Without You

A/n:
Just a couple warnings for this chapter. It’s a SUPER ONE! And I mean Supper. I wanted to get them out of Hogwarts and a few transitional emotions and background covered before we see them as adults. I do promise Draco is coming back into the story but not until Harry’s a little older and less Juvenile. In my mind Harry wouldn’t think to switch courses until he’d exaughsted hia present one. In the next chapter there will be a time jump of three years. That’s three years of growth and challenge for our school boys to go through so that they can become men. Hee hee. Then I get to have fun.

First Warning: there is an example of contemporary music in this chapter. I do not claim any of these songs as my own. They are real life songs sung by real life artists not mine! I’m making no money from them and any laws I’m stepping on it was purely in fun. Some people don’t like contemporary music I included it in this chapter, one because being as I’m not a witch and have no idea what I’d sing about if I was one I had to go with what I already know. I know Rowling has given us examples of wizard music and that’s fun but I think all that nonsense about spells and broomsticks is a little out of place at a dance full of teenagers especially on graduation night.

Anyway Seamus and Ron are both suffering from desire and frustration and I wanted the song they danced too to reflect that. And since I have been known to jam with some girl friends to this one in the car it was perfect. I did clean up the speech a little change a few phrases to make it sound less contemporary they are in Britain after all but left the song as close to it’s original as possible.

Which leads me to my second warning Two males will be engaging in raunchy dancing, otherwise known as sex on the dance floor with everyone ok with it because their either too drunk to care or think it looks as hot as I do. *winks*

*sighs* The last and final warning if you have issues with teenagers drinking please remember the legal age is different over there and please don’t tell me you expected them to be angles the last night they’re together? Maybe in Britain lol I wouldn’t know but in America which has been my only experience to date sadly; they would hardly have been sipping tea. And darn it it’s just more fun this way. So if I offended anyone with teenagers drinking and a little raunchy dancing (well where have you been I wonder) I apologize but am changing nothing.

Lol sheesh I know that’s a lot but I say this only because I showed this to a friend and she had some problem with it. Not enough not to like the chapter but she suggested I put a warning.

So yes WARNING: Teenagers present less then proper behavior may result.

PART ONE

An Escalation of confidence and Doubt

Seamus Finnigan was not surprised at all to find Harry making out with Ginny in the middle of the common room upon returning from his two week internship. Although judging by the twitters coming from several sixth year girls and the gasp of surprise by several people who had just entered everyone else was.

Seamus wasn’t because he of all people knew exactly what this was, he had just lived through it. Harry wanted something he couldn’t have, didn’t even want to desire but desire it he did nonetheless. His world was spinning off kilter and he was desperately grasping for control. Ginny was just that and it made him feel confident that if he clung to her tight enough things would revert back to their old familiar comfort.

After the disastrous dinner at the Weasley’s home Seamus had started his internship with nothing less then gloom and a shattered heart. He had cursed himself for eight times a fool since he had admitted to Dean his true feelings. He had lost the one steady consistent in his life,, he was hurting and suddenly starting a career anywhere was the last thing on his mind.

SwiftTones Inc, lead by the famous Jason McAlister was a private business but one of the most sought after broom making corporations in the world. Creator of the Firebolt and the Hailstar other broom makers just didn’t compare. He owned several different shops in several different countries and it was his London based one that Seamus had been lucky enough to snag an internship at. You would think he would be ecstatic, but on that first morning standing in the gold glittering lobby he had felt only desolation.

**Two weeks before**

Seamus ignored the people around him and stared at the Lobby around him, he didn’t know what exactly he had been expecting but it wasn’t this. It almost looked more like a Hotel Lobby then a business residence, there were pots of exotic plants and the tairs and table legs were gold plated. There was a fountain in the middel of the room, of which the water was coming in streams of different colors. Seamus lost himself a moment staring into the water.

He jumped back with a yelp as something leaped out of the fountains depths in a purple stream of water to land on the marble tiled floor. It was a purple frog, the slimy amphibian let out a giant croak. A woman in high heels and white robes darted forward to grab the frog. As soon as she had it grasped in her hands the frog transfigured into a scroll of Parchment. At Seamus’s look of gapping wonder she smiled at him.

“Not real frogs, really just Transfigured letters, easier then owls in a building this size you know.” The woman assured him. She unrolled her scroll and clacked away across the marble floors. Seamus almost laughed, wait till he told Dean he’d get a kick…the wonder of this odd way of communication faded a moment later when he remembered that Dean was not talking to him. He would never share light hearted aspects of his day with him ever again.

“Well now I’d ask if you were the new intern we’re waiting for but you can’t possibly have written that acceptance essay. The young man there had some life.” An amused voice asked from behind him. That’s when he turned and saw him for the first time.

Jade McAlister was six one to Seamus’s five nine. He was willowy with a kind of grace many a woman would kill for and many a man would lust after. His skin was not bronzed or even tan, was instead pale as alabaster and looked so soft his fingers actually itched to stroke it. His features were angular with a peculiar type of softness Seamus had never seen in a fellow man that was oddly striking. His hair was darker then a Ravens wing and flirted with his collar in soft pleasing waves. Not womanish but not…well not what the lads back at Hogwarts would ever dare wear. Seamus thought to himself.

Jade had blue eyes that put the oceans to shame and sapphires on the same shelf as robins eggs. His eye lashes were long and they curled, some women would gladly murder for eyelashes like that. All in all Seamus had never seen a more striking man in his life and for a moment all he could do was blink and stare.

The man had cocked one elegant eyebrow, “You are Seamus Finnigan aren’t you?”

Seamus gulped past the lump that had formed in his throat and tried to shake away his stupor. “Yeah…you’re Mr. McAlister?”

The man smiled, he put the sun to shame when he did that, “Well yes but not Jason, I’m his Nephew Jade. I help run the London Branch of business. Rather a lucky break for me.” He moved closer to Seamus a motion of flow and grace like a swan across a lake. He glanced around and lowered his voice as if not to be heard by any of the bustling office attendants.

“I’m not really in charge as I’m only eighteen. My cousin will be your actual Boss, but he’s such a stiff shirt I thought I’d give you a proper greeting before Micah manages to scare you off.”

With that consperital grin on his face and blue eyes so fathomless twinkling down at him Seamus had found it hard not to laugh and grin with him. Jade had taken him down a lift into what they called the Ware house and introduced him to the staff there. They were engaging people and most of them were related to the Mc. Alister’s in some way. Jade had explained that this was largely because family loyalty inspired the companies workers to keep its secretes from rival companies.

He had been fascinated by the making and crafting of the brooms, the magic and hard work of it all. The design, the thought process of it all thrilled him. Especially when Jade told him what he had hoped to hear. He was going to be working in the Crafting Department. Jade had led him to a hall way and told him with a cheeky wink that he was entering the designing corridor. Here Seamus would get to work on how the broom looked, finding a way to mold the wood so that it not only caught a potential buyers eye but could hold the strength of the magic required to fly and hold human weight.

It was in this Department he was stationed and here where he met Sandy and Rebecca. Rebecca had stylish blonde hair and long nails painted a striking and bold red. Her rips were just as striking and red as blood against her pale features. She wore a leather corset top and matching skirt with red lace ups, she also wore a standard wizard cloak but she had tailored it to hug her curves and only reach her waist.

Sandy was just as beautiful in a cherub kind of way, only he was male and quite small where his partner was tall and leggy. He had baby soft features and an endearing smile, he wore stylishly tailored slacks that hugged lean hips and a clingy dress shirt. His brown hair was styled artlessly around his head in deceptively casual waves.

Seamus was introduced to several others but was told these two were to be his partners and to ease him into his internship. Jade had given him a comforting pat on the shoulder just as out of a small basin of blue water by the door a blue frog flopped onto the floor. Jade went and picked it up and waited for it to untransfigure itself. He read the peace of parchment and turned to address the three of them.

“Sandy, Rebecca you’ll need to fill him in. Micah’s got some emergency up in the Lab.” With that he quickly hurried away.

The woman named Rebecca stared after him and let out a soft sigh. “That man is so Dishy I get chills just being near him.”

Sandy eyed her with amusement and nodded, “ It’s too bad he likes men or you’d be on him like a leech wouldn’t you Becca.”

Rebecca snorted clicking her bright red nails on the stone of the walls around them, “Yeah and it’s a shame you don’t like men or you’d be on him too.”

Seamus felt his face flush, they were talking about his new boss like he was….

