
She looked away from them. She didn’t want to relive that for them, it was painful, physically and mentally. She had never known anyone that was so cruel and malicious.
“I don’t think I can tell you right now,” she whispered.
“Why not?” they asked in unison.
“Just let it rest for a while. I just don’t want to talk about that yet. Let’s just say it ter terrible, more terrible than anything you could imagine. I’ve never felt so…so dirty, so foul. It was horrid. Had I ever known he was such a deviant, I would never have agreed to it or I’d at least set down some strict conditions.”
They stared at her, their mouths hanging open. Ron tried to speak, but thought better of it and excused himself. He left the pub, slamming the door behind him. Hermione and Harry sat in silence for a few minutes before he attempted to talk to her.
“Are you okay though? I mean…did he do any permanent damage?”
She shook her head, feeling the tears she’d been fighting trying to break free again. They resisted her for a moment before flowing freely down her cheeks and to the table. She wiped them angrily with the sleeve of her cloak and smiled up at Harry, who was lng ang at her like she were a hurt puppy.
“I’m fine,” she finally managed. “I am just so angry that he is getting away with it.”
Harry nodded, and patted her hand. She smiled at him and felt the hurt being replaced with anger that she’d never felt before. “Well, we’re going to read these books and we’re going to find a way out of this. I don’t care if I have to order a hundred books, I’m going to find a loop hole somewhere to get us out of this.”
“What exactly are you looking for ioneione?” Harry asked.
“What I’m looking for is…” she paused, grinning, “is a law concerning of age wizards and witches that are still in school and professors. I’m hoping to find something that will make it impossible for Malfoy to hurt us and will allow Severus to keep his job.”
Harry laughed and she looked at him quizzically.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
“It’s just weird hearing you call by by his first name. I mean, we’ve gone all these years calling him Snape and all of a sudden you call him Severus. It just sounds odd.”
“Well believe me, it took a while to get used to calling him that. I wanted to keep calling him professor, but he said it felt…cold. So I quickly got used to it.”
“I suppose we should go find Ron. I’d imagine he’s cooled off by now,” Harry said. She nodded her agreement and they collected their things. “He’s just having a really hard time dealiith ith being the only one who doesn’t have a girlfriend. He tries, I just don’t think he realizes he’s so…” he searched his mind for the right word when Hermione found it for him.
“Such a Neanderthal?” she said, trying to suppress her laughter. He grinned broadly at her and nodded.
They found Ron peering into the window of one of the shops on the far end of the high street, a part of Hogsmeade that they’d been told was home to some of the shops that catered to darker magic. They yelled to get his attention; he took one last look in the window and walked towards them shaking his head.
“You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff they have in that shop,” he said excitedly. “A lot of that stuff was banned years ago. I wonder how they get away with selling it now.”
They walked silently for a long while before deciding to visit some of their regular haunts. Over and hour later, they headed back to the castle, their pockets stuffed to overflowing with their purchases. She felt a great burden lifted from her shoulders, as though confessing and getting it all out in the open for her best friends was exactly what she needed. She spent the rest of the afternoon worrying about nothing in particular and fell into a peaceful sleep that night, her mind a great deal lighter than it had been that morning.

~~

The weeks wore on and everyone was keeping to the promises they’d made. Ron and Harry continued to glare hatefully at Malfoy, which was nothing short of normal and Hermione tried to keep herself indifferent to the whole situation. Snape had become a sort of tyrant to everyone in his classes, even those in his own house. For the first time in seven years, he was assigning detentions and extra homework to members of the Slytherin house, which according to Ron, was like having his birthday all over again. He gloated every time one of them were yelled at or treated severely. On the other hand, Snape seemed to be letting up on Harry and Ron. Even Neville noticed a dramatic difference when for the first time; he was given excellent marks on a potion.
Hermione and Malfoy had been meeting once a week on average. Sometimes he would request her presence at some odd time, but for the most part, it was scheduled very strictly. He hadn’t been as rough with her as he had the first time they actually had sex, but he was far from passive. He’d managed to leave very little to the imagination. She grew bored of his games and played along so that he wouldn’t try to repeat the beating she had suffered. She and Severus had had very little time alone together and it was wearing on both of them. She was still pouring over her legal texts trying to find their out, but to no avail. Severus summoned her to his office one evening and when she arrived, she noticed that he was acting differently. He wouldn’t look her in the eye and avoided touching her or even letting her touch him. She wondered instantly what was wrong and tried to question him but he shunned away from her.
