Forsaken
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
50
Views:
2,139
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
50
Views:
2,139
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Difference Between Doubt and Belief
Chapter 7 - The Difference Between Doubt and Belief
“Bloody hell.”
“Wha?” muttered Kingsley, waking back up. “What did you say?”
“Nothing,” said Harry quickly. He sat down in his chair, softly drumming his fingers on the desktop. He had a sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore was setting him up on purpose to believe Snape was still on their side. But why? Why was Dumbledore so adamant that Harry trust Snape? Snape had never trusted Harry. The man always found or invented things to criticize about him. All of this on top of the long history with Sirius and the rest of the Marauders, and Harry was sunk before he even did anything. Harry’s jaw clenched in fury, remembering that fateful first Potions lesson where Snape had humiliated him in front of everyone.
But Dumbledore had died believing that Snape was loyal to him - he had been firm in his wanting Snape after they came back from the cave. Harry thought back to the first memory he’d seen. Did Dumbledore know? Did he know that Snape was going to kill him?
Harry sighed, using his wand to replace the memory back into its vial, which then went back into the box. He pulled out the next one and noticed that the script was different on the label. The more he looked at it, the more familiar it became until he was certain he recognized the writing. He jumped up from his seat and leaned over to the window, dangling the vial over the small opening. He glared at it, Dumbledore’s words echoing loudly in his mind. Gritting his teeth, he stepped back, poured the memory into the pensieve, and stuck his finger in before he could change his mind.
He reappeared in a darkened hallway at Hogwarts. He looked up and down the hall, trying to find anyone moving. A tall man appeared to his right and began walking straight towards him.
“Figures,” muttered Harry viciously. Sneering at the man, he followed the billowing black robes towards Dumbledore’s office.
Severus stepped up the staircase, which had been left open for him. He knocked softly on the office door and heard someone say “enter” from the other side. He pushed on the door, spotting Albus at his desk skimming what looked like a parchment from the Ministry. Albus looked up at him and smiled at seeing Fawkes fly over and land gently on the young man’s shoulder.
“Ah, Severus,” said Albus, putting the parchment down. “Right on time, as usual. Are you ready, child?”
“As ready as I’m going to be,” muttered Severus. He tentatively reached up and petted the beautiful bird, grinning softly at the bird leaning into his touch. Albus grabbed a long, black traveling cloak off a rack near the door.
“I trust I don’t need to remind you to keep your temper in check,” said Albus, looking at Severus over the tops of his glasses. Severus rolled his eyes.
“I think you should be more concerned about your precious Gryffindors reducing me to a pile of muck on the floor,” said Severus snidely. Fawkes squawked at him, earning himself a glare Harry recognized immediately.
“Shut it, bird,” hissed Severus. “I don’t take lip from snotty little kids, and I certainly won’t take it from you.” Fawkes spread out his wings, whapping Severus’s head as he flew back to his perch.
“I think you’re the only person who has ever managed to offend my pet, child,” muttered Albus as he walked out the door. Harry quickly followed after Albus, keeping himself between him and Severus. When they reached the entrance hall Albus paused, turning to face Severus.
“Disillusion yourself, please,” said Albus softly. “We do not need curious eyes spotting you and I walking to Hogsmeade together.” Severus complied, tapping his head with his wand. Albus waited until Severus’s shoes disappeared under the charm before nodding once. He pushed open the huge front door and stepped out into the crisp November night.
Albus walked casually to towards the village, softly humming a Christmas carol to himself. Harry heard a scoff.
“Albus, it’s just now November,” hissed Severus. “It’s a little early for Christmas songs, don’t you think?”
“Not at all, dear boy,” said Albus softly. “I often sing Christmas songs all year round. They’re such merry tunes, don’t you agree?” Harry grinned wickedly at the muttering behind him, thoroughly enjoying Snape being uncomfortable. Albus tipped his hat at the young barmaid sweeping off a mat in front of the Three Broomsticks, but continued walking towards the next street. He turned down the road and took a few steps before he stopped. Looking up and down the street, he held out his arm.
“I’ll have to apparate you there,” said Albus softly. “Quickly now, Severus.” Suddenly, the entire scenery changed. Harry stared in awe at the beautiful little country house set amid a thick grove of trees. He followed Albus through the gate in the white picket fence that surrounded the house. Albus bounced up the steps, knocking three times on the door.
“State your name and business!” shouted a woman’s voice through the door. Albus smiled.
“It’s Albus, dear,” he said calmly. A light above their heads flicked on as the door cracked open, revealing a sliver of red hair and a bright green eye, along with a wand. The door shut again, followed by the sound of a chain rattling. Harry gasped softly at seeing his mother, her red hair piled in a messy bun on top of her head.