What a prime piece? He is that they’re just being honest.
“Awe look Sandy, the little guys embarrassed, isn’t that just adorable.” Rebecca purred batting honey eyelashes at him.

“Leave him alone Becca he’s new. Don’t mind her she gets a little bitchy if she cant screw a bloke every few minutes.” At Seamus Stunned expression Sandy laughed. “ Look Seamus up in the offices you’ll have to be all business, especially with Micah. But down here it’s a little more natural. We keep this company floating god only knows and it’s hard to do that if you have to watch what you say all the time. Besides it’s more fun if people just say what they mean.”

Seamus had laughed but it died almost as soon as he started when he remembered once again that he could not share with Dean the joy he found in his new job and partners. The depression that thought brought to him nearly threatened to swallow him so he had thrown himself into his work. For the first four days it went on that way, Seamus hopping from task to task with almost desperate fervor. Starting to laugh at Sandy and Rebeccas antics only to remember what he had lost and wanting to lock himself in a closet and weep.

He was a Gryffindor and he refused to be that weak! He redoubled his efforts in his work, he cleaned more learned more, shaped more and sorted twice as much as was asked of him. He actually requested long hours so he didn’t have to go home. Why bother going home where he would lay on his bed and cry. He hated all the tears, he would brazen through this if it killed him.

Which he was convinced it might have if Jade, Sandy and Rebecca hadn’t given him a much needed wake up call. He had been working there nine days, and he was pouring over a stack of designs plans for a child friendly version of one of the companies more popular brooms. Jade had asked him to correct any quirks in measurement and to jot down any changes he would suggest. Seamus knew he was being tested and threw himself into the challenge with zeal. So much zest he barely noticed when the sun set and the evening began to wear away.

How many early mornings had he stumbled from this building to fumble into a tea shop for a quick revival. Then back home to drop on the nearest couch for a few hours only to drag himself back to work to start the process over again? This was routine, it was what he needed to keep himself going. Only he was fast burning out his head was drooping over the displays and sample models in front of him. He knew there were dark circles under his eyes and his skin looked peaky and wan.

He knew he wasn’t eating right, food. Ha he felt like he had lost his soul, what was food compared to that. He nearly had a heart attack when he felt hands grab him and pull him out from his work station. This late most everyone else was already gone. Sandy and Rebecca for their various forms of entertainment, Jade sometimes with them other times working late with Micah.

Not that night, that night Sandy Jade and Rebecca had ganged up on him.

“Jesus Sandy give the poor kid a heart attack!” Rebecca rebuked Sandy swatting him playfully on the arm. Sandy shrugged and glanced at Jade who was eyeing Seamus with speculation.

“What are you guys still doing here?” Seamus asked blearily rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes. Noticing Jade he blushed a little, really the man was to good looking for his own good. “Oh Jade I’ve almost finished I’ll be done in…”

Jade waved him to silence with a fond smile, “Seamus relax. God only knows your work here has been more then excellent. You’ve done more work then these two do in a year.” he said gesturing towards Sandy and Rebecca.

Rebecca gave him cat eyes and flicked her nails like she might scratch him, Jade only laughed at her. Seamus liked that about them, Sandy and Jade had apparently attended school together in wales. Jade had been part of his uncles Business since he could walk he knew everyone and treated everyone with an easy camaraderie The three of them had formed a close nit family withien the family of the company. Watching them together was like walking siblings squabble. Something about it was warming and gave Seamus a sense of peace. Especially Jade, he wasn’t just a boss he was like an older brother. He was smart and quick witted but very easy going. He had a type of strength and confidence that Seamus didn’t have which he found he was drawn too.

“It’s not your work we’re worried about little guy it’s you, we’re worried about.” Sandy pointed out sitting down beside Seamus. Seamus instantly closed up a little, he was fine!

Yeah two steps from dropping dead from starvation if not from lack of sleep. You’re fine alright. No use arguing with himself, he knew he was a mess.

“We had a thousand kids sending in applicant essays for this chance to prove themselves you know that? You know why I convinced Micah to pick yours? Because in your essay there was a spark of energy of vitality. I could almost picture you in my mind, all smiles and easy charm and a zest for life matched only by the joy you could bring into the people around you. A little young and unorthodox I’ll admit but I found myself laughing just reading you go on and on about things others would care less about, but to you it seemed like the world. I don’t regret choosing you, you’re a hard worker and very talented. But I’m not seeing what I saw on paper.” Jade spoke softly his blue eyes searching Seamus face.

Rebecca nodded in agreement, “The motions are there darling but the heart just isn’t. Where did it go?”

There really wasn’t any use in pretending to be ok was there, he was falling apart and he couldn’t stop it. He wanted like hell to take it all back, to get his life back but he couldn’t. He had made a mistake and he was paying for it and the whole world could see it.

“I’m sorry, it’s just my best friend and I are fighting. It has nothing to do with work and I’ll try not to let it interfere anymore.” He was not going to cry in front of people he was trying to win respect from. He had his pride and he had shed so many tears for Dean already.

Jade shook his head and placed two hands on Seamus shoulders, “Could you stop being brave for a moment. If it’s enough to make you feel this bad it means a lot to you. Talking about it might help.”

Sandy eyed him up and down, “Did this best friend do a number on you?”

Oh boy did he, from the first day Seamus had met him Dean had done a number on him. He had taken something that didn’t belong to him and never given It back. And then when he got a little scared he’d stomped all over it. Hearts were fragile things.

“Have you ever met someone and just seen….” he didn’t know how to put what he felt into words. “…I don’t know heaven. Have you ever just looked up and connected with someone and felt the earth move beneath your feet even though you know nothings changed.”

Jade smiled wistfully, “And then you know everything’s changed.”

Seamus laughed shakily, it came out with a slight hitch and he knew he was close to crying. “yeah you do, and it really sucks when that person is your best mate. Someone who held your hand when you jumped into a stream or tried to catch you when you fell out of a tree at the cost of breaking his arm and leaving you without a scratch would be an ideal choice for someone to love don’t you think.”

To keep the tears threatening to spill from his eyes he jumped up from his seat and began to pace, almost angrily he continued. “ I mean who couldn’t fall in love with summer nights in a tent in the yard or playing witch hunt in the woods at night, and when we got lost and I was scared out of my mind he held my hand and told me if a werewolf came he’d offer himself as bait so I could make a run for it.”

He halted staring unseeing at the far wall, sadly he said “Yeah he did a number on me alright, he knocked me over from the first day and I haven’t been able to get back up. In a way I didn’t mind it, cause I always thought no matter how many times I fell or how long I lay there if I wanted to get back on my feet he’d be there offering me a hand.”

“But this time when you reached he kicked you back down didn’t he?” Rebecca asked softly. Seamus nodded.

The three friends eyed each other and seemed to make a decision at the exact same moment. Sandy pushed out of his seat at the exact moment that Rebecca and Jade did.

“So I bet you think there is something wrong with you? That you somehow betrayed him by falling in love with him?” Sandy demanded.

“And I just bet his refusal made you think there was something lacking in you, like your missing something. You don’t believe you’ll ever find someone because you gave everything you had and it still wasn’t good enough.” Rebecca seconded glaring furiously at an invisible foe.

Jade moved forward in a whisper soft movement and touched the side of Seamus face softly. “You don’t feel like you’ll laugh or ever feel desire again because he stole all of that away. You don’t think you’ll ever love again do you?”

All true, every word of it resonated in his being. He nodded.

Jade sighed, “Well I can’t tell you if you’ll ever love again that’s up to you. But I can tell you there is absolutely nothing lacking in you. It’s not a crime to fall in love so why should falling in love with him be a betrayal. No the only one who made a mistake here is him, you falling apart over it solves nothing. It wont make him love you so what are you gaining?”

He was right he could wither away and die and Dean might bring himself to care but that would not take back the hurt and not make Dean love him. What did he gain by letting his life fall apart, nothing but more heart ache.

Sandy clearly able to read him like a book began to grin. “That’s right kid, you know what I would do? Give a little back where you get it. So you like men? Are you ashamed of that do you think it’s disgusting wrong? Do you have pride in yourself?”

“Of course I do.” Seamus answered.

“Then what are you hiding for, come out of the dark. Dress how you want to dress, talk how you want to talk. Love who you want to love and screw who you want to screw if you ask me! Damn have some fun with your life go ahead and shine. And when he comes around you can have the pleasure of telling him it’s just too little too late.” Rebecca encouraged with a wink.