“I just wanted to make sure things were going smoothly with Draco,” he spat at her as he used to do before they’d become involved. “I’d hate to be interfering with anything.”
She stared at him with disbelief. Her mouth was open and moving, but she couldn’t find her voice.
“Severus,” she finally whispered. He looked up at her, his eyes burning. “What’s wrong?”
“Wrong? Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to make sure you and Malfoy were being accommodated. I’d hate to get in the middle of your trysts.”
She suddenly understood and smiled lovingly at him as she rose from her seat and went to his side. When she took his hand, he tried to pull it from her grasp, but she wouldn’t let him go. He glowered at her and snorted when he saw her smiling.
“Severus, re jre jealous aren’t you?” she said, kneeling beside him and holding his hand tight.
“Jealous? No. I just want to make sure you’re both satisfied with the situation.”
She turned him around in his seat and she saw why he was avoiding her eyes. He had tears glittering in his eyes as she kissed his cheek.
“I don’t blame you if you are jealous. I’m angry as hell at the time he’s taken away from us. I miss you so much,” she said, making her way to his lap and running her free hand around his neck. He attempted to stay angry but was failing miserably.
“I just hate knowing he’s down here enjoying your body when it wasn’t promised to him. I hate the idea of him touching you in places only I should. The fact that he’s doing things with you that I’m sure I’ve dreamt about doing to you is enough to make me want to kill him.”
“I know my love,” she whispered into his ear as she nibbled it. “You couldn’t possibly hate him as much as I do.”
“I’m sure that’s true,” he said, feeling his resolve melting beneath her touch, “but I can’t stand it. I was looking at him the other day and thinking how easily I could knock the sense out of him with my bare hands. I kept seeing him walking down a dark alleyway and myself jumping out of the shadows and just strangling him. It is hatred like I’ve never experienced in my life, not even in my days…” he paused, recalling painful memories. She ran her hand down his cheek and kissed him softly. The last bit of his resistance drifted off into a memory as he took her face in his hands, returning her kiss firmly.
“I too havrrierries about us Severus, but we have to talk them out. I have all these fears that I have to face every time I see you. I wonder if you think of me as not good enough or dirty and blemished. I wonder if your love for me is going to fade into the woodwork or if this is going to make us stronger. I pray that it’s the latter. I have doubts about myself in this too. Please don’t think you’re baring the burden alone,” she said, moving her hands down his chest.
“That’s just it,” he said. “I feel totally powerless in this. I am sitting back letting it happen and there’s nothing I can do. I don’t think I’m baring any of the burdens and that is bothering me to no end. You’ve been so strong and steadfast I can’t help but love you more.”
“You’re baring more of this than you’d like to admit. You have to keep this to yourself, with nobody to talk to at all. I at least have Harry and Ron.” She felt guilty for telling them about their secret but he understood that she needed someone to talk to.
He ran his hands over her body; trying to remember the last time they’d made love. All he knew is that it had been a long time and her body felt unfamiliar to him. She sensed his unease and jumped off of his lap. She smiled seductively at him and led him by the hand into his chamber. She was pulling off her clothing before he could even close the door.
“I can see what you’re thinking Severus,” she said throatily. “You think you don’t know me anymore. You’re thinking that I’m not the same person that you fell in love with.”
“No…it’s not that…I just…” he stammered as he started peeling off his own clothing.
“It’s just that you think I’m somehow different than I was.”
“Well…you are different,” he said, pulling her now naked body to his own. “You’ve grown into a woman with knowledge of things that most people twice your age don’t even know. You know of things that I wanted to be the one to show you, to teach you and it does make a bit of a difference. I had just hoped…” he trailed off.
“You’d hoped to show me the things that he’s done to me?” she asked hesitantly. He nodded and she smiled. “Severus, there is a great deal of difference between knowing how to do something and knowing what it feels like. I know how to go through all the motions, what things to do physically, but he could never know what it takes to make me want him. He could never know what it’s like to truly have me. You have my heart and anything that happens between us is special and not something that could be duplicated easily if at all. To you, I’m clay ready for molding. To him, I’m a piece of stone that he has to chip away at.”
