Striving For Something Not Temporary

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I hope you enjoy the next chapter

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There was no other word for it. Hermione felt like shit.

After her little lark with Draco in the bathroom last night, she properly holed herself back up in her bedroom. She opened up her windows to the cool autumn breeze and lit up a cigarette. Well, more like a whole pack of cigarettes before the night had passed. Normally, she was a firm believer of smoking outside, but she was too terrified to leave her room, lest Draco was still lurking about.

I made such a fool of myself. How can I ever face him again? I’m sure he already thinks I’m the biggest nut job that’s ever graced the planet. Now I go and throw myself at him like some wonton hussy. Ulg...I fucked up so bad! I’ve taken a shitty situation and made it like infinity times worse.

You’re so stupid! Stupid stupid girl!

Needless to say, with her previous predicament of the nightmare, along with all the foolishness she brought upon herself, Hermione got absolutely no sleep that night. By the time breakfast was over in the Great Hall, she was so paranoid and twitchy, it was a small wonder she even made it though all her classes.

Draco himself, wasn’t fending off much better.

The main thing coursing though his mind was how such a vice grip of a personality became so fragile from her own unconscious thoughts. Being witness to it was unsettling for him. This was something so intimate, it felt like an intrusion to have been present for it.

To see such completely different spectrums of her, he had to wonder what her equilibrium was. The ‘tough girl’ physique she held was obviously a defense mechanism, yet so much still a part of who she was. It was a big part of why he had so much respect for her in the first place.

This whole fragile damsel crap though...he didn’t know how to deal with that. He was witness to it. He acted on instinct through it. He truly felt that in that moment he wanted to protect her from any harm that was brought upon her. She looked so broken at that moment. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to fix her. That freaked him out.

She took him off guard too many times that night, and his mind was reeling in too many directions because of it. Everything happened so fast that in any other circumstance, he would have almost felt violated if he himself hadn’t have wanted her just as badly.

Shit was so confusing though! Everything that happened in the bathroom was such a blur. It was like an out of body experience that lacked the visual elements to hold witness to. All of his senses seized to function except the feel of her touch on his skin.

Never in a million years could he imagine a girl having such power over him. Anyone having that much power over him for that matter. Then, in the blink of an eye, she was gone again. What the hell was going on?

The idea that he had hurt her any more in the fragile state she was already in made his heart break for her. That thought alone freaked him out most of all. He should have the power, the control of the situation. No person should be able to bend him to such weakness. No girl should make him feel more for her than he felt for himself.

The girl made him aware of all of these foreign emotions building up inside of him he’d never felt before. He’d never even been aware of ever existing before. He couldn’t even pinpoint what they were. Whatever they were, he wasn’t fond of them. They made him feel disconnected. Distracted from his every day life.

All because of her.

He’d watched her throughout the day, whenever he got the chance. He only had two classes with her today. Arithmancy and Charms. She had arrived early to both of them, and sat in the front of the class. He figured it was so she wouldn’t have to watch him come in. He respected her space, and observed her from the back of the room in both sets of classes.

She had heavy bags under her eyes, and snapped at her fellow Gryffindor’s more than she usually did on any given day. Other than that, there wasn’t much change to report. She studiously avoided his gaze, and didn’t say one word to him all day. Not that he wanted to approach her and test the waters. Whatever fragile waters they were treading in needed to be approached from behind closed doors. Not in front of the school as a whole. It wouldn’t make their situation any better.

Draco tried to keep his peripheral vision aware of her at meal times, but the only one he found her at was breakfast. She had avoided the Great Hall for the rest of the day. He really did feel terrible about it. He had no idea what in fuck’s sake was going on with her, but if he were to blame for it, the idea didn’t sit well with him.

Sighing inwardly at the end of his meal, he reached for the empty plate across the table from him and started dishing food upon it he thought she might enjoy. She may be trying to avoid him, but she didn’t need to go hungry because of it. As an afterthought, he grabbed a spare bread plate and set a slice of trifle on it. He knew she was quite fond of that dessert, hopefully it might cheer her up a bit.

