In My Mind

Disclaimer: Same as before. I also don\'t own the song Harry sings...

A/N: God damned angst bunnies! I can\'t get rid of the little buggers! I\'ve got one duct taped to the ceiling, one in the closet, another in a box, and still they manage to lure my precious fluff bunny away! *sighs* Yes, this chapter has more angst than fluff. If I have to hire an exterminator, I\'ll get rid of these annoying little angst bunnies and put you all in a fluff induced coma, swear! Anyway, hope you enjoy the new chap and leave me lots of reviews!!! Oh, and if you\'ve read \'My First 3-Some\', then you get a good idea of who\'s going to be the next delicious chapter. *winks*

Cori Finn!: FF.net if eeeeeevil! lol Ok, so not really. They banned me for a \'G\' rated story. hee I\'m really glad you\'re enjoying it and if I happen to get over there, I\'ll read some of your stuff. =) I usually don\'t update this quickly, but I\'ve had some extra time on my hands as of late. lol

Carmella: Right now is the best I could do. lol I\'m glad you\'re enjoying the story. I\'ve got a dark fic that I\'m going to write on this same premise, probably beginning in the fall. It promises to be interesting, if nothing else.

angimagus: Thanks! Yep, I\'m a total Snarry fangirl myself. *makes obligitory fangirl squee* It will continue going at the same (extremely slow) pace for maybe another chapter or two, then Harry gets all Gryffindor on his arse. lol

Shaddow: This chapter definately won\'t put you in a fluff coma. lol The effing angst bunnies took over this one. *scowls* I haven\'t decided yet who I\'m going to pair Remus up with, if anyone, but it might be the pair mentioned in this chapter (of which, they will be my next story in the \'My First 3-some\' universe), and it might be Hermione, but I haven\'t talked to her just yet. She may want to work it out with Ron. lol I can guarantee this, NO TONKS! grrrrrr...

Raija: Yeah, this one is sweet, but it\'s alot more angsty. *sighs* Stupid angst.....

angel: Thanks! Here\'s your update!!!


NOW, ON WITH THE STORY!!

The next morning Harry woke only because Duncan had decided that his bladder was a trampoline. He rolled himself out of the bed and stumbled into the loo rubbing his stomach. After he finished his morning routine and dressed, Harry made his way downstairs for breakfast. “Little Snape, what say we have some peaches and a bagel with some cream cheese?”

The only answer was the grumble of his stomach. Taking that as acceptance, Harry put the water on the stove as he cut up a fresh peach and toasted a bagel. After eating, he washed what few dishes there were to wash and began searching for a good recipe for vegetarian lasagna. He knew the basic recipe, but Harry really wanted to make it something that would be memorable.

After searching for what seemed like hours (it was really on about 45 minutes), and looking in every recipe book he owned, Harry found nothing. He was just about to open the spice cabinet and start going through it when Hedwig swooped in and landed on his shoulder. She hooted softly as he ran a finger down her chest and then nipped affectionately at his ear. “I wondered where you’d gotten off to, girl,” Harry cooed as he took the small slip of paper from her leg.

The owl just looked at him with her large amber eyes and snapped her beak a couple of times. “You’ve got food upstairs in your room and I changed your water out this morning,” he answered with a smile.

She hooted again and flew up the stairs to her perch as Harry opened the note. Immediately, a grin spread across his face as he recognized the neat spiky handwriting. The note said:

Potter,

Your bloody owl woke me well before dawn pecking on the window of my bedroom and refused to leave until I penned this missive. I am assuming that your meddling fowl came to guarantee that I would compose a letter ensuring you that I would arrive for dinner at seven o’clock.

Were it not for the fact that the sun had yet to rise, I might be inclined to call your familiar ‘charming,’ but since that is not the case, please warn that worrisome creature never to annoy me again for fear of becoming potions ingredients.

S.S.

Harry laughed at the threat to Hedwig. He knew that Severus would never actually do anything to his precious owl, so quickly penned back a note.

Severus,

Hedwig has a mind of her own. I was not up until after daylight, so she must have heard our conversation last night. At least she didn’t flog you with her wings or nip at your fingers when you didn’t immediately write your note, be glad. She’s done that to both Ron and Hermione. I will speak to her about her midnight wanderings and I look forward to seeing you at seven tonight.