Seamus had to laugh at this, a warm glow spread in his chest as he listened to their encouragement. He had just made three wonderful friends and he had a feeling they had come none too soon.

~~~~***Present day***~~~~

And he had taken their advice to heart, did he believe that he would ever find someone he loved like he loved Dean. Maybe, who knew. Right now that looked bleak but he was not going to let it deter him. The very next night he had let them take him to a nightclub. It was his first time in a place like that and he had been more then nervous.

He had laughed and had fun for the first time in nearly two weeks, he had come back alive. Not completely whole but not an empty shell either. On the last night of his internship the office had thrown him a small party and Jade had offered him a job as soon a he graduated. Sandy and the others had even promised to come see him walk the plank as they put it. Seamus had returned to school in lighter spirits then he had left with a new sense of purpose.

So it came as no surprise to him that Harry who was getting hit with that hammer blow of change was reacting the same way he had. Desperately clinging to anything that would keep him afloat. Pravati was going to come flouncing in here at any moment and discover her boyfriend snogging one of her “friends”. he understood Harry’s need but that really wasn’t very well done of him at all. He could hear familiar giggling and moved to intercept Padma and Pravati.

~~~~~~~Ron‘s View~~~~~~~~

Well life sure was interesting, for Ron the two weeks had not been utterly disastrous. Training with the London Knights had been more fun and more rewarding then anything he had done in a long time. The worst part of the whole thing had been his fight with Hermione at the start. He felt bad but damn it he couldn’t help it if he just didn’t love her like that.

She was attractive, he often felt protective of her and at one point and time even wanted to date her. He hadn’t known how to handle going from seeing her as the annoying little know it all to someone he desired. He hadn’t been the first thirteen year old to make a bungle of that, or the first fourteen year old to make an ass of himself at his first real dance.


And then he had started to slide away. That’s what he called it, women became less and less all consuming less and less important. It was suddenly easier to articulate around them, joke with them and talk with them simply because he wasn’t so enthralled with them anymore. Far from enthralled they almost bored him a little. Lavender had fast driven him out of his skull, he had thought it was because he preferred Hermione and was just looking for an excuse to get rid of her in the hopes he and Hermione would end up together but the truth was every one of his past girlfriends annoyed him and drove him crazy.

Kissing them was like making out with a pillow for as much stimulation as it gave him and after a while it just became not even worth it to attempt it. Hermione made him want to scream with fury but not with passion. He had heard that only once in his life and it had been between his brother and his wife and therefore something he wanted to quickly forget. He found he couldn’t.

He wanted that! Nothing else would do so why bother searching. One kiss was all it took, pleasant he could deal with he might even settle for pleasant. If worse came to worse one day he might actually consider doing just that. But he was seventeen! He wanted to feel that unexplainable giddy first rush of passion and desire all his friends gabbed about. What was wrong with him? Was he the only one who hadn’t felt it?

Seamus was in love with Dean, the thought of two men together made him slightly uncomfortable but love was love. If Seamus felt for Dean what Ron had only dreamed about then why settle for pleasant. Why shouldn’t he reach for the best?

Because just what are you looking for. Every girl you see turns you off? What are you looking for a blond, red head what?

I like dark hair. Harry’s hair always looks great. Especially on pale skin with those striking eyes.

So what are you lusting after Harry?

GOD NO!

Well you’re going on about his looks…

I said I like the coloring!

Alright alright well Pravati has black hair…

Too long it gets all over the place and when she turns her head too fast it hits you in the face.

Well Amanda Peewit has dark hair and it’s short.

She’s taller then I am!

Are you serious that’s just scary your six three!

Wait why was he having a conversation with himself? It seemed to be a growing habit of his these days. Unable to express to any of his friends what was troubling him he tended to battle it out in his own head.

“Hey Weasley you hear about Malfoy?” Justin; Ravenclaw head boy called out to him. Ron had heard about that this morning. He really couldn’t spare much thought for that. Malfoy was probably off dancing in a grave yard with the Death Eaters. Who cared. Right now he had bigger fish to fry, like finishing his Exams and graduating. And repairing his relationship with Hermione.

And finding the girl that could make his blood flow and his heart explode in his chest.

She’s not at Hogwarts and she won’t be on your team either. Just how do you plan on finding her?

There will be plenty of women in the towns the team stops on you know.

True so why aren’t you any happier.

Just the thought of all those screaming girls gives me a headache.

What’s with you lately.

Nothing

Bull. You know what your problem is, you stopped having sex maybe you just need to get laid. Why treat yourself like a monk when you don’t have too.

Maybe I just want real deep true love. Maybe I’m just not satisfied with a meaningless lay! Maybe instead of spreading myself around like a bag of oats I’m saving myself for something that means something.

Don’t ever repeat that out loud.

He jerked on his trunks trying to get them to coast along easier. When he reached Gryffindor common room he was surprised to see a small crowd of gawkers peering into the portrait hole with avid fascination and giddy delight. Ron pushed his way through recognizing the raised voice of his sister.

“I’m a slut? How many times have you been up in the Tower Patil. You’re the last person to lecture me on virtue!” Ginny was shouting at Pravati. Harry was standing next to Ginny looking like he would rather be in a pool full of electric eels. Half of the people present seemed to agree with Ginny because they were nodding in her defense. The other half was casting his sister and Harry dirty looks.

“What’s going on?” Ron asked.

From behind him Neville spoke up, “Pravati came in on Harry snogging your sister.”
Ron wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about that but he didn’t have time to figure it out because Pravati was in rare form. She hadn’t even been this angry after her botched date with Harry in fourth year.

“Oh don’t act like you haven’t done the exact same thing! You have some new bloke up there every week! And Everyone knows you do it just to make Harry Jealous! Well he’s my boy friend and why you think he would want a nobody like you I don’t even know!”

Hey, his sister was not a nobody! Ginny and Pravati were going to come to blows right there in the middle of the common room. Harry fortunately came to Ginny’s defense before Ron hexed her himself and lost his badge.

“Hey! That’s just uncalled for, Ginny didn’t do anything it was me. She was just sitting there, if you want some one to yell at yell at me.” He glanced around at their audience. “But could we do it in private?”

Pravati followed him stormily from the common room the two of them whispering furiously between each other. And that’s How Harry’s relationship with Pravati ended and he started dating his little sister.

Ron had read him his rights and told him exactly what would happen to him if he did to her what he had just done to Pravati. The two had been dating ever sense, Ron found it a little disconcerting to see his sister and his best mate at each other all the time. It reminded him exactly of what he was missing, Harry was always touching Ginny. Clinging to her like if he didn’t touch her he would fade into nothing. Ginny brought smiles and laughter to his face; when more and more Ron caught shadows and storms gathering in the depths of his eyes.

When they kissed, Harry kissed like he would never kiss again. Real love?

Maybe. Maybe not but Ron would do anything to be in his place just to get a mere taste of what appeared to be heaven. Seamus had returned from his own internship with more cheer then Ron had expected. Since Hermione would rather try a conversation with an giant ogre rather then one with him, and since when he wasn’t drilling the team about the last and final match against Slytherin for the cup; Harry was with Ginny Ron found himself spending a lot more time with Neville and Seamus then he usually would have.

There had been some rough spots with Dean but when Ron had made it clear that Seamus was still his friend and whatever discord had propped up between he and Dean, a friend Seamus would remain things had panned out to comfortable sort of system.

This morning of May twenty sixth found him walking from double potions to the library with Seamus Neville, Lavender Luna and Justin. Harry had said a quick hello to everyone then allowed Ginny to tug him off into some corner. Luna thought this was cute, Lavender Pravati’s best friend would have liked nothing better then to slander Ginny but being as Ron was present she held her tongue.

“The match is tomorrow I think it’ll be a fine way to end seven years don’t you think if Gryffindor wins the cup six in a row?” Neville was exclaiming.

Ron eyed him speculatively, Neville was perhaps the only other male in his year he could think of who didn’t appear interested in girls or at least if he was interested couldn’t bring himself to chase after everyone he saw like some sort of raunchy honey bee.

True Neville wasn’t considered the best of catches he was tall but with very little meat on him. In his defense he had lost the baby fat of his youth and the I just grew eight feet in one night gawky pinch of most teenage boys. His features would never be described as stunning, viral or anything of that nature. Ron supposed he had a sort of charm, and he wasn’t hideous or anything like that, he was hardly mad eye.