Trudging himself into the Head’s office, he passed behind the desk and muttered the password. The sight that met his eyes in the common room led him to a dead stop.

Hermione was passed out face down on the sofa with one arm outstretched, draped along one of the cushions. One leg had fallen, and was skirting across the floor, and her backpack was still in place on her shoulders.

Christ, even under sheer exhaustion, the girl was still aching to prove she knew the answer.

Draco smiled and shook his head to himself. He padded to the coffee table as quietly as he could as not to wake her, and set down her dinner plates. Turning around, he lifted her leg back into it’s place on the sofa, and removed her shoes. He lifted her arm up as gently as he could, and removed the strap of her backpack.

When he reached for her other arm, he almost had the strap off before she started stirring in her sleep and let out a soft moan of disturbance. He stopped his actions until he knew for sure that she had settled back into slumber, and successfully removed the backpack from her body and placed it on the floor.

Without thought, he pet her hair with the palm of his hand, and arranged it to flow down her back before tiptoeing to his room to retrieve a blanket and pillow for her. The fireplace was crackling merrily as always, but it still gets drafty in there from the balcony doors.

Placing the blanket onto her, he took care to tuck it under her feet before bringing it up around her shoulders. He picked up the pillow, and just as he was going to lift her head up with his other hand, he saw two wide dark eyes that sparkled from the firelight. Fixed in his direction.

Visually startled, he jumped a bit before relaxing back into control of himself. “Fuck, sorry Granger, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He whispered.

Hermione sat up in the middle the sofa, still curled in the blanket he’d wrapped around her.

Draco cautiously sat down beside her, placing the pillow in his lap.

They sat in silence like the for a few minutes before she finally spoke. “You brought me dinner?” Pointing at the plate, she looked at him with those same wide eyes.

“I..well I didn’t see you eat anything since breakfast. I thought you were probably hungry.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Why are you doing this Draco?”

“Doing what?” he inquired, looking mildly confused.

“This!” She spat, lifting the blanket off her a bit and shaking it at him while pointing at the plates of food again. “Why are you being so nice to me after how I behaved last night?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asked factually while shrugging his shoulders. “I obviously did something to run you off last night, not the other way around. The last thing I want to do is hurt you Hermione, and it’s important to me that you understand that.”

“I took advantage of you last night Malfoy. I practically raped you, and acted like a common whore!”

Draco couldn’t help but laugh at her outburst. “Oh Granger, you’re no whore. Whore’s don’t high tail it out until after they finish the job.” He let out another chuckle at the look of bewilderment on her face.

They sat in silence again for what seemed like ages. She didn’t know how to respond to him, and he seemed perfectly content to stay silent. Hermione grabbed her trifle and started to nibble on it.

In all honesty, the only thing she really wanted to do at this moment was to find a deep dark hole, crawl into it and die. Maybe that’s what he wanted. Maybe he was just trying to butter her up so she let her guard down and he could tie her up and drag her off to St. Mungo’s. Rotten son of a bitch.

That’s the only explanation why he could possibly be so civil. That rat bastard was up to something. He thinks I’ve flown the coop and now he’s going to hide me away in some nut house! Oh God, He’s probably poisoned my–

“Tell me about your dream last night. What happened?” Draco unknowingly interrupted her sleep deprived delusional inner rambling.

“What?”

“I want you to tell me about your dream last night.” He repeated.

“Oh Draco,” she mockingly fanned herself with her hand while her eyelashes fluttered disgustingly. “I never would have envisioned the day a Malfoy would willingly subject himself to the nighttime inter-workings of a silly girl.” she rebutted coyly. “Is this like...pillow talk?”

“No it’s not pillow talk, and you’re not a silly girl.” raising his voice slightly more than he intended to. “I want to know what shook you up so bad.”

“You didn’t poison this, did you?” She asked, ignoring him and sniffing at her trifle.