HP

Harry waited a few hours to send the note, so Hedwig could rest. He was excited that Severus was coming for their ‘date’. His order for new robed arrived at Gladrags and Harry decided that a walk around town was exactly what he needed to expend some of his nervous energy, so he walked to the store to pick them up instead of having them brought by owl.

Remus came by late in the afternoon and interrupted Harry’s nap out in his garden. The day was pleasant and warm, but not overly so. The Jasmine creeping up the archway into the garden in combination with the Magnolia tree in full bloom made for a heady combination of smells when combined with the sweet fragrance of the red and yellow roses that lined the walk. It was slightly overwhelming to Remus’ wolfish sense of smell, but to a normal wizard the combination could be quite the aphrodisiac.

Hating to wake the pregnant man, Remus settled on the bench beside him. “Harry, it’s almost five,” he whispered gently as he ran his fingers through the course hair on his sort-of-godson’s head.

With a snort, Harry sat straight up and winced. He rubbed his neck as Remus chuckled. “You know better than to fall asleep on this bench. Do I need to come over tonight and rub your neck for you?”

Grinning impishly Harry replied, “I don’t think you want to come tonight. I have a date with a certain tall, dark, and snarky git.”

Remus laughed. He found the phrase ‘tall, dark, and snarky’ to be one of the funniest things he’d ever heard. When the laughter finally died down, the werewolf put his arm around Harry. “He’s actually going to come over, then?”

When Harry’s grin turned into a smirk, Remus knew something was up. “He’s going to be here at seven, and hopefully, he won’t get back to the castle until after daylight.”

“If I didn’t know you better, Harry, I’d swear you were some kind of slut,” muttered the wolf.

Harry laughed and waved him off. “Please,” he said sarcastically, mirth evident in his eyes, “We are already having a child together, we love each other, and because I want to seduce him I’m a slut. Don’t try to make me out to be some kind of horny tramp looking for a good shag.”

Remus giggled. He knew exactly what Harry had meant by that. Remembering the summer after the young man’s graduation, at a party at the Burrow when he’d ended up with not one, but both twins, he shook his head. “Go ahead and laugh it up, Remus, but I seem to remember…”

“Don’t go there, Harry.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like Bill and Draco are any worse than the twins. I know for a fact what a randy fuck Draco is,” he added with a chuckle.

Both men dissolved into a fit of giggles remembering that party. They talked out in the garden for a few more minutes before coming in so Harry could begin cooking for his ‘date’. He sent Remus upstairs to look through his new wardrobe and pick out a robe for him.

The lycanthrope wandered back down stairs in only a few minutes carrying a deep chocolate brown robe of silk and a light cotton one in navy. “I can’t decide, Harry. I like the silk, but I also like the navy color,” he said.

Harry looked over his shoulder at the robes. “I was going to wear either my gray or light tan trousers tonight with my white silk button down, so either of those will actually do.”

“Go with the tan trousers and the brown robe, then.”

With a shake of his head, Harry acknowledged the wolf. He’d gotten the noodles on to boil and was making a salad while he directed Remus just to lay the brown robe on the bed. In no time, the wolf was back in the kitchen. He put the kettle on the stove and began heating water for tea. “Harry,” he asked as he opened the cupboard, “where’s your lemon, peppermint tea?”

Absentmindedly, the raven-haired man answered, “I’m out, used the last two bags this morning.”

Remus made a face and pulled down the small box of raspberry and chamomile as a substitute. Watching Harry cook was like watching a potions master brew. His quick efficient movements with a knife and the precise motion he used stirring were mesmerizing. The biggest difference was that Harry always hummed and sang as he cooked.

It was just after six with the lasagna was finally in the oven to cook. “Severus is going to be here at seven and the lasagna isn’t going to be done!” Harry whined.

Remus hugged the young man and ran a hand down the side of his pregnant stomach. “Don’t get hormonal, Harry. I’m sure that he won’t mind waiting for a few minutes. Besides, you’re pregnant and cooking for him. It’ll be fine and I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

With a kiss on Harry’s cheek, Remus floo’d back to Grimmauld, making Harry promise to call if he needed anything. He changed clothes and threw on the silk robe, but couldn’t bring himself to put any shoes on. His feet and ankles were swollen enough as it was. Looking in the mirror, Harry smiled. The dark robe and white shirt made a wonderful contrast against his tanned skin. Toeing into his slippers, he felt silly wearing them, but he wouldn’t go barefoot for his date.