No one was asking Ron his opinion but had anyone asked him he would have told them girls, even ones as clever as Hermione were foolish. Girls twittered after guys like Draco because he was dangerous and good looking. Every girl in this school would give away a year of her life to climb in to bed with Harry because he was good looking and a hero. Guys like Neville were to them at best, the best friend and ignored and worst laughed at and ignored.

If he were a girl and interested in men he would go for guys like Seamus and Neville and forget both Harry and Draco. Harry was his best mate and he’d jump in front of a raging blast ended skewt if fate called for that but Ron knew his friends limitations. Harry was in no way wise when it came to matters of the heart, hell Harry was in no way wise at all. None of them were.

Because they were seventeen and everyone knew on the scale of wisdom seventeen year old males just don’t rank so high. He already knew his sister was going to get burned and he was going to have to beat into his best mate a little. It was inevitable because Harry like he was searching for that one great passion but unlike he Harry wasn’t content to observe and wait. Well since when had Harry ever waited for anything, no Harry threw himself into the search whole heartedly with zeal.

He tried woman after woman and in his fervor to find what he was looking for sometimes forgot the women he dated had feelings of their own and that sometimes it was all too easy to fall in love with Harry James Potter. He was a great bloke Harry, just….

Seventeen.

“What are you grinning about?” Seamus asked breaking Ron from his contemplations with a friendly punch. Ron grinned down at him and punched him back.

“Just thinking if we get any smarter we’d have to take the ministries jobs.” He laughed. This was met with all the seriousness that remark deserved.

“Yeah can you just see Luna as Minister of magic? We’d all be wearing invisible neck sections or something else.” Justin cackled.

Luna blinked at him a small smile on her lips, Ron noted that Luna had grown into a very beautiful woman. Her eyes were still a little big for her face but upon maturity it had become almost alluring. Her blonde hair had turned so pale it was almost white her grey eyes pools of silver. She was petite and slender and moved with a floating grace. Not due to any sort of balance more to the fact she liked to pretend she was dressed in flowing gowns and moving like that came with the territory.

She was still the same old Luna though cause she replied with, “Oh I would hardly want to be minister everyone knows the ministers a Vampire they would never let me have the job unless I agreed to get bit.”

Justin rolled his eyes and gave Ron a long suffering glance, he just shrugged his shoulders and bit back a grin. Luna made him laugh, he liked her free nature Justin was often too stiff for his own good.

“Sure thing Lu, we wouldn’t want that now would we. Vampire ministers aside four days ladies and gents until we are free adults. And yours truly has already been offered a job!” Seamus bragged with a grin, he gave a mock bow which made Lavender laugh and he winked at her.

“I’m glad for you mate, this and the last eight times you told us. Now I can officially say I hope you’ll design the broom I fly when I play for the Knights.” Ron replied as if this announcement meant nothing. Inside he was glowing, he loved Quiditch he had been so worried he would make a pratt of himself during his internship. And there were so many new bloods vying to get on professional teams. He had pulled it off it appeared.

His good news was met with squeals from Lavender and Luna and hearty cheers from Neville, Seamus and Justin. Seamus grinned up at him that ever cheeky grin on his face. “I’ll make you the fastest broom in the nation mate you wait and see. And it will be even better because I’ll make it and you look great!”

“Ron doesn’t need help looking great Seamus, Have you ever seen him on a broom with the wind in his hair. My father says that when a man finds his joy it shines in his eyes. It’s true because when your up in the air Ron you look like you don’t need that broom to fly.” Luna remarked quietly as if remarking on the weather.

Ron hadn’t tripped over his own feet in a year but he almost did so now. He could only blink at her in shock. Where had that come from? Then again it was Luna she had a habit of just saying what was in her head. What does one say to something like that.

Seamus was eyeing him speculatively now and a slow grin spread on his lips, lips that had he been honest were rather alluring. They enticed with a rapscallion charm that was purely Seamus. “She’s right you know, when you’re enjoying yourself you get this look in your eyes. I think it’s called Passion and it’s kind of sexy.”

Ron shuddered and swatted Seamus a little less playfully then he had intended but still between friends. “Hey I don’t swing that way Sea, and being as I’m not partial to shagging household flying equipment a fat load of good a passion for flying will do me in the long run.”

Justin snorted as Seamus replied with a saucy grin, “What way do you swing then?”

Ron turned unaware that his mane of red hair tossed in an almost lion like wave to flash in the early afternoon sunlight. He grinned a flash of white teeth and suppressed virility that had Seamus blinking up at him. “Not your way Finigan.”

Seamus let out a hoot of laughter, “well figure it out before the Graduation Ball will you, I wouldn’t want to have to be your date.”

Ron saw Justin shudder and eye the two of them nervously he gave a stuttering laugh as if unsure of whether they were yanking each others chains. Neville was in a whispered conversation with Luna and Lavender was eyeing him with hope.

No way in hell there, he had made that mistake once already.

“Don’t worry about it; Weasley’s going with Granger, aren’t you?” Justin asked hopefully still eyeing the two of them warily.

No, as of now at least. Although if he asked her it would go a long way toward getting them back on even ground. Maybe then she would stop glaring at him and he could get one of the few girls he could stand back as a friend. The Graduation ball was held after the ceremony and was exclusive to only seventh years and their guests. The rest of the students would have gone home the day before.

The graduation ball was famous for three things the ending of relationships and the start of marriages. Every year at least one overly romantic or emotionally distraught male would propose to his girlfriend either to his parents delight or horror. It was also if not the most tactful but the last opportunity to break off any relationship you were in that you didn’t want to carry over into your adult life. It was also an excellent judge of who if not at this very moment then at least in the years to come would be getting married.

If you liked some one enough to spend the last night of your symbolic childhood in their arms it stood to reason they were more then a casual fling. It was a well known fact that if a guy asked you to the Graduation Ball he was either saying I love you or something close. At the very least he was saying that you meant something and he didn’t want to just forget you. That he hoped even after that one special night that you would remain in his life.