“I don’t think any Death Eater could mimic that damn twinkling in your eyes, old man,” muttered Lily, stepping back to let him in. “I thought you were bringing a new recruit with you.”
“Oh, he’s here,” said Albus as he took Severus’s invisible arm. “We had certain security measures to put into place before we arrived. I’m sure you’ll forgive me for keeping his identity a secret for just a little longer.” Lily grinned.
“You’re the leader of this shindig,” she said as she held out her hand for his cloak. “I suppose you’re allowed to do things the way you see fit.” Albus chuckled as he removed his cloak, handing it to Lily. She placed it over a chair with several others. “The others are in the dining room. Make yourselves comfortable. I have to go check on the baby, but I’ll be right back and we can get started.”
“Take your time, my dear,” said Albus. Harry gawked at all of the photos on the mantelpiece. They were all of him - him sitting in his mother’s lap, him with an older couple he didn’t recognize, him sleeping cuddled up against a huge black dog. He turned back towards Albus at the sound of his name.
“Do not mention the Prophecy, Severus,” Albus was saying. “This will be difficult enough without adding that stress for James and Frank to deal with as well. We will wait a little longer to see if Tom takes further action. If he does, then we’ll talk to both couples about safety precautions.”
“Yes sir,” said Severus softly. Albus nodded as Lily came back into the room.
“Shall we?” she asked, waving a hand in front of her. Albus grabbed something invisible and followed closely behind her. Harry ran after him, and froze at the sight of a man wearing wire-rimmed glasses joking with a blond-headed man sitting next to him. He walked down to the end of the table and looked at the faces of his parents and their friends, along with a younger Professor McGonagall and Moody. Next to Moody was a man he didn’t know, but his facial features were so like Neville’s that Harry assumed him to be Frank Longbottom.
“I have called this meeting,” said Dumbledore, “to introduce you to a dear friend and ally. He and I have been in communication for a few months now, since early this summer. I personally vouch for his trustworthiness.” James exchanged suspicious looks with a handsome, dark-headed man next to him and leaned over towards him. Harry quickly walked behind them to hear what they were saying.
“ -like this,” whispered James. “Why is he taking so long?”
“This guy must be some kind of freak show or something,” whispered Sirius.
Harry watched silently as Albus cancelled the Disillusionment charm, revealing a pale Severus Snape. He backed up against the wall as all three men on his left stood up sharply and began firing curses at Severus. Even Moody and Frank drew their wands, pointing them down at the other end of the room. Suddenly, a huge flash of light hit James, Sirius and Remus, binding the three of them to their seats and disarming them. Harry flinched at the fierce look on Dumbledore’s face as he slammed three wands on the table.
“Were the three of you even listening just now?” said Albus sternly. Lily groaned angrily at the sound of a baby crying.
“Damn it, James!” shouted Lily. “Do you know how long it took me to put him down?”
“Sorry, love,” said James regretfully as Lily ran from the room. Albus sighed, turning around to Severus, who was wiping blood off his face.
“Are you alright, Severus?” asked Albus quietly, putting a hand on the man’s shoulder. Severus nodded, obviously embarrassed. Albus took his face in his hand and touched his wand to the gash on his cheek and his nose, healing the wounds and cleaning the blood off his face. Lily returned, holding a sniffling baby in her arms and glaring at James.
“Oh, c’mon, Lil,” said Sirius pleadingly. “You can’t blame us for wanting to hex the living daylights out of ol’ Snivellus here.” He gave Severus a cheeky smile. Severus clenched his jaw, glancing at Albus.
“Fuck you, Black,” hissed Severus softly. Sirius’s smiled disappeared instantly, replaced with the ugliest look Harry had ever seen on his godfather’s face.
“If I didn’t have a baby in my hands,” said Lily threateningly. “I would curse you into next week, Sirius.”
“I can hold Harry for you, if you like,” said Minerva. Sirius’s jaw dropped slightly as Lily handed Harry to Minerva, whose face lit up as she took Harry into her arms.
“Hello, there,” said Minerva softly. Baby Harry cooed loudly, grabbing onto to the shiny clasp on her cloak.
“Boy, you’ve got some explaining to do,” growled Moody as he and Frank sat back down. Severus’s face paled alarmingly under the Auror’s gaze. Albus waved his hand in front of him, motioning for Severus to stand at the head of the table. Severus took a hesitant step forward as Albus stood behind him.
“W-well,” said Severus shakily. He cleared his throat, smoothing a hand down the front of his teaching robes. “As the Headmaster said earlier, I have been passing Death Eater intelligence since late May.”