At precisely seven, there was a knock on the cottage door. Harry didn’t hear it because he was in the kitchen singing as he was setting the table. Severus decided to leave his usual black robes in the dungeons and opted for black trousers and a soft gray shirt. He stood nervously at the door, pushing a strand of hair back that wouldn’t stay in the clasp. Finally, he pushed the door open and peeked inside. He could see the young pregnant man waddling from one side of the kitchen over to the table, and it appeared he was talking to himself.

Stepping in, Severus walked to the doorway of the kitchen and waited to be noticed by the singing young man. Only, he wasn’t immediately. He caught part of the song Harry sang and was surprised. “If the sky that we look upon, should tumble and fall, and the mountain should crumble to the sea, I won’t cry, I won’t cry, No I won’t shed a tear, just as long as you stand, stand by me. And darling, darling stand by me, Oh, stand by…” At this point, Harry noticed the figure looming in the doorway. His face turned bright red as he noticed the twinkle of mirth in those beetle black eyes. “Severus!”

“Lennon fan, are we?” Severus asked as he strode to the table.

Harry was obviously flustered at being caught singing. At the question, he flushed an even deeper red. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Severus sat at the table and looked at the small feast laid out. “You’ve really out done yourself this evening, Potter.”

Harry snapped out of his mortification and smiled, though he was still blushing. “Thank you, Severus. I have a Merlot chilling in the refrigerator if you’d like a glass of wine.”

Snape shook his head. “No thank you. I must be up early in the morning to begin some research.”

“Very well,” Harry said as he poured two glasses of pumpkin juice.

Severus took a sip as Harry made his way to the oven to remove the lasagna. It was then that the dark wizard noticed Harry’s shoes and tried to suppress a chuckle. Harry turned with the pan of lasagna and Severus burst out laughing. “Oh for crying out loud, Severus! What is it now?”

There was a note of hysteria and fear in Harry’s voice. Immediately, the older man sobered. “It is nothing, Harry,” he said in an even tone as the young man set the main dish on the table.

“You wouldn’t have laughed had it been nothing,” he mumbled sullenly.

Severus knew that he was treading on thin ice with the hormonal young man, so he felt that the truth, broken gently, would be the best course of action to avoid any tears or histrionics. “Harry, I found your choice of footwear to be slightly amusing,” he said in a calm tone.

Kicking one slipper clad foot in the air and looking at it, Harry lifted the cuff of his trouser leg to reveal a largely swollen ankle. He didn’t look up as he said, “If you had to deal with that, you’d wear what ever you possibly could that was comfortable.”

The quaver in Harry’s voice told Severus everything he needed to know. “I hadn’t realized you were having such problems, Harry. It is not unheard of for men to retain water as early as their fourth month of pregnancy and I can brew a diuretic, if you’d like to help relieve the majority of your problem.”

Tears were in the young man’s eyes when he next looked up. “You’d do that?” he asked hopefully.

Severus rose from his chair and knelt in front of Harry, taking one of his hands. “You carry my son. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you.”

The tears that were threatening to fall did when Harry sobbed. He threw his arms around the other wizard. “It’s good to know that I have someone other than Remus to count on,” he mumbled into Severus’ neck.

Severus pulled back. “You mean the Weasley matron has not been hovering over you every waking second?”

“No, Mrs. Weasley has had her hands full with Ron. He proposed to Herms almost two weeks ago, and she said no. Ron’s still having a bit of a freak out over it.”

“Ms. Granger really is smarter than she appears, then,” Snape mused.

Harry shook his head, feeling better at the change of subject. He smiled awkwardly as he realized the his arms were still around Severus’ neck and he was playing with the man’s ponytail. He tucked that wayward strand behind the pale wizard’s ear and leaned back. “Shall we eat?”

Severus leaned down and ran both hands over Harry’s prominent stomach before he kissed it. Pulling back slightly to look into the young man’s eyes, he replied, “Let’s.”

The meal began with a few silent moments, but in no time, Harry was asking Severus questions about male pregnancy and helpful potions and the like. Of course, the Potions Master was quickly in his element explaining the different potions available for those with child, their effects, and what could possibly happen if too much is taken or it is brewed wrong.