That’s why he was going to ask her.
~~~~~~~Hermione‘s view~~~~~~~

“He asked me to go with him of course…”

She hated these silly girls with all their silly chatter on and on about boys as if their weren’t more important things. She had forgotten that for a little while, she had started to foolishly believe that maybe all that story book romance mumbo jumbo might have a grain of truth in it. In one of those books that the other girls in her year giggled over wouldn’t she and Ron have finally come together after years of attraction and evasion of the issue. Wouldn’t after she bore her soul to him, after she handed him her heart on a platter wouldn’t he take it and make her world complete?

“I nearly fainted Susan I think it’s real love…”

What utter nonsense. In reality that didn’t happen, in Reality the Knight on horseback stomped on the heroines heart and spit on her pride more often then not. To get ahead in this world she could not allow her foolish heart to lead her around into fantasies. So Ron hadn’t wanted her, what did he know. Viktor had and she wasn’t blind enough not to see that more then a few others in her year might as well. Ron was not the only man out there and she would not cry after him like some broken ninny in a bad dime novel.

“I saw Dennis Lingworthy in Diagon Alley during the two weeks. He was buying a ring, I think he might propose to Padma isn’t that just romantic!”

That ripped it and tore it for Hermione, she slammed her quill down on the table and glared over at the simpering girls. “Oh for heavens sake this is a library if you’re going to twitter on like ninnies go else where”

Both girls bristled in indignation the bolder of the two replying “We were being quitter then your being right now! And besides it’s the last day of classes no one has any assignments so why cant we talk.”

She was being un fair she recognized that and replied hotly, “ Well I am trying to concentrate is it too much to ask in a library for some peace?”

She turned her back on both girls. She stiffened when she heard one of them whisper, “I heard Ron’s going with Lavender, she’s such an old maid I don’t blame him but she doesn’t have to take it out on us.”

She had her wand out and was advancing on the cheeky little witch before the girl had even half way finished. “This has nothing to do with Ron, unlike you I don’t plan my happiness around men! I don’t need Ron to take me to any ball I think I’ve proved that once before! He and every other male in this school can chase a bat in the dark for as much as I care! Ron can snog Lavender into the floor if he wants, hell Dennis will probably propose to Padma two days from now and like a fool she’ll say yes! And you know what will happen, I’ll tell you. Nothing because none of its real, none of it means anything! He’s seventeen what does Dennis know about love, what does Ron or Harry or you or anyone in this school know about love. A BIG FAT NOTHING.” She stomped her foot griping her wand tight in an effort not to hex the wide eyed girls in front of her.

She turned on her heel and gathered her things to storm away her blood was running high and she felt like she could take on the world. She could take her life back in her hands, no more tears no more moping. She found Harry and Ron in the common room. Ginny was sitting in Harry’s lap her head resting on his chest. Ron was sprawled on a couch eating a chocolate frog. Seamus was sitting cross legged on ground a book on brooms spread out in front of him. There were a few others but she ignored their presence. She advanced before this new found edge could fade.

“Harry!”

Harry looked up at her startled eyes widening a little at the sight of her swooping down on him. He opened his mouth to speak but she beat him too it.

“No! Just listen! Why are you just sitting here eating candy and snogging with a girl. You’re our only hope and you treat it like it’s a vacation. You have four Horcruxes to destroy and you could very well die and the thing utmost on your mind is whether your going to get laid! And what you did to Pravati was just cruel, she was your girlfriend and you treated her like your treating your life. Like she didn‘t matter!”

Harry gapped at her like she’d grown another head and she heard Seamus choke back a laugh she rounded on him next. “There isn’t anything funny about anything that I said Seamus! You may be able to afford to kick back and grin at the world but Harry cant. If he dies you’ll only have your self to blame for encouraging him to throw his life down the drain. Two days from now Harry’s going to be declared a man and it’s time he started acting like it!”

Ron was sitting up now and didn’t appear to like what she was saying, “He’s having an afternoon with his girlfriend Hermione no need to call out a lynching party! ”

The heart of the problem was she had been holding all of this inside her so long it was erupting. All year the forced change had bubbled inside her, she could not hold in what was spewing from her anymore then she could stop her heart with a command.

“ As the criminal accomplice I happen to agree. I don’t know how you can expect him to act like a man when frankly he just isn’t one yet.” Here Harry shot Ginny a reproachful look and she patted his thigh and continued, “It’s true I know you seventh years like to think just because your out of school and of age and working you’re suddenly adults but to the rest of us you still look seventeen young and stupid. Harry isn’t any different.”

“But Harry is different, we’re all counting on him. Harry you cant afford to be like everyone else, Seamus can afford to still be a kid, I can afford it even Ron can but you cant Harry you just cant. Have you even decided when your going to start looking for more Horcruxes?” Hermione tried to reason with him.

“Yes! I didn’t think I’d do that until I’d been an Auror for a while I don’t know anything about dark wizard catching!” Harry protested.

Hermione shook her head, “Harry that’s no good, Voldemort isn’t going to wait for you to grow in strength so that it will be a fair fight! He’ll strike when your weak and untried and you walking around with a blind fold is like putting a target on your back. You need to get them while you have some element of surprise!”

Ron shoved out of his chair to face her, he looked appalled at her. “He’s seventeen Hermione! You want Harry to just waltz out into the wild without any experience to face Voldemort so he can have an element of surprise? Voldemort would be surprised alright, surprised how stupid Harry could be. Having fun and becoming an Auror isn’t throwing his life away, what you just suggested now that’s throwing his life away!”

She bit her lip, how could she make them understand. Did she even understand? All she understood was that in two days she would be an “Adult” and the trio that had always been was going to break. Looking around her she had to face the fact that they had already broken.

In the back of her mind she could only think that this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. In a fairy tale ending she would have married Ron and Harry would marry Ginny. Their trio would have evolved into a family, it was only right. This love they shared for each other would beautifully manifest into something more. They would be unbreakable and inseparable and she would never have to face the heart ache she was facing now.

Other groups of friends would grow up and grow apart and change but they would remain the same, they would remain a family. Wasn’t that just the ideal, wasn’t that what she wanted more then anything.

Yes but first Harry had to survive, and Ron had to acknowledged he was in love with her. His rejection had stomped on her pride and she had retaliated in kind. Not the smartest move to get his back up, maybe where she had gone wrong was in not just telling him. If she was honest she hadn’t actually told Ron aloud how she felt. Well she could correct that mistake, she would lay it out in a way that even he who saw so little could understand.
Ron loved her, she knew that he always had. He just had a hard time figuring out how to get what he wanted. She could help him there.

She dipped her head and glanced at her group of friends apologetically. “You’re right I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just that Harry I’m really scared for you.”

Harry nodded and reached out to clasp her hand, “it’s ok and your right too you know. I do sometimes forget.” he grinned at her, “That’s why I have you here, to remind me.”

She glanced up at Ron the blazing look in his eyes had softened and he gave her an encouraging smile. “Yeah Harry can drive a bloke up a wall sometimes. Don’t worry Mione none of us is going to let a thing happen to him.”

That seemed to be the signal for normal chatter to resume. Ron walked over to stand beside her and took her hand.

“Are you really o.k. Mione I’ve never seen you like that.” He asked her searching her face as if the answers were hidden there. She shook her head and he cringed.

“I hurt you didn’t I. I didn’t mean to please believe that. We’ve been friends for too long and I don’t want to loose that. I don’t want to loose you, if you’ll have me I’d like to be your escort for the Graduation Ball.”

For a girl who didn’t depend on a man for her happiness those words sure had a way of bringing it back.

****End Part one****


Part two
The changes thereafter

“I cant tell you how proud I am of you Harry. If your father were here he’d be just as proud.”

Harry couldn’t help beaming up at Sirius as the older man wrapped him in a bear hug. He stood in the great hall which had immediately after all the other students had gone home for the year been cleared and decorated for today’s ceremony. A ceremony that had seemed to take hours for his name to be called. But when it had, he had felt a burst of pride unlike anything he had ever felt before. He hadn’t heard the roar of the crowd or Mr. Weasley, Charlie, Bill, Cedric and the twins razzing and obnoxious cheers.

He had been grinning at the twinkling eyed old man who was handing him a fine leather encased certificate of education. Who gave him a wink just before shaking his hand and congratulating him. He had been unable to stop grinning even as Hagrid slammed his back a couple times and blubbered about his being grown up and remembering how little he used to be. Then Remus and Sirius had come to congratulate him.

“Thanks Sirius, I know he would be.” Harry nodded, even the twinge of loss the thought of his parents still brought him couldn’t dampen this moment for him. He knew very well it wouldn’t last, that the elation swimming through his system was a temporary and giddy high at best. Tomarow he would wake up and face the fact that he was now a man. Hermione although harsh had been right yesterday. He had been selfish up until now, he had brushed aside everything important to seek his own pleasure.

Maybe that’s why it was so easy for Malfoy to get under your skin. You were becoming addicted to pleasure seeking.

Well not anymore! He’d made the decision that just because he wasn’t completely trained didn’t mean he could just sit around and wait for Voldemort to hand him his soul. Hard work and most likely a lot of luck was the only chance he had. It would take a man to defeat Voldemort. So a man he must become, how well that might take a little hard work and luck as well.

“Harry you were wonderful!” He heard Ginny just before she threw her arms around his neck. He laughed hugging her tightly to him. Ginny was so warm, every time he saw her his day got a little brighter and he wanted to laugh. He couldn’t wait till their positions were reversed, he would stand in the crowd with her brothers and cheer just as loud.

Because you feel like her brother.

Then why can I kiss her.

Because feeling and being are two different things. He was not going to drag himself back into gloom by arguing with himself anymore. He hugged her a little tighter and as if to prove his point only to himself he kissed her thoroughly.

Nice. Like laying in a field on a summer day, or taking a leisurely stroll down a wooded lane. That was Ginny and he loved that about her.

“Harry if you’re not careful mum will have the two of you married by weeks end if you don’t stop that.” Bill Weasleys voice interrupted and Harry pulled away from her. She blushed and swatted her older brother on the arm and Harry had to laugh.

Mrs. Weasley was beaming tears flowing down her face no matter that she kept dabbing at them. “Oh I would not, I’m not as stiff as all that why when your father and I were young…”

Harry laughed as all of the Weasley children present turned pale and cringed simultaneously. Beside him Sirius and Remus chuckled as Ron intervened before she treated them to a description.

“Mum please we believe you.”

Mrs. Weasley nodded then gave a great laughing sob and grabbed Ron too her as if he were no older then three rather then seventeen. “Oh my baby! Arthur can you believe it two head boys in the family. And…”

Ron cast Harry a look and mouthed “save me“. Harry laughed and rolled his eyes.

“…And you and Hermione looked so nice in the Head Photo’s. I’m so glad your going together now, Didn’t I always tell you Arthur this was how it was going to be.”

At this Ron grappled his way free of his mothers hold, “Mum1thiers more packing to do before the big dinner and Ball so we better get going and all that. You and Dad will want to get your best on…”

“right Right, We’ll see you at the Dinner then?” She gave his cheek one last kiss leaving her son to glower and the mercy of his friends.

“oh…Ronikens…you big strong man we’re just so proud of you.” Fred gushed throwing his arms around his brother and trying to kiss his cheek the way their mother had done.
“Sod off Fred!” Ron grumbled just as Hermione darted over disentangling herself from her own mothers arms.

“Harry Ron can you believe we actually did it!” She laughed happily throwing her arms around Ron. Ron looked supremely harassed by now groaned and tried to pry her loose as the Twins hooted with laughter.

They had done it hadn’t they, seven years each one with its bungles and scrapes and even its moments of terror. They had made it through, and they were still friends.

The proud smiles on all these parents and siblings faces, this air of happiness and promise of things to come.

They had done that.

