Discovering

Discovering

Chapter Seven

Love

"Sweetie, It's Abby." Abby knocked on the door to Rose's room softly and heard shuffling and then the door opened. Rose looked horrible. Her hair was up in a ponytail, but she had strands coming out of it in all directions. Her face was blotchy and tear stained and she was wearing her pajamas still.

"Hey." Her voice croaked and Abby held up a plate.

"I stole you some food." She walked into Rose's room and set the food on her desk.

Rose shut the door and walked back over to her bed and sat there. "Thanks, I'm not really hungry." Abby sat next to her and grabbed her hand. "How was he?" She asked, needing to know.

"Fine. He was worried about you, but other than that he seems okay. He's spending the day in the Library though, so I guess he's not wonderful."

"So I'm a bloody mess and he's living it up." Rose rolled her eyes and fell back onto her bed.

"Celia's at Al's practice." Abby told Rose who put both hands on her face and groaned.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Everyone knows that they need to wait, except her. She says she gets it but really she just wants to jump into it, but she's not thinking about anyone but herself. I could tell Al didn't really want her there but what's he going to do? He doesn't want to make her feel bad."

"Poor, Stupid Al." Rose said. "He's made such a mess."

"I was thinking you might want to go?" Abby suggested. "You need to get out of this room, sweetie, and it might be better if we are all there if Natalie shows up."

"I can't." Rose shook her head. "I'm staying here in bed. You go though."

"Are you sure? We're going to sneak butterbeer after in the kitchens. Sounds yummy, yea?"

"I'm sure. You go." And so Abby left her and she lay in her bed feeling horrible.

After an hour more of lying in bed crying off and on, Rose climbed out of bed and got dressed. She fixed her hair and face with Ginny's charms and checked the mirror to make sure she didn't look like hell. Then she went down to the common room and up the boys' staircase. She went right to the seventh year boys dorm and then to Al's trunk. She pushed all of his junk around until she found the scrap of parchment at the bottom. She silently sent a 'Thank you' to James for stealing it from his father all those years ago.

She tapped the map and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." After a moment the map appeared and she let her eyes find the library for her. Scorpius was sitting alone in the very back, hidden from the rest of the studying students. Rose cleared the map and put it back into Al's trunk.

She descended the staircase and was almost to the portrait hole when she heard, "Hey Rose!"

"Hey Aidan." She smiled, and tried to look happy. Aidan walked over to her and brushed a strand of hair behind her cheek.

"I just wanted to make sure you are okay?"

"Yea, Thanks though." He ran his hand down her arm and squeezed at her elbow.

"If you need anything, you'll let me know." She nodded and he kissed her cheek. "Do you want to play chess or something?" He asked and she wanted to scream. She'd only been single for one flipping day and he was already hitting on her. "I miss our time together."

"Actually, Aidan, I can't. I have a meeting, but later?"

"Sure. I'll see you later." He kissed her cheek again and she left the room shortly after. She couldn't believe his nerve, but she had bigger fish to fry. She needed to spy on Scorpius.

She walked to the library quickly, avoiding the students walking around the castle as best she could. She started to wish she'd brought the map just for this purpose.

When Rose reached the library she headed straight to the back and stood behind a bookcase with a view of Scorpius' table. He was leaned over a book reading. He seemed to be fine. At the sight of him completely put together, she felt a pain inside of her body, and fought the urge to cry again.

He was fine.

He was reading, studying even.

She was a mess.

The only reason that she got out of bed was to see him.

Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

She stood there and watched him reading for a few minutes, and was about to leave when he shifted. He put his elbows up on the table and let his head fall into his hands with a sigh. As she watched this, she knew that he was in fact not fine. He was a big faker.

As Rose turned to leave she thought she heard him mumble, "Red…" When she turned back to see if he had seen her, he was still holding his head in his hands. She felt the pain in her chest again as she walked away from him.

When she had left the library Rose walked and walked and walked. She explored the school. It was cold and snowing outside, but there were a ton of students out on the grounds throwing snowballs and sledding. The halls she was walking were fairly empty as she avoided the Great Hall and the paths from it to the Common Rooms.

Rose didn't know what to do. She wished she could talk to her mom. She wanted nothing more than to let her mom hold her while she cried and hear her mother tell her that everything was going to be okay. She wanted her mom to kiss her forehead and make her cocoa and tell her why her chest ached so badly. She wanted her mom and she didn't really care that she was seventeen years old. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.

She found herself standing in front of what used to be the Room of Requirement.

She stared at the plaque on the walk, wishing that it had not been destroyed all those years ago during the war. She could have used a Room that answered wishes. She ran her fingers over the plaque and sighed, no one had ever gotten the room to work since the fire. She thought that it would be nice to have a place to hide, and paced one, two, three times before the plaque. She stared on for a moment and then she saw the plaque growing and changing shape. Her jaw dropped as a door stood before her. She touched the knob and then released it. What if the fire was still raging? What if enough time had not past? What if …

Rose grabbed the handle and yanked the door open to a room free of the ferocious fire that had once consumed it. She stepped in and left the door open behind her, not trusting that the room had enough magic back to let her out again. There was a smell of sulfur in the air that could not be simply attributed to the roaring fire in the fireplace. In front of the fire sat several comfy couches, and a giant bookshelf.

