Only through the pain

Disclaimer: I know most of you think it’s silly that I have two disclaimers, since AFF now has that nifty little box and the guidelines (which I adore, I think it’s a great idea, no one needs to get sued for copyright infringement, especially us poor people ^^) but they only let you put so many characters and it’s hard to include my banter with the mandatory stuff. I mean seriously, there’s no way in hell I could fit my entire ‘soul for pie’ anecdote along with the stuff we need! Hence, two disclaimers. I don’t own them, I am not JK Rowling and I do not have a castle in Scotland….yet. I’m still working out the glitches on that body-switching machine.

Warning: Lots of stuff that is inappropriate, but hell, isn’t everything on here inappropriate in one way or another to somebody? So, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. If ya do, then drop me a review because that is how I feed the muses that let me write the prettiness.

A/N: So…ok…while this originally started out as a purely Trapt based fic, I listen to simply too much music for other songs not to influence my writing. The main inspiration is still the Trapt album only through the pain, but you’re gonna notice that a lot of chapters are based off of other songs and groups. For instance, this chapter was inspired by the group Ra and two of their CDs, ‘Duality’ and ‘From One’. I say inspired, but that may not really reflect in the chapter itself, these were simply the CDs that I was listening to while creating this chapter, and I couldn’t have written the chapter without this particular music. I’ve tried; it gives me writer’s block something awful. My muses are almost as picky as my twins >.<.

Chapter 7- Only


I tried very, very hard to wake up again before Pomfrey did, so that I could sneak out of the infirmary and therefore evade the order from Dumbledore that I be sent to his office. Thankfully, Pomfrey sleeps in on non-school days, so I didn’t think it would be a problem to get out. It wouldn’t work forever of course, but it would work long enough for me to get to my stash and to renew the glamour spells on my arms so he wouldn’t see the cuts. I seemed to have gotten more then a little slash happy before Draco showed up.

And what was that all about anyway? Was Draco just singing along because he liked the music or was he trying to tell me something or….what? “Nah,” I thought to myself with a sigh, “Slytherin Sex Gods don’t date Golden Gryffindors…especially not ones that are as damaged as me.” Then I grinned to myself, at least as Draco’s friend I’d be able to sneak peeks at him, and maybe…. “No, bad Harry, don’t think about that or you’ll pass out again.” My brain scolded gently.

As it turned out though, I didn’t have to worry about Pomfrey following orders, because the next morning, as I was heading stealthily for the doors she, “pssst,”d me, holding only one hand with a jar full of something out of her door, and so not truthfully seeing me. “Take this; it’ll help prevent those cuts from scarring….on your back.”

“Thanks.” I whispered back, slipping the salve into my pocket.

“Don’t mention it.” Pomfrey hissed back, seriously and joking at the same time. Whatever Dumbledore had told her last night must have really pissed her off for her to ignore his orders like this. “Hurry up before that old fool comes to wake you up himself.” Then the door closed again and I ran out, ducking into a hidden alcove a little ways off to pull out my most valuable possession, the marauders map.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” I whispered and the map appeared. “Where are you Dumbledore?” I muttered, finally finding him in Snape’s private chambers. Snape himself was in his office with Draco, but then Draco left, rather quickly, and Snape left only a moment later. I watched the Snape dot go to its chambers and waited a few minutes to see if Dumbledore would leave again but he didn’t. It seemed a bit odd for Dumbledore to be discussing anything with Snape at school, but if they were discussing Order business it would definitely give me enough time to get up to the tower. Then I looked for Ginny. I wanted to talk to her later, but I didn’t want her to see the new cuts, so I figured I should probably avoid taking a shortcut that led near where she was.

Oddly enough, she was near the Ravenclaw dorms, waiting outside of a room that was labeled “Draco Malfoy’s”. I saw the Draco dot approach her and then Draco was inside the room and Ginny was out for a second and then in. She’d probably slipped through a crack, if I knew Ginny, and she was probably annoying the hell out of him, but I wasn’t sure why, so I frowned as I wiped the map again and folding it up before setting out for the Tower. She’d tell me later, if she wanted to, and if she didn’t then she had a good reason.

Once I was back up in the boys dorms I placed a silencing charm around my bed and a locking charm on the curtains. The last thing I needed was for Ron to fling them open and see the half vanishing cuts. The salve Pomfrey gave me smelled like lemons, and stung just as much, but I could already see a slight difference in the old scars. “Maybe soon I won’t need the glamour at all.” I thought as I waved my wand down my arm and the scars and cuts disappeared like spilled pasta sauce being wiped up with a sponge. “That would make things easier.”

