la persistencia de la memoria

A/N: Had a hard time writing this chapter. I couldn’t get the emotions I wanted to convey written properly, but I finally had to let it go. I’ve been in a funk the last few weeks and my irritation has spread to my writing, which irritates me even more. Writing used to be my way of letting go of things, so this was the first time that it didn’t make me feel better. I hope that it doesn’t mean I’ll have to find another outlet and stop writing now. Who knows? Maybe it’s just a phase.

Anyhooo...thank you for all the reviews, alerts, faves...etc. You guys are great.


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Chapter 7

Harry’s arrival into number twelve Grimmauld Place was heralded with a crash of a vase as the usually nimble-footed auror stumbled heavily upon landing. Hermione rushed into the living with her wand raised and sighed when she saw Harry looking regretfully at the broken china. Hermione waved her wand and said, “Reparo.”

The vase magically fixed itself and jumped back upon the coffee table. Hermione then gave her friend a look.

“What’s got you distracted? You haven’t knocked that over in years.”

Harry strode over to the small cabinet and poured himself a drink. He downed it quickly and then poured another. Hermione quirked an eyebrow at Harry’s action, but didn’t say anything. Harry took a third drink and then walked over to the couch and collapsed. He rubbed his eyes and then looked at Hermione.

“I don’t want to talk about it. But let’s just say that Malfoy was his usual theatrical self,” Harry said as he leaned back against the cushions. “I told him I’m going to get a solicitor. He’s really out of control, Hermione. I think something happened to make Narcissa take Cassi, but they won’t tell me what it is. I overheard Draco mentioning a fire, but when I asked him about it, he got all nasty.”

Hermione hurried over to sit down beside him. “Oh Harry! This is such a mess. Are you sure you have to do this? Can you give him more time to adjust to this?”

Harry sat up and shook his head at Hermione. He stood up abruptly. “Why is everyone on his side? I thought you all were supposed to be my friends. Even Ginny is worrying about him, just because I said I was going to be moving to a new place. It just doesn’t stop with the two of you. You are determined to see me get back with him. ”

Hermione raised her hands in defeat. “I already told you I was on Cassi’s side, Harry. But of course, I’m going to look out for you. You’re my best friend and I want you to be happy.”

“Well, I’m not happy, Hermione! You all are shoving Draco down my throat! I just want to be there for my daughter and love and take care of her. I want to try and work things out with Ginny too. I don’t want to deal with Malfoy’s feelings and whatever is going on with him!”

“Fine, Harry! I won’t say anything else about Draco, all right! You win! So whatever happens to Draco will just be what it is.” Hermione stood up also. “I hope everything works out for you and Ginny and Cassi! One happy family!” Hermione snapped, as she started to head out of the room. “Bloody stubborn-“

Harry gave a loud gasp and Hermione turned around. “What’s wrong?”

Harry was standing absolutely still, as if he was listening for something. He then raised a hand to his chest and patted it violently.

“Something’s wrong with Draco. I can feel it.”

Hermione hurried back into the room. “What is it?”

He looked around the room wildly for a moment. “I don’t know, but it’s bad. I have to go.”

“Harry-“ Hermione began, but Harry apparated right on the spot.

Only to have him reappear several seconds later. He looked close to panic.

“The wards, Hermione! I can’t get through the wards! He’s at the house!”

Hermione grabbed Harry’s shoulders. “Harry, I can get through your wards. I can apparate into your living room. Both Ron and I can. I will go and open the floo for you, all right? Just wait.”

Harry nodded quickly and Hermione apparated. Harry turned to the fireplace and waited impatiently for Hermione to open the network. The feeling that something was dreadfully wrong with Malfoy was increasing by the second. It was worse than when the blond had gone into early labor. Harry might not like the git, but he couldn’t let something happen to him if he could help it. He was Cassi’s mother, no matter what.

A flash of green and Hermione’s head appeared in the flames of the hearth. “Come over, Harry!”

Harry stepped into the fireplace and disappeared in the flash of flames. He stepped out of the hearth into his own living room. Hermione was stepping back and began looking around the room.

“Draco?” She called out.

Harry cocked his head again and immediately headed towards the stairs. “He’s upstairs.” Harry sprinted up the steps and Hermione followed behind him. They ran to the bedroom and Harry let out a cry.

“Bloody fuck!” Harry shouted and he darted across the space to where Draco lay on the floor in a pool of blood. He knelt down beside the blond and shook him.

“Malfoy? Malfoy!” Harry called as he shook the blond. “Can you hear me?”

Draco didn’t move and Harry swore. He gently turned the man over on his back and Harry winced at the nasty gash across the top of his head. Harry pulled his wand and cast a healing charm over the wound. He watched as the edges resealed themselves and the flow of blood stopped. As an auror, Harry was required to know several rudimentary healing spells as part of his work.