“And explain how you’ve been doing that!” said James fiercely. Baby Harry whimpered slightly, causing James to calm down a little. Severus turned to Albus, who simply gazed back at him. The young man turned back around to the rest of the room, catching Lily’s gaze. She gave him an encouraging smile.
“I have met with the Headmaster after every gathering that has been held since the beginning of June,” said Severus softly. “Any information he has passed on to you has come from me. I have agreed to be the Order’s spy. I am no longer loyal to the Dark Lord.”
“If you didn’t want to be a Death Eater anymore,” snarled Sirius, pulling hard at his restraints. “Why don’t you just stop? You could run away and hide. You’ve always been good at that.” Severus gave him a condescending look.
“Apparently,” said Severus silkily. “You are not familiar with how being in the Dark Lord’s service works. Let me enlighten you, Black. This may be difficult, but let us imagine that you are a somewhat intelligent young man and possess several rare talents, like the ability to break almost any kind of ward on any building and an ability to brew even the most complex potions. Persons of importance approach you about joining a select group of witches and wizards whose sole purpose, they say, is the advancement of intelligent wizards such as yourself. You’re poor and have no money to support your ailing mother since your father has drunk most of your inheritance away, so you agree to join. Are you with me so far, Black?” Sirius glared at him.
“Good,” said Severus before Sirius could respond. “Now, they bring you to meet the leader of this group. He puts a horrid-looking mark on your arm and makes you lick the dirt off his boots. He then proceeds to torture you into submission, which you immediately give him in order to stay alive. You know you’ve probably made a bad call, but you’ve got your mother to think about. So, you do his bidding in the hopes that he will reward you with what you need to help her. Finally, after a year or two of faithful service, you get fed up with waiting and approach him about your situation. He promises to help you. Later that evening, he shows up at your house and murders your father in front of you.” Sirius’s face paled slightly, staring at Severus’s expressionless face.
“You’re somewhat relieved,” continued Severus quietly, his tone harsh and bitter, “that your father will no longer be around to abuse you or your mother in a drunken rage. However, this lunatic takes things a bit too far and - and murders your mother as well, telling you that you don’t need the baggage.” Lily covered her mouth with her hands, horrified.
“You continue following the Dark Lord,” said Severus softly, his eyes boring holes in Sirius’s skull, “because he tells you that no one leaves his service. Ever. ‘Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater,’ he says. He offhandedly mentions a young man who tried to stop being a Death Eater and how his internal organs made lovely potion ingredients before breaking every bone in both your arms. One night, you answer a summons to find a good friend of yours being tortured horribly. He clings to you, drenching you in his blood before the Dark Lord causes his entire body to explode in front of you. Things then proceed to go to hell in a hand basket. You decide that you need to remedy your situation, even if it means Azkaban.” Albus put a hand on his shoulder, signaling for him to stop.
“Furthermore,” said Albus sternly, eyeing the three men to his right. “I trust him completely. And just so the rest of you will as well, I am inducting him into the Phoenix Council.”
“YOU’RE WHAT?” cried James and Sirius in unison.
“Well, it would give us a way to make sure he was always telling us the truth,” mused Remus. James and Sirius looked at him like he was sprouting horns.
“Good to know one of you has a working brain,” muttered Lily. She turned to Severus and smiled. “I’m really glad you’re going to be helping us out, Severus. I know that some of us here,” she glanced significantly at James and Sirius, “-- would like to think that we’ll be fine without knowing exactly what Voldemort is doing, but the truth is, we need as much help as we can get.”
“I will do everything that I can to help,” said Severus softly. Albus smiled and drew his wand.
“If you will please hold out your wand hand, Severus.” Severus held out his right hand. Albus turned it over and touched his wand to the back. Severus winced slightly as the phoenix was branded onto his hand.
“This is a means of distinguishing who is truly with us,” said Albus, activating Severus’s brand. “I only mark the most trusted members of my Order, as you can see by who is present right now. The brand will only disappear if you betray me or anyone in the Order, and will be a sign to any of us here that you are not to be trusted. It cannot be altered in any way or tricked into appearing. It will also serve as a way of communication. I will use it from time to time to call meetings, at which you are required to be present unless some dire circumstance prevents it.” Severus looked up at him. Albus gave him a wink.
“Now then,” said Albus. “I believe we’re done for this evening. I have an appointment with Edgar at the Ministry, so I must be off. James, I believe he is expecting you to accompany me.” He waved his wand at James, releasing him from the chair and handing him back his wand.
“Yes sir,” said James. He walked over and gave Lily a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back late.” He walked over to Minerva, placing a finger in Harry’s hand. “You be good for your mum.” Baby Harry giggled loudly, causing the rest of the room to laugh.
“Come, James,” said Albus, amused. James quickly left the room. Minerva stood up and handed Harry back to Lily.