~~~~~Deans View~~~~~

The house elves had out done themselves, in only a few hours time the long benches and decorations from the Ceremony had been cleared away and the great hall had once again been cleared away and redecorated. The theme was something to do with night because the ceiling had been enchanted so that although It was early summer and only six in the evening it looked as if the sky outside was that of a mid summers night. The stars in the ceilings depths blazed and everything was draped in rich soft colors. There was in deed dining tables set up laden with food till the tables groaned in protest.

In one part and in deed little clustered fractions all over the hall parents professors and other adult relatives chatted and boasted together. He had just left his mother standing with Mrs. Finnigan and a group of older witches even now comparing their children and their achievements.

It had been too uncomfortable standing there listening to Mrs. Finnigan go on and on about Seamus and casting him pointed stares and asking him why he wasn’t going to spend the part of the summer with them as he usually did.

He could hardly answer, because your sons in love with me and I cant be near him without wanting to make him happy.

Dean sighed pushing his way through the throng of parents and former students of Hogwarts. That was the real problem, he was hardly homophobic and had any one of his other friends revealed to him what Seamus had he would have of course been startled and a little confused. He would be able to take it in stride though much the same way as Harry and Ron had. It was easy for them to accept Seamus because Seamus wasn’t to them what he was to him.

Seamus had always needed looking after, he got himself into trouble and Dean was firmly convinced he had been born to pull him out of it. Mrs. Finigan had known his real father had been friends with him even enough to keep his identity secrete from Deans own mother. They had been introduced as babies, they had grown up together. Seamus was his brother of spirit if not blood.

The bond between them was more like a curse now. He was so used to pulling Seamus out of trouble, looking out for him, seeing him, being with him that it was ingrained in him to do it. He had never thought twice about it before. When they got lost Dean took his hand and found the way. If he fell Dean would try his hardest to catch him even if it meant he got hurt. Despite the sadness clinging to him he had to smile at the memory of one of their childhood escapades.

They had been nine and Seamus had insisted that if he climbed to the top of the tree he could very well indeed touch the sky cause it was right there. He had ignored Deans protests that the sky was actually much farther away then it looked and not to bother. He had climbed and climbed eyes bright with joy hooting with laughter.
Dean had seen him reach for a branch above him, a branch already half hanging from the tree. He had shouted a warning but it was too late. Seamus gave a yelp and was falling. He hadn’t made it that far up and realistically Seamus wouldn’t have died if he fell. The worst that could possibly befall him was a broken bone.

But watching his friend fall had been like watching his own life fall upon the rocks of nevermore. He had run and lifted his arms to catch him. Not surprisingly he had been knocked to the ground and Seamus had landed sprawled on top of him completely unharmed and laughing his head off.

Dean had broken his own arm had found things considerably less funny. He had called Seamus ten types of idiot before he realized that his friends giddy laughter had turned to tears and that he was shaking. He had apologized and tried to laugh, he had asked Seamus what it was like to fly. Seamus had hugged him and he hadn’t really minded all that much even though it hurt his arm.

Always there for him. It had always described the two of them perfectly. Dean was always there to catch Seamus and Seamus was always there to give Dean a push. Always they had been a team a unit and now…

Now Seamus needed something from him he couldn’t give. The trouble was the part of him so tuned to being with Seamus wanted to do as it always did and make Seamus happy. He wanted to give him anything and everything he needed.

That’s where he hit a wall. He wasn’t gay, how could he be. All he had ever liked was girls, he grew up with a mother and a step father who expected him to like girls. Hell he expected himself to like girls had never even questioned it. His step father David was a mans man if he had ever seen one as a muggle he was interested in cars and sports and other manly pursuits. David was first and foremost a sportsman he played soccer and rugby like a champ had even played on a professional team before an injury put him out and he’d met Deans mother.

Seamus used to tease that all David needed was a club and hair on his chest and he would be a regular cave man. David wasn’t a brute and he treated his mum real well and that was good enough for Dean. David had tried to be a father to him in his own way and he respected and was even grateful for that. David had even taken his being a Wizard in stride, admittedly not at first but once over the shock of it all he had tried his best to get to know Deans world.

Quiditch was a way to do that, Dean had let him ride his broom once and they often sparred off together in the yard. David was miserable on a broom of course but that only made him admire Dean all the more. He was proud of Deans accomplishments and proud of Dean. There was just one fatal flaw in David.

David didn’t like homosexuals. He being as braw and well David as he was just couldn’t fathom the entire concept. He thought it base disgusting and completely unnatural. He wasn’t a cruel man he hardly went on gay hunts or lynched anybody. His obvious dislike and contempt was made clear in less subtle ways. When having a beer with his buddies on the porch it could be in a joke or a snide comment.

It was in the stories, the innuendos the jokes and all the things left unsaid. For David Harris you were better off dead then gay. This attitude had never bothered him before, what did he care he wasn’t gay didn’t plan on becoming gay no one he knew was gay. In short it didn’t affect him so it didn’t bother him.

Now Seamus had gone and blown the top off his world with one whispered declaration of love. Did he love Seamus.

Yes.

Should he love Seamus?

Yes no maybe so?
Was there anyway in hell his step father was ever going to be ok with his having a homosexual best friend. Ha. Was their even a flying pigs chance that he would eventually accept his step son deciding he was just in love with said best friend? When hell froze over.

Better hell then his heart, which was what was happening. He did not want to be gay! He didn’t want to find Seamus attractive, he didn’t want to find him so beautiful he ached to touch him and find his heart so open and wonderful he wanted to claim it for his own and never let it go.

So therefore he wouldn’t. Just couldn’t. There was a natural way of things whatever Seamus thought he felt for Dean was just a manifest of the brotherhood they shared.

“Dean I can’t find mummy?” A little voice chirped tugging on the tails of his dress robes. His little brother Nathan better known as Nate blinked up at him with big brown eyes. Although strictly speaking only his half brother Dean didn’t see it that way. He grabbed Nates hand and steered him back towards his mother even if it meant facing Mrs. Finigans pointed questions again.

An old grandmotherly looking witch twittered at the pair of them as they walked by. “Oh isn’t that cute, how are you doing this fine evening young man. How many years till your at Hogwarts?”

Nate held up five fingers and the woman giggled. Dean wasn’t sure about that, Nate being the son of David and his mother was one hundred percent muggle. There was always the chance he was a muggle born wizard but he hadn’t displayed any magical tendency’s as of yet.

“How’d you get lost Nate, didn’t I tell you to stay with mum?” Dean reprimanded him continuing to lead him back towards their mother.

“I saw Shay Shay Dean. But when I went to say hi everything was lost.” Nate clarified sticking thee ebony fingers into his mouth. Dean grinned at him shaking his head. Seamus had a rather hard name for a young child to pronounce. For reasons unknown Nate had taken Deans pet name Sea, and doubled it till it sounded like Shay Shay.

“Well Shay Shay will probably come over and say hi late, why don’t you stick with mum until then alright.” Dean counseled handing Nate to his very relived looking mother.

Mrs. Finigan was nodding, “I wouldn’t worry about a thing Nathen Seamus wouldn’t forget his manners to say hello. He’s entertaining some friends from work. He made quite and impression you know, even the owners Nephew took a liking to him. When Seamus invited them they wouldn’t miss it for the world…”

Dean tuned out her chatter he didn’t need to hear what Seamus was doing. Cause then he would have to acknowledge that pang of longing stinging in his chest.

“Hey Thomas are you going to hang out with the old maids all night or come dance with us?” A group of giggling girls called out breaking him out of his thoughts. The group of mothers twittered, beside his mum David grinned wolfishly and clapped him on the back.