Hermione knelt down beside Harry and picked up a vial and took a quick sniff. “This is Dreamless Sleep. He must have taken it.” Hermione then looked near the bed and saw several more empty vials. She gave an intake of breath and picked up more vials. Harry frowned at her.

“He took all of those?”

“We have to get him to St. Mungo’s!”

Harry leaned over Draco’s face and then pulled back quickly. “I don’t think he’s breathing, Hermione!”

Hermione jumped up and pulled her wand out. She cast a levitating spell on Draco and rushed to the fireplace. Harry was right behind her as she shouted, “St. Mungo’s!!”

The two arrived with Draco in tow in the Welcome Witch’s Floo connected to the main lobby. Harry sprinted up to counter and said, “We need a healer here, now! He’s not breathing!”

There were four people in the waiting room and they all gaped at Harry, who looked a sight with blood all over his clothes.

The Welcome Witch looked up from her magazine and stared at Harry. “Who’s not breathing?”

“Malfoy’s not breathing! Get a healer!” Harry shouted and the witch jumped. She peered around him and saw Hermione standing nearby with Draco’s body hovering. The minute she saw the blood and the blond’s extremely pale features, she sprung into action. She pointed her wand towards the far door and red sparks shot from it and zoomed into the corridor.

Several seconds later, a healer apparated in front of the welcome desk. He rushed over to Draco and cast several multi-colored spells.

“How long has he been like this?” The healer called out, as several blue swirls began to rise from Draco’s chest.

“We don’t know,” Hermione said shakily, “We found him like that on the floor, but he had a head wound too.”

The healer nodded, sent several more colored sparks down the corridor, cast a new spell on Draco and sped off with him down the hallway. Harry watched them go and he turned to look at Hermione. His eyes were wide and intense and his face was flushed. Hermione knew that Harry was worried.

“He was dead, wasn’t he?” Harry whispered, as if saying it softly would make it not be true. “He wasn’t breathing.”

“We don’t know that, Harry,” Hermione said, but she was pretty certain that the blond was dead. “Oh God…we have to tell Narcissa…”

The floo then roared to life and Narcissa herself came flying out of the hearth. She looked around wildly for a moment and then spotted Harry and Hermione. She hurried over to them.

“What’s happened? Where’s Draco? I went to the house because I felt he was hurt, and there was blood everywhere!”

Hermione stepped forward and said, “We don’t know what happened to Draco. Harry felt it too, and we went to the house. Draco was unconscious and bleeding.” Hermione then fingered the vials she found in her pocket. She pulled them out. “These were all over the floor.”

Narcissa stared at the vials and then started shaking her head. “Is he all right? Where is he?”

“The healer took him,” Hermione answered, pointing down the corridor. “We don’t know where.”

“I must be with my son,” Narcissa wailed, as she walked to the counter. “Tell me where they took my son,” she demanded of the witch.

“Until the healers say it’s all right, you will have to wait here,” the welcome witch said in a haughty tone, as she glanced up at Narcissa. Narcissa’s lips shrank to a thin line and her eyes flashed.

“That is unacceptable! You must tell me where they have taken him at least!” she demanded.

The witch pursed her lips and then said, “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. Until the healers come-“

Harry stepped forward and said calmly, “Take her to her son.”

Whatever the witch saw in Harry’s eyes catapulted her out of her seat again. She hurried out of the front office and nodded solemnly to Narcissa. “Don’t tell anyone that I did this,” she whispered, and she hurried through the double doors. Narcissa glanced at Harry and nodded gratefully. She then took off after the younger witch.

Harry walked to the benches against the wall and sank down onto one of them. Hermione stood next to him. Harry buried his face in his hands and gave a deep sigh. Hermione patted him on the head.

“This is all my fault, Hermione.”

Hermione sat down next to him and pushed his knee. Harry looked up at her. “Harry, you can’t blame yourself for this. We don’t know what happened. It might have been an accident.”

Harry gave Hermione a disbelieving look. “You think that what we just saw was an accident? You were just yelling at me about much I’m upsetting him! And I know I made things worse tonight.” Harry squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget the images of Malfoy’s lips pressed against his own, and then Harry shoving him away.

“What else happened?” Hermione asked and Harry winced at her sharp tone.

Harry looked down at his hands. “HekissedmeandIdidn'tpushhimaway.”

Hermione blinked. “He kissed you? And you let him?”

Harry stood up and began to pace. “Yes! And I don’t know why I let it happen! He caught me off guard! And then I pushed him away. Told him to never touch me again.”

Hermione sighed. “Oh Harry!”

Harry whirled to face her. “Now you see! This is my fault. I rejected him in the worst way and now look what happened! I swear I didn’t want to hurt him like this, Hermione! I know you all think I hate him, but…I don’t. I feel really sorry for all of this. I didn’t think he’d go this far…I mean…he has Cassi! Why would he do this if he had her! I’d give my life for her!”

“I don’t think it’s that simple, Harry.” She stood up too. “Maybe we should call Andromeda. She should be here with Missus Malfoy.”