Before either realized it, dinner was over, and they’d finished their dessert. The men made their way out into the garden and Harry looked up at the waxing crescent moon. It wouldn’t be long before Remus changed again. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the scents of his garden. Though the Jasmine had closed for the night, it still lightly perfumed the air. The magnolia blossoms still smelled strong, but it was the Moonflowers that had opened and bathed the garden in their sweet fragrance. The night was their domain and Harry loved those flowers above all others in his garden.

A light breeze blew through the leaves and though it was not cold, Harry shivered slightly. Severus pulled him close and smiled down at him. The smile was not a pretty one, what with Snape’s crooked, yellow teeth, but Harry loved it all the same.

Severus walked Harry over to the trellis that held the Moonflowers and lifted one of the large white blossoms. He took a deep breath, inhaling the fragrance. “Ipomoea alba,” Severus said, “is often times used in anti-depressant potions because its flowers open at twilight and welcome the night, adding the uplifting element to the potion.” He looked at Harry. “They are, I believe, the loveliest of the Ipomoea genus.”

With a crooked smile, Harry looked at his favorite vine. “They are my favorite flower here in the garden. Not only do they look almost ethereal under the full moon, but I enjoy watching the moths feast on them, and in turn, the bats feasting on the moths. It’s almost as though I have a whole world here in my garden, and it’s all mine to enjoy.”

At that moment, a small snake slithered out from the bottom of the trellis toward Harry. The young man heard the snake calling his name and bent to pick it up, but Severus stopped him. “That is an Adder, Harry.”

The young man grinned. “That is Horatio, Severus.” He turned back to the young snake and hissed something before picking him up. “He was born in my garden some time last summer and decided that he liked living here when I moved in. Hedwig knows not to chase the snakes back here, and he catches mice and other creatures for me.”

Harry caressed the snake’s head and put him back down with a hiss. Severus rolled his eyes. “I seem to have forgotten you’re a Parselmouth. Do you think Duncan will inherit that?”

“With the Slytherin tendencies he’s already showing, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did,” Harry replied with a grin.

The two walked back in the cottage in silence and Harry stretched out on the couch, his feet in Severus’ lap. “You don’t seem to be too concerned that your son might be a Slytherin, Harry.”

With a smirk reminiscent of the man across from him, Harry answered, “It doesn’t concern me in the least bit. I myself was almost one of your little snakes.”

Surprise crossed Severus’ features. “Really? The great Gryffindor savior was almost a Slytherin?”

“I was, but I’d already met Malfoy and couldn’t stand the arrogant little prat telling me who my friends should be and I didn’t want to be like him. He kept spouting out all this pureblood rhetoric and how Slytherin was the best house and all this garbage. It was pathetic, really.

“Besides, how would you have reacted if the son of your arch nemesis were sorted into your house? You wouldn’t have been able to torture me for seven years,” he added with a laugh.

“You have a point there,” Snape conceded.

Severus began to rub Harry’s swollen feet as the conversation waned. It felt really good to have someone that needed him, though the dark man would never admit it. Finally, Harry sighed contentedly. “This is nice,” he admitted.

Duncan took that moment to make his presence known. He’d gotten the hiccups. Harry began to giggle at the fluttery sensation in his belly. Severus raised an eyebrow at the sudden laughter of the younger man. “He’s got the hiccups, I think,” Harry replied to the unasked question as he took the older man’s hand.

Tenderly, Severus spread his fingers out over Harry’s abdomen. He could barely feel the jerk of the baby. That awestruck face once again replaced the mask Severus usually wore. Harry grinned. “Isn’t it the most amazing thing?”

“Indeed it is, Harry,” Snape agreed.

“You should feel it from my position. The first time he moved, I wasn’t sure what was happening. It felt so weird. Now, I relish in the small movements of our son, except when he think my internal organs are fun to kick.”

Severus allowed a small smile to grace his features. He maneuvered to the floor and put his cheek against Harry’s silk covered belly. “Some days I wake up and wonder if all of this is a dream. I’m just not a person who ever thought of having a family.”

Harry ran his fingers through the dark ponytail resting down his loves back. “You’ve got one now, if you want it. There’s no way I could keep Duncan away from you.”

Severus lifted his head. “Speaking of, must we use my old family name? If he looks like he did while in your mind, there will be no doubt that he is the heir to the Snape family. He is already cursed with the Snape beak; can we not curse him with my name?”

Harry ran his finger down Severus’ nose, memorizing it by touch. “I like your nose,” he said simply.

Snape rolled his eyes. “Can we please not name him after me?”

