Why We Build Castles In The Sky

Oh, tell me why are the castles way up high?


Severus let out a long sigh and paced along the front hall, waiting. Narcissa had told him noon yet it was only eleven thirty. He heard a high-pitched cackle coming from one of the corridors and turned to see Avery positively doubled over in maniacal laughter.

“Ah ha ha... I taught him all right... Never see him again... Ha ha!” He half mumbled-half growled.

“What the bloody hell are you on about?” Severus spat.

“Guess what, Severus. You were right. Lupin’s a faggot!”

Severus’s expression dropped. “What d’you mean?” He said quickly, his eyes gazing at Avery intently. A wave of panic ran throughout him; did Remus say anything about...? But surely Avery would not be acting this way if...

Avery nodded, putting an hand on Severus’s shoulder and beginning to plow into a story of events.

“Okay so when you told me that Remus was a fag last week and I didn’t believe you I was determined to find out for myself. I saw him leave the Great Hall today--alone for once--and I followed him. Come to find out he’s cutting himself, the shabby wreck. And then I told him what you said about him being a faggot and I asked him myself–he didn’t say a thing!” Avery shouted in triumph, “It was obvious. Sorry mate, forget I ever doubted you. But he won’t be fucking anyone up the arse any time soon; I kicked him in the bloody balls and gave him a Cruciatus.” He added, laughing like mad.

“You–wait... he cuts?” Severus questioned, expressionless.

“Yeah.” Avery said, “Stupid git. Ah we’ll, if he kills himself it’ll save us the trouble, eh?”

“Idiot.” Severus muttered under his breath.

“Right?” Avery chuckled in agreement, having heard the dark-haired boy. “Well, I’ll see you later Severus. I have to meet my date in the common room.” And with that, he left the hall.

Severus felt angry. Remus was stupid. Just some stupid, hopeless soul.

“You can’t let go of anything.” He grumbled, leaning up against the cold damp wall of the castle and shutting his eyes. 'And you can't either if you're still caring for him.' a voice whispered in his head. He shook it off angrily.

He thought of Narcissa. Her beauty. What she would look like when she came through the front doors and saw him. He was feeling momentarily lustful at that moment; He imagined kissing her... feeling her up... taking off her shirt and...

Severus opened his eyes, finding himself staring at an opposite wall. He had opened his eyes in annoyance. Why was everything so clouded now? I mean, it was like Remus had been... lips were lips, a body was a body... breasts were...

He shook his head frantically once more to clear his thoughts and then swallowed in pained realization; he could not find women attractive.

Severus spent the last remaining minutes trying to find himself to feel lustful towards a woman’s anatomy. Nothing was working. The only things that were arousing him were thoughts of Remus and himself that popped into his head without him realizing it at first. He had shunned these thoughts away each time one had surfaced. ‘I am not gay...’ He thought angrily over and over again.

“Severus?”

His head snapped up to see two shining blue eyes and a slim figure leaning, silhouetted against the cloudy sky, on the doorframe of the front entrance.

“Narcissa.” He said, grinning and making his way towards her.

“It’s been so long.” She said, taking his hand in hers and letting him shut the door behind her.

“Yes it has.” He said, gazing adoringly into her eyes.

He led her towards the Slytherin common room; heading down the corridor of the dungeons. They hadn’t even reached it when she threw him up against the stone wall.

“Gods Severus, I’ve been longing for you for so long... Lucius could never kiss me the way I’m sure you could...” She said, running a finger along his shirt.

Severus grinned evilly at her and let out a small huff of laughter. ‘Okay, just do it....’ He thought madly, ‘for her... and yourself.’ He leaned towards her... or rather, moved his head an inch forward.

She went the rest of the way hungrily and their lips locked. He could feel her receiving a rush he could not instantly and he felt extremely angry. He shoved his tongue down her throat and she gave in at once. Remus had always fought with him... Remus tasted absolutely luscious... Remus knew just how to...