Harry nodded absently, his mind a jumble of confusion and guilt. Malfoy might be dead, and it would be his fault. How would he explain any of this to Cassi? He sank down on the bench again and thought of his precious little girl. She would never forgive him if she knew that he had something to do with her mother’s death.

Harry was so focused on his own thoughts that he missed the sound of the floo. He glanced up as Ron burst into the room, dressed in his auror robes. Hermione went to hug him and Ron gave her a small smile. She nodded towards Harry and Ron cleared his throat.

Harry looked up and gave Ron a grim look. “She told you?”

Ron came over and placed his hand awkwardly on Harry’s shoulder. “Look, Mate…I never wanted anything bad to happen to Malfoy. I had no idea that he was…taking things this hard.”

“I drove him to this! I…fuck!” Harry slammed his hands down on his knees and bit his bottom lip.

The fireplace flashed again and Andromeda stepped out, looking harried. She was pulling Teddy behind her. She saw the trio and hurried over.

“Oh my goodness! Where is Cissy? Has there been word? What happened?” She looked from Hermione’s worried face to Harry’s distraught one.

“She went back with the healers, Andromeda,” Hermione said softly, “we don’t know anything else.”

Andromeda nodded and pulled Teddy close to her. The boy’s hair was no longer purple but a white blond like Draco’s. Teddy pulled away from his grandmother and walked over to Harry.

“Harry,” he said, “I’m sorry Draco’s sick. Grandma said it was because you don’t remember being his boyfriend. But you were a great boyfriend! How could you not remember Draco?”

Harry’s face went pale white and Andromeda gasped in horror. “Teddy! Now is not the time to talk about that!”

Teddy frowned and gave a loud huff. “I just wanted to know,” he mumbled and slunk over to the benches and sat down. His hair dutifully turned a dull black as he sulked. Ron gave a small smirk, but quickly wiped it away at Hermione’s hard stare.

Andromeda spoke then, “Did Cissy have the baby with her?”

Harry stood up quickly. “No, she didn’t!”

Andromeda placed her hands on Harry’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Harry. The house-elves are watching her. But I’ll go the manor and get her and bring her back, okay? Don’t you worry.”

Harry nodded again and sat back down on the bench. Hermione went and sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders. But no matter how much family surrounded him, Harry just couldn’t make himself feel better.

He had driven Malfoy to try and end his life. What kind of person was he? All Malfoy had wanted was for Harry to try and remember their relationship. And he’d made it into a task worse than killing Voldemort. Harry was supposed to save people, but how had he let Malfoy down so badly?


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“Wake up, Mate,” Ron whispered, as he nudged Harry in the side. Harry jerked and sat up, groaning as he stretched the crick out of his neck. He turned to look at Ron, his eyes blurry from the restless nap he must have taken.

Hermione leaned on his arm next to him, also asleep. Harry looked around the waiting room. They had finally been allowed to move to one of the private waiting areas further in the hospital. There they had found Narcissa, who looked ready to claw out the eyes of the first person she saw. She was sitting stiffly in her chair, her hands clutching the sides of it like a woman drowning. As soon as she saw Andromeda she sprang from the seat, her usually icy expression vanishing as though by a spell. Only to be replaced with a look of anguish.

“Oh, Cissy,” Andromeda had said softly, “it’s going to be all right.” Andromeda handed the baby to Harry, who had entered behind her and the woman had put her arms around her distraught sister.

The burning guilt in Harry’s stomach twisted painfully and he hastily moved to sit down with Cassi. The baby had been crying from the moment Andromeda had returned with her from the manor, and no amount of feeding, cuddling or entertainment had settled the distressed infant. She fussed slightly less when Harry held her, but was by no means placated by her dark-haired father. It became fairly obvious to everyone that Cassi had some very direct knowledge that something was amiss. Her reddened face and tear-streaked cheeks broke Harry’s heart as he tried to soothe his daughter’s torment.

They had all sat in the room together for several hours, with most of that time spent walking Cassi up and down the hallways trying to get her to sleep or frantic pacing. Harry couldn’t even look at Narcissa, whose anguished gaze seared into his soul.

Her eyes did not hold back the glaring accusation though, despite her worry. That look she saved for him and him alone. Harry didn’t know what to say to her. A restless dozing had finally claimed him and he was saved for the moment.

Ron’s elbow had him sitting up quickly enough though and he stood up. A healer had entered the room, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

Narcissa was up and confronting the man before he even stepped fully into the room.

“What’s going on with Draco?” She cried out and Andromeda put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“I’m Healer Cartwick. Your son is going to be all right,” he said, nodding as if to make himself believe it as well. “I must tell you though, how he’s still alive is a mystery. He had taken enough Dreamless Sleep to kill three people. That, coupled with the blood loss of his head injury, would normally have made this a very different conversation. Something kept him alive.” Cartwick nodded again to himself.