“What?” He was a little taken back that she would think such a thing. Maybe last year, but now– “Hey! Don’t try to change the God damned subject!” he barked and pointed at her. “You scared the hell out of me last night, now tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Hermione let out a long, tired sigh. “Nothing happened last night Draco, except for me managing to embarrass myself.”

“Like hell.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It was just a silly dream.”

Draco scoffed. “I don’t know if you remember, but you woke up acting like you’d just outrun death. I’m not sure I’d really classify that as silly.”

Okay, so Malfoy’s actually acting like a human being, and he seems to sincerely care about my crappy baggage. I can’t tell him about this, though. I can’t tell him that he’s literally the man of my dreams! I can barely tell myself that, let alone admit it out loud.

Then those silly eyeballs. He’ll think I’m an absolute tart making such a big deal out of nothing. The last dream she had was ten times worse than this one. The fact that this one bothered her so much more was unreasonable.

Hermione stood up off the sofa and started to make her way back to her bedroom. She was going to try to prepare a dreamless sleeping draught This was all too much to handle.
Draco grabbed her wrist and pulled her back towards him. “God damn it Hermione, you’re not going to hole yourself up in your bedroom every time you feel the need to run away from your problems. There’s no answers for you in there!”

“This doesn’t concern you,” she lied. “Please, now let me go.”

“No, not until you talk to me. I’m not going to stand by and watch you waste away in your own delirium because you’re too proud to ask someone for help! You’re obviously not talking to Potter or Weasley about it, so God damn it, you’re going to talk to me!” he practically shouted.

“Why do you even care?” she screamed, escaping from his grasp and beginning to back away again.

Grasping on to her jumper, he pulled her forward. They came crashing together as he wrapped his arms tightly around her body. “I don’t know why I care Granger, but I do. I hurt when I see you hurting. I feel sick that I may have caused your pain to be worse. You’ve poisoned me like a drug. My thoughts never leave you. Everything I do, everything I say, I second guess lately. Wondering if it would have your approval!” His heart started vomiting all of this information before his mind had time to filter it. “Just please, don’t shut me out...”

Hermione stared at him in shock. “I don’t know how to behave any differently Draco. I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell you. What makes this better?” She wasn’t sure when their conversation veered from her dream, to their possible romantic interests in each other. Either way though, she was dumbfounded on how to deal.

“I want you to drop that armor you’ve wrapped around yourself! You don’t need it with me. I want to know what makes you tick. I need you Hermione, every part of you. I’m breaking apart seeing you act this way. I’m losing parts of myself watching you fall apart, and I can’t handle it. I need for you to talk to me.”

“I..I d-don’t know what to tell you, Draco.” She couldn’t handle hearing this. Not from anyone, especially not from him. How could he of all people manage to break down all her outer walls? It was such a terrifying thought. She cared about him so much, but admitting it to him would be admitting it to herself. She would be personally placing her heart in his hands. She can’t put her heart on the line again for another person to smash down upon it, least of all him. She couldn’t bear it.

“Why are you doing this, Hermione?!” He grasped her shoulders, slightly shaking her body in tremors. “Why won’t you let me in?”

She was looking deep into his eyes. He could feel her piercing his very soul itself. “Because love is only temporary Draco, and I’m already too bitter to let something that consuming into my life.”

Draco released a breath he had no idea he was even holding onto. He brushed his palm against her cheek and pulled her even closer to himself than before. “Then don’t make me temporary.” He stated simply, pulling her face to his in a gentle kiss.

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Responses from reviewers


Joyous- I\'m glad you like my style, that means a lot to me


Convolution- I\'m happy someone else appreciates the smoking scenes. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story.


EvilTurtle- I hope this has sustained you. ;o)


Petalsoft- I\'m honored you enjoy my work. I hope the new chapter hasn\'t let you down. By the way, I can\'t believe it didn\'t click before why your name looked to familiar to me. HUGE FAN of What a Witch Needs! You do great work. ;o)




Thanks for all the reviews guys, I\'m happy you\'re enjoying my story! I\'m half way through writing the next chapter so I should have it out to you by Wednesday night/Thursday morning.