Finished with the secret business, I opened the curtains enough to put the salve in my bedside drawer and then decided to go back to sleep. I hadn’t slept without nightmares in years and I was hoping to get a few more hours of struggle free sleep in. Sadly, this was not to be.

“Harry!! What are you doing up here?” Hermione shouted just a few seconds after my eyes closed, “When did Pomfrey let you out?”

“She didn’t. I snuck out because I didn’t want to go see Dumbledore just yet,” I said with my face in the pillow, “So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get a little more sleep in before he comes looking for me.”

“But you can’t Harry!” Hermione sighed, “We have so much to study for before classes start on Monday! Ron! You get up too!”

“Mione, love, we don’t have to start studying for classes until we know what our classes ARE,” Ron grumbled from the next bed. “And they won’t be telling us that until lunch, and that’s not for another four hours, so, sod off.”

“Ronald Weasley! How dare you tell ME to sod off?!” Hermione shrieked, waving the ‘Hermione study finger of doom’ at him and continuing to yell, successfully waking up the entire room. “Studies are very important Ronald and if you spend all your time sleeping up here in this pig sty then you’ll never get good NEWTS! And how on earth did you boys manage to make such a huge mess already!? You’ve only been here one night!!”

“Hermione!” Seamus shouted, sticking only his head (because the rest of him was quite nude) out of the curtains, “Stuff it! If you don’t like the mess, leave! You aren’t even supposed to be in here anyway!”

“He’s got a point you know,” Neville mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Dean just grumbled something inarticulate and threw a pillow in what he thought was Hermione’s general direction, but actually hitting Neville. “OW! Dean!”

“Sorry,” Dean muttered, and tried again with a book, hitting Ron who screamed and jumped up to pummel Dean while Neville tried unsuccessfully to ward his curtains against heavy blunt objects and Seamus tried to break up the fight (buck-naked) while Hermione shrieked at everyone.

I just sat there blinking sleepily at it all until Ginny’s head popped through the door and caught my eye, telling me to come downstairs with her, which I did, ducking as more objects were thrown. “Hey Gin,” I yawned, “What’s up?”

“Not here.” Ginny said, looking around at the half-full room of other Gryffindors who had heard the ruckus in the 6th year boys dorm and had been unable to go back to sleep. “Let’s go to the DA room.” She grabbed my arm, making me glad I hadn’t put off the charms for after the non-existent nap, “Quick! We don’t want Dumbledore to see us.”

“Alright Gin, alright!” I said when we got into the room of requirement. “Geez, you practically pulled my arm off,” I rubbed the sore wrist, “What’s the big deal?”

“Sit.” She said, gesturing to one of the comfy bean bag chairs the room had provided, “we have got to talk…and eat. I’m hungry. Dobby!” the house-elf appeared, “Sandwiches please, if you don’t mind, peanut butter and jelly?” Dobby nodded and left reappearing half a second later with a huge tray of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. “Thanks! Oh, and try to keep Dumbledore off our trail k?”

“Of course! Dobby will keep the headmaster on the other side of the castle all day!” Dobby chirped, “Anything for Dobby’s friends!”

“Thanks Dobby,” Ginny grinned, kissing him on the cheek before he vanished, and then plopping down in a chair with two sandwiches that she nibbled on alternately. “Alright Harry, here’s the short and skinny of it. I KNOW you think Draco’s pretty cool, and I gotta agree, even though he’s got nearly as many issues to work through as you do. What I wanna know, is do you think, say, if you were ever to want to do anything with guys again, that Draco would be on the list of people you’d willingly shag?”

I laughed, “Well, duh Ginny. Draco is hot, he’s not the Slytherin Sex God for nothing you know. Of course, it’s gonna be forever before I ever want to do anything like that….didn’t we just have this discussion?”

“No, we had a discussion about your silly emo music. This is a HYPOTHETICAL discussion about one Draco Malfoy. I got a little stoned with him earlier and now I want to have a purely HYPOTHETICAL discussion about him….so humor me.” She glared, but the effect was ruined by the tiny smudge of grape jelly on her chin.

“Alright, alright.” I snickered. Ginny couldn’t wait to find new smoking buddies, so I guess I wasn’t surprised that she had lit up with him. “Hypothetically, yes, I would like to shag Draco. And hypothetically, yes, I would even like to DATE Draco, but even hypothetically speaking, that’s never gonna happen Gin. He’ll be a good friend and a good smoking buddy, but Draco does not think of me like that. I mean seriously, who would? I’m damaged goods Ginny. I don’t….OW!” I yelped as I was bopped with the sandwich tray. “Christ! That thing’s heavy Gin!!”