Narcissa gave a shaky sigh of relief. “When can I see him?”

Cartwick glanced at Ron and Hermione, who were listening intently to the conversation. “Might I speak with your family privately?”

Narcissa seemed to have forgotten that anyone else was in the room. “Oh, of course.”

Hermione nudged Ron’s arm and the two quietly left the room. Narcissa turned to glare at Harry, but Andromeda squeezed Narcissa’s shoulder again and shook her head. The blond woman turned around to face the healer.

“I have to say that I am very concerned about Draco’s actions. It is not lost on anyone here at St. Mungo’s what he just went through. But we know that he has not sought counseling with any mind healer regarding what he just experienced. That,” and Cartwick flicked his eyes towards Harry, “mixed in with relationship troubles, would severely depress anyone.”

“What are you saying?” Narcissa asked sharply.

“I have a question for you, Mrs. Malfoy. How has Draco taken to the baby? Is he bonding with her? I notice that he has not brought her in for any appointments either.”

Narcissa tried to puff up her chest some, but Andromeda once again tightened her grip on Narcissa’s shoulder. She deflated like a limp balloon. “He’s having some trouble with that,” she said, “but all new mothers do! And like you said, when your spouse abandons you, things might not be so clear.”

Harry winced at Narcissa’s words, but he pushed forward anyway. “Why did you ask that question? Is something wrong with him and Cassi?”

Cartwick glanced at Narcissa, then looked at Harry. “I believe that Draco is suffering from major depression and most likely post-partum depression, to use the Muggle term for it. I believe that Draco is suicidal and he will be monitored for a few days, until other arrangements can be made for him.”

“What do you mean, arrangements?” Narcissa asked.

Cartwick gave Narcissa a hard look. “Your son tried to kill himself! We have no idea how much his having a baby affected him. He had a baby! Can any one of us understand the implications of that fact? He needs to be in therapy. Long term. The only reason he’s alive is that there was a magical signature still attached to him, which we can only assume was his daughter’s. She kept him alive. If you don’t want to be here again, you need to make arrangements for your son.”

Narcissa’s face went deathly white and she turned to Andromeda.

But Andromeda held up her hand. “Cissy, now’s not the time for your pride. I know what it’s like to lose a child and…” She trailed off, but Narcissa didn’t need for her to say anything else. She gave her sister a pained smile and then turned back to Cartwick.

“I will do whatever it takes for my son to get better.”

Cartwick looked pleased at her response and then gently touched her arm. “We have a very good treatment center. He will be in good hands.”

“May I see him?”

“Yes, but he is still unconscious. We are draining the potions out of his system. But you can sit with him for a few minutes.” Cartwick held out his arm for Narcissa and she gingerly took it. He led her down the corridor.

Andromeda turned to Harry. “Thank the stars he’s all right. I don’t think Narcissa would be able to handle if…something had happened to him. Not so soon after Lucius.”

Harry bit his lip. “You did, though.”

Andromeda looked weary for a moment, but then smiled. “My daughter and husband fought and died for something they believed in. Lucius? He died broken and raving. A fitting end to him, I think, but I would never tell my sister that. And Draco? Dying by his own hand? Leaving his daughter behind? No mother can survive something that devastating.”

Harry shifted Cassi in his arms and suddenly realized that she was now quiet. He gazed down at her in wonder. “The healer said that her magic helped him to survive. She knew that something was wrong with him all that time. She saved his life.” Harry pulled Cassi to his chest and pressed his lips to her tiny forehead. She whimpered softly, but settled down into a sound sleep.

“Harry,” Andromeda began, then sighed, “I didn’t want to get in your business regarding this thing with Draco, but please…if there is anything that you can do to try and help him through this…”

“I know, Andromeda. I’ll do whatever I can.” He looked confused for a moment, then said, “What is post-partum depression?”

“Sometimes when a woman has a baby, she goes into a depression. It’s usually because of hormones or our magic has gone awry somehow. Either way, the mother has trouble bonding with the baby. They can blame the baby for their problems or they can blame themselves for not being a perfect mother.”

“But that’s stupid!” Harry said loudly, “it’s not the baby’s fault and if it’s hormones, it’s not the mother’s fault either!”

“Of course it’s not, but the mother doesn’t see that. She usually just thinks that something is wrong with her because she can’t nurse the baby properly or can’t respond to the baby’s needs. That’s why those mothers need therapy and medication, so they can feel normal again and take care of their baby properly.”

“And Draco has that? He couldn’t take care of Cassi properly so that’s why Narcissa had her, wasn’t it?”

Andromeda gave Harry a calculating look. “I’m not going to say all of that, Harry. I don’t want you to use that against him. I know you’ve been thinking of taking Cassi away and raising her with Ginny. Draco is my family, Harry. I love you too, but I’m going to support my sister’s son if you try that.”

