Bound by Hatred

Incidents

Ron walked in on Harry heaving his guts up that night. Harry\'s grip tightened on the toilet bowl, and he felt his body shiver uncontrollably, raging with humiliation at being caught in this position.

Ron stared at him with concern for a long moment, before something hard settled into his eyes.

\"Some advice, mate,\" he said coldly, turning to the sink to wash his hands. \"Cut out the drinking.\"

Harry stared after him in mute despair, wanting desperately to have his friend back. He felt so alone without Ron and Hermione, and now with Draco…

He dry retched again, but nothing came up but acid and bile; he\'d barely eaten anything, after all.

The mess in the toilet looked congealed and foul. Harry rubbed his stomach, feeling sick inside; he could believe that disgusting mess came from within his body. He felt so wretched, so awful. He just hoped he\'d gotten rid of Draco\'s… Draco\'s…

Harry squeezed his eyes tightly closed, fighting his despair.

His mouth still tasted of it. He couldn\'t turn off the memories of Draco shoving into his throat, his nose pressed into the other boy\'s groin…

Harry didn\'t know how much more of this he could take.

* * *

The next time Draco caught him was in the corridors between Charms and Transfiguration. A steely grip locked around him from behind just long enough to haul him into a supply closet. Although Harry\'s wiry strength was more than a match for Draco\'s, he had no means of reciprocating in kind when the blond boy hit him with a debilitating hex that sent him doubled over to the ground, fighting for breath.

He moaned in horror when Draco yanked his pants down, and his world erupted in white-hot pain when the boy entered him in one rough movement. Draco smothered his face in some linens strewn over the floor to muffle Harry\'s pained cries.

He felt the tears slipping from his eyes afterwards, still huddled on the ground, as Draco\'s wand pressed at his entrance in a rough attempt at healing.

\"Please, Draco…\" he found the words passing from his lips as though they belonged to someone else. \"Draco… please…\"

\"Don\'t tell me you want to go again,\" Draco laughed, poking his wand at Harry\'s bruised flesh and making him flinch.

\"Please stop this…\" Harry squeezed his eyes shut, unable to bear the fact that Draco would probably refuse. \"Please… you\'ve done it. You\'ve won. I-- I\'ll do anything. I swear it. You want me to quit Quidditch, or--- or stop being a wizard, I\'ll do it. Please. Just stop this. No more. You won, okay? Just let me be, please--\"

\"Aw, is ickle Potty crying?\" Draco cooed.

Harry shivered in horror when the blonde boy\'s tongue laved over his cheek.

\"Your tears are so sweet…\" Malfoy breathed in his ear. His tongue swiped around the shell of Harry\'s ear, and the brunette clamped his hand over his mouth to choke back the sobs that threatened to overpower him.

It seemed an eternity before Malfoy\'s weight disappeared from behind him, and he could still feel the blonde glowering down at him in the darkness.

\"I don\'t think I\'m giving up my little toy just yet.\"

A slice of brilliant light spilled in from the outside corridor, and then Draco was gone.

Harry gasped for breath, feeling constricted and oppressed in the supply closet. He clumsily yanked at his pants, trying to pull them up from where they were bunched around his ankles.

It has to stop. This all has to stop… he thought desperately.

It had to stop. It had to. If he had to scour himself with an incendio or throw himself off the side of the Astronomy Tower, he would Make. This. Stop!

But people would wonder why… whispered that malignant voice. It would rouse suspicion, and that would be bad--

Harry let out a moan of despair. Even his own fate had been torn from his hands.

--because it would HARM DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

The next time, Draco pinned him to one of the sinks in a bathroom, and fucked him while Harry\'s cheek bruised against the porcelain of the sink. He finished just before a swell of voices outside sent them both into frantic motion, straightening their clothes and cleaning themselves up. Draco-- fearing to be caught, and Harry-- compelled not to let Draco be caught.

There was no healing charm this time. Harry spent the rest of the evening shitting blood in the bathroom. Dizzy and a bit feverish, he stumbled into Transfiguration, and found himself staring numbly as everyone withdrew parchments.

Apparently, this was an important paper. Apparently, everyone had been fussing over it for the last three weeks.

Harry fumbled back in his blurry memory, to that time before Draco had… had done this to him, and vaguely recalled discussing it with Ron and Hermione. Recalling the troubled look on her face, as she worried over the subject matter, and the knowing, exasperated look on Ron\'s face, sent a pang of despair through him.

His eyes strayed automatically over to his ex-friends, and he found them both casting discreet glances at him, discussing something quietly.

He\'d forgotten about the paper. They\'d noticed.

Self-conscious, Harry folded his arms over his desk and hunched over it, shivering under the scrutiny. He couldn\'t banish the image of that bruise, forming on Hermione\'s cheek, and he felt like he was going to sick up.

He deserved this. He deserved what was happening to him. He\'d hurt her… Oh, God, he was a horrible person…

\"Mr. Potter!\"

McGonagall was hovering over him, staring down at him disapprovingly.

Harry listened with a resigned, numb feeling as she assigned him detention that weekend.

* * *

\"Are you sure you don\'t want to go to dinner?\" Neville said uncertainly, staring at Harry in the half-light of their room.

Harry nodded vehemently, striding automatically to the refuge of his bed. Neville had needed to retrieve a parchment from his room to post to his grandmother, so Harry had taken advantage of his presence to get back to Gryffindor Tower without risk of running into Malfoy alone in the halls.

He yanked the curtain shut around his bed, burying himself in the darkness.

\"You haven\'t been eating much lately. People have noticed.\"

Neville\'s voice was slightly muffled by the curtains, and in the darkened enclave, Harry could pretend it wasn\'t there.

\"Harry…\"

He stared up at the ceiling. Tears filled his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly.

Neville sighed.

\"Okay. But I\'ll bring you back something.\"

Harry wanted to tell him not to bother-- he wasn\'t hungry. He couldn’t imagine choking down anything right now without… without remembering… but he didn\'t trust his voice to speak.

He heard the door to his room slam closed, and Harry was left alone in the comforting darkness.

TBC

Thanks to the reviewers!

Ura-- good point. It is very subjective, and if Harry convinced himself he was doing something that would not harm Draco, he could do it. Problem is, Harry\'s own brain is essentially his enemy here; he\'s a smart guy, and he could see many angles that could lead to \'harming Draco\'