“Give me head.” He barked.

“What?” She spat, looking up at him in disbelief.

“You heard.”

But she didn’t move. She shook her head, fear beginning to dawn on her pale face as she looked into his eyes. “No, I wouldn’t feel... It wouldn’t be...”

“Do it.” He said, unzipping himself. He needed to be pleasured right now. And it needed to be a woman. He would prove to himself he was not gay.

“N-No.” She whispered.

Severus let out a roar of rage and grabbed her in a vice grip... it happened so quickly...

He felt her struggle when he forced her head down and she had to give in out of fear, he felt the wetness of her mouth upon his cock and tilted his head back. She began to work up and down and to his outrage, she wasn’t doing anything to satisfy his needs.

“Faster.” He commanded, pulling her closer by the hair.

He could feel her gagging as he held her down on his softening length.

He let out a bellow of rage and fury and pulled her off of him, pushing her against the back wall and kissing her hard. He felt tears spilling down her cheeks, landing on his own. He still felt nothing... nothing at all...

Severus removed himself from the girl and whimpered in defeat, sinking to the floor. “Go,” He whispered, “before I hurt you again.” He said, turning away.

She stood up, trembling slightly. “No,” She said, shaking her head and moving towards him with concern and outstretched arms like Remus would have done...

Remus walked weakly down the corridor, propping himself up against a wall where he stopped and spat blood onto the floor. He watched as the blood mixed with stone and he walked on. He paused again heard whimpers coming from far down the hall. He set at a quick pace and eventually sped up, seeing two figures in the shadows. He heard moaning now. He froze as they came into focus, staring at his former lover kissing and groping a woman.

Remus saw Severus’s look of pure pleasure as he was lip locked with the girl. A stunning realization appeared on his face as he recognized who the girl was.

“Narcissa?” Remus squeaked, his lip quivering in hurt.

Severus stopped abruptly and opened his eyes, turning and seeing the look of horror on Remus’s face. He took himself off of her, making to stand.

Remus ran. He clutched his side in pain as he did. “Fuck you Avery!” He cursed, running towards Gryffindor tower.

“WAIT!” He heard a voice call, and frantic steps racing behind him.

He had reached the staircase when he was thrown backwards and into the arms of the pale youth.

“I said wait.” Severus breathed, his wand at his side.

Remus whipped himself out of Snape’s grip. “Leave me alone!” He shrieked, making to head up the steps once more.

Severus shoved his wand back into his pocket then caught Remus by the robes and wrenched him backward so that his lips were a mere inch away form the boy’s ear. “Stop. Please.” He said in all seriousness, turning Remus around.

“Why should I?” Remus whimpered. He let his eyes unfocus on his surroundings as he had a horrible urge just then to cut...

Severus peered deeply into dark brown eyes... he did not remember ever seeing this look on Remus’s face... of pain, of despair... he was hollow. Sudden flashes of images flicked through his head. Remus was holding a blade in his hand... he was bringing it close to his flesh... there were horrible scars...

Severus wrenched his eyes away in horror and immediately took Remus’s hand in his. Remus made to wrench it out of his grip but Severus was too strong.

“Stop it Remus... let me see.”

He had to see if it was real...

“No.”

“Let me see!” Severus yelled, holding the arm firmly and pulling back the sleeve of Remus’s robes. He let out a cry of utter repulsion and alarm.

There were ugly scars and cuts covering his forearm, and a few fresh cuts that had bloodstained his arm; they must have been from when Avery had found him earlier.

“Why?” Severus asked, looking up at the werewolf.

Remus scanned Severus's concerned expression and grew angry. How is it that he could care for him... after all he did... after all the pain. Remus inhaled deeply, his voice wavering as he spoke, “Because I’ll never have you back!” He snapped emotionally, whipping his arm out of Severus's hand and sprinting up the steps.

Severus made no move to stop him this time. His heart stung as he watched the boy run up the staircase, not looking back at him.