Harry looked down at Cassi and then gave Andromeda a sad smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. But now’s not the time for that conversation. ”

Andromeda nodded, but in her gut she felt that Harry was going to make this an issue; ammunition against Draco. Why had things gone so wrong?


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Draco blinked against the bright artificial light that seemed to be shining right in his eyes. He raised a hand to shield them, but found that he couldn’t move his wrist. He blinked again and tried to sit up, but was unable to do it properly because neither of his arms would work. Draco leaned forward as far as he could and saw that his wrists were bound to the bed by translucent circles of magic that were lightly glowing.

He pulled against the magical bracelets again and nothing happened. He looked around the room and sighed when he saw that he was in St. Mungo’s. Again.

His tugging of the bracelets must have alerted staff because a small, thin medi-witch entered the room, smiling brightly.

“Mister Malfoy, I see you’re awake. I am Medi-witch Dyson. How are you?”

Draco opened his mouth and croaked out a response, “Why am I tied to this bed?” He frowned at how froggy he sounded and he swallowed, trying to wet his pallet. He winced at the sharp dryness against his throat.

Dyson smiled kindly and said, “Well, you had a pretty serious accident and we don’t want you to hurt yourself again.”

Draco jerked at the bracelets. “What accident? I didn’t have any accident!”

Dyson moved closer to him and smiled again. “I’m so happy to hear you say that! It always helps when the patient can admit that what they did wasn’t accidental. It helps so much with recovery.”

Draco stared at her and he sighed. “How did I get here?”

“Harry Potter brought you in. You were a frightful mess, what with the blood and everything. But we have purged all of the potions out of your system. You’ve been with us for three days now.”

Harry? Harry had brought him here? Draco strained to remember what had happened. The argument at the manor, followed by the kiss that Harry had rejected. Then Draco remembered going home and taking potions. He just wanted to stop the pain, wanted to stop hurting, wanted to not think about everything that had gone wrong. He didn’t care about anything at that moment. Not himself, Harry, his mother…the baby…nothing. He had wanted to just die…

Draco’s eyes widened. “I…overdosed on potions, then?”

Dyson frowned. “Well yes. You do remember taking them, right? You had a lot of potions in your system. You’ve only been out of St. Mungo’s for a month and you’ve taken almost 6 months worth of potions. Thank goodness you’re not actually breastfeeding your baby.”

Draco made a face at that image. “Yes, thank goodness for that.”

Dyson frowned in disapproval and then recovered quickly, the smile reappearing as if Summoned. “You are suffering from depression and you are in need of therapy. We are going to place you in long-term care with our clinic.”

Draco jerked at the bonds again. “Not on your bloody life! Let me out of these now!”

Dyson strode over to Draco and gently tapped the bracelet. Draco felt a surge of magic wash over him and he sank back into the bed limp as a gutted fish. He glared at the woman, but she only continued that inane smiling.

“Now, we can’t have that behavior, Draco,” she chastised, as though he had stolen a cookie from the pantry. “Your mother has approved your transfer. She only wants what’s best for you and your daughter. She needs her mother…or father…or…well, you know what I mean.”

“My mother approved my transfer??? I’m an adult! She can’t do that!”

“I’m afraid she can. In cases where the patient has shown they intend harm to themselves or to others, then she can act in your best interest. In this case, you’ve injured both yourself and almost burned down your house, with your daughter in it.”

Draco’s mouth tightened in fury. “The fire was an accident! And I didn’t harm myself; that was an accident too! None of this was meant to happen!”

Dyson nodded pleasantly. “Yes, I’m sure this was all an accident. But we don’t want to take that risk. You are the first wizard in recent memory to have a baby. You are special, as is little Cassiopeia. And Harry Potter the other father!” Dyson’s eyes took on a manic gleam. “Absolutely incredible.” She fixed Draco with an intense stare. “No…we can’t have you sick anymore. We’ll take good care of you, Draco.”

Draco tried to struggle against the bonds again, but whatever spell was keeping him compliant and limp was still working. He sighed heavily. He was really too tired to fight anyway. And he would have words with his mother about this soon enough.

“When does this treatment start anyway?”

Dyson gave a sickeningly sweet smile.


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The next morning Draco had just barely managed to finish the horrible breakfast that St. Mungo’s thought passed as food, when the door to his room opened slowly. He’d been freed of his bonds that very morning, having been able to convince the staff that he was not going to Avada Kedrava himself right there in the room.

He found himself staring at Harry, who inched into the room as though a manticore was hiding underneath Draco’s bed, ready to jump out and kill him. Draco sighed heavily, knowing that this conversation was going to be as painful as all the others he’d had today. His mother and both Blaise and Pansy had come to see him and they all wore the same identical expressions of pity. Draco hated it and he’d finally sent them all away. He’d actually been hoping for just some peace today, but alas, it didn’t seem to be the case.

“I’m not going to kiss you again, so you don’t have to look that scared,” Draco said bitterly and then smirked when Harry flinched. Harry made a face but he immediately straightened up and strode into the room. He walked over and sat down by Draco’s bed.