A contemplative look crossed Harry’s face. “Well, I really wanted to name him after someone I admired. I mean, think about it. I want him to be intelligent, well mannered, graceful, studious, well spoken, athletic, brave, honorable, and proud and I know only one person who fits that description.”

“That person was also compulsive, short-sighted, and easily led astray,” Severus scowled, still rubbing Harry’s now still stomach.

“That person also happens to be someone I care deeply about, so don’t belittle him. Besides, those three things can be eliminated with a firm but kind presence in a child’s life. I know that I didn’t have anyone but Dumbledore, the manipulative old coot!”

Snape growled in frustration. As quickly as it came, it faded, though. “You’re right, you know. I did not have anyone to intervene in my life as a child, either.”

Harry struggled to sit up and Severus sat back on the floor, watching. “I think we could do this, Severus. Your logical thinking will temper my rashness. I think Duncan will be the most well-rounded wizard Hogwarts has seen in many years.”

Severus listened to Harry prattle on about how great their son would be and how the whole wizarding world would be so proud of the boy, how it would bring honor back to the Snape name, and so on. Severus did not fail to notice that Harry never mentioned anything about them being together to accomplish this. He finally stopped the young man’s ramblings. “How do you plan on raising our son?” Snape asked quietly as he sat back on the other end of the couch.

A quizzical look crossed the green-eyed man’s face at the question. “What do you mean, how?”

“I mean will you do it by yourself if you have to.”

Harry’s lips set in a thin line. “I will do whatever it takes to ensure that our sonhas the normal life that I was not allowed to have, even if that means taking him from the magical world, so yes, I will raise him alone if I have to.” His expression softened. “Even if it’s not what I want to do, I’ll do it.”

Severus sighed. “I’d not planned on having this conversation this evening, but I suppose that we should. Harry, I’m not so sure that it would be prudent to associate yourself or our son with me. I am, after all, still considered a Death Eater by the Ministry. It is strictly by Albus’ intervention that I am not in Azkaban. It would probably be best for you both if you did not give him my surname.”

Anger radiated off of the younger wizard. His hormones only made it worse. “Let those arseholes at the Ministry think what they want to!” He calmed suddenly and a sly smile crossed his features. “If Dumbledore can’t curry the favor of the rest of the Wizarding World, I’m sure that you know the one wizard that can. As loathe as I am to admit it, Severus, my fame can put you in your proper place as a war hero.”

“Absolutely not! I will not allow you to sully your image,” Severus said, vehemently shaking his head.

“Even if that means you won’t get to know your son?” Harry asked quietly.

“Even if it means that my son will not have to live with the stigma of having a father that was a Death Eater.”

Harry sighed. “At least think about it, Severus. Duncan is proof that you need not be alone any more. You’ve paid enough for your transgressions. This is not something you should even have to think about. I mean it. Your son is also the son of He-Who-Saved-Us-All. It’s obvious how we both feel and just how deep those feelings run. There is no reason that Duncan can’t have both of his father’s whenever he needs them.”

“I just can’t allow you to ruin your life, Harry, and you would, being attached to me,” Snape replied in a defeated tone.

Harry scooted to the other end of the couch and took his loves hand. “My life was ruined when I was fifteen months old. The only difference now is that instead of someone else ruining it, it truly is my own to live as I see fit.

“Do you want to know what I see in my future? Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m only about as good as Trelawney at divination, but I see myself in fifteen years living in a large house with my partner, Duncan, Emma, James, Lily, and Adia. We’ve had to add on to this cottage because with five children, we all wouldn’t fit. The children who haven’t started Hogwarts yet and I live here during the school year because I can’t bear to be apart from their siblings for too awful long. They need nothing yet they all know the pride of accomplishment and hard work. In short, we have everything we could possibly need in each other.”

Severus snorted. “And I suppose that you plan on having all of this with me because you speak of more children knowing that it was our…openness that created Duncan?”

Harry ran his thumb across Severus’ pale knuckle. “I can only hope that I could build that future with you, Sev. If I can’t, then I’m sure being who I am that I could adopt. Regardless, I’d like five children. I’m not trying to push you into anything you don’t want. It’s not fair for me to do that to you, besides, I wouldn’t do that to someone that I love. You deserve to live your life the way you want to now just as I do.”

Severus looked down at the young man tenderly caressing his hand. For the first time in his life, Severus really didn’t know what he wanted.