Fornicating with the Enemy

“Out of the pair of you, I never would have thought I’d have to convince Sirius about this,” Remus and Harry were both currently sitting outside of the master chambers of the house, occasionally calling for the stubborn man to let them in with a whine.

“What’s that supposed to mean moony?” Harry gave him the ‘what-aren’t-you-telling-me’ look, the same look Lily had given him when he had admitted…Remus shook his head from memories.

“Well you know, I’ve never really heard you say anything about killing off the enemy, you’ve always been sort of make-love-not-war,” he tripped over his words as Harry shot him a incredulous look before the door they were leaning on seemed to cave in on itself and they found them on the floor, looking upside down at an agitated Sirius Black.

“Well?” Neither Harry nor Remus moved and Sirius rolled his eyes before, dragging them through the doorway and into the room, with non- verbal magic. “Idiots,” he closed and warded the door behind him, making sure there would be no interruption.

“Siri I…”

“Remus, shut up,” the black haired man sat back on his bed with his head in his hands and he glared at his best friend who continued to sit where he had been dragged too for fear of being turned to dust if he moved.

“Sirius give over; this is the best thing since, since, well it’s the best idea anyone’s ever had!” Harry threw his arms up in the air, also staying where he was on the floor, in case he needed to come to his adopted god-fathers aid and protect him from the pissed off animagus.

“You’ve corrupted him Moony!” Sirius Black whined and fell back on the bed, taking the pet name as an ok sign, they both lay down either side of the man, Harry poked him in the side to get his attention and Remus babbled on about how he ‘bloody did not corrupt him!.

“Siri…what do you think of it then?” Harry ventured the question ready to duck behind the headboard, even if it would be a squash.

“Oh, mm, well I think its really good actually, yes quite brilliant,” both Remus and Harry looked and each other stunned, hadn’t this man just screamed blue-bloody murder at them for it and now he was saying the plan was brilliant?!

Sirius still hadn’t opened his eyes and continued with sharing his opinion.

“Yes, we can wear all black and get ninja belts for our heads and run in there shouting I am Rambo and kill them all with bamboo stick and use our amazing ninja powers to perform back flips use our spider senses to sense when we’re surrounded then take them all out combat style,” he literally vomited the sarcasm at them both and then opened his eyes after a 10 minute silence only to find the pair of them sitting in a silencing bubble talking.

He gapped at them and sat up fully, entering the bubble, which thankfully didn’t prevent him, otherwise he’d be supporting a bruised forehead in the morning.

“… as well as we can get tight fitting robes from my tailor, we can get a private booking with him in Milan for Wednesday, he always makes acceptions for me, that might be because of Lucius though…never mind, I’m not too keen on the ninja belts, but we might need something to cover our faces unless you fancy torturing them and letting them see that we’re not so good?” Harry spun off Remus took down a few notes on other things.

Sirius felt like he had fallen into an alternative universe where Harry and Remus had evil twins.

“Also we can get sense enhancements anywhere; we might have to tweak them though for longer lasting use, otherwise it’s going to kind of suspicious after a while if we keep ordering them, plus might as well test out my own rusty potions techniques, you never know we might only have to buy a few before I get the hang of it,” Harry nodded as Remus spoke and wrote at the same time.

“I need a drink,” Sirius mumbled, Remus beamed at him, seeing him sitting up and seemingly interacting with them.

“Siri, sometimes your brilliance astounds me,” Harry sniggered as his godfather growled warningly at the dirty blond (A/N LOOL!), who leaned over and hugged him around the middle, falling onto his side and losing his quill and parchment to Harry who continued to write down a few more notes.

“You’re insane, both of you, completely and utterly out of helps hands,” Sirius motioned stirring something in a bowl. “completely scrambled.”

“Don’t be such a spoil sport Sirius,” Harry chided him as he wrote down the hit list, with a happy smile.