“Well, I would have bopped you with a shoe, but I’m not wearing heels so it wouldn’t have hurt as much.” She snapped. “You have GOT to stop thinking like that Harry. It’s not helping things any for you to blame yourself for what happens. In fact, I bet it’s even making it harder for you to move on and accept someone other then me into your pants…life…I meant life….and pants. You need to let someone into your life and your pants and realize that it’s not a bad thing….in fact, the pants part can be quite enjoyable when done right.” I raised an eyebrow and rubbed the small lump on my head, “Don’t look at me like that,” she said, “I know what I’m talking about…most of the time.”

“Sure you do Gin, sure you do.” I said, taking a sandwich since I hadn’t had breakfast yet. “But that doesn’t change the fact that Draco does not think of me in that sort of manner, regardless of his reasons. Slytherins don’t date Gryffindors.”

“Slytherins also don’t spend a 7 hour train ride getting stoned with Gryffindors.” Ginny pointed out. “But hey, we were talking hypothetically. In the real world of real stuff, I think it’s great that you guys are going to be real friends, we need a new addition to the circle since Fred and George ran off to start their joke shop. And if it turns into more then friendship…”

“It won’t Gin,” I sighed. “I’d like it to, but it won’t, for several different reasons.” She could be so stubborn when she got stuck on an idea.

“I said ‘if’ Harry, and IF it does turn into more then a friendship, then I will be on hand to take lots of pictures and sell them to the female population and make a billion Galleons, and all will be happy except Dumbledore.” Ginny grinned, obviously seeing either the pictures or the money in her head, or quite possibly both.

“Is Dumbledore really that pissed that Draco and I are getting along?” I asked a few minutes later when she shook herself back to reality. “I mean, shit, he’s been telling me to be nicer to Draco for years and then when I am, he blows a nut!”

“Yeah….” Ginny looked at her 7th sandwich “He’s probably up to something….so you should avoid him.”

“What? But Ginny, if I avoid him then how am I going to find out what he’s up to and brace myself for it?” I asked, confused. Usually, when we thought the old coot was planning something bad, I played the Golden Boy card stronger then usual, or maybe threw a fit in his office and broke a few things, and he would spill all, but I never avoided him.

“Well….yeah…but maybe it’d be easier for you this year if you kept your nose clean until at LEAST Halloween. I mean, who knows, maybe if we don’t go looking for trouble, we won’t find any.” Ginny said, “Novel idea, right?”

“Yeah…but you know it won’t work.” I sighed. “Trouble finds me, not the other way around…usually.”

“Damnit Harry,” Ginny sighed, “Why do you have to be so difficult? I don’t like the feeling I’ve been getting from that old bastard lately, so please you promise me you’ll try to keep contact with him to a minimum? ‘Yes headmaster, no headmaster, a second lemon drop? Why not. Thank you professor.’ End of meeting. Please?”

I frowned but nodded, “Alright Gin, for you, I promise not to pry until at least Halloween, ok?”

“Great! That’s all I ask! Trust me, it’ll help.” Ginny said, then stood and stretched, “So, you want to go practice some Quidditch? I’m trying out for the team this year.”

“Sure Ginny,” I laughed, picking up another sandwich to eat on the way to the pitch, “It’s not like I wanted to sleep or anything.”

“Damn straight, sleeping isn’t fun unless you can guarantee yourself a good naughty dream!” She chirped then looked at me, waggled her eyebrows again and got a rather dreamy expression. Her next words were not directed at me. “Mmm,” she moaned, “I am just LOVING that image still! Thank you mister Malfoy!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Had she ‘accidentally’ walked in on Malfoy naked or something?

“Oh…nothing really…maybe you’ll find out someday.” She sighed happily. Yep. She’d definitely seen Malfoy naked. Lucky.


A/N: Ok so good news and bad news, good news, Blondie and I are FINALLY switching from a cable connection to a T3 line because Poppa Lithos has decided to give Blondie a much bigger work load to see if he can handle being a full fledged partner and not just the junior coffee fetcher and our dinky little hardly better then dial up connection simply won't cut it. So, on friday the cable line is being disconnected and I won't be able to get online to update until they're finished setting up the T3 and they're not sure how long that will take. A week, maybe two, and then I'll be back with however many days worth of chapters it takes for them to set up. So, Friday is my last post for a little while, and then when I come back you guys will get a huge chunk of chapters to read. So don't kill me ^^. Thanks for reviewing, as always, it makes me feel so special!! Sorry about the little problem with this chapter earlier >.<