Draco stared at him and then said, “What are you doing here?”

Harry barely managed to keep from glaring at the blond. “I came to see how you are. Why else would I be here?”

Draco gave a dry snort. “You came to relieve your guilt, Harry. I know you. You are thinking that this is your fault, of course.”

Harry’s eyes widened in astonishment. But then he gave a sigh. He should have known that Draco would know things about him. But he just couldn’t get used to that feeling that the other man knew so many intimate things about him.

“Didn’t think I’d know that, right?” Draco continued, the bitterness increasing with every word, “because you just can’t be bothered to think anything may have been between us. Well, Harry, you’ve got your wish. It’s done. I won’t bother you anymore with any of this.”

Harry stared at Draco in shock. “What?”

Draco’s eyes could have cut diamonds. “You win, Potter. We’ll just go our separate ways and we’ll both pretend that our relationship never happened. You can’t remember it and I don’t want to remember it. It’s a win-win, don’t you think? My mother will be taking care of Cassiopeia, so you can keep your arrangement with her, all right? You can go now.”

“Ma-Draco…you don’t have to do that. I mean…look…I came because I wanted to really apologize to you. And yeah, I do feel guilty about what happened. I drove you to this, to want to hurt yourself. I should have tried to listen to you more and Hermione. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t waste your time, Potter. And I don’t care what those healers told you and my mother. It was an accident, that’s it. So give your ego a rest. I’m fine and when I get out of here I’ll go back to the life that I had, before you were in it. It was actually quite nice.”

Harry sat back as if slapped. He blinked as if Malfoy had physically assaulted him. Why did Malfoy’s words sting? He should’ve felt happy that he was agreeing to let things go between them, but for some reason a wave of disappointment washed over him.

Harry fiddled with his hands, unsure of how to continue. He had wanted to try to make a bit more of an effort to befriend the blond, but now it seemed that Malfoy didn’t care about it anymore.

“What about Cassi? What about a united front for her?” Harry asked.

“We don’t need a united front, Potter. Like I said, just keep your arrangement with my mother. If something changes with that, we’ll let you know,” Draco said with a finality so sharp that Harry could practically hear it snapping shut in the air.

Harry stood up awkwardly and he cast a cautious glance at Draco, who stared back at him with eyes so fierce that it hurt to look at him. Harry shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded slowly.

“I’m still really sorry about this, Draco. I really am. I wish that…we could have worked things out where we could have been friends or something…but…it’s something that you obviously don’t want.”

Draco didn’t respond, but just continued to stare at Harry. Harry sighed and he began to walk towards the door. He paused when he reached it and said,

“I guess I’ll see you around. I hope you feel better soon.”

When silence greeted that sentiment, Harry shuffled out of the room, feeling a weight on him that he didn’t like at all.

Once Draco heard the click of the door, he let out a shaky breath and tried to swallow around the piercing shards of glass that seemed to have lodged themselves in his throat and chest. He leant back against the pillows and dug his hands into the soft bedding, fiercely fighting the tears that were determined to spill from his eyes. He could do this. He would move on from this and get his life back.

He just had no idea how he was going to do that.

His mother’s visit yesterday had been painful to say the least. The words that he thought he was going to have for her died in his throat when he saw her paler than normal face and the lines crinkling her brow. The fact that she had not bothered to glamour such flaws clearly showed the level of distress plaguing the woman.

Narcissa’s hands had shook and Draco had only seen that happen to her on two other occasions. The first had been when the Dark Lord had announced he would be living in their house, the other had been when she had to claim Lucius’s body from Azkaban.

After seeing her pale and elegant hands trembling as she begged him to go to the clinic and to not resent her for making the decision, Draco had agreed to everything she had asked of him, without question.

She had actually let out a sob in relief. Draco was taken aback at his mother’s loss of decorum. But it made him even more ashamed of his actions. He loved his mother dearly and her pain tore at his soul. He never wanted to have his mother look at him like that again.

And if he had to purge Harry from his system, then he was going to try his best to do that.

He was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to do it though. That he didn’t want to do it. He still loved Harry with everything in him and the pain of letting him go was going to kill him, but he had to try.


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Harry entered the sitting room of the 2nd floor of St. Mungo’s and nodded at Hermione, who had been waiting patiently for Harry to return from his visit with Draco. She held Cassi in her arms.

“That was rather short, Harry,” Hermione said, and Harry heard the disappointment loud and clear.

“He doesn’t want to see me anymore,” Harry said and Hermione raised an eyebrow at the listless tone in Harry’s voice. “Said he’s done with trying to get our relationship back and that he’s going to move on.”

“Really?” Hermione said, her voice full of disbelief, “and you think he’s telling the truth?”

Harry made a frustrated sound. “How am I supposed to know, Hermione? That’s what he said, so who am I to argue with the man?” He sat down heavily on the bench and placed his head against the wall.