She walked over to the bookshelf and ran her fingers along their spines. She began to read the titles.

Wuthering Heights

Anna Karenina

Romeo and Juliet

Casablanca

Midsummer Night's Drean

Sense and Sensibility

Pride and Predjudice

Rose stopped reading the titles and shook her head. The room was definitely still working out its kinks. She did not read love stories. Worried that someone might come down the hall and discover that the magic was returning to the Room, Rose left, silently thanking it for trying to help.

Rose woke slowly to kisses on her stomach. She looked down at the bump and smiled. Scorpius was whispering to her belly, telling their son how excited he was to meet him. She grabbed his hand and he moved up to lie next to her. "Good Morning, Red." He said softly, before kissing her.

"How's our boy this morning?" She asked him.

"He's doing great. We were just discussing how beautiful his mommy is."

"I look like a whale, Scorpius." She teased running a hand over her belly.

"You look beautiful, Rose. You are always beautiful." He kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you." Rose whispered.

Rose woke suddenly and looked around the room, feeling the bed next to her.

He wasn't there.

She'd been dreaming … again. She should have known, but in those brief unclear moments after sleep she could never be certain, she always had to check.

The dreams were never the same, except they were. They always ended with her telling him she loved him. This time there had been a baby growing inside of her, their baby boy. Scorpius had been older in the dream, late twenties she would have guessed. He'd been even sexier than he was now.

Rose climbed out of bed and slipped her robe on. She looked at her clock. It was 5:30. Still early to be getting up, but she knew from experience she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.

She gathered her things and left Gryffindor tower to have a bath. She went to the fifth floor and said, "Fish Gills" to Boris the Bewildered. Once inside she turned on the water, purple, and baby blue bath foam. She inhaled the smell of berries that was filling the air around her. When she slid into the water it was absolutely perfect. She let her head lie back against the edge and felt the water working the tension out of her muscles.

It had been a month since she ended things with Scorpius. Tonight had been her fourth dream about them.

The first time they had been playing out in the snow. He had grabbed her and hugged her to him, and they had fallen to the ground. "I love you." She'd told him laughing, and then kissed him.

The second time they had having sex for the first time. She'd felt like she was actually there feeling him move inside her. It took her a long time after she woke to realize that it wasn't real, that she was still a virgin, and that she and Scorpius were not together.

The third they had been sitting in the library, studying. He had taken off his shoes and was rubbing his foot up and down her leg. She was grinning at him across the table. Their friends were all around and she longed to tear him away. She stood up. "I'm ready for bed." She said yawning, gathering her things. Scorpius stood too. "I'll walk you up." He said, packing his bag. They made it to the next hall before she pushed him against the wall and kissed him deeply. "I love you, Scorpius." She murmured between kisses.

And then tonight she had dreamed that they were married, that she was pregnant. She put a hand over her own tight, flat belly and tried to remember what it had felt like in the dream. She remembered watching Scorpius whisper to her belly. She felt the all too familiar pang in her chest and dunked her head under the water, hoping to drown out the thoughts of Scorpius.

Rose was early for every one of her exams that day. She couldn't wait to go home. She was one sweet day from being home, away from Hogwarts, away from Scorpius. She flew through the exams, as she knew she would. She had done nothing but study for the past month. She put on a façade, and her friends had no idea anything was wrong.

Scorpius even had not picked up that something was bothering her. In fact it was amazing how easily they fell back into their old routine. They were talking, studying together in the evenings with their friends, doing their rounds together, everything they did before they had been together. She had no idea if he was still hurting. Rose had seen no sign of regret or sorrow from him since the day she'd watched him in the library.

That night, she was packing when Abby came in to talk to her. "Rose, Scorpius is downstairs. He asked me to get you." Rose felt butterflies in her stomach, but pushed them away and made her way down to see him.

"You have a minute?" He asked motioning out the portrait hole. She nodded and followed him out to the hall so they could have some privacy.

"I ordered this before…" He told her reaching into his pocket and then handing her a present.

"You don't have to do this." She told him. "Just keep it or send it back or something." She suggested.

"No." Scorpius let go of the box and Rose stared at it for a moment and then opened it. It was a necklace. A rose made entirely of diamonds hung from a white gold chain.

"I can't take this." She told him softly, unable to believe that he was giving her something so beautiful, and obviously expensive.