“I can’t stay up as late as I used to,” said Minerva. “I have first years tomorrow, so I had better be getting back. I’ll see you all soon, I imagine.”
“I should get going too,” said Frank. “I’m sure Alice is wondering where I am.” He looked back at Severus, glancing down at the blue brand on his hand and back up at his face. “Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Severus.”
“Thanks, Frank,” said Severus softly as Minerva and Frank left the room. He quelled under Moody’s wary gaze.
“I’ll be watching you, boy,” growled Moody. Severus swallowed thickly as the Auror clunked out of the room.
“Would you like something to drink, boys?” asked Lily. Baby Harry grabbed a handful of her long hair and pulled on it hard. “Ow! Harry, let go!” She yanked her hair out of the baby’s hand. “Here, Severus. Make yourself useful.” She held Harry out towards Severus.
“Oh no,” said Severus, backing away from her. “I - I don’t do -“
“Oh, for goodness sake, Severus,” said Lily. “It’s just a baby.”
“Exactly,” said Severus, his eyes wide. Sirius and Remus chuckled at him from where they were still bound to their chairs.
“What’s the matter, Snape?” said Sirius. “You scared?” Severus clenched his jaw and held out his arms. She laughed at him as she gently placed Harry in Severus’s arms and waved her wand at the other two men.
“Just ignore them, Severus,” said Lily. “I hope butterbeers are okay. Or milk, I have lots of milk. Our good Firewhiskey seems to have disappeared.” She gave Sirius and Remus a stern look as she opened the icebox.
“I had nothing to do with it,” said Remus, holding his hands up. “It was all James and Sirius.” Sirius slapped him hard on the back of the head.
“You little narc,” hissed Sirius. “Lil, I promise we didn’t drink it all at one time, I swear.”
“Right,” said Lily. She carried four bottles over and set them in the center of the table. Severus walked slowly to the front room and sat down carefully in a chair near the fireplace. Harry followed him, watching him closely.
“You’d better watch him, Lil,” he heard Sirius say.
“Oh shut up, Sirius,” answered Lily sternly. “Leave him be. He’s been through enough tonight.” Harry frowned a little, gazing back down at himself in Severus’s arms. Severus took the baby’s hand between his fingers, gazing astonishingly at the tiny fingers that wrapped themselves around his finger. The baby yawned softly and closed his eyes.
“Is everything okay, Severus?” asked Lily softly as she stepped into the room a while later. Severus whipped his head around, then relaxed at the sight of her alone.
“He’s asleep,” he whispered.
“Thank God,” she said, coming around the chair. She gently pushed back the baby’s jet black hair. Harry stiffened at seeing the gesture. “Come on. I’ll let you put him down.”
“Oh, that’s alright,” whispered Severus quickly. Lily waved her hand at him.
“It’s not that big of a deal, Severus,” she said. “If James can do it, you can certainly handle it.” Harry ran to follow his mother, gazing avidly at the many pictures that lined the hallway. Many of them were from when his parents were at Hogwarts. He smiled at one of Sirius and James, both dressed in Gryffindor Quidditch robes and holding up the Quidditch cup between them. Harry wondered to himself what happened to all of these pictures - maybe he’d ask Remus. He walked into a small room and laughed out loud at the tiny broom leaning against the wall.
“Jesus, Lily,” said Severus, looking around the room in horror as the tiny figures dressed in red and gold flew around the walls. “Did you leave Potter and Black in here unattended?” Lily laughed softly.
“James was driving me nuts one day,” whispered Lily, rearranging the blankets inside the crib. “So I let him do something productive to get him out of my hair. I figure there are worse things than Quidditch at this point.” Severus walked over and laid the baby down gently. Lily covered him up, again brushing a hand over his unruly hair.
“I should get back,” said Severus softly. “Some idiot child will blow the castle up if I’m too tired to pay attention in class tomorrow.” Lily looked up at him and smiled.
“Okay,” she said softly. Severus turned to leave the room. “Severus?” He stopped and turned around.
“I’m really proud of you,” said Lily. “You took a lot of shit tonight from those boys, but you handled it well.” Severus sighed.
“I might end up strangling them by the time this war is over,” teased Severus. Lily chuckled, taking his arm as she walked him to the door.
“They’re good to have in a pinch,” she said, “so maybe we won’t kill them quite yet.” They walked out onto the porch.
“See you soon, Severus,” said Lily. Severus gently took her hand, placing a chaste kiss on the back of it.
“Goodnight,” whispered Severus. Lily rolled her bright green eyes.
“Go on, Casanova,” she teased, giving him a playful shove down the stairs. He grinned mischievously at her before turning on his heel.