He nuzzled his face into her shoulder, moving them around the room slowly, as though dancing to music only they could hear. They swayed for a long time, just enjoying each other and getting to know the other’s body again.
“I’m so afraid Severus,” she whispered.
“Afraid of what?”
“That you won’t find me as desirable anymore.”
“If that were to ever happen, I’d end myself. Nothing that has happened or will happen will ever change how I see you. You’re exquisite, even if you don’t realize it.” He moved her closer to the bed and lifted her easily. “Now, enough of this talk. I’m going to ravage you until we are both exhausted and can’t move a muscle forcing us to fall asleep in each other’s arms.” She laughed and, just as he predicted, they succumbed to the longing they’d both been fighting for what felt like an eternity.

She awoke with a start hours later. When she glanced at the clock on the mantle, her heart raced.
“Severus,” she said, shaking him violently. “Severus wake up. I have to go.”
She jumped out of bed and started quickly pulling her clothes on as he rolled over to watch her.
“What time is it?” he asked sleepily.
“It’s nearly six in the morning. I’m going to be dead if I get caught. Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” she said panicked. He smiled wickedly at her.
“Because I wanted to spend the night holding the woman I love. Is that so terrible?”
“Yes, it is as long as we’re both here. I can’t believe I fell asleep. What will I say if I’m caught?” She was stuffing things in her school bag, rushingund und the room trying not to forget anything.
“Tell them that you were ravishingly hungry and went down to the kitchens for something to eat. Tell them that you were having a quick romp with your lover,” he joked. She gave him a look that told him that wasn’t funny as he sat up in bed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll walk you back to your dorm. That way no one will trouble you.”
“NO! You can’t do that. What would that look like?”
“It would look like I caught you out of bed when you weren’t supposed to be. Nobody will question me.”
“No, I’ll just take a chance and hurry up there. I’ll just say I fell asleep in the common room. It’s happened before so I’m sure nobody will think otherwise. I’ll see you later,” she said, kissing him quickly. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. He kissed her hard and released her. She smiled lovingly at him and left.
He lay back down and thought about how wonderful it was to fall asleep in her arms. They were to in tune with each other considering they were so different. His mind swirled with the things that made him love her and he fell back into a deep sleep within minutes.

Hermione made her way through the castle quickly and quietly; sure her pounding heart would give her away. Instead of going directly to the common room, she made her way to the kitchens where Dobby gave her a handful of hot rolls. She thanked him and started back to the common room. She really didn’t expect to find anyone in the halls at this hour, but she was still cautious. When she reached the portrait hole, the Fat Lady awoke with a start and glared at her.
“You’re going to get caught one of these days dear,” she said sleepily as the portrait swung open. She clambered through it quickly and found the common room empty except two figures sleeping near the fire. She tiptoed over to them and saw Harry and Ron both asleep, their books still in their laps. She grinned and suppressed laughter as she shook Harry awake.
“Harry,” she whispered. “Harry, you might want to wake Ron up and get up to bed.”
He scrubbed his eyes and stared at her.
“Where the bloody hell have you been? We told everyone that you were off serving detention, but I don’t know if they bought it. Lavender came down around two and was asking about you; said you hadn’t been to bed yet. I didn’t know what to tell her at that point. Where the hell have you been?”
“I fell asleep. I’m so sorry about that. You should have gone to bed.”
“Nah,” he said, glancing at the clock. “We actually got quite a bit done. I think we might be totally caught up with everything for once.”
She grinned and sat down in the empty chair. She offered him a roll and he took it appreciatively.
“I had to make a stop before I came up here,” she said, grinning.
“Late night hunger?” he asked as Ron rolled over in his chair, his book sliding to the floor.
“Did you bring enough for everyone?” Ron asked, even though he had yet to open his eyes. “I’m starving.”
“Well of course I brought you something. Not only that, breakfast is not that far off either. I suppose I should go up and change my clothes,” she said, getting up.
prepprepared for twenty questions from Lavender. She was terribly annoying last night,” Ron said as he ripped into the still warm roll.