“It sounds like that’s not what you want now, Harry,” Hermione responded, “I’d have thought you’d be happy. Now you can pursue Ginny with only Dean hating you.”

Harry cracked open an eye and glared at Hermione. “Oh that’s just great! You just know the right things to say at the right time!”

Hermione shifted the baby in her arms. “Don’t get mad at me, Harry! I’m just stating the truth. Dean does hate you and you’re sitting here looking rather upset that Draco has finally done what you wanted. It only took a suicide attempt for him to finally come around to your thinking.”

Harry opened his mouth but then closed it slowly. The look of hurt that passed over his face surprised Hermione, but she stood her ground. Harry stood up then and he looked so defeated that Hermione almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

“You know that I didn’t want that to happen. I’m upset because…I can’t seem to do anything right by anybody. Everything I’ve done is wrong. To Ginny, Dean, Draco...and I know you hate me now too.”

“Oh Harry,” Hermione said, sounding exasperated, “you know I don’t hate you. I can never hate you.”

“Well, now Draco does. And I should be happy, but I’m not! And I know I don’t have any right to want anything from him, but I thought he would try for Cassi at least. But he just wants me out of his life now.”

Hermione looked thoughtful for a moment, and then she handed the baby to Harry. “I’ll be right back, Harry. Just wait for me all right?”

“Where are you going?”

Hermione gave Harry her “I’m on a mission look” and he fell silent. He had learned a long time ago to not push Hermione when she was determined to do something.

“I’ll be here,” he said meekly, wondering when he became the cowed husband to a woman that was not his wife. That should actually be Ginny, but Harry hadn’t even talked to her in several days. He hadn’t even really thought about her, which he suddenly realized with a start. He’d been so busy thinking about Draco. He’d have to correct that as soon as he left the hospital.

In the meantime, he’d wait until Hermione finished being…well…Hermione.


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Draco glanced up when he heard someone enter the room. His eyes narrowed in surprise when he saw it was Granger.

“What are you doing here?”

Hermione gave a small sigh and sat down next to Draco’s bed. “I wanted to see how you’re doing. I’ve been worried.”

Draco gave a nonchalant shrug. “I’m fine. You can go now.”

Hermione leaned forward and touched Draco’s hand. “Draco, stop it. I care about you. Please don’t shut me out.”

Draco pulled his hand away. “You don’t have to care about me now, Granger. I’m not in Harry’s life anymore, so you can stop pretending.”

Hermione rubbed her temples and took a deep breath. “Draco, I care about you even if you’re not in Harry’s life. You are the mother of Cassi, my god-daughter. We’re going to have a relationship with or without Harry. But I don’t think that is going to be forever. I think that Harry will come around.”

Draco snarled. “I don’t want Harry’s pity! Just because you all think that I’m “fragile” or some other rubbish! You all can just leave me the fuck alone!”

“Don’t you take that attitude with me, Draco! You’re not fooling me with your “get out of my life, Harry”, crap,” Hermione retorted, “I know you a bit better than that. You still want him in your life and don’t be stupid by killing whatever you may still have.”

“Granger, leave me alone, please. It’s done. I’m moving on and your precious Harry should be happy about that! So why can’t you all let it go?”

Hermione crossed her arms. “Because I know Harry even better than I know you, of course. And I think you’re on the right path to getting him back. I say, bravo for playing it this way.”

Draco gaped at Hermione. “What are you talking about? I’m not playing anything-“

Hermione waved her hand impatiently at the blond. “Save it, Draco. And just listen to me. Harry’s out there right now, all confused and upset because you’ve changed your mind about the relationship. That’s the way to Harry. Keep him off balance. It’s what attracted him to you in the first place, remember? I want Harry to be happy. You made him happy. He just needs to realize it now.”

Draco stared at the former Gryffindor. “You’re scary, Granger, but I’m sure I’ve told you that on a number of occasions. I’m done with this. He doesn’t want me anymore, so I’m not going to humiliate myself for his benefit. It’s done, Granger. And I can’t say that I’m not sorry to see you lot go.”

Hermione puffed up her chest. “You love Harry so much, Draco. It’s all over you. And you know…he hasn’t left the hospital since we brought you here. It’s been three days, Draco. Why would he do that if something wasn’t still there?” Hermione stepped closer to Draco and put her hand on his arm. “Don’t give up too soon. He’s worth fighting for. You’re worth it to him. He already senses it. You have to fight for it. And you have to want to live.”

Draco sucked in a breath at Hermione’s words. “It was an accident,” he said, but his words sounded weak to his ears. “I didn’t want that to happen.”

Hermione looked at Draco for so long that the blond crumpled under her intense gaze. “It was stupid, all right! I was stupid! Stupid to love someone that doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, right? And I just wanted it to be over…to not feel that pain anymore. Like what if your Weasel stopped caring about you? Let’s see how well you handle that! I just didn’t want to feel it anymore.”