“Go on Dean go have fun with your friends, you don’t want to be tied down by us old timers.” He said nodding towards the girls. He winked at Dean and Dean felt like laughing.

Or crying he was still debating which. He was attracted to girls, he didn’t lie to himself about that. That meant he was strait. Why couldn’t he just be happy.

Because Seamus wasn’t. And because his happiness has always meant more to you then your own .

~~~~~~**Seamus**~~~~~~

“Aint no other man
can stand
Up next to you
Aint no other man
On the planet
Does what you do”

The drums slamed so loudly they seemed to set the beat for the heart to follow as the former students of Hogwarts danced on the floor of Hogwarts. After the traditional waltzes the wizarding band HourGlass had come up on stage and began to make the place “jump” as Sandy had so elegantly put it. Most of the older adults had elected to adjoin to an empty class room that had been refurbished into a sort of supper hall with tea and a less…youthful swell of music.

Anyone who wanted to party it seemed had remained in the great hall. Someone had passed around a few boxes of Butter Brew, fire Whiskey and other unnamable drinks about an hour ago. They were now of age and apparently loving it to distraction. Seamus had long ago abandoned the white outer cloak of his dress robes rolled up his sleeves and kicked back on the dance floor. Jade hadn’t arrived yet being as he had to work late tonight but he had promised to make it for at least some of the celebration. Not being a complete trio had not deterred Sandy and Rebecca from throwing themselves into the party.

Rebecca knew how to move and he was used to dancing with both her and Sandy from their nights at the local clubs. He was laughing because even as they danced she made faces at him. He was having more fun then he’d had in weeks.

The blonde singer on stage continued to crune a melody that had everyone hoping and swinging on the floor.

“ You’re the kind of guy
A girl finds
In a blue moon. “

“I love this song,” Sandy shouted from next to him he was dancing with a brunette Seamus didn’t recognize probably someone’s older sister. Seamus grinned at him and together they mouthed the next part of the song.

“You’ve got soul you’ve got class!” They bellowed a little off tune but too high on life and unnamable drinks to care.

“You’ve got style with your bad ass!” Rebecca shouted leaping onto him and wraping her legs around his waist.

Ron who was dancing with Hermione burst into laughter when Seamus nearly fell to the floor and Harry let go of Ginny to help steady him. Once they were steady Rebecca grabbed his face and planted a searing kiss on his lips. She winked at him both of them knowing it was all in pure if drunken fun.

“There aint no other man but you!” They all finished at the same time bursting into giggles. He knew his face was a little flushed and that his eyes were shining a little overly bright but he wouldn’t change anything about this night.

“Finigan you can dance a beat when it suits you.” Ron noted wirily.

Seamus grinned cheekily at him and winked, in his white suite pants and jacket with the stylish cut he knew he looked good tonight. Hell he felt good, and it was about time. The only thing that could make this any more perfect is if Dean would dance with him. But Ron wasn’t a bad substitute. In his black dress robes neatly cut and tailored to hug his tall muscled frame it was a far cry from the hideous concoction of lace and frills from their fourth year. Ron looked good enough to eat, it was a shame Seamus wasn’t hungry. At least not for anyone other then Dean but he wasn’t going to mule on that.

“yeah well that’s because I’m a man, fancy taking me on Weasley?” Seamus taunted.

“Ohhh Ron I think he’s calling you out, are you going to let him talk to you like that?” Justin crowed.

The others gathered laughed and taunted good naturedly, Ron turned a little red and went to refuse the challenge.

Hermione laughed up at him and pushed him forward. “Come on Ron you can fly through a hoop at lightning speed but you cant dance?”

“I can dance I just don’t like to.” Ron muttered.

“Ronniekens can dance like a little girl maybe, he’s afraid to dance with real men aren’t you Ronnie.” Fred laughed from the sidelines

Ron shot him a glare then eyed Seamus a slow grin spreading on his lips he reached out for the bottle in Georges hand and took a long swig. “So I have something to blame this on later.”

This was met by hoots of bawdy laughter as everyone cleared a circle around them. Seamus glanced up at the stage, a local wizarding band called SpidersCauldron was setting up and getting ready to start their first number.

“Who’s your bet on?” He could here Ginny whisper to Hermione. Both girls giggled.

“I don’t know I’ve never seen Ron dance but I’ve seen Seamus and he knows how to move.” Justin offered his two cents worth.

Harry nodded sagely, “Yeah but Ron’s really fast and flexible he could be hiding some tricks we all don’t know about.”

This was met with laughter, as the first beats of the song began. It was quickly recognized, the low earthy elemental beat was slightly exotic and strongly stimulating.

Sandy almost crowed in delight. “Oh I should have known they would do this one. That’s it my bets on Seamus I saw him dance to this at a club and was tempted to shag him myself.”

The music throbbed around them almost like a jungle rhythm it guided the beat of their hearts and moved in their blood like a toxin. Was he nervous slightly dancing in front of Sandy and Becca was one thing but his school friends was another.

“You challenged me Finigan don’t back out now?” Ron taunted only half seriously. Seamus had no intention. In a way this was his final step out of that fear filled closet of doubt. He felt like a butterfly trapped in a cocoon working its way out. The first rays of sunlight were beginning to reach him, soon he would break free and fly away.

Ron was tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously and Seamus grinned at him. He didn’t wait for the first words he began to sway back and forth to that low throbbing beat all on his own. Dancing was an expression of soul, of your inner emotion.

What did he feel right now? He felt glorious, achy and seeking something he couldn’t quite grasp. He moved to that feeling swayed and rocked to it.

“Alright ladies and gents you ready for this?
I want you to look at the bird next to you and make this place sing alright?” The lead singer breathed in time to the beat.

This was met by a roar of approval from the crowd of young people, and A grin from Ron. He took another swig from the bottle then handed it back to George as the Singer began to sing.

“Tell her hey baby your looking good
I want to play with fire like any boy would”

Seamus moved his hips in time to the beat and crooked a finger at Ron laughing when Ron grabbed his arm and graceful swayed into him. Seamus eyes widened in surprise a little bit but he was having to much fun to care what others thought of their dancing together.

“Sway towards me
Cause I want it like that”

When Ron moved he moved like he was in the air, all grace and air. It was smooth and something incredibly male that had his blood running far too hot too contain any of it inside his body for long.

“You kiss my neck and
I’ll purr like a cat”

He danced around Ron moving his hands over the expanse of his back just before dancing out of his reach. His lean hips encased in the white silk of his dress pants dipped forward to brush against Ron’s as he gracefully sidestepped.

“there’s only one way this is ending
You and me lets stop pretending”
You look at me and I look at you
I’m reaching for your shirt tell me what to do”

Ron was grinning at him as he gracefully turned and grabbed Seamus by the waist to spin him forward. The feel of those strong hands around his waist was like a brand to his overly sensitive skin. He rubbed sensuously against that touch, swayed into it in slow rocking motions.

“I want you to loosen up my buttons
But you keep running”

He spun out of Ron’s hold dancing away from him with a gleam of fire in his eyes. Ron was watching and moving with him in fascination. There was an answering flame in his own eyes. They were both searching for something. They danced around each other each searching for it in the other.

“Saying what you would do to me
But I haven’t seen anything
I’m telling you to loosen up
My buttons baby”

His blood pooled low in his body running hotter then a molten stream. He was on fire, he was calling for love and aching with desire and this was the only release he was likely to get.

“Typical but hardly the type I’ll fall for
I like the physical”

Ron looked like a man having his first time, their was a flame of heat in his eyes his motions bold and powerful demanding. Seamus was helplessly drawn into the swirl of his aggressive heat. He danced closer to him circling around him almost wary of the heat swimming between them.

“Don’t leave me begging for more”

He danced away un aware that as he moved his body enticed, beckoned called for attention. Begged for something he couldn’t name.

“Im not asking if you wanna!”

He was thrown a little off balance at how fast Ron moved he had grabbed Seamus wrist and was spining him into the cradle of his arms.

“What I want to do is bring this on ya
Have you heard all the things I’ve told you?”

His back was pressed against Ron his head just barely reaching the crook of his shoulder for a moment they moved against each other swaying like that, the heat spiking between them threatening to start a fire. He was in love, and the man he loved wasn’t man enough to take what he offered. He suddenly felt rage lace the edges of the desire streaking through his body. With a light step he sprang free of Rons hold on him spun around placed both hands on the hard muscles of his chest and pushed him backwards.

“You’ve been saying all the right things all night long
But I cant seem to get you over here to come take this off”

They moved in perfect syncronization, Seamus forcing Ron backwards even as he moved in time to the music. Even as his hips moved and his hands worked up and down the front of Rons shirt. There was a blaze of challenge in his eyes. He dared him to take what he offerd.

“Baby cant you see?”

Ron darted around him in a quick step.

“I want these cloths off of me”

He was dancing away from Seamus now a whirling display of athletic motion of muscle and strength. His auburn hair glinting like flame in the torchlight’s.

“There’s so much heat coming from this beat”

Hot his hair was like fire Seamus was catching on fire burning with it as he watched him move to the rythem.

“I’m about to explode”

He rocked and swayed toward him drawn like a moth to the flame. He was a blaze of masculine passion and he suddenly wanted nothing more then to dive into it and burn.

“I don’t think you know
I want you to loosen up my buttons baby”

They came together in a graceful swirl of movement moving against each other just barely brushing but each touch sending shocks of heat sizzling through his blood stream.

“But you keep running
Saying what you would do to me”

Seamus had to bite back a moan of desire as his thighs brushed against Ron’s, he closed his eyes falling deeper into the rhythm and sway of their bodies.

“But I havent seen anything
I’m telling you to loosen up
My buttons baby”

He was going to burst into flame, his hands were grasping Ron’s shoulders in an effort to dance closer to him in an effort to support his suddenly weakened knees. He felt Ron’s hands brushing his hips up and down in a maddening friction of motion. And then Ron was pushing him away in a graceful spin.

“You say you’re a big boy but I cant agree
Cause all that heat you say you have
Hasn’t been shown to me”

Rejection! He was not going to be rejected! He wanted something and he wanted it now. He wouldn’t let fear deter him, he knew this was Ron he was dancing with and not Dean but the two were blurring in his mind. He moved in a blur of motion to spin in front of him and placed on hand on his chest.

“Boy I wonder.”

He let his hand trail down Rons chest and dipped gracefully low to the ground.

“Am I just too much for you?”
I wonder?”

They were moving faster now an explosion of heat and touch that was barely more then brushes between dancers but for them it was an explosion of heat and suppressed desire.

“How can you just stand there I wonder
If you’ll ever figure out what you want to do”

Faster faster, harder harder they danced around each other against each other fanning the flame of desire each knowing it wasn’t the other they danced for but each demanding just the same.

“Take a chance
Recognize that this could be yours”

Ron jerked him to his chest a little too hard pulling him out of a spin and slamming their bodies together.

“I can see from your eyes
That you fight the fire.”

As the song ended they stood like that both panting with exertion unable to take their eyes off each other. Then the cheers of the gathered students broke them out of the momentary spell and Ron was turning a bright red. They stepped back from each other like the other had the plague.

Sandy clapped him on the back and Rebecca grabbed his face again and kissed him. “If you swung my way Honey I’d loosen your buttons. You absolutely must officially introduce me to your friend.” She cooed eyeing Ron like a peace of chocolate. She wasn’t the only one, not a girl in the room wasn’t staring at him like they wanted to shack up with him as soon as possible. Hell even some of the males looked to be considering it.

Harry was laughing and shaking his head Ginny was staring at her brother with a strange knowing expression almost smug as if she had done something to bring about the events of the evening.

Hermione was hanging on his arm and gazing at him like she’d bought a box supposed to be full of pennies only to discover their were twenties inside instead.

“Holly hell Ron where did you learn to do that?” George was gapping at his little brother for the first time in their known lives with real admiration.

Ron flushed again, “ just did it I guess… I don’t usually dance in public“ He stammered.

From behind Seamus a person spoke. “Well you should you know, your very good. Sorry I’m late Seamus Micah kept me late.”

“Jade!” Seamus was so glad to see him he threw his arms around him in a companionable hug. Jade laughed and hugged him back but Seamus noticed he was still watching Ron who was watching him with something like puzzlement on his face.

“Your red head friend is wondering if we’re lovers, and your ex lover is wondering the same thing of both me an your other friend.” Jade whispered into his ear. Seamus shivered.

“Dean watched me do that?” He whispered back.

Jade chuckled nodding, “honey everyone was watching that. It was impossible not to you were the hottest thing I’ve seen in years. He thought so too believe me he doesn’t like your red head friend so much anymore.”

Was it wrong to feel a bit of elation at this?

Seeming to read his thoughts Jade chuckled again. “ Here let me try something.” He whispered. Then he turned Seamus around in his arms and kissed him soundly. The people around them erupted in bawdy cheers and a few cat calls. Dean flinched like Jade had punched him.

Good.

He released Seamus and grinned down at him, “for a man who claims to not want you that way he sure doesn’t like other men wanting you either.” Jade remarked just as Becca slung an arm around his waist and leaned into him.

“Jade, Jade be careful or Seamus might just fall for you like poor little me and get his heart broken.” She giggled.

Jade rolled his eyes, “it cant be any kind of lasting emotion because a second ago you were thinking of taking on new meat and you know it.”

Rebecca gave a cat grin and eyed Ron, “Well how about it Tiger fancy taking on a woman this time?”

Ron grinned a little, still a little flushed and Hermione laughed. She grabbed his hand tugging him along. “Yes he does and that woman’s going to be me.”

Ron let Hermione lead him back out on the dance floor. Harry lead Ginny and the music started back up again. He couldn’t belive that two weeks ago he had actually felt as if his world was coming to an end.

Seamus laughed, suddenly his own prospects was looking incredibly bright.