He took the necklace from the box and undid the clasp. He wrapped his arms around her neck and fastened it behind her. "You already have." He told her. "Merry Christmas, Red." He cupped her cheek with one of his hands and she leaned into it. "Can I kiss you?" He asked and she nodded, after all he'd just given her diamonds, her first diamonds. When his lips touched hers it felt like she was home again after a long holiday. She pulled him closer and his tongue licked at her lips, begging to be allowed entry. She opened her mouth and let his tongue in, and her own began to dance with his.

After minutes he pulled back, breathless and leaned his forehead against hers. "Have a good holiday." He told her and then left her standing there, her heart beating as fast as it could, her mind reeling to figure out what had just happened.

"Rose! Hugo!" Hermione hugged them both at the same time, squeezing them as tight as she could.

"MOM!" Hugo groaned. "You're choking us." She let them go and apologized.

"I'm sorry I couldn't meet you at the station. I had some work to finish up so I could get some time off." Hermione kissed Ron, and took off her coat. "How were your exams?"

"Good."

"Rubbish." Hermione gave Hugo a stern look. "They better not be Hugo Weasley!"

"Only joking, mum, I'm sure I've done smashing so far this year."

"That's pretty." Hermione touched the necklace that had come out from behind Rose's shirt and smiled. "A gift from Scorpius?"

Hugo raised an eyebrow at this. "You haven't told them?" He asked and Rose glared.

"Told us what?" Ron asked, trying to see the necklace.

"It is my Christmas gift from Scorpius, but we broke up about a month ago. I wanted to tell you in person."

"Well, that's terrible." Ron said, grinning and not giving the impression that he thought it terrible at all.

"Ron!" Hermione chided. "Will you make dinner? I want to go freshen up."

"Yes, dear." He told her, starting to move around the kitchen. Hugo ran up to his room and Rose and Hermione followed him.

"Can I come in?" Hermione asked her daughter when they reached her room.

"Yes." Rose reached up and put the necklace back under her shirt as they walked into her room and her mother shut the door behind her. Hermione sat on Rose's bed and Rose sat beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hermione asked and was surprised by the look on her daughter's face. It was clear that she was upset, tears were resting in her eyes waiting to fall at any moment.

"I don't know what to do." Rose told her. "I don't know."

"Just tell me what happened sweetie." Hermione held her daughter close and kissed her on top of her head. "It's going to be okay."

"It started last year. We kissed at the end of term and he wanted to start dating but I said no, I didn't think of him that way."

"Well he was a very good friend, Rose. I can understand not wanting to ruin that."

"Exactly! I didn't want to not be able to be his friend. But, after term started we just kept kissing," She decided to leave out that they were nearly naked while they were kissing, and just moved on. "Scorpius convinced me to give it a shot and told me from the very beginning that he was in love with me." Hermione squeezed her hand. "We were happy then. I was happy. I was enjoying the time with him. I loved it." Rose wiped her face free of the tears that were now falling quickly down her face. "We were talking about …" Rose waited for her mom to understand what she meant.

"Oh, did you?" Hermione asked.

"No." Hermione sighed in relief and Rose began to second guess telling her mom what had happened.

Hermione sensed her change and tried to explain. "That's very serious, Rose. Knowing that you've broken up, I'm glad that you both decided to wait. I'm relieved that you don't have that pain in addition to what you're already feeling."

"Well, we made some stipulations."

"Before you would have sex?"

"Yea. We wanted to wait until we'd told you guys and we'd gone to see each other's families over break, and Scorpius wanted me to be able to say I was in love with him."

"Were you?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know." Rose sobbed and fell into her mother's shoulder. Hermione held her until her sobs subsided and Rose could finish. "I didn't think so. I ended things because nothing had changed while we were together. I didn't feel any different. But, I keep having these dreams about him, I can't stop thinking about him, and my chest hurts all the time."

"You have my brains, Rosie, and your father's heart." Hermione was smiling at her daughter.

"What do you mean?"

"It took your dad seven years to admit he was in love with me, Rose. He was always second guessing me, our friendship, and most of all himself. I had to snog him in the middle of the war to get him to admit it to me." Rose was beginning to see where she was going. "Scorpius seems wonderful, Rose. Your father and I have gone over and over it and though we can't promise that we're going to get on with his family, if he makes you happy then we want you to be with him. I think you know how you feel, especially after you've been without him for a month." Hermione reached out and grabbed the chain, pulling the necklace out from behind Rose's collar. "And, I think he's been very clear about how he feels."

"But, I've messed everything up. I told him I didn't love him and I never would."

"Is that true?"

Rose shook her head. It wasn't true at all. She was absolutely, positively crazy in love with Scorpius Malfoy, and it was making her miserable.

"Then I think you should tell him."

"Now?"

"That's up to you." Hermione stood from the bed. "I'll understand if you aren't at dinner, but you better bring him over." Hermione waved a finger at her daughter and vanished from her room.

Twenty minutes later Rose knocked on a door and it swung open to reveal a tall, slender, dark haired woman. "Hello, I'm looking for Scorpius." She said.

"You must be Rose." The woman held out her hand. "I'm Astoria, Scorpius' mother."