Hermione lowered her head and then spoke softly. “I would be devastated if that happened. But you have something that I don’t. Something that would make it not so bad.”

She turned and walked out of the room and Draco blinked in surprise. It wasn’t like Granger to just leave in the middle of an argument.

A few moments later, Hermione reappeared holding a pink bundle.

“Someone wants to see you, Draco,” she said, as she ducked back into the room.

Draco swallowed thickly as Hermione approached him. Overwhelming guilt crashed down on him and he looked away when Hermione stepped up the bed.

“She wouldn’t stop crying the night you were brought here. She knew that something was wrong.”

Draco turned to stare at Cassi. She turned her head towards Draco and she blinked solemnly. Hermione laid the baby on Draco’s chest and stepped back, which forced the blond to put his hands up to hold her in place.

“Draco, this is the best reason to want to live. Look at her! How can you even think to leave her like that? And if you love Harry so much, how could you do that to him?”

Draco’s head snapped up. “What are you talking about? Harry doesn’t care-“

“Shutup, Draco!” Hermione finally snapped, “you think you’re the only one who is hurting here? What about what Harry would feel? He’s an orphan, remember? His parents died when he was a baby! He’s god-father to an orphan! And if you died, that would leave Cassi without a parent, even though she’d have him. But with him being an auror, who knows how long he’s got? Cassi’d be all alone, Draco! I’ve been defending you to Harry all this time, but you’re really acting the selfish prat from Hogwarts! Grow up and be the father you’re supposed to be to that beautiful baby! She fought with all her little strength to keep you alive and you don’t even appreciate that!” Hermione gave a deep shuddering breath and her hands trembled.

Draco sat there looking gobsmacked. He looked down at Cassi, who was looking confused by all the noise. She had saved his life. His daughter. His daughter. Draco’s eyes widened as though by force. His hands began to shake as he lifted Cassi into an upright position so he could see her more clearly.

Cassi stared back at him and her little hand moved out from under the blanket. She reached hesitantly towards Draco, but then stopped. Draco closed his eyes in shame. Cassi no longer trusted him because of all the times she had been rejected by him. He opened his eyes and moved his hand towards hers. Cassi saw his hand coming and she blinked. She raised her hand again and reached for him. Her small fingers grabbed one of his fingers and curled around it. She gave a delightful coo.

“I’m sorry,” Draco whispered and Cassi turned to look at his lips. She pulled her hand away and put her hand on Draco’s mouth.

“I’m…sorry,” he said again, as her fingers explored his mouth gently. He pursed his lips and Cassi tugged them back out. She cooed again.

“Daddy’s…s-s-sorry”, Draco hissed, “I’m s-o-o s-s-s-sorry,” He lowered his head in shame and Cassi leaned forward and touched her forehead to Draco’s.

“Da!” She said loud and clear.

Draco let out a choked cry and began to sob. He clutched Cassi tightly as he cried onto her pink blanket. Cassi simply placed her small hand on Draco’s blond head and let her father release whatever demons had been holding him back from her.

Hermione moved back towards the door to let Draco make peace with what he had done and seek forgiveness from his child. The blond’s bowed head and shoulders shook with his sobs. As Hermione put her hand on the door she looked back. Cassi had leaned towards Draco and was resting her head against his.

When Hermione reached Harry, he looked at her empty arms with concern.

“You left her with him? Do you think that’s wise?”

“I think you should go in there and get her.”

Harry frowned but stepped around Hermione and walked back down the hall. He slowly pushed open the door and was immediately assaulted with harsh hacking sobs. He stared at the scene in front of him. Draco shuddering with each breath, clutching Cassi’s small body to his. Cassi simply allowing her father to grieve with unconditional love and support.

Harry felt he should leave, Draco would be furious to know he had witnessed such a painful moment, but his feet wouldn’t move in the direction of the corridor. Instead, he walked quietly to the vacant seat by the blond’s bed and sat down. He didn’t speak, but he just sat there, quietly taking in the blond’s pain.

Cassi turned her to look at Harry and her eyes lit up in recognition. Without removing her head from Draco’s, she reached out a hand. Harry stared in surprise, but immediately reached for her small fist. As soon as he almost touched her, she pulled her hand away. Harry’s hand lowered until it rested on Draco’s curved arm.

Harry thought he should pull his hand away, sure that Draco would now shout at him to get out. But the blond didn’t jerk his arm away or say anything, but quieted down. Harry looked at him and Draco had slid down in the pillows, but was still holding Cassi in his arms. He had cried himself to sleep, so drained he was, letting out all that pent-up rage and hurt.

Harry decided to let him sleep and he didn’t try to move Cassi at all either. Harry left his hand resting on Draco’s arm, hoping that whatever the blond had just experienced, it would cleanse him. Harry felt himself relax and soon he too had fallen asleep.

Cassi grinned.