Back To Me

Decisions

Hermione scanned the café, searching for Ginny. She had been surprised when her friend invited her to lunch, but also a bit perturbed. Ginny rarely asked her into town, what with her three children, one of which was still too young for Hogwarts. She was not naïve enough to believe this was merely a social call, and she dreaded the idea of what her sister-in-law may want to discuss with her.


After a few moments, she located Ginny, sitting in a far corner, with her back to the door. Hermione composed herself and walked over to where her longtime friend was seated.


“Hey Gin,” Hermione greeted warmly, taking the seat across from her.


“Hello,” Ginny responded, sipping her juice.


There was an awkward silence between the two of them for several minutes before Ginny spoke again.


“This is not a social call, Hermione,” she told her, looking somber.


“No, I thought not,” Hermione said, wringing her hands in her lap, not quite meeting Ginny’s gaze.


“I’m only going to ask you this once, so it would be good if you could tell me the truth, no matter what you think I might say or do,” Ginny said, looking at Hermione expectantly.


“Alright,” Hermione said, skeptically, afraid of what she knew her friend was going to ask her.


“Have you been shagging Snape again?”


Hermione’s face blazed a deep scarlet.


“It’s not as simple as that,” Hermione said, not meeting Ginny’s disappointed gaze.


“You know, I just don’t get you,” Ginny said, anger bubbling slightly to the surface. “Before you married my brother, you came to me, and you told me that you were in love with Severus. I told you that you ought to make a choice, and you did. You chose my brother. You chose Ron, and yet, here you are, seventeen years later, shagging Snape again!”


Hermione felt a tear slide down her cheek.


“You don’t understand, Ginny. I never loved Ron like I love Severus,” Hermione said, wiping the tear away.


“Then why in Merlin’s name did you choose him? Was it because you got pregnant, and that bastard refused to marry you? Did you marry my brother just because you got pregnant?”


“Oh gods,” Hermine said, feeling suddenly very hot. “Well, I suppose I should just tell you the truth, then.”


“What? What is the truth? What are you talking about?” Ginny asked her, confusion and anger written over her pretty face.


“Seventeen years ago, well almost eighteen now, I suppose, I ran into Severus by chance at the bookstore. It started out innocent, because I was seeing your brother. I don’t know when or how, but somewhere along the way, the lines between a friend and a lover were unceremoniously blurred, and I found myself madly in love with him. I knew what to do, but I was afraid to do it.


“Rather, I was afraid of what I would lose by doing it. I didn’t think I would just lose Ron, I thought I would lose you, and your mother, and your whole family. In my desperation, I came to you, seeking answers. You made me feel better about it. You made me feel like it was better for me to follow my heart, and choose Severus, even though it would break Ron’s heart.


“I made the decision to listen to you, and I was all set to tell your brother about us, when I found out I was pregnant. Severus begged me to stay with him, begged me to raise the baby with him, but I knew I couldn’t do that to Rose. I knew I couldn’t let her be raised in a broken home. Then I found out that Ron intentionally tampered with my contraceptive.


“He knew about Severus and I, and he was planning to do whatever it would take to keep me with him. In the end, I did it more for Rose than for anyone else, because I knew that even if I had chosen Severus, Ron would never have admitted defeat. I felt sick, Ginny.


“I felt like I was some trophy he had to defend. I didn’t know what else to do. Severus of course was heartbroken. It’s why he left for all these years. He couldn’t stand to watch me marry someone else, and give birth to another man’s child. When he came back, I don’t know. It was like we were back where we were all those years ago. It was like he had never left. And for the first time in almost eighteen years, I find myself truly happy, and I just don’t know what to do.”


Ginny stared at her in disbelief for several minutes. The blow of what she had said could not fully register right away. Her heart ached that her brother would stoop to such lengths to keep what he felt was his. But Hermione was not property, she was a human being, and she deserved to be happy.


“Hermione, I’m so sorry. I never knew. I just assumed you had decided that what you had with my brother was love, and what you had with Snape was infatuation. I just assumed you had come to your senses and chosen what you felt was right. I never knew that you were trapped into this. I never knew that my brother could have it in him to do something like this…”


“Oh, Ginny please, don’t hate your brother. What he did to me was awful, but I do believe it was out of love. I’m only sorry I couldn’t love him as he has loved me. He did give me almost twenty years of his best. He did try to make me happy, I just couldn’t be happy with him. You can’t make another person happy, you can only make yourself happy. That is something I have learned over the years.”


“So what do you plan to do, Hermione? You cannot go on like this. It’s time to make a choice and stick to it this time. You have to tell my brother how you feel and then leave him to pick up the pieces and move on with his life, or you have to end it with Severus, and permanently.”


Hermione felt her eyes tear. The idea of ending it with Severus permanently made her sick to her stomach. She knew what she had to do.


“Okay, Gin. You’re right. You’ve always been right. This time I’m going to listen to you,” Hermione said, throwing her arms around her friend.


She took off and ran out of the café. She ran down the street. She kept running until she reached the gates of Hogwarts. She steeled herself for what she was about to do. The wards dropped and allowed her entrance. She ran up the front steps she had grown so familiar with over the years, and through the large doors. She ran down the corridors and down the cold stone steps. She ran until her lungs burned. Finally, she reached the door to Severus’ chambers. She raised a hand and banged loudly on the door.


“What the bloody hell--” Severus growled, throwing open the door, ready to hex whatever student had the audacity to bang loudly on his door.


His face lit up in surprise as Hermione nearly tackled him.


“What’s going on?” He asked her, hugging her tightly.


“I’ve decided to leave him. I’ve decided to leave him and be yours alone if you’ll have me,” Hermione said in a rush.


Severus looked taken aback. He felt his breath catch in his throat. The last time she had told him this, things had gone horribly wrong. He didn’t see how that could possibly happen again.


“Severus, I love you,” Hermione told him.


“I-I love you too,” he said, hugging her tighter still.


She leaned up and kissed him deeply, running her fingers through his hair. She took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom.


When they made love it was different. It was the first time in a very long time that he truly felt she was his, and it was a thing of beauty.


A/N: Short, I know, but as I am sure you have guessed, the next chapter is going to be rather tumultuous and it really belongs by itself, not jumbled together with this one. Sorry about the ooc-ness I have been accused of. I really do feel however that the only person who can truly write them IC is Rowling, as they are her characters to begin with. I also feel that the idea of HG/SS is ooc in itself, so I can’t help but to write them ooc in that respect. In my defense, however, we have seen Severus in love in the books, and, correct me if I am wrong, but his vulnerability to love is a lot of the reason he was nicknamed snivellus by the Marauders. He was cold and cruel to all but the one he loved, until she broke his heart. In my story, Severus was cold and cruel to Hermione when she told him she was staying with Ron. I don’t feel that my characters are as ooc as some I have seen out there, but, point in case, it is all ooc, because not one of us is Rowling. Enough rambling, please review (good or bad, but don’t expect me not to defend myself where I feel it is needed)