W.I.B

Zed had to admit, they had gotten a lot better.



Once K and J had trained them how to use the alien weapons that they confiscated from the alien black market, the trick was getting them to actually use them. The Order members, through force of habit, kept going for magic first. Like the time when K had J lead off in another battle simulation.



“Just follow me and do what I do.” J said right before the buzzer sounded.



The first team had been given Noisy Crickets that had been adjusted so that they wouldn’t kill, but would send a Death Eater flying backwards almost as if Jeff, the giant worm that used to live in the New York City subway, turned around and smacked them with his ‘tail.’



As they rushed in, J began firing away at the Death Eater simulations until he realized something was off. Almost at the same time, Zed stopped the simulation and hit the lights.


“Explain yourselves.” he said as he and K walked in and examined a Death Eater dummy that was roped, covered in bat bogeys, and had birds flying at, and around, its head.



“Damn it!” a few Order members mumbled as they looked at their forgotten Noisy Crickets in their hands.


“It’s just…we’re not used to this yet.” Tonks explained as she waved her Noisy Cricket around energetically.


Also by force of habit, J, K, and Zed hit the floor.


“Oops! Sorry.” she said and lowered her hand sheepishly.


After a few moments, J, K, and Zed stood up hesitantly, eying Tonks’ weapon hand. Even with the modifications, Noisy Crickets aren’t something that you want to be hit with.



“Damn, girl. You don’t got to go all Calamity Jane on us.” J said to Tonks when he walked over to her and lifted her hand and showed her how to aim it. “You got to finesse it. Own it. Make that Death Eater your bitch.”



While still holding on to her weapon hand, J pulled the trigger and he and Tonks sent a Death Eater dummy flying to the sound of insanely loud chirping.



“That’s it.” he said, when Tonks jerked back but managed to keep upright.

She turned to J discretely and flashed him googly eyes. Why I got to be so good looking, J thought as he warily smiled at the fuchsia haired Metamorphmagus.


“What the hell, Mooney! Did you just see that?” Sirius Black whispered to Remus Lupin who had in fact seen it and was officially sick of it.



Tonks was an incorrigible flirt. It was how she finally won him over; she flirted with him incessantly until he caved in. He didn’t actually believe Tonks would ever leave him and that she only flirted for the fun of it. Still, enough was enough.



When J gave Tonks a thumbs up and gestured at her weapon to encourage her to use it like he had shown her, Remus pointed his wand at one of the Avis spell birds and began directing it towards J, who was now walking back to his compatriots.



“AW DAY-UM! What the hell, man?!” J yelped as the bird dropped a load right on J’s black suit.



“Pigeons in Central Park is bad enough! I mean that thing popped out of thin air! Thin air ain’t supposed to be able to…how the hell could that thing even shit?!” J ranted as he made a production of digging out a handkerchief and dabbing at his shoulder.



J looked up at Zed and K who were watching him expressionlessly.

“Don’t even go there.” he said as he continued to dab, muttering about old guys who never seem to get dirty because he always did all the work and where was they when he was saving the world from a Crelon invasion? Sittin’ around headquarters drinking cappuccinos and bullshitting. Damn!



Tonks whipped around and glanced sharply at an impish looking Remus who winked and blew a kiss at her. His ‘I’m a naughty, naughty wolfie’ routine worked and Tonks went positively gooey.



“All under control, mate.” Remus said as Tonks now directed the googly eyes at him.



“Can we please get on with this?!” Snape huffed in the background.



After witnessing Snape’s previous sharp shooting performance, Zed has assigned him to Team 2, which was comprised of him, K and J. They were the ones who would swarm in while Team 1 kept the Death Eaters occupied. Team 2 would also be the ones who would engage Voldemort himself. As such, Zed had given him a Series Four De-atomizer which made Snape uncharacteristically very happy.



He had been idly stroking the weapon while impatiently waiting for everyone to get their acts together.




After an entire day’s worth of increasingly difficult battle simulations, the Order members finally found ‘their groove’ as the J-Muggle called it. They figured out how to fire the Crickets with one hand, and flick magic at each other to keep themselves upright from the Crickets’ back kick with the other.



Fire. Flick. Fire. Flick. Cover each others’ arses.