“I’ll tell her to mind her own damn business,” she said and walked towards the stairs leading to the dorms.
She made her way quietly into the room where the other three girls were sleeping deeply. She had to fight a fit of giggles as she made her way to her own bed. She still had at least an hour to sleep and considered curling up in the bed and taking advantage of it. She stripped down, not bothering with a dressing gown, and slipped under the cool sheet. Within seconds she was in a deep sleep.
What felt like only minutes later, she was being shaken awake. She opened her heavy lids to see Lavender and Parvati staring down at her.
“It’s almost time for breakfast. Are you going to get up?”
Hermione shook her head and pulled the cover over her head again but they wouldn’t let her alone.
“Where the hell were you last night Hermione? We know you were serving a detention but where the hell were you at two this morning?” Lavender interrogated.
“You must have caught me away for a minute. I’ve been in the common room since around midnight,” she lied.
“Away? Where the hell would you go at two?”
“Let’s see…maybe the bathroom?” Hermione shot at her, not wanting to do anything but sleep and getting more agitated the longer they bothered her.
“Oh,” she said disbelievingly. “Well, if you want breakfast, you’d better get up.”
With her questioning over, they left her alone in the room. She considered getting up for a moment, but thought better of it as she curled up on her side and fell back into a deep sleep almost instantly.
Severus arrived at the staff table for breakfast feeling refreshed and energetic. He looked around the great hall for Hermione, but didn’t see her. When he caught Harry looking up at him, Harry shrugged before returning his attention to his food. His worry increased to fear when he didn’t see Hermione outside of her second class of the day. She’d never been one to miss class…ever… and he wondered if perhaps she’d gotten caught. When it was time for her to enter his class and she still hadn’t shown her face, he was nearly beside himself with anxiety. He tried to talk to Harry about it, but he knew little about the situation either. Severus sat at his desk all through class, worrying about what had happened. Finally, when the day ended, he received an owl from her. She had decided to skip classes today because she wasn’t feeling well but she would be down at dinner. A great weight lifted from his mind, he went about his day as normal, knowing that she was fine.

Hermione hadn’t lied about not feeling well. She was dead tired and had tons of homework to catch up on. If Harry and Ron knew, they wouldn’t let her live it down. She spent the majority of the day in the common room bent over her books and writing essays. When that was finished, she poured over the heavy legal texts she’d bought, hoping to find something. She was just about to give up when a particular chapter caught her eye. It’s title, ‘Unusual Circumstances in the School Setting’ should have tipped her off at once, but because she had been only skimming it quickly, she’d passed it over. As she read, a huge smile passed over her face. She could hardly contain herself. She paced the floor, ignoring the rest of her homework, until Harry and Ron came bursting into the common room, full of questions.
“Where the hell have you been?” they asked in unison. She smiled broadly at them as they continued with their questions. After a few moments of not answering them, Harry finally nudged Ron in the ribs with his elbow and they stared at her with narrowed eyes.
“Ok, Hermione, what the hell do you have up your sleeve? I would know that look anywhere and that could only mean you’re up to something,” Harry asked.
“Oh I’ve just been doing some reading,” she said, glancing sideways at the large book on the desk.
“OH!” Ron exclaimed. “Did you find something?”
“Yes and no. I have to keep reading but I definitely think that there’s a chance that Severus and I weren’t doing anything illegal to begin with. I can’t say for sure yet, but it’s looking up.”
They congratulated her and decided to help her continue her research for the evening while she got caught up on the day’s lessons. She finished quickly, not wanting to miss some small detail that could be their salvation. As she was jotting down notes and page numbers from the book, she saw a large, horned owl outside of the window, pecking furiously.
“Shit,” she muttered.
“What?” they asked.
“That’s Malfoy’s owl. I’m so not in the mood for him today. I am in such a great mood that I don’t want him to spoil it. Severus will be ecstatic if I’ve read this right.” She got up and walked to the window to relieve the owl of its burden. Tapping the note with her wand (he sealed them so that only she could open them), she unrolled it and read the note quickly. When she nearly collapsed, they ran to her side.
“Hermione, what is it?” Ron asked. She couldn’t speak but handed them the note. They read the note then stared from it to her over again.
“That bastard,” Ron whispered.
