The Return

Chapter 7

Hermione readied herself for what was to come in Harry’s letter. She sat on her couch and curled her legs under herself and leaned on the arm of the couch. She unrolled the parchment, and noticed the length of it, and knew it wasn’t just a note wondering about the lunch date she had promised him.

Dear Hermione,

They say, whoever "they" may actually be, that a singular moment in our life can signify the actual start of us truly living. That up until that moment we are actually half living, half the person we can potentially be. And that that moment, however grand or simple it may be, cracks open the shell of our existence, the shell that protects our half soul and keeps us alive. Sometime the realization that this has actually occurred passes by and life seems to continue as normal, but things just seem a little sweeter after that. But sometimes the experience is so profound we know the second it has happened. We know from that second on life will never be the same and we know happiness is no longer that unattainable goal we see in the distance and always seem a fingertips length away from grabbing.

Most people would think, being who I am, that my moment would have come when I heard I was a wizard or when I heard the prophecy for the first time, or any a number of times my world was turned upside down by some drastic event. All of those moments, no matter how grand they were, never began to crack my shell. It was one of those more simple moments. It was the simple act of your hand brushing across mine in the train car on the way to Hogwarts our 7th year. Do you even remember that? It probably wasn’t as profound to you. Ron and I were playing a game of exploding snaps and you were watching. I had just placed my hand on the seat, just as you did the same, and our hands brushed. Something I can’t even begin to tell you how many times had happened before. But something awoke inside of me and I looked up to you and our eyes locked. You gave me that look, one that I can only explain as you, and it was in that most simple of moments I realized I loved you, with that simple brush of your hand, my life began.

No matter where I was or have been, you have always been the reason for me to live. I never told you this but in the last battle, when I went on alone and fought Voldemort, I had to use the one thing he didn’t understand, I had to use love. I thought of you, so many things about you, the way you looked at the Yule ball, how happy I was you were okay after the Dept. of Mysteries fiasco, how beautiful you were at Bill’s wedding and of course the night we shared. And it helped me kill him, the love I held for you helped me defeat him. That is why when I wrote to you that I couldn’t have done it without you, I wasn’t lying. If it weren’t for loving you I would have died.

I know things are complicated now. I love Ron, he’s the brother I never had, and I don’t want anything to happen to him. But I can’t help but still love you. I’m not asking you to choose, I never would. But I wanted you to know everything, all the things I’ve always kept to myself, before the absolute end came. I walked away once for your happiness and I am ready to do it again, if that is what you want. The important thing is that you will always be in my life, as my best friend. I love you, Hermione, I always will. That’s all I wanted to say. Let me know if I need to walk away again.

Yours,
Harry

P.S. We still need to have lunch. I haven’t forgotten.

Hermione smiled through the tears that fell down her face at the last sentence. Leave it to Harry to throw something in at the end to lighten up the letter. She stared at his words. She knew the time had come for her to make a decision, the hardest one of her life. The fact that Harry was willing to walk away if it meant her happiness, made her love him even more. She looked across the room and saw Ron’s sweater lying across the arm chair.

Her heart dropped at the sight of it. How could she walk away from a man that had done nothing but be there for her? He was there when Harry had left her. He was there for everything, and here she was letting the thought of leaving him pass her mind. How could she be so low?

Everything would be so much easier if she could just stop loving Harry, but that is the hard thing with your first love, they never quite leave you. They always seem to have a cemented place in your heart, one that will only be held for them. And it seemed that Hermione had cemented a rather large area for Harry. She sighed heavily and laid her head back against the couch, her emotions making her exhausted. She quickly dozed off, Harry’s letter slowly fell to the floor in front of her.

Hermione was so asleep she didn’t wake when Ron apparated into her flat to surprise her with dinner. He walked to where she lay, seeing her peaceful form, covering her with a blanket. When he turned to leave his foot crunched on something. He bent down to see what it was and found a piece of parchment with very familiar handwriting.