~~~~~Ron~~~~~

It was early in the morning and the party was winding down. The former seventh years were making their way to dormitories or fireplaces to floo home if they chose too. Harry Hermione Ginny and he had opted to spend one last night in the castle so they headed for the Gryffindor tower. This was their last treck down this hall way together like this. Their last time to sleeply mutter about how tired they were. Well Ginny and Luna would return next year but for the others this was it.

There wasn’t much room for morbid thoughts, no they were all dead tired but still giddy and rather slap happy. Most of the seventh years were either smashed or so high on success and a good time they might as well be smashed. There was much rapid and senseless giggling as well as senseless chatter. Ron ignored it all, he wasn’t that drunk except for the swigs he’d taken before the dance he had refrained from over indulging. He couldn’t say the same for many of the others. Neville was swaying a little and Luna was guiding him along with a delightful smile on her face as if they were strolling down a park lane.

Seamus was weaving on his feet while trying to support an equally weaving Lavender which appeared to be the height of hilariousness between the two of them because they broke into wild laughter every few moments for little reason. Ron watched them all fondly especially Harry. Harry was not a good drinker a sip could make him tipsy a bottle put him under the table.

He was a happy drunk at least. And a source of great amusement as they all flailed their way up the stairs. In his heart it was always going to look just like this.

It was all too sweet to last, but as he wrapped his arm around Hermione’s waist he prayed for it never to fade. She was leaning on him not for support but in contentment. She gazed up at him a look of almost heavenly adoration in her eyes.

“Thank you so much for tonight Ron. I think this was the best night of my life.” She whispered. He stiffened a little. He was glad they were friends again, glad she felt the same way he did about life at this point in time and glad to give her happiness. But that’s where it ended, he wasn’t in love with her. Or was he?

He couldn’t stand any other girl long enough to form any lasting bond, she had the capacity to make him wild. True it was with anger and ire more often then not but maybe passion was beneath that.

No passion is what you felt on the dance floor tonight.
With Seamus? A man more taken I’ve never seen.

“I know I didn’t really tell you before but I love you Ronald Weasley.” She spoke quietly but assuredly as if she knew what his answer would be before she spoke. As if it were set in the frame work of time and space, or a math equation she had figured out in advance and he was still struggling to compute.

This was how friends lost friends, never fall in love with your best friend. Hadn’t anyone warned her about that? Hadn’t she seen enough with Seamus and Dean? What could he possibly say that would keep them friends but not lovers. Because if they became Lovers they were both going to get burned.

Hardly any chance of getting burned if theirs no fire, maybe I‘m just cold

He said nothing, he hugged her tightly to him and to keep her from diving any deeper into the matter he kissed her. When they broke apart she blinked up at him sighed concededly like a cat and let him lead her.

As he lay in his bed for the last time he thought to himself. He thought about the fuetcher, he thought about his family, he thought about Harry and his battles to come. He thought about Hermione’s admission of love and what was going to become of them all. Most of all he thought about being on the dance floor. He thought about fire and heat and an emotion deeper then lust and brighter then even the hottest of needs. He thought about love.
Why was it so hard for all of them to find it?