They were doing a bang up job, if they did say so themselves.



Then as the Voldemort simulation dummy would dart and careen randomly and unpredictably throughout the room, both attacking and trying to escape, Snape, J, and K would swarm in, in a triangulated formation and smoke him.



They knew that although Zed and Dumbledore had done an exemplary job of replicating Death Eater and Voldemort attacks, it was no guarantee that everything would go exactly as planned. Such was the risk they knowingly took as Order members. Nonetheless, everyone was hopeful because they now had alien technology at their disposal and that barking mad poofter hadn’t a clue what he was up against.



The element of surprise had now increased exponentially.



Later on that night as they gathered in the dining room of Grimmauld Place, eating Chinese takeaway, and listening to Zed’s pep talk, the Order members felt a new camaraderie with the strange Muggles from across the pond.



As they politely listened to the laughing K-Muggle tell another one of his bizarre jokes that only Snape seemed to get, they heard the front door to Grimmauld Place open and shut. Turning expectantly towards the swinging door of the dining room, they waited for what they hoped would be Dumbledore, who had mysteriously disappeared in the early morning hours and who only offered an equally mysterious explanation of going to find ‘another secret weapon’ for the upcoming weekend showdown.



The Old Man didn’t disappoint as he excitedly bustled in with one Alastor ‘Mad Eye’ Moody, back from Merlin only knew where.



“Bloody fucking hell! Moody?! Is that really you?!” Black exclaimed as he jumped up to pump his hand and slap him on the back.



The three Muggles had snapped to attention and surreptitiously positioned themselves behind Mad Eye as he leaned on his gnarled walking stick and gruffly recounted his latest adventures which he cut short when the Old Man found him kicking around a bog and poking at its denizens, which he demonstrated with actual pokes from his walking stick.



J discretely produced a device from his pocket, turned it on, and angled it towards Moody while K and Zed leaned in to see. The device only chirped once or twice.



The three glanced up suspiciously and then down again at the device. Hard to believe, but the device was registering human only.



“Wow. The dude’s actually not an alien.” J whispered.


Mad Eye turned his head at the chirping sound and scanned the three men with his prosthetic eye. J had quickly pocketed the device and the three men stood expressionless once again.


“Forgive my manners!” Dumbledore said. “Alastor, please meet Zed, Agent K, and Agent J. Zed, K, J, this is Alastor Moody, one of the finest Aurors around. These men are here from America to help with the cause. Their specialty, I think, will finally solve our He Who Must Not Be Named problem.”


“Specialty eh? What specialty would that be?” he asked, turning his full attention to the three black suited men.

J watched his prosthetic eyeball roll around in fascination.


“Aliens, Alastor. Aliens. These men work with aliens and have access to alien technology. You Know Who won’t know what hit him! Isn’t that right, gentlemen?” Dumbledore asked, beaming with delight.


“Absolutely.” Zed confirmed.



Mad Eye looked each of the MIB up and down, studying them and sizing them up. Everyone was unconsciously holding their breath, waiting to see Mad Eye’s reaction. Finally he turned to Dumbledore and slapped him on the back.


“About time too!” he declared jovially and sat down in a chair with a grunt. “Bloody poofter’s a menace.” he growled, referring to Voldemort. “Where’s the whiskey?”


The Order members began to mince, trying to explain to Mad Eye that the Old Man had banned all alcohol from the premises for the time being when nearly all of them got shitfaced after encountering aliens in the sewers of London.


“Sod it.” Mad Eye said as he dug into his trenchcoat and produced a flask and took a big swig from it. His prosthetic eye twirled around at the whiskey burn.



“Now. Fill me in.”

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A/N: Hello all! Sorry it took so long.


I must say, there has been quite a lot of talk (and cackling) over Severus in fishnet stockings and dressed up like Frank N. Furter.

Thanks to all of you, I can’t get the image of Severus not only dressed up as Frank, but performing ‘Sweet Transvestite,’ out of my head!

Especially the part where Frank, with his hands on his hips, bounces his arse. In my neck of the woods, the audience usually goes something like “boom chicky boom boom” in time with the bounces.


You can tell I’ve thought about this waaaay too much! o_0