“You can’t do this,” Harry said. “You just…can’t! It’s not…right.”
“Nothing he’s done so far has been right why should he start now,” she said, her throat tight. She started to cry but fought it back. “I wonder if he’s told Severus yet.”
“What a slimy git. Come on Hermione; just let me go pummel his ass into oblivion, then none of this will have to happen. I swear, if you’d only let me get my hands on him…”
She shook her head and returned to the table. After reading his letter, she didn’t feel even slightly enthusiastic about anything. She just wanted to make it all stop and before tomorrow night.

~~

She walked slowly down to the dungeons, pausing every few steps to take a deep breath and work up the courage it would take to do what had to be done. She tried talking to Draco earlier, but he had his heart set on his big idea and wouldn’t hear anything she had to say. She’d burst out in tears several times through out the day. Harry and Ron tried to console her but she brushed them off, knowing it was something that would have to be tolerated until such time as she could find a way out. She considered just leaving; merely walking out the front doors and never turning back, but knew that was cowardly and would only result in Severus getting fired and her getting expelled. She rested her hand on the doorknob, pausing to take a deep breath and consider fleeing one last time before opening the heaoor oor and walking into what she would reflect as being a nightmare come to life.
Malfoy was sitting in Severus’ chair behind the desk with his feet kicked up on the corner. He leered at her, his intent obvious on his smug face. She ignored him and scanned the room for Severus, whom she knew would be here as well. She finally found him, sulking in a remote corner of the dungeon, his face buried in his hands. She walked swiftly over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her with bloodshot eyes, evidence that his feelings mirrored her own.
“Severus,” she whispered, kneeling in front of him.
“Hermione, don’t do this. I’m prepared to leave this instant. I’ve packed most of my things and the rest I either don’t care about or I can retrieve later. I can’t…I just don’t think…”
“We’ll be fine. In fact, with you there, I think it would be tolerable. I know it’s hard, for both of us, but don’t let him win. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s gotten to us. I’m so close to finding what we need that this could well be the last time this will ever happen. Please, my love, don’t let him conquer us like this.” She stroked his hair and kissed his cheek. He looked up and smiled slightly.
“You’re wonderful. Sacrifi so so much for so little,” he said, looking down at himself with disgust.
“Not for little,” she whispered “For everything.”
They heard footfalls behind them and turned to see Malfoy standing just feet from them, glaring down at them in disgust.
“Well if you’re quite through here, I suggest we get started. I don’t have all night and you’re probably wondering why I’ve asked you to do what I have.”
She got up from where she had been stooped at Severus’ feet and walked over to Malfoy. He was grinning arrogantly when her hand came out and slapped him hard across the face.
“I don’t care about your reasons Draco. You’re still a little bastard,” she said as she spit in his face. Instead of being repulsed, he laughed as he wiped his face.
“That’s what I want to see. I want to see that fire, that devious side of you. Of course, Snape, you’ll be seeing it too.”
Severus looked up at him and scowled.
“Believe me Draco, I’ve seen her deviant side but unlike you, it’s all done with permission and performed out of love, not fear. She doesn’t cower from my touch or cringe at the sound of my voice. She may do the same things with you but it’s out of obligation. You’re no more to her than an annoying speck of dirt that doesn’t seem to go away, no matter how much you scrub it. That’s what you are and all you’ll ever be.”
Again, Malfoy laughed.
“You two are probably the two single most foolish people I’ve ever met. You think this is all about me getting under her skin or yours for that matter? This is all about control; who has it and who doesn’t. I happen to be the one in control here. I have in my possession, knowledge of a secret that could destroy you both. You, have your secret and each other; not nearly as powerful as my weapon of choice. Okay, well, I think we’ll get down to business here.” He clapped his hands and smiled sarcastically at them. “Now as I had tried to say earlier, I’m going to explain why you’re both here tonight. I think it would be particularly enjoyable to see our dear potions professor helpless to come to the aid of his lover. You,” he said, looking Severus in the eye, “will stay where I tell you for as long as I tell you. You will not speak or interfere in the slightest or I’ll punish not you, but her. Hermione, you will do whatever I ask of you, no questions. Are we understood?” He looked at them both as they nodded. “GoShalShall we?” he said pointing towards the chamber door.